Friday, May 14, 2004        Edition: #2789
Don’t You Just Love the Smell of BS in the Morning?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Taping of TONIGHT’s “Late Show with David Letterman” actually began at 4am THIS MORNING, with quirky features like remote cameras showing NYC street scenes (the idea is to do something different for a change of pace) . . . TODAY the syndicated reality show “Blind Date” airs its 1,000th episode (wow, how can there be any single people left?) . . . TOMORROW 17-year-old Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen are giving up attending their senior prom for the opportunity to host “Saturday Night Live” (a week too late to breathe any life into their dud movie “New York Minute”) . . . Andy Kaufman died of lung cancer May 16, 1984 but the eccentric comedian said if he were faking it he’d resurface 20 years later to the day, so a friend is throwing an “Andy Kaufman – Dead or Alive?” tribute party at LA’s House of Blues SUNDAY (wonder if he’ll show?) . . . America has a new mountain range – THIS WEEK Pamela Anderson passed a 10-question test and was officially sworn in as a US citizen (traitor!) . . . Producer Quincy Jones will attempt to revive the saccharin-sweet gooey glory of 1985’s “We Are the World” by staging “We Are the Future”, an all-star concert SUNDAY at Rome’s Circus Maximus that’s scheduled to include Usher, Alicia Keys, LL Cool J, Andrea Bocelli, Natalie Cole, Josh Groban, Lionel Richie, Angelina Jolie, Oprah Winfrey & Muhammad Ali (proceeds from the global broadcast will benefit children in war-torn areas) . . . SUNDAY Keanu Reeves will be honored for his work in action movies at the “World Stunt Awards” in LA, which will also hand out hardware for ‘Best Fight’, ‘Best Fire Stunt’ and ‘Best Work With a Vehicle’ (airs on Spike TV MAY 26th).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Avril Lavigne – She blames her bodyguards for hindering her search for a boyfriend because they always scare away potential suitors.
• Madonna – She’s rehearsing 12 hours a day to get in shape for the 48-date “Reinvention” tour, which starts at the Los Angeles Forum MAY 24th.
• Usher – TODAY he’s on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Whitney Houston – She’s successfully completed a 30-day treatment program and no longer requires a ‘drug rehab chaperone’.
• Reba McEntire – Her sitcom “Reba” has been picked up for a 5th season by the WB.
• Jessica Simpson – TODAY she does “On Air With Ryan Seacrest”.
• Alicia Keys – She’s hosting a multi-million-dollar boat bash for Hollywood honchos at the “Cannes Film Festival” THIS WEEKEND in a bid to win a coveted role in the movie “5th Commandment”. Her main competition for the part is said to be Christina Aguilera.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Troy” (‘R’-rated War Epic): Brad Pitt plays the ancient Greek ‘Achilles’ & Orlando Bloom is ‘Paris’ in this re-telling of the Trojan War saga, a conflict allegedly set off by the taking of ‘Helen of Troy’ (played by Diane Kruger). During filming, actors Pitt & Eric Bana (‘Hector’) made a deal that one would pay the other if he wounded him during fight scenes: $100 for solid hits, $50 for minor ones. Pitt ended up paying Bana $750.
• “Breakin’ All the Rules (‘PG-13‘ Romantic Comedy): Jamie Foxx stars as a guy who publishes a break-up handbook for men after being unceremoniously dumped by his fiancée. Surprise! It becomes a bestseller. However, he’s not quite as successful when it comes to giving his friends advice on dumping their mates.
• “Coffee & Cigarettes” (‘R’-rated Limited-Release Drama): A series of ten short stories from writer/director Jim Jarmusch that all have coffee and cigarettes in common. The cast includes Italian actor Roberto Benigni, Aussie actress Cate Blanchett, Bill Murray, comedian Steven Wright, rock icon Iggy Pop, and Jack & Meg White of The White Stripes (playing themselves). The film originally premiered at the 2003 Toronto Film Festival.

