Wednesday, March 7, 2018 – Edition: #6171

Bully For You!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ A ‘Seinfeld’ reunion is apparently one step closer to reality! Reports say that now that Julia Louis-Dreyfus is recovering from her battle with breast cancer, she and Jerry Seinfeld plan to bring back the hugely popular sitcom which ran for nine seasons between 1989-98. A source says that, ”Jerry told Julia during her cancer battle to get well and they’d do a ‘Seinfeld’ reunion. Now Julia’s holding Jerry to that promise. They think it’s about time.” And apparently the other main cast members, Michael Richards and Jason Alexander, are interested in being involved as well.
(HELLO again, Jerry!)
-MSN
★ “Baby Driver” star Ansel Elgort’s selfie with Timothee Chalamet and Armie Hammer was the most-liked photograph on Instagram from the Academy Awards. The selfie has already received more than 900,000 likes. Elgort – who has 10.1 million Instagram followers, reunited with his former highschool classmate Chalamet for the behind-the-scenes snap, which was photobombed by the star of ‘Call Me By Your Name’, Armie Hammer.
-ContactMusic
★ Everyone wants to know what Jennifer Garner realized during the 2018 Oscars — and so does Jennifer Garner. She became the subject of an unexpected viral meme during the telecast, featuring a look that can only be described as an ‘Oh-my-God-epiphany’.  Although she isn’t sure what prompted the face, Garner offered her own theories on her Instagram Story:  “Congrats to Shape of Water! Maybe I should date a fish?” , “Hey Jimmy Kimmel, what’s in your wallet? Wait where’s my wallet?”, alluding to the tagline of her popular TV commercials, and lastly: “Can’t wait to work with Lena Dunham! Wait, did I sign a nudity waiver?”
-MSN
★ Jim Belushi‘s wife of nearly 20 years has filed for divorce, and she picked a rather somber day to do it. Jennifer Sloan filed for divorce on Monday, the 36th anniversary of the death of Jim’s brother, actor/comedian John Belushi. Sloan cited irreconcilable differences in her filing. The two have two teen children together.
-TheBlast
★ Reports of Superman’s death are always worth questioning, and this time, it seems they are greatly exaggerated. If you Googled “Henry Cavill” on Monday morning, his mini bio to the right side of the screen read “Died: March 3, 2018.” It has since been corrected. Cavill responded with an Instagram photo of himself alongside a screenshot of the erroneous info, with the caption: “When you learn that you died 2 days ago….,”
(You’d think Superman would have heard first…he works at a newspaper!)
-MSN
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Charlize Theron, Josh Duhamel, Lord Huron
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): John Cena, Katherine Langford, JD & the Straight Shot
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Reese Witherspoon, Adam Rippon, Ben Harper & Charlie Musselwhite
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Hoda Kotb, Nick Robinson, Old Dominion, Zach Danziger
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Lindsey Vonn, Jim Gaffigan, Derren Brown
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): David Oyelowo, Jimmy Pardo, Margo Price
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Bernadette Peters, Victor Garber
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Ava DuVernay, Justin Hartley, guest co-host Elaine Welteroth
• “The Talk” (CBS): Kristin Chenoweth
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Arie Luyendyk Jr., Lucy Hale
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Chadwick Boseman, Jeff Garlin, Kalen Allen ( R )
• “Survivor: Ghost Island” (CBS): The castaways drop their buffs and switch tribes, and one player sets their sights on one of their own.
• “Life Sentence” (CW): In the premiere, Stella learns that the cancer she thought would kill her has been cured, forcing her to face the consequences of her “live in the moment” decisions. She is also shocked to discover that her family hid their problems from her.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – her Facebook page and Ticketmaster announced on Monday that she and JAY-Z will be co-headlining the “On The Run 2″ tour this summer. But the announcements were quickly removed. Some captured screen grabs of the listing, which said the tour would kick off on Monday, July 30 in Philadelphia.
• Ariana Grande – is in talks to take on the role of the Wicked Witch of the West in the Broadway version of musical ‘Wicked’. If she were to land the role, it would be a dream come true for Grande, who has made no secret of the fact that she is a huge fan of the production.
• Harry Styles – the former One Directioner and Gucci are teaming up in a new campaign, according to posts on Gucci’s Instagram page over the weekend.
• Drake – he may have another collaboration with Future coming. Future shared a new song snippet on Snapchat on Friday. It appears to feature Drake’s vocals in the mix, making reference to both Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid.
• Rolling Stones – Mick Jagger says he doesn’t think this summer’s tour will be their last. Quote: ”There is going to come a point when we don’t want to do it any more, for whatever reason, but I’m not thinking about that this summer”. His comments came a few days after drummer Charlie Watts was quoted as saying, ‘It wouldn’t bother me if the Rolling Stones said that’s it … enough.”
• AC/DC – their song ‘Whole Lotta Rosie’ is being featured in the promo trailer for the return of the “Roseanne” TV show. The 10th season of Roseanne Barr’s sitcom premieres on March 27.
• Lou Reed – a collection of his unreleased writings will be published later this year. ‘Do Angels Need Haircuts?’ will be coupled with an audio recording of Reed reciting the material from a reading at New York’s St. Mark’s Church in 1971. The collection includes 12 poems and short stories, three of which have never before been published.
• The Band Perry – singer Kimberly Perry has filed for divorce from her husband, former Toronto Blue Jays catcher J.P. Arencibia. The pair were married for four years. She filed papers on Friday, citing irreconcilable differences.
• Carrie Underwood – has debuted a moving music video to accompany her new anthem, ‘The Champion’, which was unveiled during Super Bowl LII. The video, which features Ludacris, was also utilized throughout coverage of the 2018 Olympics. Children from St. Jude’s, #MeToo activists, police and soldiers all appear in the clip.

