Friday, February 1, 2002        Edition: #2224
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

BS GUIDE TO SAFE COMMUNICATION:
Dangerous: “Hey, what’s for dinner?”
Safer: “Can I help you with dinner?”
Safest: “Where would you like to go for dinner?”

Dangerous: “Are you wearing THAT?”
Safer: “Gee, you look good in brown.”
Safest: “Wow! Look at you!

Dangerous: “Should you be eating that?”
Safer: “You know, there are a lot of apples left.”
Safest: “Can I get you a glass of wine with that?”

Dangerous: “What did you DO all day?”
Safer: “I hope you didn’t overdo it today.”
Safest: “I’ve always loved you in that robe.”

Dangerous: “What are you so worked up about?”
Safer: “Could we be overreacting?”
Safest: “Here’s fifty dollars.”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT on “202/20″, Barbara Walters interviews Celine Dion, who’s coming out of ‘retirement’ with a new album MARCH 11 (get ready for baby pictures and a good three-hanky cry) . . . SUNDAY Britney Spears & Justin Timberlake are hosting a charity auction at Planet Hollywood in NYC, taking bids on everything from a dance class with Justin to a cameo appearance in an upcoming Britney movie, video or commercial . . . Word is Britney Spears is livid that Madonna won’t take her phone calls anymore, sending messages back that she’s ‘too busy’ . . . Katie Couric earns about $65,000 A DAY under her new “Today” show contract . . . J-Lo reportedly shut down the set of her now-shooting next film “Gigli” for 2 days because she lost her $30,000-wedding ring . . . George Clooney tells German magazine “Bella” his receding hairline worries him more than finding the right woman . . . The “8th Annual Hanes Hosiery Sexy Legs Survey” has picked Halle Berry & Pierce Brosnan as the celebrities with the ‘sexiest legs’ . . . “Us” magazine calls Tom Cruise & Penelope Cruz a ‘homophonic twosome’ (Tom’s gonna sue as soon as he finds out what that is) . . . Mike Tyson’s 2nd wife has filed for divorce (wow, there’s a surprise!).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
When the college geek discovers the 3 ‘big-men-on-campus’ are scamming the system, he blackmails them into helping him win the heart of the school’s most popular girl (odd-named actress James King) in the comedy “Slackers”, which stars Vancouver native Devon Sawa. (Wow, get the Oscars ready.)

SUPER BOWL XXXVI FACTS:
• SUNDAY at the Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans on Global/FOX-TV at 6pm ET.
• NFL organizers predict it will be seen by 130 million North American viewers and another 800 million worldwide.
• Pre-game entertainment includes Barenaked Ladies, a duet of “America the Beautiful” by Marc Anthony & Mary J Blige, and Mariah Carey singing “The Star Spangled Banner”.
• Paul McCartney performs his song “Freedom”, backed up by 500 young people representing the 180 countries that will televise the game.
• FOX reportedly charged an unprecedented $2.5 million per 30-second ad during the game. One of the most anticipated Super Bowl commercials was produced by quirky filmmakers the Coen Brothers using the Beatles’ song “Taxman” in an ad for H&R Block. A 90-second Pepsi ad will feature Britney Spears dressed as a bodacious babe from each of the past 5 decades. (In Canada, we never get to see the hot Super Bowl spots, just 8,732 promos for Global TV programs.)
• U2 performs in the halftime show.
• According to the American Snack Food Association, Super Bowl Sunday provides the year’s highest consumption of snack foods. Some estimates of SUNDAY’S consumption – 11.8 million lbs of potato chips, 9 million lbs of tortilla chips, 4 million lbs of popcorn, 3.9 million lbs of pretzels, and 3 million lbs of nuts. Dominos Pizza expects to sell close to 1.5 million pizzas SUNDAY.
BS HIGHLIGHTS OF THE 300-HOUR FOX SUPER BOWL PRE-GAME SHOW:
• A fun hour of time-lapse photography shows Terry Bradshaw losing hair.
• Howie Long interviews the mothers of every player.
• Slow-motion replays from 22 angles of John Madden eating a whole mess of ribs.
• ‘Fox Sports Ticker’ shows the shoe sizes of backup players on teams that did not make the playoffs.
• Interviews with fans in the stadium — all of them.
• ‘The Fox Skinny Competition’ — analyst Chris Collinsworth’s neck vs a pencil.
• ‘Fox Police Blotter’ — a look back at all the arrests of your favorite NFL players.

WINTER GAMES REQUIRE GLOVES:
There was a demonstration THIS WEEK in Salt Lake City against free condoms being offered to the 2,500 athletes who will participate in the Winter Olympics. The protesters argue that organizers should be promoting ‘virtues, not recreational sex’. The first protest of the 2002 games attracted a total of – two Christian activists.

CHURCH CHALLENGED:
A Salt Lake City jury has sided with a pair of women who claimed they were deceived by a fundamentalist church whose leaders promised to produce Jesus Christ in person. ‘The True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of the Saints of the Last Days’ has been ordered to pay them a total of $290,000 for fraud, breach of contract and intentional infliction of emotional distress. (Is that church affiliated with ‘The Good Church of the Gooey Death & Discount House of Salvation’?)

