Wednesday, July 26, 2006        Edition: #3335
You Really Know Your Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Troubled Brit rocker Pete Doherty (The Babyshambles) has cancelled TODAY’s scheduled appearance of his band at the “Ibiza Rocks” concert on the Mediterranean island and will instead be having an opiate-suppressing device inserted to help keep him heroin free, then he claims he’ll move to the English countryside to work on a solo album (for about 3 days, if his prior record repeats) . . . Since convicted tax evader Richard Hatch has been sent to a federal prison in Oklahoma, he’s missed the LA premiere of the new independent film, “Another Gay Movie”, starring Ant (“Last Comic Standing”), James Getzlaff (“Boy Meets Boy”) and Richard himself, who appears in a full-frontal scene (like we didn’t see enough of that on “Survivor”) . . . Reports say Brit soccer star David Beckham & his wife, former Spice Girl Victoria, are house-hunting in the affluent Bel Air section of Los Angeles, and he’s rumored to be in talks to join the Los Angeles Galaxy pro soccer team (MLS) . . . Beginning in OCTOBER, “Spider-Man” comic book fans will find their superhero is getting help from “Spider-Girl”, the alter-ego of ‘Peter Parker’s’ secret daughter, ‘May Parker’ (likely so they can make 3 more movies) . . . “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” is now the fastest movie ever to top the $300-million box office (look out “Titanic”, here she comes!) . . . David ‘The Hoff’ Hasselhoff has let it be known he’ll only do 1 season as an “America’s Got Talent” judge because the show is ‘cheesy’ (3 words, Dave: pot, kettle, black) and besides, he’s busy writing his memoirs (without a TV show, how are you gonna pay for all the crayons you use up?) . . . And 21-year-old Hollywood star Scarlett Johansson is set to add another endorsement to her portfolio of money-makers (L’Oreal, Calvin Klein, etc), modeling a new line of Reebok footwear as well as ‘helping in the design process’ (“Yeah, like I was thinking it might be cute to put the laces on the bottom …”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Elton John – TODAY he appears on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV)
• Fall Out Boy – THIS SEPTEMBER collectible figurines of the band are hitting the market. Each is about 7-inches-tall with a swiveling neck and shoulders. ‘Tickle-Me Emo’, anyone?
• George Michael – His long-time partner Kenny Goss has called off their upcoming nuptials after Michael was spotted by UK tabloid “News of the World” having relations with a chubby stranger in London’s Hampstead Heath.
• Hoobastank – TONIGHT they do “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Los Lonely Boys – TONIGHT the ‘explanation tour’ continues as JoJo Garza and the boys assault “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).   
• Madonna – Her 8 “Confessions” shows AUGUST 1-16 at Britain’s Wembley Arena will provide the material for a 2-hour TV special to air this NOVEMBER (NBC).
• Pharrell – TONIGHT he performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• U2 – Reports say they’re behind a proposed 35-floor skyscraper development for their hometown of Dublin, Ireland. Word has it that it will include a recording studio.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“Little Miss Sunshine” ( R-Rated Dramedy ): 9-year-old Abigail Breslin (“Signs”) & Greg Kinnear (“The Matador”) star in this dark comedy about a dysfunctional family that undertakes a cross-country trip in their VW bus in order to get their young daughter into the finals of a beauty pageant. Co-stars Alan Arkin, Toni Collette & Steve Carell. One of the buzz films from the 2006 “Sundance Film Festival”. Free ‘promotional screenings’ are scheduled in several cities to get people talking about the film. A listing of the freebies and the theme music are here …
NET: http://www2.foxsearchlight.com/littlemisssunshine/

FERRY TALE:
The new ‘Serpentine Solar Shuttle’, powered totally by energy from the sun, just may be the world’s most advanced passenger ferry. What’s likely the largest solar-powered boat anywhere has made its debut on the lake called The Serpentine in London’s Hyde Park. But even its developers admit the technology still needs some work as the shuttle is slow and travels only a short distance. It carries up to 42 passengers but cruises at just 5 mph. (And on cloudy days  can travel as far as 4 feet.)
– AP

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 90% of new restaurant endeavors close within their first year.
• 80% of cellphone owners do not turn their phones off during nookie sessions.
• 40% of people who come to your home will snoop in your medicine cabinet.
• 35% of us say the worst thing you can do while on a dinner date is blow your nose.
• 25% of parents admit they’ve raided their kids’ piggy bank.
• 19% of single women own a cat.

