WEEKEND BLOG BS:
• “24” star Kiefer Sutherland and the fashion designer he allegedly assaulted have released a joint statement saying they’ve settled their differences. Sutherland, who’s been charged with assaulting designer Jack McCollough in NYC earlier this month, has apologized for the incident saying he ‘sincerely regrets his actions’; McCollough in turn states he ‘appreciates Mr Sutherland’s statement and wishes him well’. (We’ll never know how much money got passed.)
– ContactMusic.com
• Farrah Fawcett’s 68-year-old partner Ryan O’Neal has apparently changed his mind about releasing another documentary about the 62-year-old actress’ cancer battle. He’d originally said cameras would continue to film her daily routine and another installment would eventually air but a rep now says there are no plans for a 2nd documentary at this time. The first film was reportedly purchased by NBC-TV for $5 million. (Thank goodness he has the scruples not to cash in twice.)
– PageSix.com
• 28-year-old famous person Paris Hilton’s 23-year-old former baseball player boyfriend Doug Reinhardt has confirmed he plans to ask her to marry him but can’t say when because … he doesn’t want to ‘ruin the surprise’. The twosome have been a couple about 5 months, following her split from Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden. (Scoring Paris would be the biggest home run this guy ever hit.)
– “Mail On Sunday”
• TV personality Simon Cowell has reportedly swapped his security staff for ex-British Army commandos after becoming concerned about his safety. Word has it he decided to step up security after finding a tracking device under his car last year and also noticing people loitering around his LA home. The team of highly trained military experts will shadow their new boss and also plan maneuvers in case of emergency. Cowell has been shooting “American Idol” in LA and “Britain’s Got Talent” in London simultaneously. (No wonder he can afford his own army.)
– “The Sun”
• LA Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant & wife Vanessa have filed a countersuit against a former maid demanding she … keep her mouth shut. The Bryants acknowledge Maria Jimenez’s right to sue them in court though they say her claims of abuse are ‘without merit’; but they are standing firm about a confidentiality agreement they claim Jimenez signed when hired in 2007, which prevents her from talking to the press. Jimenez is claiming Mrs Bryant was an incredibly abusive employer, even demanding that she put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve a tag from her blouse. They’re all due back in court in July. (It’s so hard to get good help these days.)
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Bachelorette” (ABC/CityTV) – Country star Martina McBride performs “Ride” and “I Just Call You Mine” from her latest album, “Shine” as Jillian Harris, an interior designer from Peace River AB, continues her quest of sorting through 30 men.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots) is a guest.
• “Jon & Kate Plus 8” (TLC) – The 5th season premieres. They’ve certainly been running a helluva PR campaign … those juicy Gosselin-scandal stories have been relentless!
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Snoop Dogg, Joel Madden, and Brit band Keane appear in a rerun edition.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Beastie Boys & David Cook are on … not together.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Oddball country singer Lyle Lovett performs.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Soulja Boy Tellem (“Turn My Swag On”) plugs his new album “The DeAndre Way”.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – During their tour this Summer, fans in many areas will be able to participate in a custom-made lottery game offering chances at backstage passes, front-row seats, and cash prizes. The games are based on “Dream On” and other songs from the Aerosmith catalogue.
• Jonas Bros – They insist their new girlfriend-dissing song, “Poison Ivy”, is not about Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, or anyone else they may have dated in the past.
• Michael Jackson – A new report claims concert promoter AEG put a clause in his contract stipulating the minimum amount of time he himself would be performing onstage during his upcoming O2 Arena residency in London. And that required ‘face time’? Just 13 minutes.
• Taylor Swift – She’ll be profiled in a special 1-hour edition of “Dateline: NBC” airing May 31st. Shot over a period of 3 months, the program follows the creation & launch of her “Fearless Tour”.
• TI – He’ll have to report to prison Tuesday to begin his year-long sentence as scheduled since a request to have the date pushed back has been denied.
• Usher – He’s just announced the title for his upcoming album set to be released this Fall is “Monster”. It’s been a while … he hasn’t had a monster since 2005’s “Love in This Club”.
• U2 – Their latest single, “Magnificent”, may be their biggest flop in 2 decades, failing to even make the top 40 in the UK. After 9 weeks it has clawed its way only to #23 on the “Radio & Records” ‘Hot AC’ chart. It’s their worst-performing single since “God’s Country” in 1987.

