Friday, August 29, 2003        Edition: #2612
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TOMORROW Michael Jackson’s fan club is throwing the ‘King of Noses’ a 45th birthday bash at LA’s Orpheum Theater called ‘Celebration of Love’, open to anyone willing to pay for a $30 ‘invitation’ (think he’ll show up?) . . . Word is P Diddy will open the 1st store for his clothing label ‘Sean John’ NEXT SPRING on NYC’S tony Fifth Avenue (he needs the money to fight off all those lawsuits) . . . A 2-hour TV special in DECEMBER called “World Idol” will pit “American Idol” winner Kelly Clarkson against her counterparts in the UK’s “Pop Idol” and similar shows in a dozen other countries, and FOX-TV is also planning a holiday season special that includes US & Canadian “Idol” finalists . . . Is Bruce Willis taking lessons from ex-wife Demi? 48-year-old Bruce reportedly showed up at his daughter’s recent birthday bash with 25-year-old Brooke Burns, gorgeous host of TV’s “Dog Eat Dog” (where she always says, “It’s time to pick the loser”) . . . A cosmetic surgeon tells “Heat” magazine that “Sex & the City” star Sarah Jessica Parker has almost certainly had surgery to reshape her nose, removing the bump on the bridge . . . Tennis superstar Serena Williams’ acting debut in the Showtime series “Street Time” has been postponed because of her recent knee surgery (meaning she’ll have to ‘break a leg’ another time) . . . Ozzy Osbourne is being pursued as patron for a new performance school in his hometown of Birmingham, England which, if he accepts, will be named the ‘Ozzy Osbourne Academy of Performing Arts’ (and bat biting) . . . Could be serious! An LA real estate agent has revealed that Justin Timberlake & Cameron Diaz are looking for a West Coast home that must have a pool, gym & recording studio . . . Meantime, Cameron tops a new list compiled for the “2004 Guinness Book of World Records” as the world’s highest-earning actress – $40 million in a single year.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Jeepers Creepers 2″ (Horror) – ‘The Creeper’ returns in this no-name sequel to the modest 2001 horror hit and he’s hungry for more teen hotties, specifically a busload of high-school basketball players, coaches & cheerleaders. Can the school’s elite defeat the beast who wants to feast?
• The heist flick “The Italian Job” starring Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron & Edward Norton is being re-released on more than 1,500 screens, perhaps in an effort to push its $96-million gross up over the magic 100-million hump.

IT HAS THE BOUQUET OF A JOCK:
What’s 4-time Super Bowl & NFL Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana been doing since retirement? 47-year-old Montana and his wife opened a small vineyard in California’s Sonoma Valley and, according to “Wine Spectator” magazine, the former San Francisco 49er & Kansas City Chief has a limited-edition bold red wine debuting NEXT MONTH – at $75 a bottle! (You drink it from a ‘cup’.)

GAS CRISIS:
Nearly 1 in 5 people surveyed admit that they’ve been involved in an act of intimacy that was halted by – embarrassing flatulence. The poll of 1,500 adults by the makers of the anti-gas product ‘Gas-X’ also asked the worst place to suffer a gaseous ‘accident’. The top 3 – ‘at a business meeting’, ‘on a date’, and ‘in an elevator’ (what about ‘at a funeral’ – especially your own?). And ain’t it great to know that 78% of us have absolutely no problem letting ‘er rip in the privacy of our own home? (Or apparently in a studio.)

POST-PARTUM PAPAS:
Starting in OCTOBER, British men will be able to receive counseling for – post-natal depression. A pilot project called ‘Fathers Matter’ will be launched in Essex that will provide confidential advice to distressed fathers whose partners have recently given birth. (Previously only available at the corner pub.)

THIS MEDICINE STINKS:
After 10 months of research, scientists at Brazil’s Federal University of Ceara have created – the ‘perfume pill’. They say people who take it 3 times a day will smell sweet for 24 hours. The first version smells like lavender and will be marketed as soon as it receives approval from the Brazilian health department. (For people who can’t figure out how to use deodorant.)

ANCIENT ROMANS WERE DORKY:
Archeologists at work on a 2,000-year-old site in south London have revealed that Ancient Romans in Britain apparently wore – socks with their sandals. A foot belonging to a bronze statue appears to be wearing a woollen stocking under a Mediterranean-type sandal, a fashion researchers say may have developed due to the UK’s cold and damp weather. (So how do they explain the plaid shorts?)

