Tuesday, May 13, 2008 Edition: #3774
When You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Kate Hudson’s rep says reports that she’s engaged to actor Owen Wilson are simply untrue, the 29-year-old actress is only wearing a diamond ring because she’s shooting a movie called “Bride Wars” (in that case, we’ll no doubt soon be seeing pics of her shopping in a wedding gown) . . . After months of speculation, actress Jennie Garth has confirmed she’s returning to the new spinoff of “Beverly Hills 90210” (CW) as her former character ‘Kelly Taylor’, the first original cast member to be signed for the remake (although many of the now unemployed originals are clambering for a spot) . . . In the new tell-all tome, “How I Helped OJ Get Away With Murder”, OJ’s former sports agent Mike Gilbert claims he advised his client to take arthritis medicine during the murder trial so the infamous leather gloves would not fit; and also alleges Simpson confessed to the killing after he was acquitted while juiced on cannabis (well, it’s nice you remembered all this NOW) . . . Actress Lindsay Lohan has apparently been dumped from a 2nd film in a week as it’s confirmed she’s no longer a part of Jack Black’s next pic, the rom-com “Ye Olde Times”, after she and the producers ‘decided to go our separate ways’ (BS translation: No insurance company will cover a thrice-rehabbed party girl) . . . And according to Nielsen Media Research, TV networks ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX have collectively lost 9% of their viewers in APRIL & MAY compared to the same time period a year ago (is it hangover from the writers’ strike, fragmentation due to hundreds of channels – or just crappy TV shows?).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Michael Jackson – Just in the nick of time he’s prevented a foreclosure sale on his Neverland Ranch scheduled for TOMORROW as NYC private equity group Colony Capital has stepped in to buy up his $24.5 million loan and plans to ‘renegotiate’ his payment terms (what’s 15% interest on zero?).
• Paul McCartney – His freshly divorced ex-, Heather Mills, is being accused of reneging on a 2004 promise to donate $20,000 to a disabled Russian woman to pay for a pair of artificial legs, thereby forcing the 28-year-old mom to take to the streets of Moscow and beg. Fortunately, a philanthropist stepped in to fund the cost of prosthetics.
• Talking Heads – Former frontman David Byrne plans to turn a NYC building into a giant musical instrument. His temporary “Playing the Building” musical art installation in the Great Hall of the Battery Maritime Building will utilize devices attached to ceiling beams, plumbing, electrical conduits, and other parts of the structure to create sounds through vibration. It’s set to open late THIS MONTH.
• Taylor Swift – She wrote most of the songs on her self-titled, 3-million selling debut album when she was a 16-year-old sophomore in high school.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 3 (David Archuleta, David Cook, Syesha Mercado) each perform 3 different songs in the set-up for NEXT WEEK’s season finalé.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – Professionals dance to a medley of Michael Jackson songs, then another celeb is eliminated.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Newlywed Mariah Carey is a guest.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Ashlee Simpson performs “Little Miss Obsessive”.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – Gavin DeGraw (“In Love with a Girl”) is on.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Death Cab For Cutie is the musical guest.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – 23-year-old Welsh singer Duffy (“Mercy”) performs; then TONIGHT she does “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• New Kids On the Block – Their first new single since 1994, “Summertime”, is released digitally. The album “Back On the Block” is expected in SEPTEMBER; their reunion tour scheduled to kick off SEPTEMBER 20th in Montréal.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Switchfoot is onstage.
• “The Young & the Restless” (CBS/Global) – Paris Hilton’s mom, Kathy Hilton, plays herself in an episode about a magazine cover shoot by her friend ‘Jack Abbott’.
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “The Great Debaters” ( Drama ): Denzel Washington directs and stars as a true-life professor who uses ferocious teaching methods to shape a debate team at a small Texas university during the 1930s. Co-stars Forest Whitaker. Also available in a ‘2-Disc Collector’s Edition’.
• “Mad Money” ( Crime Comedy ): Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes star as a trio of employees at the Federal Reserve who plot to steal money that is about to be destroyed. Loosely based on a true story involving the Bank of England’s incinerating plant in Essex UK.
• “Untraceable” ( Crime Thriller ): Diane Lane plays an FBI agent racing to identify and arrest a serial killer who slowly kills his victims (sitting them in acid, baking them with high-powered lightbulbs, etc) based on the number of visitors to a website. Colin Hanks (son of Tom) co-stars.
• “Youth Without Youth” ( Drama ): Francis Ford Coppola’s first film in a decade concerns a professor (Tim Roth) who ages backwards from 70-to-40 within a week of being struck by lightening, attracting the interest of the Nazis in the days prior to WW2. Co-stars Matt Damon.
