Thursday, December 2, 2010        Edition: #4399
Can You Believe This Sheet?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
39-year-old songwriter & former “American Idol” judge Kara Dioguardi is set to tell all in the memoir “A Helluva High Note”, due in April (she’s now working on a new singing contest called “Going Platinum”, which debuts next year on Bravo) . . . A man convicted of stalking 40-year-old actress Uma Thurman has been charged with 2 counts of criminal contempt for violating a restraining order (and 1 count of ‘bad taste in women’) . . . “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) is eyeing Lindsay Lohan as a potential competitor for the show’s next season (on location from the Betty Ford?) . . . Director Christopher Nolan is working with a team of collaborators to develop a videogame based on his sci-fi thriller “Inception”, which starred Leonardo DiCaprio as a thief who steals info from the unconscious minds of sleeping targets (or gamers) . . . NFL QB Tom Brady (New England Patriots) has signed a deal to become the new face of UGG Australia, appearing in ads for its footwear, outerwear, and accessories beginning next year (wouldn’t an Aussie Rules footballer be better known Down Under?) . . . 34-year-old movie actress Reese Witherspoon, who has 2 children via ex-husband Ryan Phillippe, tells “Glamour” she’d like to have more kids in the future (her Hollywood agent-boyfriend Jim Toth wants 15% of any further production) . . . Oscar-winning actress Hilary Swank says she ‘struggled’ to gain 15 lbs for her role in “Conviction” (we all should be so lucky) . . . Meantime, former pop singer Carnie Wilson (Wilson-Phillips) has been dumped as spokesperson for healthy diet food delivery service “The Fresh Diet” for failing to lose weight and promoting her own brand of cheesecakes at the same time (well no wonder she’s till hovering around 200 lbs!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Deerhunter (“Halcyon Digest”).
• “Doc Zone” (CBC) – “Apocalypse 2012” examines the bizarre and growing phenomenon of people (nutbars?) who are thoroughly convinced life as we know it is going to end when the ancient Mayan ‘Long Count Calendar’ runs out on December 21, 2012.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Darius Rucker (“Charleston SC 1966”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – School of Seven Bells (“Disconnect from Desire”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Norah Jones (“The Fall”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Kings Of Leon (“Come Around Sundown”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Rod Stewart (“Fly Me To The Moon – The Great American Songbook Volume V”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – Drummer Phil Rudd has been fined $186 after pleading guilty to cannabis possession in a New Zealand court. The 56-year-old Aussie rocker was caught with 25 grams (.35 oz) during a police raid on his boat in October. The judge has refused to drop the conviction, even though his lawyer argued it may cause problems during international tours.
• The Band Perry – “If I Die Young” is atop the MediaBase/Country Aircheck and “Billboard” country charts. It’s the first #1 single for the trio of siblings.
• Christina Milian – The 29-year-old tells PopEater.com she feels like ‘a new woman’ since becoming a mom and divorcing short-time husband The-Dream. So much so in fact that she’s planning to re-record sections of her upcoming album to reflect the changes in her life. (Her record label must be thrilled.)
• Green Day – Beginning January 1st, singer/guitarist Billie Joe Armstrong will return to the cast of the “American Idiot” Broadway musical in the role of ‘St Jimmy’. He’ll remain onboard for 50 performances ending February 27th. (Ticket sales are sliding?)
• John Mayer – Eva Longoria’s divorce hasn’t even been finalized, yet a friend says Mayer is interested in her because ‘there is something about newly-divorced ladies that drives him nuts’. (Well, at least now we know the cause.)
• Keith Urban – He tells Oprah Winfrey that his actress-wife Nicole Kidman was the driving force behind him overcoming his alcohol and cocaine addictions, as she was the one who initiated a successful intervention.
• Lady Gaga – She’s told a concert audience in Poland that her upcoming album, “Born This Way” (due in 2011) is ‘f—ing really good’ and will be ‘the greatest album of this decade’.
• Taylor Swift – American Greetings has rolled out a series of 10 new holiday cards and a retro-looking tree ornament with her logo. Each box includes a pair of red gloves. As well as in the US, the package is being marketed in Australia, Canada, Mexico, New Zealand, and the UK. (Merry Swiftmas!).