HEAR HEAR!
A new German study published in THIS WEEK’S edition of the “Journal of the American Medical Association” suggests that you can lower your blood pressure by eating – dark chocolate! (Wouldn’t it be great if everything that’s supposed to be bad for you turned out to be good for you – and vice versa?)

FOR THE RECORD:
• This woman’s a real dough-nut! Annie Lewis slept on the sidewalk for 13 nights in Lansing MI, just so she could be the first person to enter – the new Krispy Kreme store.
• Students at Florida’s Art Institute of Fort Lauderdale have created the ‘world’s largest mousetrap’. It looks exactly like a common mousetrap except that it’s 12-ft-long, 5-ft-wide and weighs over 600 lbs. Because of its massive power it will only be tripped once, on NOVEMBER 5th. After that, it’s going on tour.

BS SHOCKING FACTS:
• People who are unemployed have sex more often than people who work.
• Smokers are twice as likely as lifetime nonsmokers to develop Alzheimer’s disease.

THE BULL SHEET 08.29.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1956 [47] Dan Truman, St George UT, country musician (Diamond Rio-“Wrinkles”, “Beautiful Mess”)

1958 [45] Michael Jackson, Gary IN, self-titled ‘King of Pop’ (“Thriller”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)/Lisa Marie Presley’s ex-weirdo/’father’ of Prince Michael I, Prince Michael II & Paris

1971 [32] Carla Gugino, Sarasota FL, movie actress (Ingrid Cortez, the mom in “Spy Kids 1-3D”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1932 [71] Allan Fotheringham, Hearne SK, syndicated columnist (“50Plus Magazine”, “Maclean’s”)/author (“Last Page First”)/Canadian News Hall of Fame (1999)

1963 [40] Michael Chiklis, Lowell MA, TV actor (2002 Emmy Award as Vic Mackey-“The Shield” [nominated again for 2003], “The Commish” 1991-95)

1972 [31] Cameron Diaz, San Diego CA, movie actress (“Charlie’s Angels 1 & 2”, “Shrek”, “There’s Something About Mary”)/Justin Timberlake’s steady girl  UP NEXT: Reprises role as ‘Fiona’ in “Shrek 2″, opening in 2004.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “More Herbs, Less Salt Day”, because it’s ‘healthier, zestier and lustier!’ So go ahead, spice up your life! (What’s the world’s most-used spice? Black pepper.)

TODAY is “According to Hoyle Day”, honoring Britain’s Edmond Hoyle on the anniversary of his death in 1769. He’s the guy who took the time to formalize rules to many popular games. Thus the expression ‘according to Hoyle’ has come to mean ‘playing by the rules’.

TODAY-Sunday the 1st ever “Festival Erotique” exposes itself in Edinburgh, Scotland, highlighted by fetish fashion shows, dominatrix workshops, erotic dancing & ‘adult’ shopping. There’s also a ‘Sex Idol Competition’ in which exhibitionists get 3 minutes to do anything and everything they can conjure up to impress a panel of experts. Top prize is the equivalent of $150 in cash.

TOMORROW is “National Toasted Marshmallow Day”, celebrating that great summer treat on a stick. How do you like yours done?

TOMORROW is the annual “Mosquito Killing Championships” in the Lomellina Valley south of Milan, Italy when brave contestants dressed in bathing suits and long socks attempt to kill as many skitters as they can with their bare hands. Each contestant gets 5 minutes to mash mosquitoes, then has to gather up the bashed bugs to prove the number of kills. And have they got prizes – 1st place gets 6 piglets!

“Labor Day” is celebrated on the first MONDAY of September in Canada, the USA and Puerto Rico to honor all workers. It was inaugurated September 5, 1882 with a NYC parade by the Knights of Labor and became a legal holiday in 1894. In most other countries around the world, “Labor Day” is May 1st.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1844 [159] 1st ‘white-native lacrosse game’, in Montréal (natives win, of course)

1893 [110] 1st ‘zipper’ patent (Whitcomb Judson, who the next day was first to exclaim, “OWWWWWWW!”)