• Also released TODAY: “The Classic Sci-Fi Ultimate Collection“; “Fox Western Classics Collection”; “Frank Sinatra: The Early Years”; “Frank Sinatra: The Golden Years”; “Indiana Jones: The Adventure Collection – Special Edition”; “Marvel Heroes Collection”; “The Rat Pack Ultimate Collector’s Edition”; and “Saturday Night Live: The Complete 3rd Season – Limited Edition Box Set” (TV).
LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 70% of us can NOT flare our nostrils. (Using a finger doesn’t count.)
• 57% of working moms would NOT take a pay cut in order to spend more time with their kids.
• 53% of women say they are most competitive with their friends about ‘weight’. (‘Career’ comes 2nd.)
• 9% of guys say they would cheat on their partners, but only if it was with a celebrity.
• 2% of women say they have dumped a guy because he was a bad dancer.
EAT LOCAL OR GET YELLED AT:
TV chef Gordon Ramsay (“Hell’s Kitchen”) says restaurants that serve out-of-season produce should be fined. The chef, whose culinary establishments include the ‘London’ restaurant in NYC and the ‘Savoy Grill’ and ‘Maze’ in London, thinks banning the use of out-of-season products would persuade us to become more inspirational in our cooking and help support a ‘home grown’ economy. (He’s right but … would you wait until Autumn to have an apple?)
– BBC World
WHAT’S THAT?
Baby boomers are losing their hearing faster than any previous generation, according to the Hearing Foundation of Canada. Why? People now in their 50s and 60s were the first generation raised on rock music, gas-powered lawn mowers, traffic gridlock, and other everyday noise. (It’s a good time to invest in a hearing aid company!)
– “Globe & Mail”
REAL ELECTRONIC BUGS:
A collaborative effort between the US Department of Defense’s Defense Advanced Research Projects (DARPA) and defense contractor BAE Systems is developing an army of miniature robot insects which will be able to scout out enemy territory or spy on suspects without endangering humans. The project includes the development of a surveillance robot that looks like a common housefly but is capable of sending audio and visual info back to a military command center. (Creating the prospect of millions in losses thanks to some Middle Eastern guy with quick reflexes … and a flyswatter.)
– “Daily Galaxy”
HOTTEST WOMEN OF THE ‘80S:
A new ranking of the hotties guys dreamed about 20 years ago …
5. Movie actress Kim Basinger (“Batman”, “Nine-and-a-Half Weeks”).
4. TV actress Catherine Bach (‘Daisy Duke’ on “The Dukes of Hazzard”).
3. Movie actress Michelle Pfeiffer (“The Fabulous Baker Boys”, “Dangerous Liaisons”)
2. Supermodel Cindy Crawford.
1. Singer Debbie Harry (rock group Blondie).
Honorable mention: Movie actress Phoebe Cates (“Fast Times at Ridgemont High”); movie actress Carrie Fisher (‘Princess Leia’ in the “Star Wars” films).
– Adapted from HecklerSpray.com
MONEY FOR NOTHING, LITERALLY:
If you’ve ever wished you could get paid for doing absolutely nada, get your lazy butt over to the NASA Human Test Subject Facility in Houston TX where they’ll pay you $17,000 to lie in bed … for 90 consecutive days. This torturously dull experiment that allows scientists to study the effects of micro-gravity on the human body will require you to lie down with your head slightly tilted downward 24-hours-a-day except for brief breaks. (Sounds like a civil service job!)
– “Wired”
COPY CAT IN ORDER TO CONVINCE:
Experts say one of the best techniques for persuading another person is to mimic their mannerisms, subtly copying their head and hand movements, posture, and tone of voice. It can be one of the most powerful forms of persuasion, but it must be subtle. If your target catches on to the ploy, it may anger them and scuttle your objective entirely. ([Co-host] is gonna look real dumb tossing his hair and wiggling his hips in a singles bar.)
– “New Scientist“
PERSONAL WHIRLYBIRD:
Mexican company Technologia Aeroespacial Mexicana has almost perfected the world’s first strap-on helicopter. Billed as the lightest helicopter in the world, the ‘Libelula’ is powered by 2 tiny hydrogen rockets and can be strapped onto a person with a carbon fiber corset. (Keep one in the trunk in case of gridlock!)
NET: http://tecaeromex.com/ingles/RH-i.htm
– “Curious Times”
BS AMAZING FACT:
As part of an experiment on sexual activity, rats that were dressed in polyester pants had sex significantly less often than the rats whose slacks were cotton or wool.
