BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Today concert promoter Live Nation expands its ‘No Service Fee’ promotion to include more than 1,500 shows in its theaters & clubs (it’s ‘Price Gouge Lite’) . . . It’s now been confirmed that “American Idol” judge Kara DioGuardi will return on the show’s next season (word on Paula is being delayed for another publicity stunt) . . . 30-year-old Cameron Douglas, son of movie actor Michael Douglas, has been arrested after the DEA received a tip-off about an alleged cross-country drug deal involving a large amount of crystal meth (interestingly his pop suffered a similar offspring problem in the 2000 drug movie “Traffic”) . . . Former bodybuilder & TV star Lou Ferrigno (“The Incredible Hulk”) is set to show off his fancy footwork as a contestant on the next season of “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) according to “Life & Style” magazine (he oughta be good on the lifts anyway) . . . Late actress Farrah Fawcett’s long-term partner Ryan O’Neal admits in “Vanity Fair” that he accidentally hit on his own daughter, Tatum O’Neal, at Farrah’s funeral – because he hadn’t seen her in years and didn’t recognize her (sleazebag of the year?) . . . 35-year-old retired adult movie star Jenna Jameson has posed for “Playboy” magazine just 4 months after giving birth to twin sons (Jesse & Journey) via mixed martial arts fighter Tito Ortiz (someday her boys will be so proud) . . . “Let’s Make a Deal”, the iconic daytime TV game show hosted by Monty Hall (1963-77), is making a comeback, this time with host Wayne Brady (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?) on CBS-TV (“Do you wanna trade for what’s behind the curtain?”) . . . UK “Glamour” magazine has named “Twilight” actor Rob Pattinson the ‘Sexiest Man In the World’, ahead of actors Johnny Depp and Hugh Jackman (a sickly pale, unwashed 23-year-old is sexiest?) . . . Media mogul Simon Cowell has spent $75,000 to upgrade his dressing room for UK talent show “The X Factor”, having a new luxury sanctuary built that fills the entire top floor of the show’s studio complex (because he can) . . . And someone’s taken the time to notice that former Victoria’s Secret models Heidi Klum, Gisele Bundchen, Adriana Lima, and Karolina Kurkova are all pregnant at the same time (wow, maybe the lingerie actually works?).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/A Channel) – 5 acts are eliminated; Mariah Carey performs.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Kris Allen (“American Idol”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Keith Urban (“Defying Gravity”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Vanessa Hudgens (“Identified”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Lily Allen (“It’s Not Me, It’s You”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (ABC/CTV) – The top 4 dancers perform on the final night before the winner is revealed.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Black Eyed Peas – Tour manager Polo Molina is due in court to face assault charges over the June incident when he allegedly gave celebrity blogger Perez Hilton a black eye outside a Toronto nightclub after the “MuchMusic Video Awards”.
• Lonestar – “Amazed” has been named the most popular first dance song at weddings in the UK according to PRS for Music, a royalties collection organization. Amazing, considering the track is 10-years-old. Runner-up is Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” (1998).
• Mariah Carey – Her new album “Memoirs Of an Imperfect Angel” (out September 15th) will include  a 34-page mini-magazine compiled by “Elle”, complete with display ads.
• My Chemical Romance – They’ve returned to the studio in Los Angeles to begin recording their 4th studio album, the long-awaited follow-up to “The Black Parade” (2006).

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Carrotmob’ – A kind of reverse boycott in which activist consumers who support an environmentally-friendly store gather en masse to purchase its products. (“Locally grown, totally organic, fat-free, traditionally-raised llamas are on sale … carrotmob!”)
• ‘Narco-Tourist’ – A traveler, often bound for Amsterdam, who bases his or her destination upon the indigenous drug scene. (“New Dutch tourism stats show that total revenue from art museums is being smoked by narco-tourism.”)
• ‘Weisure’ – Free time spent on activities with some connection to work, ie: surfing social networking sites where ‘friends’ may actually be work colleagues. (“If you’re not busy during your staycation this week, come on over for a weisure BBQ Friday.”)