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Dropout” – Now that her performance contract at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas is almost complete, 64-year-old singer/actress Cher (“Burlesque”) says she’s interested in doing this juvenile comedy with Johnny Knoxville about a 30-something slacker who finally leaves his parents’ home to move in with the cougar next door.
• “How to Talk to Girls” – 45-year-old actor Robert Downey Jr is eyeing a lead role in this comedy based on a school project by a 9-year-old boy. Young Alec Greven’s essay giving advice about conversing with the opposite sex landed him a publishing deal, leading to 3 further ‘How to’ books.
• “The Last Picture Show 2” – Moviemaker Peter Bogdanovich and Oscar-winning actor Jeff Bridges are set to reteam for a sequel to the classic 1971 film. In fact, there could be several. Iconic Western author Larry McMurtry is currently working on screenplays to 3 books he penned in connection to the film.
• “Total Recall” – Actor Colin Farrell is a leading candidate to replace Arnold Schwarzenegger in a planned remake of the sci-fi thriller. It’s not yet known whether the do-over will be based on director Paul Verhoeven’s 1990 film or the story’s original source, the novella “We Can Remember It For You Wholesale” by Philip K Dick.
• “Sleeping Dogs” – Tom Hanks has signed up to star in this thriller set in the South American border zone of Argentina, Brazil, and Paraguay, a notoriously difficult-to-police area and a well-known base for organized crime. It’s scheduled to be the next film by Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow (“The Hurt Locker”). Filming is targeted to begin in March.

TOWARD HEALTHIER EATING:
Researchers from Cornell University & the University of Buffalo offer the following simple tricks that can help ensure you buy and eat healthier foods …
• Pay for groceries in cash. Shoppers tend to make more impulse buys and purchase more unhealthy foods when using a credit card or debit card.
• Keep many different types of fruits & vegetables in your home. If you have them on hand, you’ll be a lot more likely to eat them.
• Before eating anything – especially junk – take a brisk walk. It will put you in a health-conscious state of mind, which is likely to carry over into healthier eating choices.
– Condensed from TheGlobeandMail.com

THERE’S BAD SEX?
British author Rowan Somerville has won the “Literary Review’s” 17th annual ‘Bad Sex in Fiction Award’ for his second novel, “The Shape of Her”. The novel includes the hilarious love scene description: “She released his hair from her fingers and twisted onto her belly like a fish flipping itself.” In accepting the award Somerville says: “There is nothing more English than bad sex, so on behalf of the entire nation, I thank you.” (Brits are now saying, “Honey, let’s try that fish thing.”)
– BBC News

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• A woman who works as a greeter at a Milwaukee WI Walmart store says she is bruised and sore but otherwise okay after a belligerent customer pushed her during a dispute on Sunday. The recovering victim is … 100-years-old!
– “Journal Sentinel”
• Police in Guatemala have found the body of a professional soccer player dismembered and left in 5 plastic bags in a rural area. A note was left saying the player was killed for … ‘messing with other women’.
– NBC Sports
• In a surprise raid on the Delhi Metro, transit cops in the Indian capital have busted a group of men riding in a women-only car. The offenders have been fined about $6 each, but are more likely to remember the penalty imposed by the women aboard who … forced them to do sit-ups.
– “Times of India”
• A German man is demanding his ex pay back the $5,800 he spent on … breast implants. His 20-year-old former girlfriend admits she signed an agreement promising she’d stay with him at least a year if he paid for her augmentation. She now fears her breasts will be repossessed!
– “Bild”

POWERFUL POSIES:
More news about the twinkling trees of the future. Researchers at BioGlow Inc have succeeded in transplanting into tobacco plants the genes that enable marine bacteria to illuminate. It’s the first time plants have been made to glow on their own. The company envisions poinsettias that light up for Christmas, roses with glowing petals, and shrubbery that shines at night. So far it takes 5 minutes in the dark for eyes to adjust to see the lit-up vegetation but it’s expected that it will soon be possible to make plants glow as bright as fireflies. (“Hey you kids, turn off your sunflowers and go to sleep!”)
– Livescience.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• In Tajikistan, the ‘unibrow’ is commonly thought of as a mark of beauty. Women who don’t have one naturally often resort to herbal remedies in order to grow one. A leafy green herb called Usma is sold in Tajik markets to be ground up and smeared between the eyebrows.
– GlobalPost.com
• That hunting rifle in your gun safe may date back to 1938 but the total time bullets have traveled down its bore is actually very brief. If a bullet flies at 3,000 feet per second, it will pass through a 24-inch barrel in .002 seconds. Assuming the usage of 3,000 rounds, a gun barrel lasts a total time of only about 6 seconds.
– AccurateShooter.com
• Riga, Latvia claims it is the site of the first-ever recorded decorated Christmas tree and this year it is celebrating 500 years of the tradition.
– Orange News

