Friday, April 4, 2008        Edition: #3747
The Sheet Hits the Fans!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY would have been actor Heath Ledger’s 29th birthday (which we’d likely never bother to mention had he not died) . . . TODAY 2-time “Dancing With the Stars” champ Cheryl Burke (who won with both Drew Lachey & Emmitt Smith) opens her own dance studio in San Francisco CA (now she’ll be ‘Dancing With the Riffraff’) . . . Former “Lost” co-stars Dominic Monaghan & Evangeline Lilly have rekindled their relationship, according to reports (they split LAST YEAR after his character was killed off and he left the show’s Hawaii location) . . . Actress Jessica Alba will name her soon-to-be-born baby daughter ‘Honor’, according to blabbermouth friends (the baby shower at her manager’s LA home is THIS WEEKEND) . . . “High School Musical” star Ashley Tisdale has signed on as the new face Degree Girl deodorant (not quite as classy as a perfume endorsement) . . . Maybe this explains why Robin Williams’ wife is dumping him after 19 years – the 56-year-old funnyman is said to be seeing 27-year-old artist Charlotte Filbert (he’ll be having a heart attack any day now) . . . In his upcoming autobiography, 39-year-old has-been singer Bobby Brown claims his ex-wife Whitney Houston was responsible for getting him hooked on cocaine (they’re your nostrils, dude) . . . “The Hills” 23-year-old hottie Brody Jenner is said to be in talks about starring in his own spin-off reality show for MTV . . . In an odd bid to save their fave TV show “Moonlight” (CBS) from being axed after a single season, more than 3,000 fans of the vampire drama have pledged to – donate blood . . . And NBC-TV has announced that “Knight Rider” will become a series; “Friday Night Lights” will be renewed; and a spin-off of “The Office” will premiere THIS WINTER (please please please, don’t break up that winning cast!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Céline Dion – She’s canceled her APRIL 13 concert in Beijing, China due to difficulty finding an indoor venue. An outdoor concert at  Worker’s Stadium was nixed due to the risk of the annual Spring sandstorms. An APRIL 11th show in Shanghai is still a go.
• Jonas Brothers – They’re hoping to eventually add a 4th member in the form of their 7-year-old younger brother Frankie. He already tours with the group.
• Kanye West – He’s just launched a new online travel agency that puts together packages for concerts and events as well as other vacation plans. (Like he needs the money.)
NET: http://www.kanyetravel.com
• Ludacris – He & rocker Tommy Lee will team up for an environmental awareness show on the Discovery Network called “Battleground Earth”, in which they travel around fighting the various pollutants that are causing climate change. The show debuts in AUGUST. (No worries … the intrepid Tommy Lee will save us!)
• Smashing Pumpkins – For a recent MTV Australia show, Billy Corgan requested a defibrillator and an ambulance in his rider. And the crew was not allowed to walk within his line of sight while he was playing. (Are we a prima punkin’?)
• U2 – Their “U2 3-D” concert film is said to show details on IMAX screens you might otherwise miss … such as what appears to be inch-and-a-half lifts on the bottom of 5′-7“ Bono’s boots.

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Ali’s Fight Night XIV – TONIGHT the former boxing champ’s annual benefit in Phoenix AZ to aid the Muhammad Ali Parkinson Center features country singers Collin Raye & Reba McEntire.
• “Ghost Whisperer” / “Numb3rs” (CBS) – TONIGHT new post-strike episodes air.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – TONIGHT Paramore (“Misery Business”) performs.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – TONIGHT rapper Rick Ross (“The Boss”) is a guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – TONIGHT Mary J Blige performs.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Panic! At The Disco is the musical guest as actor Christopher Walken hosts.
• “Today” (NBC) – Word has it ‘80s boy-band New Kids On the Block perform together THIS MORNING for the first time in years. They’re expected to make an official announcement about a reunion tour. (What we wanna know is … why?)
• “The Tudors” (Bold) – SUNDAY a special 3-episode marathon airs during the free preview of CBC-TV’s new pay channel. (It’s impossible to determine from the CBC’s confusing online/direct mail/TV listings whether this is a commercial-free repeat of season 1 or the debut of season 2.)