BEES ARE BACK!
Researchers in Argentina say bee production worldwide is increasing, despite a collapse in the number of hives in the USA & Europe. In fact, the global stock of domesticated honeybees has increased about 45% over the past 50 years. Marcelo Aizen of National University of Comahue says the increase is being driven by a greater demand for honey from the mushrooming world population. (So much for the doomsayers warning of a lack of bees to pollinate crops.)
– UPI

NEW USES FOR BUSTED BANKS:
Old bank buildings can accommodate all kinds of new activities. In the South Bronx NY and in Chicago IL, for example, they have been reborn as funeral homes, stores, and community centers. In Detroit MI, many are now churches. And in beautiful downtown Newark NJ, former banks have become … crack dens and homeless shelters. (In a few remaining US cities, they’re actually used to house money.)
– Slate.com

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … About 75% of newly-emerging diseases are coming from wildlife, according to the Bloomberg School of Public Health.
• Scientists say … Office workers who wear jeans on the job burn an additional 25 calories a day. A study by the American Council on Exercise shows physical activity during the workday increases by 8% when casual clothing is worn.
• Scientists say … Men who don’t shave every day are 70% more likely to suffer a stroke than daily shavers, according to a Bristol University study.
• Scientists say … The old saying that ‘opposites attract’ is total BS. A University of Iowa study has found the happiest couples seem to be the ones who share the same personality traits.

EAU DE KITTY LITTER:
A 6-year long, $12-million study of New Zealand wines has discovered that one of the core aromas of the most popular wines is … the smell of cat pee. Wine connoisseur Sue Blackmore says it’s nothing to fret over; the feline urine bouquet appears only in minuscule amounts, measured in parts per billion. And the bottom line is, it serves to make the wine more complex and interesting. (We highly recommend the 2004 ‘Waipara Valley Puss Piss’.)
– News.com.au

THE POT PASS:
One reason tourists head to the Netherlands is the fact that cannabis use is legal. Many visitors pop across the Dutch border for a few hours just to score dope. But now 8 Dutch cities are set to introduce a membership card for soft drug users in an attempt to fight ‘drug tourism’. The card, dubbed the ‘Grasspass’, allows wannabe users a maximum of 3 grams of soft drugs. People will have to register to get a pass, a bit of bureaucratic paperwork it’s hoped will discourage drug day-trippers. (“I don’t have a special card to show you, man …. I smoked it.”)
– “Globe & Mail”

TODAY’S SILVER LINING:
According to University of North Carolina professor Christopher Ruhm, death rates consistently decline during recessions and rise during boom times. Ruhm has found that for every 1% rise in unemployment, the death rate falls by about 0.5%. The exact reasons are unclear but it’s suspected that during lean years people spend less money on fattening foods, alcohol, and tobacco. Deaths from car accidents also drop during higher unemployment because fewer people are commuting; industrial accidents drop due to layoffs; and even infant deaths drop, presumably because less industrial output decreases air pollution. (Long live the recession!)
– “Oregon Live”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• As well as causing all sorts of health problems, being overweight can significantly reduce a dog’s quality of life and cut its life expectancy by as much as 2 years.
– “The Guardian”
• For the first time in history, the higher up the economic ladder you go, the more likely you are going to have an extremely long work-week. That’s according to sociologist Dalton Conley, author of the book “Elsewhere, USA”.
– CNN.com

BS CHRONOMETER 05.25.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [70] Sir Ian McKellen, Burnley UK, movie actor (“The Da Vinci Code”, “Lord Of the Rings” trilogy, “X-Men” series)  COMING UP: Returns as ‘Gandalf the Grey’ in “The Hobbit I” (2011) and “The Hobbit II” (2012).