1896 [107] 1st ‘chop suey’ served (Chinese ambassador’s chef devises dish to satisfy both Western and Oriental tastes for a dinner in NYC)

1934 [69] 1st Boy Scout Camp in America opens at Hawk Mountain PA (the next day, the 1st ‘wedgie’)

1965 [38] 1st ‘parachuting bull fighter’, Luis ‘The Conceited’ Rios, misses Spanish ring and lands in the city dump

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1982 [21] Longest recorded kite flight lasts 180 hours, 17 minutes (Washington DC)

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Sept 1] Labor Day
[Sept 3] 4th Latin Grammy Awards / Skyscraper Day
[Sept 4] 2003 NFL Season Kickoff Concert (Washington DC) / Newspaper Carriers Day / National Cheese Pizza Day
[Sept 4-13] Toronto International Film Festival
[Sept 4-7] 2003 Bell Canadian Open Golf Championship (Hamilton ON)
[Sept 5] Be Late For Something Day
[Sept 6] Iguana Awareness Day / Fight Procrastination Day–Do It! Day / Federal Lands Cleanup Day
[Sept 7] Grandparents Day / Working Mothers Day
[Sept 8] Canadian Country Music Awards (Calgary) / International Literacy Day / Boss/Employee Exchange Day
[Sept 9] Expectant Father’s Day / Teddy Bear Day
[Sept 10] Hot Dog Day / Swap Ideas Day
[Sept 11] 9/11 Remembrance Day / I Want to Start My Own Business Day / No News is Good News Day
[Sept 12] Video Game Day / Chocolate Milkshake Day
[Sept 13] Peanut Day / Positive Thinking Day
[Sept 14] “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” 10th Anniversary Special / International Cross-Culture Day / Pregnant Women’s Day / Pet Memorial Day
[Sept 15] Madonna’s releases kids’ book “The English Roses” / Hat Day / National Care Givers Day
[Sept 16] Collect Rocks Day / National Working Parents Day / Women’s Friendship Day / UN International Day of Peace
[Sept 18] “Survivor: Pearl Island” debuts / National Play-Doh Day
[Sept 20] International Student Day
[Sept 21] 55th Primetime Emmy Awards / Miniature Golf Day / World Gratitude Day
[Sept 22] Hobbit Day / Dear Diary Day / Elephant Appreciation Day / Good Neighbor Day / National Centenarians Day
[Sept 23] Autumn begins
[Sept 24] Buy Nothing Day
[Sept 25] Shania Twain world tour begins (Hamilton ON) / One Hit Wonder Day / National Comic Book Day
[Sept 25-28] Western Canadian Music Awards (Regina SK)
[Sept 26] Food Service Employees Day / Native American Day / Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown
[Sept 27] Ancestor Appreciation Day / World Tourism Day / National Hunting & Fishing Day
[Sept 28] Ask A Stupid Question Day / Family Health & Fitness Day
[Sept 29] National Goose Day / Pumpkin Day
[Sept 30] National Mud Pack Day
[Oct 2] 14th International Bluegrass Music Awards
[Oct 7] “Elvis 2nd to None” compilation released
[Oct 8] Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day

BULL’S BITS . . .
“POLE IDOL” PROMO:
KISS-FM London morning personality Bam Bam has come up with a strange new contest called ‘Pole Idol’, the search for the UK’s most talented amateur – pole dancer.

BS WEB GOODIES:
Get a listing of junk food products from the 1970s here …
NET: http://www.inthe70s.com/generated/food.shtml
And from the 80s here …
NET: http://www.inthe80s.com/food/index.shtml

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Pamela Anderson. So he gave her a lobotomy.
• First the doctor told me the good news – I was going to have a disease named after me …

BS ‘BEFORE FAME’:
• Before fame “Playboy” founder Hugh Hefner was circulation manager for which magazine …
a. “National Geographic”
b. “Cosmopolitan”
c. “Children’s Activities” [CORRECT]

• Before fame Sheryl Crow sang backup vocals for …
a. Michael Jackson’s “Bad” tour. [CORRECT]
b. The Broadway stage production of “Phantom of the Opera”.
c. “The Teletubbies” TV show.

• Before fame Elvis Costello was a …
a. Doorman at a London hotel.
b. Makeup technician in a funeral home.
c. Computer operator in a cosmetics factory. [CORRECT]

• Before fame Mariah Carey worked as a …
a. Receptionist
b. Restaurant Hostess [CORRECT]
c. Hooker

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 36% of adult women admit it, they used to like this guy.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Michael Jackson.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.