STINKING TO HIGH HEAVEN:
Fred Dale has died, the Englishman who founded an air freshener company, then concocted custom smells for theme parks and special events as a sideline. Among his repertoire of foul smells – ‘Dead Roman Soldier’s Armpit’, ‘Viking Loo’, and his favorite – ‘Dragon Breath’, created for a model dragon at the UK’s Camelot Fun Park. His son says the only aroma his pop couldn’t quite get right was the smell of baking bread. (Won’t be long now before he’ll be creating a whole new smell. Whew! Who died in here?)

STARRY-EYED:
Look up – waaaay up! “Astronomy” magazine says we’re currently getting the biggest show of comets since 1997. TONIGHT ‘Comet Neat’ is expected to be at its brightest, distinguished by a luminous gray-green tail. Also putting on a show THIS MONTH – ‘Comet Bradfield’, recently discovered by an amateur Australian astronomer; and ‘Comet C/2002 T7 Linear’, which will be most visible in the evening sky JUNE 1-3.

BE VEWY VEWY QUIET:
54-year-old cartoon actor Greg Burson, who voices ‘Bugs Bunny’, ‘Daffy Duck’ and ‘Yogi Bear’,  has been arrested after barricading himself inside his Los Angeles home for 6 hours. Police were responding to complaints from 2 of the 3 women he lives with that he was holding the 3rd roommate against her will (nice life, pal!). When the SWAT team arrived, he reportedly screamed a stream of nonsensical words at them. We take you now to the scene …
NET: http://www.barbneal.com/bugs.asp
NET: http://www.barbneal.com/daffy.asp

DROP YOUR SMOCK, HONEY:
For an upcoming “Playboy” magazine pictorial on – the ‘Women of Home Depot’ – Playboy.com is seeking auditions from hardware hotties. The mag has previously done features on women from Enron, WorldCom, Starbucks and Wal-Mart.
– “Daily News”

STRIKING WHILE THE IRON’S HOT:
MONDAY members of the ‘Extreme Ironing Bureau’ begin a 2-week tour of the USA as part of their campaign for Olympic recognition of the sport. ‘Extreme Ironing’ is described as the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt. They’ll be showing off their expertise by ironing at high-profile locations such as Mount Rushmore and Times Square.
NET: http://www.extremeironing.com

BULL’S INTERNATIONAL MOOS:
• In Australia, Cadbury-Schweppes is investigating how a can of Jim Beam & cola was erroneously labeled as regular Pepsi, then sold and drunk by an 8-year-old girl. It seems the can was manufactured at the company’s Melbourne plant that also produces pre-mixed alcoholic drinks. (Well thank goodness she didn’t get the Scotch and root beer!)
• A Barnsley, England man has been forced to paint a polka-dot bikini and shorts on his garden gnomes after neighbors complained the naked gnomes were offensive. They previously had fully exposed little gnome bodies. (Is that a tiny garden tool or are you just happy to see me?)
• After a German man mistakenly filled his tank with gasoline instead of diesel at a service station in Frankfurt, an attendant helped him siphon the fuel out. Then the driver decided to suck out the last few drops – with a vacuum cleaner! Gas fumes exploded inside the vacuum, causing over $1,500 in damage. (We all know gasoline’s a precious commodity these days, but this is ridiculous!)

BS AMAZING FACT:
The average human scalp has 100,000 hairs.

THE BULL SHEET 05.14.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [60] George Lucas, Modesto CA, really rich filmmaker (“Star Wars” series, “Indiana Jones” series)  FACTOID: In his honor, geeks have declared TODAY “Star Wars Day”.

1952 [52] David Byrne, Dunbartin SCOT, classic rock singer (Talking Heads-“Burning Down the House”)/composer (Oscar-“The Last Emperor”)

1969 [35] Cate Blanchett, Melbourne AUS, movie actress (“Coffee & Cigarettes”, ‘Galadriel’ in “Lord of the Rings” trilogy)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1951 [53] Chazz Palminteri, NYC, movie actor (“Analyze This”, “The Ususal Suspects”)

1981 [23] Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Jericho NY, TV actress (‘Meadow Soprano’ on “The Sopranos” since 1999)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Online Romance Day”, a day to fall in love in a chat room. (With who knows what.)