MILLENNIALS: NOT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, BUT:
Newsflash: If you were born in 1997 or later, you are no longer a Millennial. The Pew Research Center, the American organization dedicated to providing information on social issues, public opinion, and demographic trends, tweeted on March 1st that “Starting today, Pew Research Center will define Millennials as those born between 1981 and 1996. We will consider those born from 1997 onward as part of a new, post-Millennial generation.” And what will they call those born after 1996 who up until this week thought they were Millennials? They haven’t decided yet. But “Post-Millennial Generation” doesn’t really cut it. You have to admit, though, we’ve long needed definitive parameters to define the Millennial generation.
( *cough* Generation Z *cough* )
(It doesn’t matter what you call them. If you want to reach them, you’d better text!)
(With a name like ‘Millennial’, shouldn’t it at least include those born in the year 2000?)
-BroBible

TO SERVE AND PROTECT:
Vancouver police are looking for a few good…drinkers. For training purposes, of course. They’ve put out the word that they are looking for “volunteer drinkers” to get drunk on the police tab, in order to train new recruits on how to conduct sobriety tests. Right now, the offer is only open to members of the police department’s ‘Block Watch’ neighborhood watch program. An email was sent out with the subject line: “Volunteer Drinkers Needed,” asking for 8-10 people who will show up at a police station early in the morning for drinks. The volunteers will need to drink a few shots of hard liquor, and then complete three sobriety tests. After a few hours and a free pizza lunch, volunteers would then be driven home around 4 p.m. All volunteer drinkers will need to sign a waiver promising not to drive for the rest of the day, and agree to conduct themselves “in a respectful manner” in the police building.
(And they also have to agree not to say the word “ossifer”!)
(Because if you are a member of the Neighborhood Watch program, you really want to be seen being driven home by police!)
(When I’m drinking, I usually END my nights at the police station, not start there…)
-CTV

THEY’LL BE COMING FROM ALL AROUND THE PROVINCE:
Edmonton will be hosting Canada’s first flat Earth conference this summer. A Facebook post by an organization calling itself the ‘Flat Earth International Conference Canada’ announced the event at the West Edmonton Mall in August, featuring speakers from “all over the Flat Earth.” Flat Earthers believe that the Earth isn’t spherical and that depictions of it as a sphere are part of a massive NASA conspiracy. The leading flat-earther theory holds that Earth is a disc with the Arctic Circle in the center and Antarctica, a 150-foot-tall wall of ice, around the rim. NASA employees, they say, guard this ice wall to prevent people from climbing over and falling off. Tickets for the event range from $130 to nearly $300. Organizers expect about 300 to attend.
(And about 800 to drive off the edge of the earth en-route…)
(And exactly what motivation would NASA have to come up with this conspiracy?)
(Flat Earth meeting? Edmonton would be the place to have it!)
-HuffingtonPost

FIVE WAYS TO WAKE UP WITHOUT CAFFEINE:
➢ Cold Shower: Have a warm shower, then gradually decrease the water temperature until it is cold. Repeat as many times as you dare, but always end with cold water. It’s an energy booster, and good for your immune system. (OK, what’s number 2?)
➢ Inhale Essential Oils: They smell wonderful and are beneficial for your health. Hold a bottle of essential oil under your nose and inhale. Lemon oil is particularly good. (Is that what hockey players are sniffing at the start of a game?)
➢ Eat Several Small Meals Throughout the Day: If you get tired after eating, try having 4 or 5 smaller meals throughout the day. That way your body has a steady supply of energy without the overload of a big meal where your blood flow increases to the digestive system. (I’m more inclined to eat one LARGE meal throughout the day. Throughout the ENTIRE day…)
➢ Drink Water in the Morning: Drink a glass of water as soon as you get up. Add a slice of fresh lemon – it’s refreshing and invigorating. And drink plenty of water throughout the day. (Yeah, fill your bottle every time you leave the washroom!)
➢ Stay Active: Exercise can really perk you up. No need to go on a five-mile run…A few bodyweight exercises like situps or pushups can wake you right up. (I do that just trying to get out of bed…)
(Now, tell me why would I want to wake up without caffeine anyway?)
-Runtastic

BS CHRONOMETER 03.07.18

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1956 [62] Bryan Cranston, Canoga Park CA, TV actor (“Breaking Bad” 2008-13, “Malcolm In the Middle” 2000-06)/movie actor (“Trumbo”, “Argo”)