MP3 NEWS:
• It seems the Apple’s still juicy. Music-related products now make up 45% of Apple Corporation’s business, formerly solely computer-based. In the past 3 months, for instance, Apple has sold a total of 8.1 million iPods worldwide. Then there are iPod accessories and, of course, millions of music sales through the iTunes store. Apple CEO Steve Jobs says the move from computers to music has been a smooth and successful transition.
– “GQ”
• Microsoft has finally revealed details on its new music device and service which will compete with Apple. The device, called ‘Zune’, will have a Wi-Fi connection and use a hard-drive to store music. Zune is also expected to have wireless capability to share music with other Zune devices. It’s expected to be available later THIS YEAR.
– TuneLab
• TouchTunes Music Corp is digitizing the music in jukeboxes to allow users to create their own playlists, like on an iPod. The machines are connected to central computers with broadband Internet access so they can be customized with just about any tunes the customers want to hear. One Chicago jukebox vendor says revenues are up 300% since the digital innovation.
– “Chicago Tribune”

CUTTING EDGE VOCAB:
• ‘Aireoke’ – Playing air guitar and singing to prerecorded music in a public performance. (Cool, now you can embarrass yourself by sucking at 2 things simultaneously!)
• ‘Face Blindness’ – Difficulty recognizing faces or telling faces apart, a syndrome that’s now thought to affect up to 2% of the population. People suffering from the malady may routinely snub acquaintances or have trouble following movie plots. (The ones asking questions like “Which one is she?” and “Is that the bad guy?” all through the movie.)
• ‘Helicopter Parents’ – Parents who ‘hover’ above their children, making all their decisions for them and solving all their problems. Unfortunately, the kids grow up incapable of running their own lives. What used to be know as ‘mollycoddling’.

VIDEOS THAT BROKE THE RULES:
When it comes to groundbreaking, these are the music videos that most pushed the envelope according to a new poll of some 10,000 music fans …
5. Madonna, “Vogue” (1988)
4. Madonna, “Ray of Light” (1998)
3. Michael Jackson,  “Thriller” (1983)
2. Britney Spears, “Baby One More Time” (1999)
1. Madonna, “Like A Prayer” (1989)
– MTV.uk

THESE SUBJECTS ARE VERBOTEN:
In her new book “How to Set His Thighs On Fire”, “Cosmopolitan” magazine editor Kate White lists the 7 topics that women should never attempt to discuss with guys. They are …
1. Celebrity gossip.
2. Catty gossip about your friends.
3. People you know only peripherally, ie: the girl in your department at work who’s already called in sick 7 days this year
4. Anything involving below-the-belt functions or problems.
5. Your weight, your ‘fatness’ or your dieting plans.
6. Old boyfriends.
7. Shoes.
– “Globe & Mail”

THE NEW DEFENSE – MOVIE ARTS:
An 80-year-old  Liverpool UK woman may have saved her own life by mimicking a scene from the movie “Crocodile Dundee”. When Winifred Whelan was recently threatened in her home by a burglar waving a 10-inch knife, she promptly shouted, “You call that a knife? That’s not a knife, this is a knife!”, as she brandished a much larger 14-inch carving knife from her kitchen drawer. Apparently frightened by the senior’s courage – not to mention longer knife – the man panicked and ran. He’s since been nabbed and faces multiple charges. (Asked if she’d like to attend the trial Winnie muttered, “Go ahead, make my day.”)
– AHN

DO ONE THING AT A TIME & DO IT WELL:
Multitasking may be a necessity in today’s fast-paced world, but new UCLA research shows that distractions affect the way we learn, and make any knowledge we gain harder to use later on. A recent Kaiser Family Foundation study found that kids in grades 3-through-12 devote over 6 hours per day on average to media (TV, videos, music, video games & computers), often while simultaneously attempting to do schoolwork. Psychology professor Russell Poldrack says his study shows that, in general, distractions impair ability to learn. That doesn’t mean a silent environment is essential. Music, for instance, may help learning if it makes the individual happier. (Yes kids, it’s the latest proof that radio is good for you!)
– AP Science