SHOPLIFTERS DRUG MART:
A new retail poll finds the 5 most stolen items from drug stores are batteries, cosmetics, film, sunglasses, and — get this – Preparation H. (What, you’ve never been too embarrassed to buy a product?)

MORNING AFTER PILL:
A new pill developed in Japan promises to remove ‘morning mouth’ caused from eating spicy foods. The so-called ‘Body Fresheners’ are made from dried mushroom extract and also are purported to stop your — er, toots — from smelling bad. (Mine don’t stink.)

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE:
A new Stanford University School of Medicine study finds people who run have an increased life expectancy of 2 to 7 years, compared to the rest of us couch potatoes. (Yeah, but have you ever seen a jogger who is smiling?)

HOW NOT TO GET A GIG:
Personnel Directors of 100 large corporations were asked to list the most unusual questions that have been asked by job candidates. Here’s a few —
• “What is it that you people do at this company?”
• “Why aren’t you in a more interesting business?”
• “What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?”
• “Why do you want references?”
• “Do I have to dress for the next interview?”
• “Will the company pay to relocate my horse?”
• “Does your health insurance cover pets?”
• “Would it be a problem if I’m angry most of the time?”
• “Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?”

THE BULL SHEET 02.01.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [71] Boris Yeltsin, Sverdlovsk RUS, vodka-loving former President of Russia (10 years ago TODAY [1992] he & US President George Bush declare the official end to the ‘Cold War’)

1965 [37] Princess Stephanie (Marie Elisabeth) of Monaco, Monte Carlo MON, idle rich girl

1968 [34] Lisa Marie Presley, Memphis TN, Elvis Presley’s idle rich daughter/ex-Mrs Danny Keough/ex-Mrs Michael Jackson

1968 [34] Mark Recchi, Kamloops BC, NHL winger (Philadelphia Flyers)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [60] Graham Nash, Blackpool ENG, classic rock singer (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young-“Woodstock”, Hollies-“Bus Stop”) who kicks off 2nd reunion tour with CSN&Y WEDNESDAY in Detroit (for his birthday his wife has rented an ENTIRE 110-room hotel in a secret location)

1947 [55] Farrah Fawcett, Corpus Christi TX, TV actress (Judge Claire Simmons-“Spin City”, Jill Munroe-“Charlie’s Angels” [1976-1980]), movie actress (“Dr T and the Women“)

1954 [48] Christie Brinkley, Monroe MI, model (1st to appear on 3 consecutive “Sports Illustrated” swimsuit issue covers [1979-81])/movie actress (“Vegas Vacation”, “Vacation”)/ex-Mrs Billy Joel

1971 [31] Ben Mize, San Francisco, rock drummer (Counting Crows-“Round Here”, “Mr Jones”)

1975 [27] Todd Bertuzzi, Sudbury ON, NHL winger (Vancouver Canucks)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Robinson Crusoe Day”, commemorating the rescue on this date in 1709 of Scottish sailor Alexander Selkirk, who had been put ashore on a desert island 4.5 years earlier at his own request following an argument with his captain. His adventures formed the basis of Daniel Defoe’s novel “Robinson Crusoe”. (And Tom Hanks’ movie “Castaway”.)

TODAY is the kick-off of the 7th annual “Job Shadow Day” in America, as an expected 1 million students shadow workplace mentors on-the-job. (Similar to “Take Our Daughters to Work Day”)
NET: http://www.jobshadow.org

TOMORROW is “Groundhog Day”, a celebration based on an old Scottish rhyme that says: “If Candlemas Day is bright and clear, there’ll be two winters in the year.” This has somehow been twisted into the idea that if a fat little rodent sees his shadow, it means 6 more weeks of winter. If he doesn’t, it means Spring is just around the corner. The groundhog comes out once a year and sleeps the rest of the time (sort of like the Queen Mother, only with better teeth). “Groundhog Day” facts –
• The groundhog, also known as a ‘woodchuck’ (as in ”How much wood can a . . .”), is a member of the squirrel family.
• The groundhog is pulled out of its electrically heated burrow at 7:25 am ET, looks for his shadow and utters his prediction to a Groundhog Club representative in ‘groundhogese’. The representative then translates the prediction for the general public.
• Despite what organizers would have you believe, since 1887 ‘The Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators, and Weather Prophet Extraordinary’ Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow about 90% of the time and only made correct predictions 39% of the time. But organizers don’t really care – this whole deal isn’t about accuracy, it’s about tourism!