KICKING YOUR BUTT THE HARD WAY:
A British man who has smoked 30 cigarettes a day for decades has decided to intentionally maroon himself on a remote Scottish island in an effort to kick the habit. 56-year-old former banker Geoff Spice landed on a small isle of the Outer Hebrides over the weekend. He’s scheduled to spend 4 weeks in solitude with only books and the island’s sheep for company. He took up smoking at age 13. (What outlandish method did you use to quit smoking?)
– “Globe & Mail”

FACEBOOK PET PEEVES:
What ticks you off about the things people do on social networks? How about …
• Status updates all the time. The real answer to “What are you doing right now?” … nothing.
• Constant profile picture changes. When you’re changing your profile pic more than your underwear, it’s time to reevaluate your life.
• Changing relationship status all the time. Make sure it lasts a day or two before you bother.
• “Five Things About Me”. Does anyone care about ‘the 5 types of animals you would wanna be’?
• Quizzes. 65% Bitch? Awesome. We 100% do not care.
• Texts from last night. Are you really so unoriginal that you have to constantly post things that other people texted and in turn are published on a website that everyone has already read?
• Invitations to groups that you want no part of … especially from someone you haven’t talked to since Middle School.
– CollegeCandy.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• In England, a 12-year-old cat named Casper in the town of Devon has caught the same bus outside his home every day … for 4 years. He waits at a bus stop to board the #3 bus at 10:55 am, then travels the entire 18-km (11-mi) route before returning home about an hour later. The transit service has asked drivers to look after the critter. Because he’s getting old, they now often have to shuffle him off at the right stop.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• In Germany, an Audi sedan written off by a woman as stolen long ago has finally been found … in the garage next door. The 82-year-old from Hildesheim took the car in for repairs 2 years ago and asked the mechanics to drive it back to her house and park it in her garage. She got the keys and papers from her mailbox, but when she went to get the car it was nowhere to be found. So she reported it stolen. Fast forward to a few days ago when her neighbor went to clean up his unused garage and found the missing car under a deep coating of dust. It didn’t take police long to piece together that the mechanics had parked it in the wrong garage.
– AP
• In China, a farmer with only basic education has designed and constructed his own … wooden helicopter. The 20-year-old from Luoyang took nearly 3 months to complete his homemade aircraft. He claims the machine can fly at an altitude of 800 m (2,600 ft). His only source for researching the design was surfing the Internet via cellphone.
– Ananova News
• In Lockport NY, a tow-truck driver slammed into a car and then crashed into a swimming pool after attempting to drive while … texting on one cellphone and talking on another. The 25-year-old admits he was multi-tasking when his flatbed truck hit a car, then crashed through a fence and sideswiped a house before rolling into an inground pool. He’s been charged with reckless driving, talking on a cellphone while driving (illegal in New York State), and following too closely.
– CNEWS

NEW BS GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• The ‘Mind Trainer Toilet Roll’ is a new bathroom tissue packed with puzzles, brain teasers, and Sudoku on every sheet. Create a game for yourself: you don’t get to use a sheet until you’ve solved the puzzle on it. Hope you enjoy the stuff … it’s circa 8 bucks a roll!
NET: http://www.shinyshack.com/product.php?prid=211039
• The new ‘Handerpants’ are underpants … for your hands. Yup, form-fitting, breathable cotton tightie whities with 5 finger holes. What the heck for? Among their supposed benefits: they prevent chafing, absorb sweat, and are great for ‘jazz hands’. Only $11.95 (plus shipping).
NET: http://www.handerpants.com

TIPS FOR GETTING BACK INTO DATING:
Feeling a little rusty? Psychologist Judith Sills recommends these tips to push away the ‘back-on-the-market’ jitters …
• Be truly single. Don’t think: I’m too old, tired, or fat to do this. Do think: I just turned back the clock for a second chance.
• Lose your agenda. Don’t think: I’ll save time by laying out exactly what I want. Do think: Discover the person in front of me.
• Practice on social-networking sites. Don’t think: I have no clue how to relate to a new person. Do think: I can use the Internet to learn how to flirt and try out my answers about my past.
• Forgive your mistakes. Don’t think: I should be wiser by now. Do think: I’m braver, and I’ll get better at this.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• There were 15 minutes, 30 seconds of advertising in the average hour of prime-time cable TV programming last year. That’s up 14% from 1999, according to TNS Media Intelligence.
• Redheads are twice as likely to avoid dental care as people with dark hair. Why? A study in the “Journal Of the American Dental Association” suggests redheads are more sensitive to pain.

