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BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Last night at the “CPH:PIX Film Festival” in Copenhagen, Denmark the “Star Wars Uncut” project premiered, a mash-up movie remake of the landmark sci-fi film cut together from 472 individual 15-second clips submitted by fans online in what’s known as ‘crowd-sourcing’ (NET: http://starwarsuncut.com) . . . For “Allure” magazine’s annual ‘Naked Truth’ issue, 5 celebs (40-year-old “No Reservations” actress Catherine Zeta Jones; “American Idol” judge Kara DioGuardi; “Death At a Funeral” actress Regina Hall; “Entourage’s” Emmanuelle Chriqui; and “Grey’s Anatomy’s” Jessica Capshaw) have dropped trou to pose au naturel and discuss their eating habits, workout routines, and ‘body issues’ (would they do this if they had any?) . . . Reality TV star Kim Kardashian has decided to strip off yet again, this time for “Harper’s Bazaar” magazine in a photo-spread touted as ‘unretouched’ that also includes actress Joy Bryant (“Parenthood”) and British actress/TV host Amanda de Cadenet (new expression for 2010: ‘retouch-free’) . . . Meantime, Kardashian has announced (threatened?) that she’s teaming with sisters Kourtney & Khloe to write a ‘super-candid’ book which will include dating tips and stories about their lives (sounds ‘Korny’) . . . According to web gossip JustJared, “Esquire” magazine’s upcoming annual ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’ ranking is topped by actress Christina Hendricks (“Mad Men”), followed by Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima, and movie prop Megan Fox (“Transformers”) . . . 41-year-old actress Jennifer Aniston has announced she’s about to make her feature film directorial debut on an unnamed project, because she wants to ‘turn in a different direction creatively’ (BS translation: She’s a 41-year-old actress) . . . And 36-year-old former adult-film star Jenna Jameson is currently recording her debut album in an attempt to forge a music career (it’s said to have a really ‘stripped-down’ sound).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The 7 remaining finalists perform inspirational songs after being mentored by Alicia Keys.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – Maxwell performs; Debi Nova performs; another elimination.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – BoB (“BoB Presents: The Adventures of Bobby Ray”).
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – The showcase scene of an episode entitled “The Power of Madonna” is Jane Lynch’s already much-talked-about reenactment of the iconic “Vogue” video.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Devo (“Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – New Kids On the Block (“The Block”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Justin Nozuka (“You I Wind Land & Sea”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Jason Aldean performs “Crazy Town”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Smashing Pumpkins (“Teargarden by Kaleidyscope”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – The new “Iron Man 2” album is out today. The ‘Collector’s Edition’ includes a CD, DVD, 32-page hardcover book, an “Iron Man” comics reprint, an AC/DC poster, and stickers.
• Black Eyed Peas – Fergie’s actor/husband Josh Duhamel tells “OK!” magazine he’d like to have as many as 7 children. But Fergie’s reportedly told him he has to wait because she needs to focus on her career first.
• Green Day – Today “The Original Broadway Cast Recording of American Idiot” is released, the same day the show opens at the St James Theatre on Broadway. The official album features the 24-member cast of the musical, accompanied by Green Day  themselves.
• Jay-Z – He & business partner Juan Perez are suing Boston Red Sox player David Ortiz for naming a Dominican Republic nightclub after their chain of ‘40/40 Club’ bars that operate in NYC, Atlantic City, and Las Vegas.
• Led Zeppelin – Their 1971 anthem “Stairway to Heaven” has been voted Britain’s favorite rock song of all-time in a new poll, followed by The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again”, and Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”.
• Miley Cyrus – She’s reportedly planning to set up house with her Australian actor-boyfriend Liam Hemsworth when she moves into her new multi-million-dollar Toluca Lake mansion in Los Angeles this November. Mommy & daddy are reportedly NOT pleased.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Crazy Heart” ( Musical Drama ): Jeff Bridges won an Oscar for his portrayal of a broken-down, hard-living country music singer who’s had way too many marriages, far too many years on the road, and one too many drinks way too many times. Co-stars Maggie Gyllenhaal. “The Weary Kind” won the Academy Award for ‘Best Original Song’.
• “The Lovely Bones” ( Drama ): Based on the critically acclaimed best-selling novel by Alice Sebold and directed by Peter Jackson, Oscar-nominee Saoirse Ronan stars in this story of a young girl who’s been murdered and watches over her family – and her killer – from heaven. Co-stars Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, Susan Sarandon.
• “The Young Victoria” ( Historical Drama ): Emily Blunt (“The Devil Wears Prada”) delivers an incredibly appealing performance as Queen Victoria in the turbulent first years of her reign. Rupert Friend (“Pride & Prejudice”) portrays Prince Albert, the suitor who wins her heart and becomes her partner in one of history’s great romances.
• Also released today: “Cheech & Chong’s Hey Watch This” (Comedy Documentary); “Final 24: Gianni Versace, Janis Joplin, Keith Moon, Nicole Brown Simpson” (TV); “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys – Season 1” (Vintage TV); “Merlin: The Complete First Season” (TV); “Xena: Warrior Princess – Season 1” (Vintage TV).

