BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
80-year-old actor James Garner, star of “The Notebook” (2004) and former TV shows “The Rockford Files” (1974-80) & “8 Simple Rules” (2003-05) has suffered a stroke but is said to be doing well and expected to recover (one of the good guys in Hollywood) . . . Shayne Lamas, 22-year-old daughter of Lorenzo Lamas & the woman who ‘won’ the latest season of “The Bachelor”, is featured on the cover of the new “Girls Gone Wild Magazine” (wow, what an honor for her!) . . . Early ‘90s rap group Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch (“Good Vibrations”) are set to reunite under the name The Funk Bs, without former frontman Mark Wahlberg (who’s now such a big-time Hollywood star, he doesn’t have time for this piddly crap) . . . Now that the CW has officially ordered a full series of the “Beverly Hills 90210” spinoff, fans have launched a petition to bring back Shannen Doherty in her role as ‘Brenda Walsh’ (we’re sure Jennie Garth would be totally up for that) . . . New pics showing them vacationing together in Mexico seem to confirm ‘Serena & Dan’ of “Gossip Girl” (CW), played by Blake Lively & Penn Badgley, are in fact a couple in real-life (aww!) . . . It looks like can’t-keep-a-job actress Lindsay Lohan & her DJ pal (girlfriend?) Samantha Ronson have worked out their issues as they’ve been photographed in Paris – with Sam sporting a giant hickey (classy!) . . . Here’s an odd show biz pairing – actress/singer Mandy Moore is said to be seeing alt-country/rock singer-songwriter Ryan Adams (honey, see your optometrist!) . . . And word has it Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo & wannabe-star GF Jessica Simpson have split, a pal confirming it but saying Romo doesn’t want to talk about it much (note to self: put money on Cowboys for Super Bowl).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – Welsh fashion designer Julien Macdonald says he wants her to take to the catwalk as the star model of his 2009 Spring/Summer collection at “London Fashion Week” in SEPTEMBER. (Um, have you seen recent pictures, pal? Creepy!)
• Beyoncé – When asked about recent pregnancy reports, her sorta-manager/dad Matthew Knowles says, “We don’t comment on that sort of thing.” (Yeah, that’ll sure shut everyone up!)
• Fatboy Slim – British DJ Norman Cook has decided to retire the pseudonym after using it for 11 years. He says he’ll be working under a different name when his next album is released.
• Mariah Carey – She’s canceled her “Divas in Dubai” performance scheduled for TONIGHT, reneging on traveling to the UAE due to ‘unforeseen logistical complications’ (BS translation: she got married). Not wanting to go it alone, Fergie has also canceled her appearance planned for TOMORROW.
• Ozzy Osbourne – “Ozzfest” the tour is no more; it’s been reduced to a 1-day event scheduled for Saturday, AUGUST 9th in Dallas TX. Ozzy and Metallica headline; other performers will include Serj Tankian (System of a Down) and Jonathan Davis (Korn).
• Rush – Founding member and original drummer John Rutsey has died at age 55. So far, no official cause of death has been disclosed but he did suffer from diabetes.
• Weezer – They’ve moved up the release date of their new self-titled album by 3 weeks to JUNE 3rd, in order ‘to capitalize on the positive sales of the single “Pork & Beans”.’ (BS translation: several tracks have already leaked online, we gotta stop the bleeding!)

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “CSI” (CBS/CTV) – In the season finalé, ‘Warrick‘ (Gary Dourdan) is accused of murdering a famous Vegas gangster and even he is uncertain of his guilt or innocence. (After his recent real-life drug bust, we’re guessing ‘Warrick’s found guilty and we never see him again.)
• Gretchen Wilson – The 34-year-old “Redneck Woman” finally gets her high school diploma at a graduation ceremony after passing her General Educational Development exam.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Country star Dierks Bentley promotes his new “Greatest Hits: Every Mile a Memory 2003-08“ album.
• “Lost” (ABC) – Part 1 of a 3-hour finalé has the survivors facing off against the freighter folks.
• Madonna – Her much-delayed hearing with the Malawi High Court to finalize the adoption of 2-year-old David Banda is finally scheduled to happen … maybe. Funny how news of her investment in a multi-million-dollar girls school for Malawi just happened to be announced YESTERDAY. Coincidence?
• “The Office” (NBC/Global) – The season-ending episode was shot on a closed set, so no one knows exactly what happens at ‘Toby’s farewell party.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Country singer Dwight Yoakam makes his 24th appearance, edging out Lyle Lovett for most musical performances on the show.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Swedish pop star Robyn (“Don’t Stop the Music“) is on.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Jane Eyre“ – For the latest screen version of Charlotte Bronte’s classic novel, Canadian actress Ellen Page (“Juno”) has won the title role (much to the dismay of literary purists in the UK). The story has been adapted for TV & movies at least 20 times. Produced by Alison Owen, mother of Brit pop singer Lily Allen, the film is scheduled to start shooting THIS FALL.
• “The Last Station” – This historical epic stars Christopher Plummer as “War & Peace” author Leo Tolstoy and Helen Mirren as his wife. Oscar-winner Mirren only got the role after Meryl Streep turned it down, which Mirren calls ‘a big mistake’. James McAvoy (“Atonement”) and Paul Giamatti (“Sideways”) co-star. The film’s now shooting in Russia & Germany.
• “Lincoln” – Filmmaker Steven Spielberg has confirmed he’ll film a long-planned Abraham Lincoln biopic NEXT YEAR. He already lined up actor Liam Neeson to portray the 16th US president some 3 years ago. Spielberg says he wants to start production early in 2009 because it marks the 200th anniversary of Lincoln’s birth.
• “Vendome” – France’s first-ever movie superhero is named after Place Vendome, the Parisian square that’s home to the Ritz hotel. It’s the creation of 23-year-old filmmaker David Tomaszewski, whose low-budget short film about the character has been viewed online over 200,000 times. In the feature film, ‘Vendome’ will battle the villainous hunchback ‘Quasimodo’.