1964 [54] Wanda Sykes, Portsmouth VA, actress (“Black-ish, since 2015, “Curb Your Enthusiasm” 2001-2011)

1970 [48] Rachel Weisz, London UK, movie actress (“The Light Between Oceans”, “The Constant Gardener”)

1973 [45] Jay Duplass, New Orleans LA, TV actor (“Transparent” since 2014, “The Mindy Project” 2012-17)

1974 [44] Tobias Menzies, London UK, TV actor (“Outlander” 2014-2017, “Game of Thrones” 2013-2016)

1974 [44] Jenna Fischer, Fort Wayne IN, TV actress (“The Office” 2005-13)/movie actress (“Hall Pass”, “Blades of Glory”)

1975 [43] TJ Thyne, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Dr Jack Hodgins’ on “Bones” 2005-2017)

1980 [38] Laura Prepon, Watchung NJ, Netflix TV actress (‘Alex Vause’ on “Orange Is the New Black” since 2013, “That ’70s Show” 1998-2006)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Be Heard Day”, a time for entrepreneurs, small business owners, and solo professionals to find their voice, tell their story, and be heard (If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up…and if you want to be appreciated, shut up!)

• “Cereal Day”, a day to share in the delights of crunchy n’crispy breakfast cereals. Celebrated on the anniversary of the world’s first corn flakes being served to Dr John Kellogg’s sanatarium patients in Battle Creek, Michigan (1897).
NET: http://www.lavasurfer.com/cereal-guide.html

• “Discover What Your Name Means Day”, when we’re encouraged to look up interesting tidbits about names as part of “Celebrate Your Name Week”.
NET: http://www.namesuniverse.com

• “Stop Bad Service Day”, honoring companies that foster loyalty by providing top notch service.

• “National Crown Roast of Pork Day”, crown roast of pork earns its name when a pork loin is formed into a circle with the ribs pointing upwards forming the points of a crown. Often they are held together with twine. It is then seasoned, and often stuffed, roasted and served, making a beautiful centerpiece on the table. The ends of the bones may be given a paper frill treatment for added decoration.

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Nametag Day
[Thurs] International Women’s Day
[Fri] Barbie Day
[Fri] Middle Name Pride Day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2007 [11] A British movie theater allows a patron to propose to his girlfriend with a 3-minute video inserted among the trailers before the main feature (unfortunately, she was at the snack bar … kidding)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1985 [33] ‘We are the World’ by USA for Africa is released, soon to achieve massive chart success. The song, written by Lionel Richie and Michael Jackson, was recorded to help battle famine in Africa. USA for Africa features a stunning list of singers, including Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Paul Simon, and many more.

2014 [04] After completing treatment for an eating disorder, Ke$ha drops the ‘$’ from her stage name and changes her Twitter handle from @Ke$haSuxx to @KeshaRose (Rose is her middle name)

2015 [03] Drake places an astounding 14 songs in the ‘Billboard Hot 100′ singles chart, thanks to the release of his mixtape “If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late” (The Beatles are the only other act to accomplish this, in 1964)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2010 [08] Kathryn Bigelow (“The Hurt Locker”) becomes the 1st female director to win an Oscar

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [26] ‘World’s Largest Crêpe’ is fried and flipped in Bloemfontein, South Africa (41 feet, 2 inches in diameter; an inch-and-a-half deep; weighing 5,908 lbs)

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ The ‘bobsled’ was so named because early racers bobbed their heads back and forth to gain speed (which didn’t work).
✓ A whole orange will float, but a peeled orange will sink.
✓ Women blink 19 times per minute, compared to 11 for men.
✓ In his lifetime, a man spends almost six months shaving.
✓ A man spends almost a year of his life staring at women.
✓ Women speak about 20,000 words a day. That’s 13,000 more than the average man.
✓ Don Gorske was recognized by the Guinness World Records book in 2016 when ate his 28,788th Big Mac.
-Factslides

BEST (REAL) NAMES FOR A WI-FI NETWORK:
• FBI Surveillance Van
• Get Off My LAN
• 404! Network Not Found
• The Password Is Password
• Abraham Linksys
• Nachowifi
• Pretty Fly For A Wifi
• The LAN Before Time
• It Burns When IP
-Ranker

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 25 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS YOUR TAX PREPARER IS WACKY:
• Shows you how to make paper hats from tax forms.
• Asks you how many monies you made last year.
• Suggests you claim multiple personalities as dependents.
• When filling out your form she asks, “What color crayon you want?”
• That ain’t no calculator, it’s a TV remote!
• Repeatedly grabs himself and says, “Tax this, am I right?”
• His only other client is ‘The Situation’.
– First published in “BS” 1995.

BS PHONE STARTER:
• Did you actually grow up to be what you wanted to be when you were a child? If so, what do you do?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 38% of teenagers have ignored their parents when asked to do this. What is it?
Answer: Accept a Facebook friend request

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Don’t believe everything you think.