Get a Load of This Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Actress Sandra Bullock’s estranged husband Jesse James has been offered a lucrative deal to bare all for “Playgirl” magazine (are there any women left who haven’t seen the full package?) . . . Meantime, another tat-lovin’ stripper named Melissa Smith claims she had an affair with James after they met on MySpace; TMZ.com is reporting James settled a 2007 sexual harassment complaint out-of-court, quietly paying off a female exec at West Coast Choppers to the tune of $700,000; and photographer Brigitte Daguerre is claiming she also had a sexual relationship with James after he hired her to style a photo-shoot in 2008 (you know who’s lovin’ all this – Tiger Woods!) . . . Unemployed talk show host Conan O’Brien has reportedly reopened negotiations with FOX-TV after a 2-week break and he’s also entertaining other offers, such as a syndicated show . . . Newly-single “Ghost Whisperer” actress Jennifer Love Hewitt tells “People” mag she has a kink for office supplies and gets ‘hot & bothered’ in stationery stores (maybe she’ll marry ‘Dwight Schrute’?) . . . Yesterday a new waxwork of “Twilight Saga” actor Robert Pattinson was unveiled at London’s Madame Tussauds museum (and the fans melted) . . . A rep for actress Gwyneth Paltrow (“Iron Man”) has shot down an “In Touch” magazine story suggesting her marriage to Coldplay’s Chris Martin is in trouble, branding it ‘complete fabrication without an ounce of truth’ (BS translation: They haven’t spoken in months) . . . And actor Charlie Sheen is set to lose over $1.5 million because of his recent stint in rehab, which has led to 2 episodes of “Two-And-A-Half Men” (CBS) being trimmed from the current season (no need to start a tag day: 22 shows times $825,000 is still a whole lot of lettuce!).
WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Tonight Avril Lavigne (“Almost Alice”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Tonight Robin Thicke (“Sex Therapy”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Manchester Orchestra (“Mean Everything To Nothing”).
• “Kids’ Choice Awards” (Nickelodeon) – Saturday Kevin James hosts the 23rd annual awards from LA’s Pauley Pavilion. “The Twilight Saga: New Moon” leads nominations with 5, followed by “Monsters vs Aliens” and “Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen” with 3 apiece. Miley Cyrus leads individual nominations with 4. Barack & Michelle Obama are up for ‘Cutest Couple’.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Black Lips (“200 Million Thousand”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Daniel Merriweather (“Love & War”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – This morning Uncle Kracker (“Happy Hour”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Jon Hamm (“Mad Men”) hosts; musical guest Michael Bublé (“Crazy Love”).
• Songwriters Hall Of Fame (Toronto) – Sunday’s 6th annual gala at the Centre For the Performing Arts honors this year’s inductees, including Rush and Robert Charlebois with performances by Alexisonfire and former Primus singer/bassist Les Claypool among others.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Ludacris (“Battle Of the Sexes”).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Chickenfoot – Sunday they step into the strange world of “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” on Adult Swim TV in an episode entitled “I Am a Pod”.
• Foo Fighters – Dave Grohl says he wants to record their next album in his garage. He’s serious about taking the recording process back to basics because, he says, “The way you make an album dictates the way it sounds.”
• James Taylor – Tonight his “Troubadour Reunion” tour co-headlined by Carole King begins in Melbourne, Australia. The North American leg launches May 7th in Portland OR.
• LeAnn Rimes – Tiger Woods once dated her, according to the new “Us Weekly”. A source claims they went out a few times in 2002 before she wed soon-to-be ex-husband Dean Sheremet.
• Kenny Chesney – Saturday he’s in Chicago IL to spend time with Oprah Winfrey for an “Oprah” episode that will air April 9th. He’ll provide a first peek at his upcoming “Summer in 3D” movie that’s culled from 5 of his stadium shows last year.
• Lady Gaga – She’s become the first artist to clock up more than 1 billion views on YouTube.
She may not hold the record long as clips from the “Twilight” film franchise have been watched 980 million times … and counting.
• Martina McBride – Her MySpace page is running an online karaoke contest for fans. Martina will select a winner from the top 20 who’ll get to see her perform May 1st in Atlanta GA.
• Paul McCartney – Sunday he kicks off his 2010 “Up & Coming” tour in Phoenix AZ.
• Prince – Records show that he & his companies owe more than $500,000 in delinquent taxes for 2009. He has until April 21st to file an objection to the claim … or maybe plan a quickie tour.
• Rihanna – She’s taking drum lessons from Blink 182’s Travis Barker. Rumor has it she wants a pro to teach her the ropes so she can perform live during her upcoming European tour.