WHEN TO BUY NEW:
Dumping all your appliances in favor of new, more energy-efficient ones is not always the most environmentally sound answer, according to the Natural Resources Defense Council. After all, it takes energy to make a product; and disposal of used ones is also an ecological consideration. Scientist Noah Horowitz offers this energy-saving rule of thumb for your refrigerator: if it’s avocado or brown, it’s time to retire it. Those odd-colored older models use 3-to-4 times the power of the latest fridges. (Your 1970s shag carpet, however, is still useful for making static electricity.)
– “New York Times”

2008’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN:
The just-released annual list compiled by men’s mag “Maxim” …
5. Actress Sarah Michelle Gellar (“Southland Tales”).
4. Actress Eva Longoria Parker (“Desperate Housewives”).
3. Actress Jessica Biel (“I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry”).
2. Actress Scarlett Johansson (“Vicky Cristina Barcelona“).
1. Model Marisa Miller (“Sports Illustrated’s” 2008 ‘Swimsuit Issue’ cover girl.)
– “Maxim”

MAKE A WISH:
What do you wish for when you blow out your birthday candles? Of women surveyed, 26% say they wish for more time with their spouses (as opposed to just 3% of men). 21% of women wish they were better looking. 73% of only children wish for a brother or sister. (We always wish there were fewer candles.)
– “Woman’s Day”

MINI-CLASSES HELP MEMORY:
England’s Monkseaton Community High School is set to deliver lessons in 8-minute bursts, interspersed with breaks for sports and games. The technique is based on neuroscience research that suggests memory develops most effectively with short bursts of learning repeated at intervals. Headmaster Paul Kelley admits it may seem bizarre to teach an 8-minute lesson, break for 10 minutes to dribble a basketball, and then repeat the process … but it works! (Applications to this place are going to zoom real quick!)
– “Times of London”

BODY SHOPPING:
Which would you rather have: a perfect body or a perfect-looking partner? In a women’s magazine survey, 60% of males polled say they’d rather date a woman with a perfect body than have one themselves. But 90% of female respondents are more selfish … they’d rather have a perfect body than a perfect-looking boyfriend. (Proving Women are into themselves, while guys just wanna get lucky with someone better looking.)
– “Elle”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• In Australia, a driver on a highway near Alice Springs has been charged for using a seatbelt to secure a case of beer … instead of the 5-year-old riding in his car. The child was apparently sitting unrestrained on the hump in the center while the beer was safely belted in. Police say the driver showed no remorse, even after being handed a $750 ticket. (We say strap him to the hood and give ‘er!)
• In Arkansas, a 41-year-old mom is expecting baby #18. Michelle Duggar has been pregnant for over 11 years of her life, having had 2 sets of twins. As if raising 17 children wasn’t enough of a challenge, their names all begin with ‘J’: Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jeremiah, Jedidiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, and Jennifer. (The new one will be named, ‘Just Get Off Me, You Satyr’.)
• In Colorado, 54-year-old Jeff Peckman of Denver is promoting a ballot initiative for the next local election requiring the city to create … an ‘Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission’. Otherwise, he says, how will you know who to call if you’re driving down the highway and you see a small spaceship crash into a bus full of kids. (Um, how about your shrink, you kook?)
• In Germany, a woman has left her husband in the middle of the night never to return by … pretending to be sleepwalking. Her hubby called the cops when he woke up to an empty bed and a search began. The case was soon solved when the woman was found at a friend’s apartment and explained she’d simply had enough. (Hmm, seems there are 50-ONE ways to leave your lover.)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• The world’s first airline had no planes. DELAG, formed in Germany in 1909, only used zeppelins.
• Tom Selleck was originally pursued by Steven Spielberg to play ‘Indiana Jones’ in “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (1981), but it conflicted with his agreement to star in “Magnum PI” on TV.