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1898 [104] 1st ‘auto insurance’ (Dr Truman Martin of Buffalo NY pays $11.25 for $5,000 in liability coverage)

1920 [82] Royal Northwest Mounted Police merge with Dominion Police to form ‘RCMP’

1968 [34] Canadian Army, Navy and Air Force merge to become ‘Canadian Armed Forces’ (but we still call them ‘army guys’ – even if they’re women)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979 [23] Beginning of ‘coldest month’ ever recorded in Canada (an average temp of -47.9 C at Eureka NT)

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Sat] Groundhog Day (http://www.groundhog.org)
[Sat] NHL All-Star Game in Los Angeles (http://www.nhl.com/allstar2002)
[Sun] Super Bowl XXVI in New Orleans (http://superbowl.com)
[Sun] Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day
[Sun] National Men’s Grooming Day
[Sun] Diabetes Sunday
[Feb 3] National Consumer Protection Week / Pride in Food Service Week / Women’s Heart Health Week / I Hate Financial Planning Week / Cardiac Rehabilitation Week / National School Counselling Week
[Feb 5] National Weatherman’s Day
[Feb 6] Dump Your Significant Jerk Day
[Feb 6] Pay a Compliment Day
[Feb 7] Charles Dickens Day
[Feb 7] Genie Awards
[Feb 7] National Girls & Women in Sports Day
[Feb 7] Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
[Feb 7] Love May Make the World Go Round But Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week
[Feb 8] Boy Scout & Girl Scout Day
[Feb 8] Salt Lake City Winter Olympics opening
[Feb 9] National Develop Alternative Vices Day
[Feb 9-24] 2002 Olympic Winter Games (http://www.saltlake2002.com)
[Feb 9] Carnival begins in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
[Feb 10] Umbrella Day
[Feb 10] Materials Testing Week / Celebration of Love Week / Heart Failure Awareness Week / Homes for Birds Week / National Resurrect Romance Week / National Child Passenger Safety Awareness Week / Live to Give Week / National Flirting Week / Kraut & Frankfurter Week / Party Time is Pickle Time Week / Boy Scouts of America Anniversary Week / Burn Awareness Week / Cardiac Rehab Week / National Crime Prevention Week
[Feb 11] National Inventor’s Day
[Feb 11] National Satisfied Staying Single Day
[Feb 12] Mardi Gras/Pancake Day
[Feb 12] Shrovetide Pancake Race (Olney UK & Liberal KS)
[Feb 12] Academy Award nominations announced (http://www.oscars.com)
[Feb 12] Chinese New Year (Year of the Horse)
[Feb 13] Ash Wednesday
[Feb 13] National Condom Week
[Feb 13] Get A Different Name Day
[Feb 14] Valentine’s Day
[Feb 16] Do A Grouch A Favor Day
[Feb 17] Daytona 500 (http://www.daytonaintlspeedway.com)
[Feb 17] National Engineers Week / Child Passenger Safety Awareness Week / Pay Your Bills Week
[Feb 18] Presidents’ Day (USA)
[Feb 20] Hoodie Hoo Day
[Feb 20] National Student Volunteer Day
[Feb 24] Eating Disorders Awareness Week
[Feb 21] Card Reading Day
[Feb 22] Second Honeymoon Weekend
[Feb 23] International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
[Feb 24] National Tortilla Chip Day
[Feb 26] National For Pete’s Sake Day
[Feb 27] Spay Day USA
[Feb 27] International Polar Bear Day
[Feb 27] 44th Grammy Awards (http://www.grammy.com)
[Feb 28] “Survivor: Marquesas” debuts
[Feb 28] International Floral Design Day
[Feb 28] Public Sleeping Day
[Mar 10] SAG Awards
[Mar 17] St Patrick’s Day
[Mar 20] 1st Day of Spring
[Mar 24] 74th Academy Awards
[Mar 31] Easter

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
TRUTH OR BS:
Are the following statements true or just a load of BS?
• The average woman will swallow 4 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime. [TRUE]
• The patron saint of skiers is St Whistler, the namesake of Whistler BC. [BS It’s St Bernard.]
• When archaeologists excavated King Tut’s tomb they found vials of zit cream. [TRUE. King Tut, the Egyptian boy-king, died when he was a teenager. Guess he wanted to put his best face forward for the afterlife!]
• Worms get into apples by chewing their way through the skin. [BS. Apple worms are actually the larvae of codling moths that grow with the apple from tiny eggs laid in apple blossoms.]
• Even if he wanted to, NBA superstar Michael Jordan could never become an astronaut. [TRUE. He’s 6′-6″. No one over 6-feet-tall can qualify to become an astronaut in the NASA space program.]
• Adults laugh more often than children. [BS. In fact, the opposite is true by far. On average an adult laughs about 15 times a day, a child 400 times!]
• More than 8 MILLION personal paper shredders are sold annually. [TRUE. Though that number’s likely to go down without Enron around.]

SUPER BOWL STICKLER:
Q: Who is the ONLY player to be on 5 CONSECUTIVE Super Bowl teams?
A: Back-up quarterback Gale Gilbert was on the Buffalo Bills roster for the 1991-94 Super Bowls, then finally played in a Super Bowl with San Diego in 1995.

BS TAG LINE:
My Canada includes Florida from November until April.