• Taylor Swift – This week she’s fueled speculation she’s dating Cory Monteith after she was snapped embracing the “Glee” star during a night out in Los Angeles.
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “How to Train Your Dragon” ( PG Animation ): Young Viking ‘Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third’ is sent to the ‘Isle of Berk’ to subdue a dragon as a rite of passage. But when he becomes the unlikely owner of a dragon himself, he learns there may be more to them than he thought. Voice cast includes Jay Baruchel, Gerard Butler, Christopher Mintz-Plasse.
NET: http://www.howtotrainyourdragon.com
• “Hot Tub Time Machine” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Four guy friends who are bored with their adult lives travel back to their respective ‘80s heydays, thanks to a time-bending hot tub. Stars John Cusack (“2012”), Rob Corddry (ex-“Daily Show”), Craig Robinson (“The Office”), and Clark Duke (“Greek”). Shot in Vancouver and Fernie BC.
NET: http://hottubtimemachinemovie.com
WOMAN EATS ANTI-TERRORIST WEAPONS:
India’s military has proudly announced it has successfully weaponized the world’s hottest chili … the bhut jolokia. It’s claimed it will be an effective weapon when placed in grenades because it will ‘choke terrorists and force them out of their hide-outs’. Not surprisingly, their announcement does not mention the fact that last year a 28-year-old Indian woman, Anadita Dutta Tamuly, entered the “Guiness Book of Records” by eating 51 of those infamous peppers. What’s more, after completing the feat, she smeared handfuls of the seeds in her eyes. (Now THAT’S tough!)
– Neatorama.com
FACEBOOK PHONIES:
Highlights of a new UK survey about social networking …
• 50% of users admit omitting photos from their ‘fat days’ when uploading pictures.
• 14% of women say they ‘untag’ themselves from every picture they appear in.
• 10% of women say they feel sick when they see a picture of themselves on Facebook.
• 10% of users forego using their own photo and post a profile photo of their dog, an avatar, or a cartoon drawing instead.
• 5% of users admit to uploading pics of a better-looking person, such as a more attractive friend.
(Not surprisingly, the poll was sponsored by a weight-loss company.)
– Telegraph.co.uk
TUMMY LOVES ESPRESSO:
Ever get a sour stomach after your morning coffee? In a new study presented at a meeting of the American Chemical Society, food chemists have found that dark roasting coffee produces a chemical compound that keeps stomach cells from producing the excess acid often caused by coffee drinking. Some coffees are labeled ‘stomach friendly’ because they’re steam-treated to drive out caffeine and other chemicals thought to cause gastrointestinal distress. Now it seems the darker the roast, the more N-methylpyridiniumthere it contains, a chemical that prevents acid production. (Yeah, try a thimble of that Turkish tar and see how you feel.)
– ScientificAmerican.com
SWAP SHIP:
Marlene Brustle, founder & president of YOLO Cruises (You Only Live Once), hosted her first ‘Swingers Cruise’ last year. The inaugural bawdy boat ride was such a hit that she’s bringing it back for sloppy seconds this October. Ms Brustle insists the cruise is about more than just sex but that’s a bit hard to swallow when you check out the itinerary that includes events like ‘Kisses & Hugs Embarkation Party’; ‘Nude By the Pool Day’; and ‘Carnal Cravings Halloween Ball’.
NET: http://www.yolocruises.com
– TheToiletPaper.com
ROBOT REPORTER:
Intelligent Systems Informatics Lab at Tokyo University has developed a robot that performs basic journalistic functions. The robot detects changes in its surroundings, decides if they are relevant, and then takes pictures with its on board camera. It can query nearby people for information, and uses Internet searches to further round out its understanding. If something appears newsworthy, the robot will even write a short article and publish it to the web. (They’ve named it ‘Katie Couric’.)
– Gizmodo.com
DID YOU KNOW?
• According to comScore, a web measurement company, Canadians spend more days a month and more minutes a day on online dating sites than users in the US, UK, France, or Germany. (When you live way the hell up in High Level AB and you’re looking for a date, you need help!)
– TheGlobeandMail.com
• 2009 was the worst year for the newspaper business in decades, according to new stats from by the Newspaper Association of America. Advertising revenue fell by over 27% from 2008 which was, at the time, the industry’s worst year since the Great Depression. (Will iPad save the day?)
– NYTimes.com
AND WE QUOTE:
“I think what destroys Hollywood marriages is our work schedule, not so much infidelity.”
