November 6, 2000 Edition: #1926
THIS WEEK is “Random Acts of Kindness Week”. In case you can think of any, here’s a few BS suggestions . . .
• Randomly place boxes of condoms in people’s shopping buggies when they aren’t looking.
• Walk into a bar and offer to buy a round for everyone. Leave.
• Give another driver your parking spot. Next to a fire hydrant.
• Offer to fix your neighbor’s stereo. With an ax.
• Help people find public washrooms by leaving a trail of apple juice on the floor.
• Take the parking ticket off some poor loser’s windshield. And put it on someone else’s windshield.
• Ask an older person to tell you a fascinating story about his or her youth. Leave.
BS TABLOID TRASH:
• According to “Star”, Michael Douglas fears his wedding to Catherine Zeta-Jones is getting out-of-hand. He budgeted $500,000 for the NOVEMBER 18th bash at NYC’s Plaza Hotel, but his wife-to-be is approaching $2 million. (Wasn’t she in “Entrapment”?)
• Also on the wedding front, gossip scribes at “Us Weekly” report that invitations have already gone out for Madonna & Guy Ritchie’s wedding. According to the mag, a DECEMBER date has been set and the ceremony is slated to go down at a Scottish castle. (So’s she.)
• Celine Dion has agreed to settle a defamation suit against “National Enquirer” for wrongfully claiming she was pregnant with twins. In fact, notes “E! Online”, her new book “My Story, My Dream” will reveal the child she’s carrying is a boy. (The docs used a test tube, not a beaker!)
• “Mr Showbiz” reports Matt Damon suffered big time perfecting his swing for “The Legend of Bagger Vance”. Seems he spent 8 hours a day with a golf pro, and ended up with a cracked a rib and blisters on every finger from hitting practice balls. (Try a club next time Matt.)
• Britain’s “Q” mag notes that Eminem is offering a reward for a lyric notebook he lost on a flight from Cincinnati to New Orleans. The journal, which has a photo of Britney Spears on the cover, contains lyrics for his next project with rap outfit D-12. (The lyrics are easy to recognize because every SFX-ing line contains the words SFX and SFX and go SFX yourself.)
• “Enquirer” claims 75-year-old ex-“Tonight Show” host Johnny Carson is in serious huddles with NBC for a triumphant return to TV in a series of 4 prime-time specials. (Don’t do it! One of the classiest things he’s done is to retire and STAY retired!)
• “NY Post” says illusionist David Copperfield is firing back at nasty rumors about him, including the allegation he never had sex with Claudia Schiffer during their 6 years together. Even she’s denying that one, claiming she dubbed him the ‘Magic Wand’ for his prowess in the sack. (“Hey watch me make this disappear!”)
STUFF THAT’S GOOD FOR YOU:
• GETTING MAD — Anger can actually help you ward off colds. A leading researcher says suppressing anger can cause a chemical reaction that interferes with the body’s immune system, making us more susceptible.
• SIGHING — According to USC prof Roderick Menzies, a healthy sigh can be a positive form of self-expression, closely related to the ‘cleansing breath’ used in Lamaze childbirth techniques. (If it’s closely related, is it also followed by unbearable pain?)
THE BULL SHEET 11.06.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [69] Mike Nichols (Peschkowsky), Berlin GER, film producer/director (“Primary Colors”, Oscar-“The Graduate”)/Mr Diane Sawyer
1946 [54] Sally Field (Mahoney), Pasadena CA, movie actress (“Mrs Doubtfire”)/director (“Beautiful”)
1948 [52] Glen Frey, Detroit MI, classic rock musician (“The Heat is On”, Eagles-“Hotel California”)
1955 [45] Maria Shriver, Chicago IL, TV journalist (“Dateline: NBC”)/Mrs Arnold Schwarzenegger
1970 [30] Ethan Hawke, Austin TX, film actor (“Reality Bites”)/Mr Uma Thurman
1972 [28] Rebbeca Romijn-Stamos (pronounced ‘Romaine’ like the lettuce), Berkeley CA, movie actress (“X-Men”)/model (“Vogue”)/TV host (MTV’s “House of Style”)/Mrs John Stamos
1972 [28] Thandie Newton (‘Tan-dee’), ZAMBIA, movie actress (‘Mission Impossible 2”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Saxophone Day”, commemorating the 1814 birth of Belgium’s Adolphe Sax, inventor of the musical instrument named for him. Sax became wealthy inventing numerous musical instruments, but died in poverty in Paris in 1894. (We don’t allow our kids to watch ‘sax and violins’.)
TODAY is the “Halfway Point of Autumn”, with 45 days elapsed and 45 more remaining until the winter solstice and the beginning of winter on December 21st. (Or 30 more leaf rakings.)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1867 [133] 1st ‘Parliament of Canada’ opens (the next day, Quebec calls a referendum)
1925 [75] ‘Royal Canadian Legion’ established (poppy facts: http://www.legion.ca/english/pop.htm)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993 [07] Largest peanut butter & jelly sandwich (40 ft long, 150 lbs peanut butter, 50 lbs grape jelly) made in Peanut PA
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] PMS Stress Day
[Tues] US General Election Day
[Wed] Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day
[Wed] Dunce Day
Kids’ Goals Education Week
Diabetic Eye Disease Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: What Canadian star’s first movie role was in 1981’s little-seen “Introducing…Janet”?
A: Jim Carrey.
(Source: “Mondo Canuck”)
Q: Who’s the only stud to be “People” magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” TWICE?
A: Brad Pitt, who has the latest honors, was also given the title in 1995. He’s the first double-winner.
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “What’s your ‘favorite flop’, the movie you loved even though everyone else seemed to hate it?”
• “What one song should be banned from ever being played again?”
BS TAG LINE:
Question authority, but raise your hand first.