BS CHRONOMETER 08.05.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1964 [45] Adam (‘MCA’) Yauch, NYC, rapper (Beastie Boys-“Ch-Check It Out”, “Intergalactic”) FACTOID: On July 20th, he announced he’s planning to undergo surgery and radiation therapy for a cancerous lymph node, so the group’s upcoming album & tour are being delayed.

1968 [41] Terri Clark (Sauson), Montréal QC [raised Medicine Hat AB], country singer (“In My Next Life”, “Girls Lie Too”)

1981 [28] Travis McCoy, Geneva NY, alt-hip hop singer (Gym Class Heroes-“Cupid’s Chokehold”)

1983 [26] Dawn Richard, New Orleans LA, pop singer (Danity Kane-“Damaged”, “Show Stopper”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Halfway Point of Summer”, time to quit carping about the weather and savor the last few weeks of the season.

• “International Beer Day”, celebrating suds from around-the-world. According to the latest ranking by tens-of-thousands of tasters at ratebeer.com, these are currently the world’s best beers …
5. Struise Dirty Horse (Belgium)
4. Lost Abbey Yellow Bus (USA)
3. Three Floyds Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout (USA)
2. Westvleteren Abt 12 (Belgium)
1. Narke Kaggen Stormaktsporter (Sweden)

• “Miss Crustacean USA” pageant in Ocean City NJ, an annual competition where judges try to find the sexiest hermit crab (“Wow, look at the feelers on that one!”). The winner parades the stage to the strains of “Here she comes, Miss Crustacean …”
PHONER: 800.232.2465 / 609.525.9300 (Ocean City Community Services)

• “Sturgeon Moon”, the Full Moon of August variously known as ‘Full Red Moon’, ‘Green Corn Moon’ or ‘Grain Moon’.

• “Underwear Day”, the 7th annual organized by online retailer FreshPair.com which stages fashion shows, contests, and gotchie giveaways to celebrate.
NET: http://www.freshpair.com/underwear-day.html

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [04] Lame comedy “The Dukes of Hazzard”, starring Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville & Jessica Simpson, opens in movie theaters (proving Jessica’s ‘acting’ requires soap suds)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1914 [95] 1st intersection equipped with an electric traffic light (Euclid Avenue & East 105th Street in Cleveland OH)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1989 [20] ‘Largest Game of Musical Chairs’ features 8,238 participants (China)

1989 [20] ‘Largest Hamburger’ weighs 5,520 lbs (Seymour WI)

1994 [15] ‘Largest Cocktail’ (Finlandia Sea Breeze) measures 2,933 gallons (Philadelphia PA)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Hiroshima Day
[Thurs] Fresh Breath Day
[Thurs] Creed Reunion Tour begins (Pittsburgh)
[Fri] Lighthouse Day
[Fri] Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
[Fri] Professional Speakers Day
[Fri] 2009 Lollapalooza Festival begins (Chicago)
[Fri] “A Perfect Getaway”; “GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra”; “Julie & Julia”; “Shorts” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Simplify Your Life Week
This Month Is … Foot Health Month

BULL’S BITS

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BS SIGNS YOUR WIRELESS CARRIER SUCKS:
• Their hands-free device is a piece of string to tie the phone to your head.
• All customer service is handled through snail-mail.
• Sales rep keeps bragging how he hasn’t had a phone explode in over a week.
• Your phone bill comes with a $200 surcharge for ‘calling people’.
• They only give you a free phone if you sign up for a 20-year plan.
• Text messages must be sent via Morse code.
• They use wires.
– Adapted from BBSpot.com

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Why couldn’t Keith Richards (Willie Nelson) have waited to die before he began decomposing?
• Is it better to sleep ‘like a log’ or ‘like a baby’?
• How come peanut butter always gets top billing over jelly?
• What’s the shelf life of a shelf?
• Do mealworms ever just snack?
• If you’re halfway from here to there, which is which?
• What do atheists say when someone sneezes?

BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, whom would you choose … and how would you torment them?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: People will hang onto one of THESE 10 times longer if they like the color.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A business card.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.