Wednesday, January 19, 2000 Edition: #1724
CANADIAN TEMPERATURE CONVERSION CHART:
• 10 degrees C – Floridians turn on the heat, Canadians plant gardens.
• 5 degrees – Californians shiver uncontrollably, Canadians sunbathe.
• Zero – Italian cars won’t start, Canadians drive with the windows down.
• -10 degrees – New York City landlords finally turn up the heat, Canadians lick flag poles.
• -20 degrees – Americans declare a ‘national emergency’, Canadians start saying “Cold enough for ya?”
• -30 degrees – Ethyl alcohol freezes, Canadian Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door-to-door.
• -50 degrees – All atomic motion stops, Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
• -100 degrees – Hell freezes over, the Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Despite persistent rumors, George Clooney says he doesn’t know ANYTHING about guest-starring in this season’s finale of “ER”, when his character will purportedly wed ‘Nurse Hathaway’ . . . The “London Times” reports Steven Spielberg has decided he WILL direct the movie version of the mega-selling children’s book “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” (which will have a ready-made audience of about 5 gazillion pre-teens) . . . It will be several weeks before David Letterman is back on the “Late Show” after his quintuple bypass (in the meantime, you’ll be watching reruns with features like “Top 10 Reasons the USA Just Invaded Iraq”) . . . Buzz is Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra are planning on getting married again, this time in a formal ceremony in front of 500 of their closest friends (they must be slap happy) . . . “Girl, Interrupted” star Winona Ryder is a natural blonde who dyed her hair to be taken seriously . . . Word is Michael Jordan now wants to buy the Harlem Globetrotters.
HOCKEY HELP:
The federal government announced yesterday that it will offer financial aid to Canadian NHL teams that qualify. Speculations say it may total as much as $20 million – per year. (Almost enough to cover Alexei Yashin’s demands for returning to the Senators.)
EASY COME, EASY GO:
IRS auditor John Carpenter, the only person so far to hit the big one on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?”, has ended up paying out $360,000 in taxes from his million. (Somehow there’s justice here.)
AD GAB:
• Nike’s new ads begin on TV but if you want to know how they end, you have to log onto their Website. (Anyone who’s going to boot up their PC to see how a TV ad ends has WAY too much time on their hands.)
• An ad campaign being launched next month by fashion giant Benetton reportedly will feature photos and interviews with death row inmates. (“Buy Benetton during this special sale . . . time is running out!”)
DETRACTORS SAY IT COULD LEAD TO SEX:
The British government is pursuing a plan to lift a 220-year-old ban on Sunday dancing. (They’re also considering lifting the ban on toothpaste.)
THE BULL SHEET 01.19.00
TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1934 [66] Lloyd Robertson, Stratford ON, CTV News anchor (‘most trusted Canadian TV journalist’ in TV Guide survey for over 10 years) NOTE: In his teens in 1953, he landed his first radio job as an operator/announcer at CJCS Stratford
1942 [58] Michael Crawford (Dumbell-Smith), Salisbury ENG, stage actor (Phantom of the Opera)
1946 [54] Dolly Parton, Sevierville TN, movie actress (Steel Magnolias)/country singer/songwriter (I Will Always Love You)
1949 [51] Robert Palmer, Batley ENG, classic rock singer (Addicted to Love, Big Time)
1961 [39] Paul McCrane, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (Dr Robert “Rocket” Romano-ER)
1966 [34] Sylvain Cote, Quebec City PQ, NHL defenceman (Chicago Blackhawks)
1971 [29] John Wozniak, Minneapolis MN, rock singer (Marcy Playground-Sex & Candy)
1974 [26] Ian Laperriere, Montreal PQ, NHL center (LA Kings)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “Cut Yourself Some Slack Day”, a day to ‘do unto ourselves what we would have others do unto us’. Hey, give yourself a break!
It’s “National Non-Smoking Week” in Canada, highlighted by today’s “Weedless Wednesday”, the day smokers are encouraged to butt out for 24 hours.
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993 Fleetwood Mac reunites for President-elect Bill Clinton’s Inaugural Gala
1996 NHL approves move of Winnipeg Jets to Phoenix where they become ‘Coyotes’
1997 “The English Patient” wins ‘Best Picture’ and “Evita” ‘Best Movie Musical’ at the Golden Globes
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1915 [85] 1st ‘neon sign’ (George Claude)
1935 [65] 1st ‘Jockey’ shorts go on sale (more men become sopranos)
1951 [49] 1st ‘front-hook bra’ (thereby cutting foreplay to 10 seconds)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] National Hugging Day
[Sun] Golden Globe Awards
[Jan 30] Super Bowl (Atlanta)
[Jan 30] Genie Awards (Canada’s film awards)
[Feb 2] Groundhog Day
National Professional Salesperson’s Week (also known as ‘Slime Day’.)
Prune Breakfast Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: What’s the world’s largest city that is NOT a capital?
A: Shanghai, China, with a population of 13.4 million.
Q: What’s the most common placename in Canada?
A: Mount Pleasant. There’s 16 of them!
(Source for both: “The Top 10 of Everything 2000″)
THE LAST WORD:
Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
