Wednesday, February 12, 2003        Edition: #2475
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
How touching – British “Pop Idol” star Darius Danesh has ‘popped’ the question to his Canadian girlfriend, “Pop Stars” winner Mirella Dell’Aquila of Sugar Jones, and the two are now searching for a home in London . . . Irish hunk actor Colin Farrell ended up taking his mother to the LA premiere of his movie “Daredevil” (opening FRIDAY) because on-off girlfriend Britney Spears reportedly refused to go with him . . . Rocker group White Stripes are only allowing advance copies of their new album “Elephant” to be released on vinyl, because they don’t want journalists without turntables writing about their music (puritans!) . . . Word has it Rosie O’Donnell’s weight has hit an all-time high of 310 lbs (for those of you keeping score) . . .  Madonna is reportedly shooting a provocative anti-war video to accompany her upcoming song “American Life” which will debut in mid-MARCH (after the war is over) . . . Tom Cruise & director Cameron Crowe must be kicking themselves for giving up the rights to a Phil Spector biopic 5 years ago! . . . Reports say Courtney Love was traveling with her own ‘personal psychiatric nurse’ when she was arrested for that air rage incident after flying into London . . . Just weeks before the sold-out MARCH 25 premiere of the new Celine Dion show at Caesars Palace in Vegas, promoters are having difficulty selling out other shows in the first 3 months of her engagement which is scheduled to last – gulp – 3 YEARS . . . Play-by-play guy Al Michaels has re-upped with “ABC Monday Night Football” in a multi-year deal that’s likely to keep him on through the 2005-06 season – which would be his 20th (he’s already appeared in primetime more than any other person in TV history) . . . FOX-TV has ordered up 6 episodes of “Simple Life” for THIS SUMMER, a half-hour reality series inspired by the ‘60s sitcom “Green Acres” which will show us how NYC socialite Paris Hilton (heir to the hotel chain) adapts to living in the sticks.

NEW JARGON WATCH:
• ‘Masstige’ [mass-TEEJ] – Prestige name products offered at mass-market prices. It’s the hot marketing strategy for luxury automakers to attract ‘near-rich’ consumers. The reason there are now smaller and slightly cheaper versions of high-ticket vehicles like Mercedes.
• ‘Tall Wagon’ – A new hybrid class of all-wheel drive vehicle that several automakers have in the works. THIS WEEK Daimler-Chrysler’s 1st’ ‘Pacifica’ rolled off the assembly line in Windsor ON, a vehicle the company predicts will be its greatest trendsetter since the mini-van (well, maybe with soccer moms anyway).
• ‘Nutraceutical’ – A non-prescription nutritional supplement. Heavily promoted in late-night commercials and e-mail spam, it’s claimed they melt off fat, rid you of depression and/or add
years to your life. (But can they increase your size?)
• The just-published “Hipster Handbook” by Robert Lanham tells us that, whether you need them or not, eyeglasses are ‘deck’ (cool), deodorant & shampoo are ‘fin’ (dorky), and all chainstores are ‘fatal to the hipster ethos’. (So now you know.)

RECTUM? DARN NEAR KILLED HIM!
A 69-year-old British man thought he could sooth his hemorrhoid pain by – inserting a toothbrush. Unfortunately, the painful stunt resulted in a trip to the hospital where X-rays revealed it had become lodged in his pelvis and a procedure involving  biopsy forceps was needed. (So remember – brush regularly to prevent cavities, but never brush your cavities!)

WAR GAME:
The online war simulation game “Gulf War 2″ offers one view of what could happen over the next few months. Players assume the role of President Bush, whose easiest challenge is toppling Saddam Hussein. In fact, the game starts with the fall of Baghdad but then proceeds to an Iraqi anthrax attack on Israel, a retaliatory nuclear strike, revolt in Saudi Arabia, and a Kurdish coup in northern Iraq. There are also anti-American uprisings in Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria and Pakistan, which lead eventually to nuclear warheads being smuggled to militant groups.
NET: http://www.idleworm.com/

INVISIBLE MAN:
Tokyo University scientist Susumu Tachi has developed a coat which appears to make the wearer invisible in photos. The illusion is an early stage of research into optical camouflage technology that Tachi hopes will eventually make camouflaged objects virtually transparent. (It’s working! I went to buy some camo pants the other day, but I couldn’t find any.)

IT KEEPS US GOING & GOING:
A new study in THIS WEEK’S issue of the “Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences” (oh, you’ve already read it?), says that diarrhea may be good for us. How so? It seems the bacteria that causes the runs may also protect us against colon cancer. That could be the logical explanation for why people in poorer countries seem less prone to colon cancer, the world’s 4th-leading type of cancer. (Now are you happy about the cramps?)

EVEN LESS PERSONALITY THAN METER MAIDS:
THIS MONTH Stockholm, Sweden is installing hi-tech new parking meters that use a pre-recorded message to warn parkers that street cleaning will soon take place. The innovation is designed to help empty out parking spaces so snow can be cleared. (They also critique your efforts at parallel parking – “Ooh, how to ding that fender, chump!”)

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• For a new Leger Marketing poll on marriage, Canadian men and women were asked what’s most important when choosing a mate. ‘Faithfulness’ was the #1 attribute selected by both genders (54% of women, 47% of men). On the physical side, 13% of men, but only 6% of women picked ‘being good in bed’.
• If you believe this new survey, fully 20% of us don’t have any interest in Valentine’s Day whatsoever. (Bitter, bitter!)
• According to a new online poll by Match.com, a whopping 53% of women say they’d break up with a guy who didn’t give them a Valentine’s Day card. (Be forewarned, guys!)
• Nearly 50% of teenagers surveyed in a new poll say they don’t worry about pregnancy. (Apparently, the other half were girls.)