BS CHRONOMETER 05.15.08

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [60] Brian Eno (Brian Peter George St John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno), Woodbridge UK,  record producer/songwriter (U2, Coldplay)/musician (co-founder Roxy Music)

1969 [39] Emmitt Smith, Pensacola FL, TV sports analyst (“Monday Night Football Countdown”)/reality TV personality (”Dancing With the Stars” 2006 winner)/former NFL player (Arizona Cardinals 2003-04, Dallas Cowboys 1990-2002)/NFL career rushing record (18,355 yds)

1978 [30] David Krumholtz, NYC, TV actor (‘Charlie Eppes’ on “Numb3rs” since 2005)

1981 [27] Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Queens NY, TV actress (“The Sopranos” 1999-2007)

1981 [27] Justin Morneau, New Westminster BC, MLB baseball player (1B-Minnesota Twins)/2006 AL MVP

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chocolate Chip Day”. Hey, any excuse to mow down on a dozen warm gooey cookies fresh out of the oven is cool. Mmm, can’t you just smell ‘em?

• “Flip Your Mattress Day”, an annual turnover to help prevent a case of the ‘lumpies’.

• “International Day of Families”, the 11th annual observance declared by the UN. The 2008 theme is ‘Fathers and Families: Responsibilities and Challenges’.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/4tsnwk

• “Peace Officer Memorial Day”, observed by more than 21,000 police departments across North America to honor colleagues who’ve been killed in the line of duty. An annual observance during “Police Week”.

• “San Isidro Day”, honoring the parton saint of farmers and other agricultural workers.

• “True Confessions Day”, a day to confess all those little secrets you’ve been keeping for years. Open the phone lines for some true confessions. You’ll be surprised what you get!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [05] A rerun of “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” airs, re-created entirely in claymation

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1995 [13] Stone Temple Pilots singer Scott Weiland is arrested for drug possession & DUI (the first in a long line)  FACTOID: THIS WEEK Weiland served just 10 hours of his most recent 8-day DUI sentence, exiting jail in time for THIS WEEKEND’s tour kick-off (that’s even shorter than his rehab stints!)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1993 [15] 1st Montréal Expo uniform retired (Rusty Staub’s #10, now hanging in the Washington Nationals’ stadium in DC)

1994 [14] Toronto NBA franchise unveils ‘Raptors’ nickname, picked by Canada-wide poll (interestingly, official jerseys arrive in stores the same day)

1995 [13] 1st Canadian magazine to go online (“Maclean’s”)

1930 [78] 1st ‘Flight Attendant’ as Ellen Church serves up snacks and drinks on a United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Cheyenne WY  FACTOID: She was actually qualified as a pilot but because she was female, the company would only employ her for ‘nurse’ duties like serving box lunches and brushing dead flies from windowsills.

1940 [68] DuPont announces “Nylon Day” when ‘nylons’ replace silk stockings as part of WW2 effort (many women resort to ‘liquid stockings’ – rubbing on temporary dye from a bottle, then drawing on a ‘seam’ with eyebrow pencil)

1995 [13] 1st casino gambling site is launched on the Internet (now there’s a bazillion of them!)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2000 [08] Vancouver Symphony Orchestra music director Bramwell Tovey eclipses Guinness record for ‘World’s Largest Orchestra’ by conducting the VSO and 10,000 students at GM Place

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Fri] Biographers Day
[Fri] Employee Health & Fitness Day
[Fri] Wear Purple For Peace Day
[Fri] “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] US Armed Forces Day
[Sun] Visit Your Relatives Day
[Sun] International Museum Day
[Sun] 43rd ACM Awards (Las Vegas)
[Mon] Victoria Day (no “BS” service)
This Week Is … Work At Home Moms Week
This Month Is … Revise Your Work Schedule Month

BULL’S BITS

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YOU MIGHT BE UNDER-QUALIFIED FOR A FAST-FOOD JOB IF …
• You eat more food than you sell.
• You have to check your name tag when people introduce themselves.
• You ask every customer “Is this for here or to go?” … while working the drive-thru.
• You ask every customer “Do you want fries with that?” … and you work at a pizza joint.
• In order to fill customer orders, you have to scribble a cheat sheet on your hand.
• Your uniform doubles as your ‘going out’ clothes.
• You can’t count to 20 with your shoes on.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What TV family would you most like to see back together for a reunion?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Pooler Jones, Lazy Plate, Jayne Hill, Barber Perfect, and Underwood Tack are different kinds of what?
a. Riding saddles.
b. Barber scissors.
c. Barbed wire. [CORRECT, according to the Barbed Wire Collectors Association.]

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Teenage is the last stage of your life when you’re happy to hear that the phone is for you.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Rural folks are twice as likely as city dwellers to do THIS before eating a meal.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Salt the food before tasting it.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It was all so different before everything changed.