– Eva Longoria
BS CHRONOMETER 03.26.10
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [62] Steve Tyler (Tallarico), Yonkers NY, rock singer (Aerosmith-“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”, “Dream On”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)
1950 [60] Martin Short, Hamilton ON, movie actor (“Father Of the Bride”)/TV comedian (“Primetime Glick” 2001-03, “Saturday Night Live” 1984-85, “SCTV” 1982-84)
1968 [42] Kenny Chesney, Knoxville TN, country singer (“Out Last Night”, “Don’t Blink”)/21 #1 singles/6 CMA Awards/briefly married to movie actress Renée Zellweger (2005)
1985 [25] Keira Knightley, London UK, movie actress (“Atonement”, “Pirates Of the Caribbean” movies)
1986 [24] J-Kwon (Jarrell Jones), St Louis MO, one-hit-wonder rapper (“Tipsy”)
SATURDAY –
Movie director Quentin Tarantino (“Inglourious Basterds”) is 47; Rock bassist Johnny April (Staind) is 45; TV actress Pauley Perrette (“NCIS”) is 41; Pop singer Mariah Carey (“We Belong Together”) is 40; TV actress Elizabeth Mitchell (“Lost”) is 40; Pop singer Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) is 35.
SUNDAY –
Country singer Reba McEntire (“Consider Me Gone”) is 55; Country singer Rodney Atkins (“It’s America”) is 41; Movie actor Vince Vaughn (“Couples Retreat”) is 40; Rock guitarist Dave Keuning (The Killers) is 34; Movie actress Julia Stiles (“The Bourne Ultimatum”) is 29; Pop singer Lady Gaga (“Telephone”) is 24.
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Legal Assistants Day”, honoring all those who help lawyers with their briefs.
• “Make Up Your Own Holiday Day”. What ingredients make for a good holiday? Special foods? Parades? Costumes? Fireworks? Religious obligations? A day off from the sweatbox?
SATURDAY –
• “Earth Hour 2010”, a global call to action to raise awareness of climate change and the need to reduce energy consumption. Hundreds of millions around-the-world are expected to show their support by turning off their lights for 1 hour at 8.30 pm local time. The event began 3 years ago when an estimated 2.2 million Australians in Sydney participated.
NET: http://www.earthhour.org
• “National Joe Day”, when people who hate their names are to be called ‘Joe’. Ask listeners for the most horrific given names they’ve come across.
• “Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day”. There’s a whole mess of wacky titles listed here …
NET: http://www.downstream.sk.ca/country1.htm
The ‘Do-It-Yourself Country Song Generator’ will help you create a hit in just moments …
NET: http://baetzler.de/cgi-bin/country.pl
SUNDAY –
• “Hot Tub Day”, time to bust stress by soaking yourself in a steaming hot tub. It’s human stew!
• “Something On a Stick Day”, celebrating corn dogs, shish kebabs, Popsicles, ice cream bars, and anything else that’s served on a stick. It’s estimated there are more than 3 dozen foods regularly served on a stick at fairs and carnivals, including deep-fried candy bars, deep-fried Twinkies, and chocolate-covered bananas.
• “Weed Appreciation Day”, a day to consider that weeds are flowers too … once you get to know them. As well, some are edible; some attract wildlife. Have you hugged a weed today?
NET: http://tinyurl.com/ykpgpr9
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2007 [03] Broward County FL Medical Examiner’s Office reveals Anna Nicole Smith died of an accidental overdose of at least 9 prescription medications
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1990 [20] “Under the Sea” from the Disney movie “The Little Mermaid” is named ‘Best Song’ at the 62nd Academy Awards
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1956 [54] 1st ‘Medic Alert’ bracelets (why no matching earrings?)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1996 [14] Orlando Magic’s NBA-record 40-game ‘home win streak’ finally ends vs LA Lakers
COMING UP . . .
[Sun] Palm Sunday (Christian)
[Mon] Knights of Columbus Day
[Mon] Mom & Pop Business Owner’s Day
[Mon] Passover begins (Jewish)
[Mon] Full ‘Worm’ Moon
[Tues] Doctors Day
[Tues] Black Eyed Peas’ “The END” concert in cinemas
This Week Is … Doctor-Patient Trust Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
BULL’S BITS
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• What do butterflies feel when they’re in love?
• If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
• Is it coincidence that the word ‘desserts’ is ‘stressed’ spelled backwards?
• Did Noah include termites on the ark?
• Do penguins have knees?
• How come wrong numbers are never busy?
• Are unripened oranges called greens?
BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could ‘unknow’ one thing you know, what would it be?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones who do.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average for THIS is now $2.13, up 13% from a year ago.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The tooth fairy payoff.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
