Friday, June 23, 2000 Edition: #1836
Canada’s first national park, ‘Banff National Park’ was created 113 years ago today (1887). A good excuse to check some of the . . .
ACTUAL DUMB TOURIST QUESTIONS AT BANFF INFORMATION KIOSKS:
• “How do the elk know they’re supposed to cross at the ‘Elk Crossing’ signs?”
• “I saw an animal on the way to Banff today — could you tell me what it was?”
• “When we enter BC, do we have to change our money to British pounds?”
• “Is that 2 kilometres by foot or by car?”
• “Are there any undiscovered lakes I can see from the road?”
• “Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?”
(Source: Parks Canada)
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Today comedian/actor Martin Short gets inducted onto Canada’s ‘Walk Of Fame’ in Toronto . . . Alanis Morissette guests on this weekend’s episode of HBO’s “Sex and the City” . . . Hot Hollywood couple Drew Barrymore and testicle-challenged comic Tom Green are said to have split . . . Eminem’s “Marshall Mathers” CD may be the fastest-selling rap album in history, but in Canada it’s being out-sold by Tragically Hip’s new “Music@Work” . . . Regis Philbin will warble “Pennies From Heaven” on a “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” music CD featuring money-themed tunes (that’s it, they’ve officially milked this bit to death).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Jim Carrey plays a schizo state trooper with 2 personalities — both in love with the same woman (his real-life girlfriend Renée Zellweger) in the comedy “Me, Myself & Irene” (the buzz scene is where Carrey interrupts a woman breastfeeding an infant to sneak a taste for himself) . . . Mel Gibson provides the voice of ‘Rocky the Rooster’ in the animated family film, “Chicken Run”, about farmyard cluckers who plan a daring POW-style escape from an English chicken farm.
PUTTING CLEVELAND TO SHAME:
Seattle’s much-anticipated “Experience Music Project”, an interactive rock museum featuring more than 80,000 music artifacts opens today in Seattle, designed by Toronto-born architect Frank Gehry and originally intended as a place for Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen to stash all his Jimi Hendrix memorabilia No Doubt, Dr Dre, Eurythmics, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Matchbox 20, James Brown, Beck & Alanis Morissette are among the 40 acts playing a 3-day opening festival.
TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• Feminists are lobbying breeding associations, veterinarians and dog show organizers to stop using the ‘B-word’ to refer to female dogs. (But can we still use the ‘D-word’ to refer to ugly women?)
• According to a group that claims to monitor alien radio activity, the type of music aliens seek out on the radio is usually new age. (Ah, that explains where John Tesh came from.)
• A Toronto city councillor says the city’s new display of fiberglass moose sculptures is sexist because all of the statues are male. (What kind of weirdo would actually check?)
• A new support group for flat chested women, called ‘Big Bust or Bust’ claims you can change your pancake boobs to 36-Ds through proper diet, exercise and ‘the right mental attitude’.
THE BULL SHEET 06.23.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1957 [43] Frances McDormand, Chicago IL, movie actress (Oscar-“Fargo”, “Lone Star”)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [58] Mick Fleetwood, Cornwall ENG, rock drummer (Fleetwood Mac-“Rumours”) who made his debut as the new drummer for parody rock group ‘Spinal Tap’ last night on VH-1 music channel, promoting the DVD release of Rob Reiner’s 1984 mockumentary “This Is Spinal Tap”
1958 [42] Jean Charest, Sherbrooke PQ, Québec Liberal leader/former federal PC leader
SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [55] Carly Simon, NYC, pop singer (“You’re So Vain”, “Anticipation”) who wrote most of her new album “The Bedroom Tapes” while undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer
1963 [37] George Michael (Yorgos Kyriatou Panayioutou), Radlett ENG, pop singer (“Faith”, “I Want Your Sex”, “Father Figure”)/public restroom inspector
1972 [28] Carlos Delgado, Aguadilla PR, MLB slugger/1st baseman (Toronto Blue Jays)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Calgary] NHL draft begins
[Calgary] Canadian Alliance Leadership convention begins
[Saskatoon[ “Saskatchewan Jazz Fest” begins
Today is the 2nd annual “Take Your Dog to Work Day”, sponsored by ‘Pet Sitters International’ to give dog owners the opportunity to invite their ‘best friend’ into participating workplaces.
NET: http://www.petsit.com/
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1990 [10] Jean Chrétien elected Liberal Party leader
1993 [07] Canada agrees to NAFTA free trade agreement
1997 [03] Queen Elizabeth arrives in St John’s NF to celebrate “500th Anniversary of Discovery”
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] “St-Jean Baptiste Day” or “Fête Nationale” holiday in Québec
[Sat-Sun] “Toronto Dragon Boat Fest”
Canadian Hire a Student Week
Canadian Seniors Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS RETRO ROCK QUIZ: (We give you lyrics from a classic hit, you name the tune.)
• “I’ve never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance” (“The Lady In Red”, Chris DeBurgh)
• “We gotta install microwave ovens, Custom kitchen deliveries” (“Money For Nothing”, Dire Straits)
• “And when she turned her eyes to me, As deep as any ocean, As sweet as any harmony” (“She Blinded Me With Science”, Thomas Dolby)
• “Smell like I sound, I’m lost in a crowd” (“Hungry Like The Wolf”, Duran Duran)
Q: Which Hollywood actor has appeared in the most movies over the last decade?
A: According to AC Nielsen research, it’s “Shaft” star Samuel L Jackson who made 36 movies; a half-dozen more than runner-up Harvey Keitel.
BS TAG LINE:
Dignity is one thing that cannot be preserved in alcohol.