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Leatherheads” ( PG-13 Comedy ): In 1925, an aging football star (George Clooney) recruits a WWI hero (John Krasinski of “The Office”) to re-energize his team. But an up-and-coming journalist (Renée Zellweger) discovers the new hero’s war exploits may be bogus. Clooney’s first time directing since his ‘Best Director’ Oscar nomination for “Good Night, and Good Luck”.
NET: http://www.leatherheadsmovie.com
• “Nim’s Island” ( PG Family Adventure ): Abigail Breslin (“Little Miss Sunshine”) plays a bookish young girl living on a remote island who enlists help from her favorite author (Jodie Foster) when her father goes missing. The agoraphobic writer, in turn, calls upon a dashing adventurer (Gerard Butler of “300“), a fictional character in her best-selling novels. Shot entirely in Australia.
NET: http://www.myspace.com/nimsisland
• “The Ruins” ( R-Rated Horror ): When 4 friends on vacation in Mexico decide to visit an archeological dig, they are pursued by an ancient evil that has reawakened. Cast includes Jonathan Tucker (“In the Valley of Elah”), Jena Malone (“Into the Wild”), and Vancouver actor Shawn Ashmore (“X-Men”). Filmed in Australia.
NET: http://www.ruinsmovie.com
• “Shine a Light” ( PG-13 Musical Documentary ): Director Martin Scorsese’s look at the Rolling Stones as they blast through their “Bigger Bang Tour”. The main footage was filmed at a concert at NYC’s Beacon Theatre in the Fall of 2006. Also opening on 93 IMAX screens, the largest number ever to exhibit a movie.
NET: http://www.shinealightmovie.com

2008 JUNO AWARDS:
SUNDAY comedian Russell Peters hosts as the 2008 Canadian music awards are handed out at the Saddledome in Calgary (CTV). A few highlights …
• Céline Dion leads all nominees with 6; Avril Lavigne, Feist, and Michael Buble each have 5.
• Performers include Avril Lavigne, Feist, Finger Eleven, and Michael Buble.
• Anne Murray will likely whine some more about being inadvertently left off the original list of ‘Best Album’ nominees. She’s up against Avril Lavigne, Céline Dion, Feist, and Michael Buble.
• CityTV/MuchMusic founder Moses Znaimer gets a lifetime achievement honor for his contribution to the Canadian music biz; country star Paul Brandt gets a humanitarian award for his support of various causes.
NET: http://www.junoawards.ca

HAPPY AS A PIG WITH A VIBRATOR:
In the hopes of making artificial insemination more enjoyable for pigs, a company in the Netherlands has created a combination sperm reservoir/pig vibrator. A spokesperson says that the vibrations cause sows to get aroused ‘in no time’, which apparently is ‘beneficial’ for insemination. (According to the sows, old-fashioned breeding is nothing but a big boar.)
– AFP

MY HUMP, MY HUMP, MY HUMP:
A beauty pageant is being held in the Gulf emirate of Abu Dhabi … for camels. It’s expected that some 10,000 camels from Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar, and Saudi Arabia will take part in the competition. Why so many? Owners can win a share of more than $8 million in prize money, 1 of 100 cars, as well as other prizes. The 6th annual contest is part of an annual local festival. A panel of expert camel experts will judge the beasts by age group. (“Hey, that one’s had implants!”)
– BBC News