TODAY is “National Dance Like A Chicken Day”. Everybody now – “Dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah, dah dah dah dah …”

TODAY is “Help Clean Up Your Street Day”. (So [co-host], guess you’re moving, are you?)

TOMORROW is “American Armed Forces Day”. (As a career, you just can’t beat it! They’re celebrating by playing ‘Pin the Tail on the Iraqi’.)

TOMORROW is “National Chocolate Chip Day”. (Hey, any excuse to mow down on a dozen warm gooey cookies fresh out of the oven is cool. Mmmmmmmmmm, can’t you just smell ‘em?)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [06] Final episode of “Seinfeld” airs on NBC-TV (90 minutes of Jerry counting his money)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [06] Frank Sinatra dies in a Los Angeles hospital at age 82

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1874 [130] 1st ‘admission charge’ and 1st ‘goal posts’ used in a football game (Harvard University beats Montréal’s McGill University 3-0)

1904 [100] 1st time Canada competes in Olympics and Montréal policeman Etienne Desmarteau wins the hammer throw for Canada’s 1st Olympic medal (St Louis MO)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1991 [13] World’s largest burrito weighs in at 1,126 lbs (later causes a reaction measuring 6.3 on the Richter scale)

1993 [11] 1st pro sports team to wear ‘designer uniforms’ (NBA’s Charlotte Hornets [now in New Orleans] don a stylish ensemble of a sleeveless pinstriped teal shirt and breezy pleated shorts by Alexander Julian)

2003 [01] 50-year-old golfer Vinenzo Frascella finishes his round at Orton Meadows Golf Course in Peterborough UK despite being hit by lightning – TWICE within 30 minutes (refuses to divulge his shocking score, but says it was a ‘stinker of a day’)

COMING UP . . .
[Sat] 2004 Preakness Stakes
[Sun] Biographers Day
[Sun] Employee Health & Fitness Day
[Sun] Wear Purple For Peace Day
[Mon] Pack Rat Day
[Tues] Visit Your Relatives Day
[Tues] International Museum Day
This Week Is . . . Alcohol & Other Drug-Related Birth Defects Week
This Month Is . . . Get Caught Reading Month / Melanoma Detection & Prevention Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WEB GOODIE:
Lyrics and sound clips of “The Poetry of Donald Rumsfeld” are now available online. Written by composer Bryant Kong, the songs are sung by soprano Elender Wall and feature various clips of baffle-gab that Rumsfeld’s become infamous for in press conferences.
NET: http://www.stuffedpenguin.com/rumsfeld/lyrics.htm

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• “It’s reported that Jennifer Lopez is engaged once again, this time to singer Marc Anthony. It was his turn.” – Jay Leno
• “A special announcement, Jennifer Lopez’s bridesmaids have been called back to active duty. This woman has been married so many times she suffers from bouquet elbow.” – David Letterman
• Jennifer says she’s excited because she’s never been engaged to a guy named Marc.
• Britney Spears has canceled the Asian leg of her tour because she’s exhausted. Hey, it takes a lot of effort to pretend to sing over 20 songs a night!
• Mariah Carey says  she hasn’t had a call from a guy in 2 years … almost as long as she hasn’t had a call from a movie producer.
• Whitney Houston has threatened to break up with Bobby Brown. Bobby says he’s not worried – she’s just playing hard to smack.

THIS WEEK’S TOP WEB SEARCHES IN CANADA:
1. Britney Spears
2. Lindsay Lohan
3. Toronto Maple Leafs
4. “American Idol”
5. Paris Hilton
6. NHL
7. Kazaa
8. “Mean Girls”
9. “The OC”
10. Jessica Simpson
– Yahoo! Buzz Index World Report

THE WEEK’S TOP WEB SEARCHES:
1. Britney Spears
1. “American Idol”
3. Usher
4. Lindsay Lohan
5. “Friends”
6. Kentucky Derby
7. Slipknot
8. Beyoncé
9. Eminem
10. “Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban”
– Yahoo! Buzz Index

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Everybody’s supposed to, but only 19% of males do THIS each day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Eat 5 fruits and vegetables.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
97.3% of all statistics are made up.