FOR THE RECORD:
• A Thai man hopes he’s secured a world record for ‘longest hug’ after holding his wife in his arms for 10 hours, 49 minutes and 15 seconds. (That damn Super Glue is so hard to remove!)
• A 4-woman, 2-man team in St Catharines ON has completed  48 hours of non-stop pinochle and are looking for “Guinness Book of World Records” certification for the ‘longest card game’, which is currently 28 hours by 8 Italians playing in Switzerland. Only 4 players must be playing at a time. (An easy record to top as a morning promotion?)

BS SHOCKING FACT:
Reports say the Pentagon has ordered 77,000 body bags, compared with 16,000 for the Gulf War in 1991.

THE BULL SHEET 02.12.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [64] Ray Manzarek, Chicago IL, classic rock musician (The Doors-“Light My Fire”, “Riders on the Storm”) who’s resurrected the group as ‘The Doors 21st Century’ with original guitarist Robby Krieger, Cult singer Ian Astbury & former Police drummer Stewart Copeland (original Doors’ drummer John Densmore is suing them for using the Doors’ name)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 1993

1955 [48] Arsenio Hall, Cleveland OH, TV host (“Star Search”)/movie actor (“Coming to America”)/Emmy Award-winning TV talk-show host (“The Arsenio Hall Show” 1990, 1993)

1970 [33] Jim Creeggan, Toronto ON, rock bassist (Barenaked Ladies-“Pinch Me”, “One Week”)

1972 [31] Owen Nolan, Belfast N IRE [raised Thorold ON], hockey forward (San Jose Sharks, 2002 Canadian Olympic gold medal team)

1980 [23] Christina Ricci, Santa Monica CA, movie actress (“Sleepy Hollow”, “The Ice Storm”)   UP NEXT: The Woody Allen movie “Anything Else”, coming in SEPTEMBER

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] “Lincoln’s Birthday” (1809)

TODAY is “Lost Penny Day”, set aside to collect all of those wasted pennies stashed in jars and drawers around the house and put them back into circulation. (Because a penny saved is – a waste of time. Actually, a penny saved is a government oversight.)

THIS WEEK is “International Flirting Week”. A “Matchmaker’s” poll finds that 73% of online respondents have used e-mail to flirt. 50% find it easier to flirt via e-mail than in person. And 36% admit to cheating – flirting on-line despite being in a committed relationship.

THIS MONTH is “Creative Romance Month”, when couples are encouraged to put the sizzle back into their relationships by adding some ‘intrigue’. (Get out the “Scream” masks.)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1878 [125] 1st-ever ‘baseball catcher’s mask’ (Frederick Thayer-Harvard University Baseball Club)

1879 [124] 1st ‘artificial ice’ rink in North America (Madison Square Garden-NYC)

1898 [105] 1st ‘auto accident fatality’ (later that day, 1st lawyer contacts dead victim’s family)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1949 [54] Canada beats Denmark 47-0 in international hockey (what, no mercy rule?)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] 23rd Genie Awards
[Thurs] Get A Different Name Day
[Thurs] ”Survivor: The Amazon” debuts
[Fri] Valentine’s Day
[Sun] Daytona 500
[Sun] 2003 East Coast Music Awards (Halifax NS)
[Mon] Family Day (Alberta)
This Week Is . . . Celebration of Love Week / Crime Prevention Week
This Month Is . . . Snack Food Month / International Friendship Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BEST OF ROMANCE:
Here’s some good argument starters –
Best romantic gift . . . The gift of time.
Best romantic present . . . Your own presence.
Best romantic car . . . Triumph Spitfire.
Most romantic city (in the world) . . . Verona, Italy
Most romantic city (in the USA) . . . San Francisco CA
Best romantic color . . . Red
Best romantic movie . . . “Casablanca”
Best romantic actress . . . Greta Garbo
Best romantic actor . . . Clark Gable
Best romantic hotel . . . The Grand Hotel, Mackinac Island MI
Best romantic voice (male) . . . Barry White
Best romantic voice (female) . . . Sade
Best romantic song . . . “You are So Beautiful (To Me)” by Joe Cocker
Source: “1001 Ways to be Romantic” by Greg JP Godek

LAMEST VALENTINE EXCUSES:
• The florist couldn’t find your house. Did you move?
• I sent a candygram. Someone must have eaten it.
• Honest, I sent an e-mail card. Maybe there’s a problem with your computer.
• I left a message on your answering machine to meet me for dinner. Where were you?
• I thought Saint Valentine’s Day was a Catholic holy day.
• You have my love, what more could you ask for?
• It’s just a Hallmark holiday.
• I thought you hated roses.
• Oh, is it always on the 14th?
• Umm, I forgot!

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “What’s the perfect ‘home-date movie’ to rent for Valentine’s Day?” (How ‘bout – “Ghost”
“When Harry Met Sally”, “Pretty Woman“, “Amelie”, or “As Good As It Gets”?)
• “How do you tell your man his fashion sense sucks?” (The book “How To Make Your Man Look Good Without Making Him Feel Bad” has suggestions from actual wives including – start with sweet talk then manipulate, throw out stuff he has worn to death, and bribe him with whatever works – usually sex.)

BS VALENTINE TRIVIA:
Q: You probably know the god of love in Roman mythology is called ‘Cupid’, but who’s the god of love in Greek mythology?
A: ‘Eros’, source of the word ‘erotic’.

BS TRAFFIC BLOOPERS:
• “Traffic is very heavy at the moment so if you are thinking of leaving now, you’d better set off
a few minutes earlier.”
• “Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver.”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average German man only does this every 7 days.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Changes his underwear.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, “What happened?”