POWERED BY PEDESTRIANS:
The city of Toulouse in France is testing a ‘Pavement Power’ project that could prove revolutionary when it comes to generating green energy. A series of 8 custom-made modules placed in the city center for a 2-week trial period is being used to generate electricity for street lights through the tramping feet of passersby. The system translates the foot traffic into 50-to-60 watts of electricity to power a nearby street lamp. (“Oh oh, it’s getting dark…. everybody run!”)
– “The Guardian”

THINGS YOUR PLUMBER WON’T TELL YOU:
• If you need a recommendation, call a plumbing-supply or fixture store. They don’t tolerate bad plumbers.
• Monday is our busiest day. That’s the day wives call us to correct the ‘work’ their husbands did over the weekend.
• A flood caused by a burst washing machine hose is a top homeowner-insurance claim. I’d replace those flimsy rubber hoses with stainless steel ones.
• Liquid drain cleaners eat away at the pipes. Try a plunger or, better yet, a $30 auger (snake).
• Those ‘flushable’ baby wipes are one of the main culprits for clogging pipes. They don’t break down the way bathroom tissue does.
• Pay me by the job, not by the hour.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”

BRING EXTRA PANTS, KIDS!
Swiss actor Dominic Deville is carving out a new career as a … creepy clown. He got the idea from watching horror movies and set up his ‘Evil Clown’ service in Lucerne. Now he makes a living by terrifying children at birthday parties. First he taunts his targets with texts, phone calls, and booby-trapped letters warning that at some time during their party he’s going to smash a cake into their face. Most kids, Deville claims, absolutely love being scared senseless. In fact, his new venture is going so well he’s laughing maniacally all the way to the bank. (The abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns is called ‘coulrophobia’.)
– “Globe & Mail”

CHINESE SLANG:
30-year-old New Yorker Eveline Chao’s new book “Niubi – The Real Chinese You Were Never Taught in School” catalogues oodles of colorful Chinese slang. A few examples …
TRANSLATED TO ENGLISH … WHAT IT MEANS
• ‘Walking Marriage‘ … A couple who lives with their respective parents during the work week.
• ‘Stupid Egg’ … A dummy or fool.
• ‘Fish For a Man’ … To hit on a guy.
• ‘God of Plague’ … A troublemaker.
• ‘Color Wolf’ … An overly aggressive male.
• ‘A Tortoise Will Gaze at Two Mung Beans’ … Two ugly people will find each other attractive.
• ‘Flash Appointment’ …. Speed dating.
• ‘’Stinky Mouth’ … Someone who is vulgar and/or swears a lot.
– “China Daily”

ECONOMIC ACCOMPANIMENT:
If previous economic swings in history are any guide, our resulting moods not only affect album sales but what type of music we prefer. Studies of American musical preferences across a half-century have found that tough times make listeners prefer tough songs and tough artists. But healthy economies nurture cheesy pop. (The way things are picking up, it looks like Justin Bieber’s gonna have a good year.)
– LiveScience.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• The palms of your hands have more sweat glands than your underarms.
• Anything that takes 20 minutes per day ends up using an entire year of an average lifetime.
– GreatFacts.com

BS CHRONOMETER 04.20.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [61] Jessica Lange, Cloquet MN, movie actress (“Grey Gardens”, Oscars-“Blue Sky”, “Tootsie”)

1972 [38] Carmen Electra (Tara Leigh Patrick), Sharonville OH, movie actress (“Meet the Spartans”, “Scary Movie”)/ex-Mrs Dave Navarro (2003-07)/ex-Mrs Dennis Rodman (1998-99)