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• In Deepwater, Missouri a man attempting to install a satellite TV system in his home decided to go at the problem of punching a hole through the exterior wall of his bedroom … with a handgun. Two shots were all it took to put a hole in the wall … and his wife. She was killed instantly.
• In Valencia, Spain a burglar who broke into a funeral parlor attempted to avoid detection by … playing dead. After neighbors called the cops about noises in the middle of the night, investigators at the memorial home spotted the 23-year-old thief lying on a mortuary table. His scruffy clothes and gasps for breath gave him away.
• In New Ipswich, New Hampshire a sexual predator charged with 20 offences asked for leniency from a judge because he claimed to have been molested as a child himself … by ‘Bigfoot’. Instead, the judge gave the creep 20 years in the slammer.
• In Jimo, China police who pulled over an overloaded truck were amazed to find the driver had … no hands. They were blown off by firecrackers when he was 12, so the now-adult driver is forced to steer with his wrists. And he doesn’t have a driver’s licence, which he blames on his disability. Soft-hearted cops let him off with a $30-ticket and a promise to never drive again.

GOOFY NEW GAME:
The Swiss Underwater Sports Union says it’s been ‘flooded’ with teams wanting to sign up for its new underwater rugby league. The co-ed game features 6-person teams equipped with flippers, snorkel, and goggles. The aim of each team is to place a ball in the opposing team’s basket on the floor of the swimming pool. No small feat as the ball is filled with saltwater and weighs about 13 lbs. The game was first developed in Germany to help train divers and has since become a hot new fad throughout Europe. (What other games would be interesting underwater? Tennis?)
– Ananova News

DID YOU KNOW?
• According to the most recent figures from the National Safety Council, the lifetime odds of dying from an injury are just 1-in-23 (based on someone born in 2004).
• Americans eat a combined total of about 95 million lbs of marshmallows a year.
• Dogs are mentioned in the Bible 14 times, while cats aren’t mentioned at all.

BS CHRONOMETER 04.04.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1956 [52] David E Kelley, Waterville ME, TV producer/writer (“Boston Legal” since 2004, “The Practice” 1997-2004, “Ally McBeal” 1997-2002)/Mr Michelle Pfeiffer since 1993

1965 [43] Robert Downey Jr, NYC, movie actor (“Zodiac”, “Good Night & Good Luck”)/rehab vet

1970 [38] Barry Pepper, Campbell River BC, movie actor (“Flags of Our Fathers”, “Saving Private Ryan”)/TV actor (“3: The Dale Earnhardt Story”, “61*”)

1971 [37] Yanic Perreault, Sherbrooke QC, NHL center (Chicago Blackhawks, ex-Toronto, ex-Montréal)

1971 [37] Clay Davidson, Saltville VA, country singer (“Sometimes”, “Unconditional”)

1971 [37] Josh Todd, LA CA, rock singer (Buckcherry-“Sorry”, “Lit Up”)

1973 [35] David Blaine (White), Brooklyn NY, illusionist who’s been suspended over the River Thames for 44 days, buried alive, and frozen in a block of ice

1975 [33] Scott Rolen, Jasper IN, MLB player (3B-Toronto Blue Jays)/7-time “Gold Glove” winner

1979 [29] Roberto Luongo, Montréal QC, NHL goalie (Vancouver Canucks)

1991 [17] Jamie Lynn Spears, McComb MS, Britney Spears’ pregnant younger sister/TV actress (“Zoey 101”)  FACTOID: According to “OK!” magazine, she’ll wed baby-daddy Casey Aldridge at  her big sister’s country estate in Louisiana, likely after she gives birth.

SATURDAY –
Rock guitarist Mike McCready (Pearl Jam) is 42; Country singer Troy Gentry (Montgomery Gentry) is 41; Country singer Pat Green (“Wave on Wave”) is 36; Rapper-producer Pharrell Williams (The Neptunes) is 35.

SUNDAY –
Country legend Merle Haggard (“Okie from Muskogee”) is 71; Movie actor Paul Rudd (“Knocked Up”) is 39; Rock bassist Markku Lappalainen (Hoobastank) is 35; TV actor Zach Braff  (“Scrubs”) is 33.
 
REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Alcohol Free Weekend”, thanks to the National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependence … who apparently won’t be going to any “Final Four” parties.
• “Ballroom Dancing Day”, celebrating the activity that’s hot once again thanks to TV shows like “Dancing With the Stars” and “So You Think You Can Dance”.
• “International Day for Landmine Awareness & Assistance”. Unfortunately, participation in this will cost you an arm and a leg.
• “Tell-A-Lie Day”, a good day to ask listeners to add to the list of ‘World’s Greatest Lies’ (“The cheque’s in the mail”, etc).
• “Walk to Work Day”, observed annually on the first FRIDAY of APRIL. If its too far, walk during lunch or another time of the day. The goal is to walk 30 minutes a day to ease stress and improve fitness.

SATURDAY –
• “Equal Pay Day”, promoting equal pay for equal work. (In which case, [co-host] is WAY overpaid!)
• “Go For Broke Day”, a day to throw caution to the wind and go all out, give it all you’ve got, don’t hold back, git ‘r done, all or nothing, start giving 110%, let ‘er rip, balls to the wall!
• “Make Your Children Laugh Day”, because it’s a helluva lot easier than making adults laugh.
• “NCAA Final Four” basketball championship in San Antonio TX. Winners of SATURDAY’s semis go on to the championship game MONDAY night.
• “Road Map Day”, the highlight of “Reading a Road Map Week”, which promotes map reading as an ‘enjoyable pastime’ and survival skill for drivers. (With the advent of GPS, this may become a lost art.)

SUNDAY –
• “Plan Your Epitaph Day”, one of 2 annually that are dedicated to the proposition that a forgettable gravestone is a fate worse than death. So what would you like yours to say?
NET: http://www.hardiehouse.org/epitaph/index.html

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1960 [48] “Ben Hur” wins a record 11 “Academy Awards” (later tied by “Titanic” in 1998 and “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” in 2004)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1964 [44] The Beatles hold down all 5 top spots on the “Billboard” singles chart (“Can’t Buy Me Love”, “Twist & Shout”, “She Loves You”, “I Want to Hold Your Hand”, and “Please Please Me”)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1919 [89] William Howard Taft becomes 1st US President to throw out the first baseball of a Major League Baseball season

1930 [78] 1st ‘Hostess Twinkies’ go on sale (the shelf life of a Twinkie is said to be 25 days)

COMING UP . . .
[Mon] Hug Your Newsman Day
[Mon] No Housework Day
[Mon] World Health Day
[Mon] OJ Simpson trial scheduled to begin (Las Vegas)
[Mon] Great Wall of China Walk for Cancer begins
[Mon] “Samantha Who?” new post-strike episode (ABC)
This Week Is … Testicular Cancer Awareness Week / Root Canal Awareness Week
This Month Is … Mathematics Education Month / Anxiety Month

BULL’S BITS

BS WOULD YOU RATHER?
You run down the list while your guest or phone caller decides which choice is more palatable. Would you rather …
• Not be able to eat again until you see a wild Bald Eagle in person OR until you can find a 4-leaf clover?
• Be ‘Cinderella’ OR a fairy godmother?
• Be the fastest runner in the world OR the fastest reader in the world?
• Have hair so greasy it always drips no matter how much you wash it OR    have a drooling problem all the time?
• Have to complete a 20-page report with a pen taped to your elbow OR with a pen taped to your nose?
• Drink 8 cups of month-old dirty aquarium water OR squeeze the dirty liquid from a gross, used sponge into your mouth?
• Swim across a river that is filled with crocodiles OR spend a night on an island where man-eating tigers live?
• Know your own future OR know the future of your friends/family and not be able to tell them?
• Be able to sleep upside down like a bat OR be able to sleep standing up like a cow?
• Drink liquid found leaking from a garbage bag OR chew on a hairy clump found between the cushions of an old couch?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married … and by then it was too late.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you weren’t betting on it, would you really give a crap which college wins the basketball championship?
• Is Jay Leno’s ‘give me your best gay look’ gaff a potential career-threatening blunder?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: It takes 500 gallons of water per day to produce THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The food each of us eats.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Say what you mean, and mean what you say.