BS CHRONOMETER 12.02.10

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1960 [50] Rick Savage, Sheffield UK, classic rock bassist (Def Leppard-“Promises”, “Photograph”)

1968 [42] Lucy Liu, Queens NY, movie actress (“Kung Fu Panda”, “Kill Bill”)/TV actress (“Dirty Sexy Money” 2008-09, “Allie McBeal” 1998-2002)

1968 [42] Nate Mendel, Richmond WA, rock bassist (Foo Fighters-“The Pretender”, “Best of You”)

1978 [32] Nelly Furtado, Victoria BC, pop singer (“Say It Right”, “Promiscuous”)

1978 [32] Chris Wolstenholme, Rotherham UK, rock bassist/vocalist (Muse-“Resistance”, “Uprising”)

1981 [29] Britney Spears, Kentwood LA, pop singer (“3”, “Baby One More Time”)/ex-Mrs Kevin Federline (2005-07)/mom to Sean Preston & Jayden James

1983 [27] Aaron Rodgers, Chico CA, NFL quarterback (Green Bay Packers)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Fritters Day”, honoring the yummy treat made by frying up small cakes of dough in butter or oil. Yum! Really good for ya, too!

• “International Day For the Abolition of Slavery”, a United Nations observance begun in 1949.

• “Pan American Health Day”, saluting the Pan American Health Organization which works to improve health and living standards in all the countries of the Americas.

• “Special Education Day”, initiated in 1975 to promote access to education for all children, including those with disabilities.
NET: http://specialeducationday.com

• “United Arab Emirates National Day”, celebrating the independence of the federation of 7 Persian Gulf states from Britain in 1971.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1988 [22] “The Naked Gun”, starring the late Leslie Neilsen, opens in movie theaters

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1949 [61] 1st recording of “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” is released, by Gene Autry

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1982 [28] 1st permanent ‘Artificial Heart’ is implanted in patient Barney Clark at the University of Utah

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1985 [25] Highest-rated “ABC Monday Night Football” telecast ever as Miami Dolphins beat Chicago Bears 38-24, snapping the Bears’ 12-game winning streak (Chicago’s only loss of the season, including the Super Bowl)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] “CMT Artists Of the Year” (CMT)
[Fri] International Day of Disabled Persons
[Sat] Cookie Day
[Sun] Bathtub Party Day
[Sun] International Ninja Day
[Mon] “American Country Awards” (FOX)
[Mon] Miners Day
[Mon] St Nicholas Day
This Week Is … Christmas Tree Week
This Month Is … Safe Toys & Gifts Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Is the worst part of unemployment daytime television?
• Were we given a belly button to store salt when eating celery in bed?
• Is the sole purpose of children’s middle names so they can tell when their really in trouble?
• If someone died in your ‘living room’, would you have to re-name it?
• Isn’t Christmas just like a day at the office … you do all the work and the fat man with the suit gets all the credit?

BS PHONE STARTER:
What currently hot movie star will be a ‘has-been’ within 5 years?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• According to a recent University of Buffalo study, when are couples most relaxed?
a. When they are with their dog. [CORRECT]
b. When they are with their cat.
c. When they are with their children.
d. When they are away from each other.
– Halife.com

• According to a business manners quiz, which is the appropriate way to remove an olive pit from your mouth?
a. With your napkin.
b. With your fingers. [CORRECT]
c. With a quick spit.
d. With a quick swallow.
– “Toastmaster Magazine”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
There’s a lot of promiscuity about these days … and I’m all for it!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average person has about a dozen of THESE around the house and rarely buys new ones.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pens.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Success is not permanent. Neither is failure.