1978 [32] Clay Cook, Snellville GA, country musician (Zac Brown Band-“Toes”, Chicken Fried”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Equal Pay Day”, originated by the National Committee on Pay Equity in 1996 as a public awareness event to illustrate the gap between men’s and women’s wages. The date symbolizes how far into 2010 women must work in order to earn what men earned in 2009.
NET: http://www.pay-equity.org/day.html

• “420” or “Pot Smokers Day”, the unofficial holiday of potheads. A few facts …
– ‘Four-twenty’ became an emblematic number for dopers in the 1970s. It comes from the time 4:20 pm, the secret ‘burn time’ originated by a group of pot-smoking students at California’s San Rafael High School back in 1971. (“High Times”)
– Nowadays many tokers celebrate on April 20, preferably at 4:20 pm. (Wired.com)
– Marijuana is the most lucrative domestic crop in the US, worth almost $36 billion in … more than corn and wheat combined. (DrugScience.org)

• “Lima Bean Respect Day”, a day of appreciation for the legume many people hate. Maybe we could start by pronouncing it correctly … LEEM-uh bean?

• “Take a Break to Reset Your Mind Day”. Yep, there’s nothing like electro-shock therapy, right [co-host]?

• “Volunteer Recognition Day”, honoring the legions of volunteers who dedicate themselves to causes and helping people, animals, and nature.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1992 [18] Madonna becomes ‘Highest-Paid Female Recording Star’ with Time-Warner deal to form her own entertainment company (Maverick)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2008 [02] Danica Patrick wins “Indy Japan 300”, becoming the 1st female driver in history to win an Indy car race

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [18] World record ‘House of Cards’ measures 75-feet-high

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] “Kenny Chesney: Summer in 3-D” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] “Idol Gives Back” (FOX)
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[Wed] Kindergarten Day
[Thurs] Earth Day
This Week Is … Administrative Professionals Week
This Month Is … Emotional Overeating Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

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BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Today you will dredge something up from the collective unconscious but, after a moment’s reflection, you will toss it back.
• Taurus – You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal.
• Gemini – Excellent day to pout if you want. Be sure to get good lip extension though.
• Cancer – You will vow to always tell the truth but it will backfire on you. Most people find that kind of behavior highly suspicious and more than a little deviant.
• Leo – You will discover that you can wiggle your ears today and will actually become quite good at it. People will invite you to parties.
• Virgo – A good day to start work on that self-help book you’ve been planning, “Mosey Your Way To Fitness”.
• Libra – Good day to bring your entrenching tool with you. You just never know …
• Scorpio – Someone will tell you today that you ‘run funny’. Just ignore them and be glad they didn’t see you throwing a baseball.
• Sagittarius – You’re feeling sorry for yourself. Stop with the self-pity already! Lots of people have extra appendages.
• Capricorn – Tonight you have a date with destiny … and a stomach pump.
• Aquarius – Your boss will be real a twit, today. That’s ok, though … it’s what she’s paid for.
• Pisces – Good day to bring home an insectivore as a pet.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What unusual attire do you wear when you go to bed?

BS SNACKDOWN!
Your contestant tries to guess which of the following pairings is the healthier snack …
• Half-Cup of Granola vs 1 Granola Bar – Granola bar. It packs the same sugar, but at least the portion size is smaller so you consume fewer calories and fat.
• Brownie vs Ice Cream Sandwich – Neither has any nutritional value, but you’ll have a better chance of fitting into your skinny jeans next day if you snack on the ice cream sandwich.
• Frosted Cupcake vs Half-Cup of Ice Cream – The ice cream, despite its high-fat rep, is surprisingly the lighter option. Plus, it has a serving of calcium.
• Cheese Crackers vs String Cheese – Cheese crackers are mostly empty carbs. String cheese, however, has filling protein, a serving of calcium, and a real soft cheese texture.
• BLT vs Grilled Cheese Sandwich: Grilled cheese has lots of fat and calories with little fiber. The BLT, despite the saturated fat in the bacon, provides fiber, vitamins, and minerals in the LT part.
– Condensed from “Cosmopolitan”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I’m defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
You are ‘lentiginous’. Which do you have?
a. Love Handles.
b. Stretch Marks.
c. Freckles. [CORRECT]
– Dictionary.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The majority of women admit to doing THIS at least once every work week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wearing something that’s dirty to the office.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Common sense is that which tells us the world is flat.