– “Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science & Sex” by Mary Roach
BS CHRONOMETER 05.13.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [69] Harvey Keitel, Brooklyn NY, tough-guy movie actor (“National Treasure”, “Pulp Fiction”)
1950 [58] Stevie Wonder (Steveland Hardaway), Saginaw MI, oldies singer/songwriter with over 30 top 10 hits & 25 Grammy Awards (“Sunshine of My Life”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)
1964 [44] Stephen Colbert, Washington DC, comedian-TV host (“The Colbert Report” since 2005)/comedy writer-reporter (“The Daily Show” 1997-2005)
1966 [42] Darius Rucker, Charleston SC, has-been pop singer (Hootie & the Blowfish-“Let Her Cry”, Only Wanna Be With You”)
1979 [29] Mickey Madden, Austin TX, pop bassist (Maroon 5-“Makes Me Wonder”, “She Will Be Loved”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Canada-Wide Science Fair 2008” through SUNDAY at the University of Ottawa. Over 450 students from across Canada are participating. It’s the first time the annual geek get-together has been staged in Ottawa since the inaugural event in 1962.
NET: http://www.cwsf2008.ca/
• “Date Your Mate Month”, when we’re challenged to add some sizzle to our relationships by making a date with our spouses. (Hopefully not a COURT date!)
• “Police Week”, honoring the half-million-plus police officers across North America.
NET: http://organizedcrime.ca/police_e.asp
NET: http://www.nationalpoliceweek.com/
• “Table Knife Appreciation Day”. France’s Cardinal Richelieu is said to have invented the utensil on this date in 1639. Prior to that, hunting knives were used in a stabbing motion.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [10] Series finalé of the sitcom “Ellen” on ABC-TV features guest appearances by Cindy Crawford, Glenn Close, Helen Hunt, Jennifer Aniston, and Woody Harrelson
2004 [04] Series finalé of the sitcom “Frasier” airs after 11 seasons on NBC-TV
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1878 [130] ‘Vaseline’ 1st marketed (what’s the best thing you’ve ever used it for … er, maybe the SECOND-best thing?)
1959 [49] 1st ‘Hula Hoop’ patented by AK Melin (immediately becomes a HUGE fad)
1991 [17] 1st RCMP officer allowed to wear a turban as part of uniform (Baltej Dhillon)
COMING UP . . .
[Wed] 3rd Shift Workers Day
[Wed] Receptionists Day
[Wed] Dance Like a Chicken Day
[Wed-May 25] 2008 Cannes Film Festival
[Thurs] “CSI” season finalé (CBS)
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Fri] Employee Health & Fitness Day
[Fri] “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” opens in movie theaters
[Mon] Victoria Day (no “BS” service)
This Week Is . . . Hug an Elder Week
This Month Is . . . Date Your Mate Month
BULL’S BITS
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit we still call it ‘shipping’ when it goes by plane or truck?
• Whyzit they call it ‘weed’ when it’s so hard to grow?
• Whyzit hotels provide free shampoo and mouthwash and shower caps and shoe-polishing cloths, but they never provide the one thing most travelers forget … toothpaste?
• Whyzit they don’t just cut the price of a product instead of offering a mail-in rebate?
• If ignorance is bliss, whyzit there aren’t more happy people?
• Whyzit so many animals are named after cars?
BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could choose the very last thing you would see before you die, what would it be?
BS BRAIN BUSTER:
Q: What’s currently the most popular girl’s baby name that is a palindrome (reads the same forwards or backwards)?
A: ‘Hannah’, which ranks as #6 on the popular names list, according to “Today’s Parent”.
MORE HANDY BS TIPS TO MAKE LIFE EASIER:
• If you don’t have a paper shredder and need to dispose of important documents, soak them in water. Once they turn into pulp and start to break up, form them into balls and toss away.
• Soak your new shower curtain in a saltwater solution and it will stop mildew from forming.
• Throw a mothball in the bottom of your garbage can and it will smell fresh.
• If you go on a tour abroad, take a photo of the pick-up point with your digital camera. Then if you get lost, all you need to do is show the photo to locals for directions.
• Try brushing your teeth with a mashed strawberry to get rid of yellow stains. It’s a lot cheaper than those white strips!
– “The Abacus”
BS RANDOM JOKE:
I checked in my Webster’s and apparently the word ‘organic’ also means ‘jack up the price’.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS was the 1st disposable consumer product, actually made to be thrown away.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A razor. (According to the History Channel, the 1st disposable razor was made way back in the 1800s.)
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.