1944 [65] Frank Oz, Hereford UK, Muppeteer (‘Miss Piggy’, ‘Fozzie Bear’, ‘Bert’, ‘Grover’, ‘Cookie Monster’)/voice actor (‘Yoda’-“Star Wars” series)/movie director (“The Stepford Wives”)

1963 [46] Mike Myers, Toronto ON, movie actor (“Inglourious Basterds”, “Shrek” series, “Austin Powers” series)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2003)

1969 [40] Anne Heche, Aurora OH, TV actress (“Men in Trees” 2006-08)/movie actress (“6 Days 7 Nights”)

1969 [40] Stacy London, NYC, TV personality/co-host (“What Not to Wear” 2005-08)

1970 [39] Jamie Kennedy, Upper Darby PA, comedian/TV actor (“Ghost Whisperer”)/movie actor (“Scream” movies)/boyfriend of actress Jennifer Love Hewitt

1975 [34] Lauryn Hill, South Orange NJ, pop/R&B singer (“Doo Wop [That Thing]”, The Fugees-“Killing Me Softly”)

1976 [33] Cillian Murphy, Douglas, Ireland, movie actor (“28 Days Later”, “Batman Begins”)

1976 [33] Ethan Suplee, NYC, TV actor (“My Name Is Earl” 2005-09)

1980 [29] Joe King, Denver CO, rock guitarist/singer (The Fray-“You Found Me”, “How to Save a Life”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Flirting Day” (aka ‘Get Slapped With a Harassment Suit Day’).

• “Geek Pride Day”, a day for sci-fi fans and techno-nerds to stand tall. The date coincides with the release of the first “Star Wars” movie in 1977. What is a geek? The Geek Pride Organization says ‘you know one when you see one’.

• “International Missing Children’s Day”, promoting awareness of the problem and safety tips for kids and parents. We’re encouraged to turn on porch lights in observance as a way to show hope and support for missing kids and their families.

• “Memorial Day” in America, observed annually on the last Monday in May in the USA as a day of remembrance for those who’ve died in the nation’s service.

• “Tap Dance Day”, honoring the birthday of Bill ‘Bojangles’ Robinson, ‘King of Tap Dancers’, in 1878. (You can do an on-air tap dance using 2 pencils on the microphone … gently.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1977 [32] The original “Star Wars” movie is released and eventually earns $775 million worldwide (6 years later, “Star Wars: Return of the Jedi” opens on this date)

1992 [17] Jay Leno debuts as host of NBC-TV’s “The Tonight Show” as Johnny Carson retires after 30 years (Leno’s last show is this Friday)

2007 [02] “Pirates Of the Carribean: At Worlds End” opens in movie theaters (eventually racks up $961 million worldwide)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1989 [20] 1st (and only) NHL Stanley Cup won by Calgary Flames (vs Montréal Canadiens)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Blueberry Cheesecake Day
[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
[Wed] Sunscreen Day
[Thurs] Sierra Club Day
[Thurs] Amnesty International Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Cover the Uninsured Week / Week of Solidarity With The People of Non-Self-Governing Territories

BULL’S BITS

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BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
WACKY BS LAWS STILL ON THE BOOKS:
• In Alberta, it’s illegal to set fire to the wooden leg of a wooden legged man.
• In Utah, if you collect rainwater to water your garden without first applying for ‘water rights’, then technically you’re breaking the law.
• In 1980, the Wyoming legislature banned the photographing of rabbits from January through April without written permission.
• In Ukraine & Romania, it is against the law to drive a dirty car.
• In British Columbia, it’s illegal to kill a Sasquatch.
• Impotence is legal grounds for divorce in 24 American states.
• In Gibraltar, use of full headlights is prohibited … even in the dark. Only ‘dipped headlights’ may be used.
• In Toronto ON, you cannot drag a dead horse down Yonge Street … on a Sunday.
• Under the ‘Dogs Fouling of Land Act’, pet owners in England & Wales are exempt from having to clean up after their dogs on any road that has a speed limit of 40 mph or higher.
• In Germany, motorists can be issued with a ticket for using abusive language or making derogatory signs. It’s the ‘finger fine’!

PHONE STARTER:
What weird food item does your pet love? (A recent survey finds that about 20% of pet owners feed their pets ‘people food’ on a daily basis … one reason our pets are porky.)

BS WEB GOODIE:
The Swine Flu also created a bit of a panic back in the 1970s. Here are a few vintage PSAs from the era that are quite humorous in hindsight …
NET: http://tr.im/kUTP

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A good day is when you wake up without a chalk outline around your body.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Nearly 160 million work days are lost each year in North America because of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Headaches. (“Today Show”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The best way to convince a fool that he’s wrong is to let him have his own way.