THE BULL SHEET 07.26.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [63] Sir Mick (Michael Philip) Jagger, Dartford UK, Rolling Stones wrinkle rocker/ex-Mr Jerry Hall/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)
BS SIGNS MICK JAGGER’S GETTING OLD:
• Now enjoys worry-free sex with groupies who’ve gone through the ‘change of life’.
• New albums are released to coincide with the mailing of fans’ pension checks.
• Old danger: drug overdose. New danger: slipping and falling in shower … or from tree.
• Bandmates have trouble playing instruments because pants go all the way above their eyes.
• Fans signal their desire for an encore by rapping canes on the ground.
• Old issue: crowd control. New issue: bladder control.

1959 [47] Kevin Spacey (Fowler), South Orange NJ, movie actor (“Superman Returns”, Oscars-“American Beauty”, “The Usual Suspects”)

1964 [42] Sandra Bullock, Arlington VA, movie actress (“The Lake House”, “Miss Congeniality”) who wed “Monster Garage” producer/host Jesse James in 2005

1973 [33] Kate Beckinsale, London UK, movie actress (“Click”, “The Aviator”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “All or Nothing Day”. This is it, folks – balls to the wall, give ‘er all you’ve got, the time has arrived, take no prisoners, it’s now or never, bring your ‘A’ game and give 110% … and any other hackneyed self-help cliché you can think of.

• “Aunt & Uncle Day”, honoring the special contributions they make to our lives (or maybe Hallmark has just run out of ideas?).

• “Collingwood Elvis Festival” through Sunday in Collingwood ON includes street dances, parade & swap sessions. More than 60,000 fans are expected, many of them dressed like the King. It all culminates in the grand final of the ‘World’s Largest Elvis Tribute Artist Competition’ SUNDAY night.
PHONER: 866.444.1162/05.445.5595 (Festival Office)
NET: http://www.collingwoodelvisfestival.com

• “Day of St Anne”, honoring the patron saint of homemakers and miners (she’s also one of the patron saints of Canada so if you combine all of those, you should celebrate by cleaning the maple syrup out of your nose)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2000 [06] A court orders the largest Internet file-sharing service, Napster, to stop allowing millions of users to swap copyrighted music (party poopers)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1958 [48] 1st ‘Hula Hoop’ is marketed (the hot new toy is banned in Tokyo, Japan for a time due to the large number of traffic accidents it causes)

1982 [24] 1st Canadian “Miss Universe” (Karen Baldwin of London ON)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1955 [51] Ted Allen throws a record 72 consecutive horseshoe ringers

1966 [40] Charles Christensen stays on-the-air for a then-record 277 consecutive hours at KMEN Radio in Riverside CA

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
[Fri] Accountants Day
[Fri] Drive-Thru Day
[Fri] “John Tucker Must Die”, “Miami Vice”, & “The Ant Bully” open in theaters
[Sat] Lasagna Day
[Sun] Cheesecake Day
[Sun] 2006 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction
[Mon] Mutts Day
This Week Is … Animal Agriculture Week
This Month Is … Baked Bean Month

BULL’S BITS

BS ‘TRICTIONARY’:
For each word, 2 of the meanings given are BS, one is the real meaning. Contestants try to pick  the real definition from the trio …
• ‘Badderlocks’ [BAD-urr-lawks] …
a. Sophisticated padlocks that require both a key and a combination to open them.
b. Seaweed you can eat. [CORRECT]
c. Goldilocks’ lesser-known loose sister.

• ‘Ascolia’ [ass-ko-LEE-ya] …
a. A rash which develops from sitting in wet cement.
b. The ability to whistle 2 tunes at the same time.
c. A sporty dance in which the dancer hops on one leg on a greased wineskin. [CORRECT]

• ‘Cannel’ [can-ELL] …
a. The sloped edge of a chisel. [CORRECT]
b. The sloped edge of a halfpipe course for competitive snowboarding.
c. The sloped edge of an alphabetical letter when typed, such as an ‘R’ or ‘K’.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, the average woman has 3 of THESE but never uses them.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Bikinis.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.