Friday, March 18, 2011        Edition: #4465
Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Charlie Sheen is set to rake in $300,000 from just the first 2 shows (Detroit, Chicago) of his sold-out “Charlie Sheen Live: My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option” tour (more dates are being added) . . . Meantime, Sheen is said to be moving out of ‘Sober Valley Lodge’ and into a $7.5 million Mediterranean mansion in the same Sherman Oaks CA gated community, this one just 2 doors down from Paris Hilton (oh oh) . . . Actor Matthew McConaughey says he deliberately didn’t rehearse with his “Lincoln Lawyer” co-star Ryan Phillippe in order to ‘make the scenes more authentic’ (BS translation: Keep that greasy little weasel away from me) . . . Simon Cowell has reportedly signed 54-year-old music producer/Def Jam chairman LA Reid as the first coach for the US version of his talent show “X Factor”,  and will announce 2 more before auditions kick off in 2 weeks (Paula?) . . . Actor Sean Penn oversees a refugee camp he helped found during Haiti’s rebuilding that now houses 55,000 people (he manages to keep his good side well camouflaged) . . . 37-year-old model-turned-TV personality Tyra Banks (“America’s Next Top Model”) has been attending Harvard Business School in order to better run her multi-million-dollar empire (she started modeling at 17 and missed college) . . . A Lindsay Lohan supporter tells RadarOnline that the jewelry store that’s accused her of stealing a necklace is destroying her life just to make a fast buck (actually the kid’s done a good job on her own) . . . And 22-year-old actress/singer Vanessa Hudgens has now met with cops over the latest nude pics & video that were hacked from her gmail account, and the FBI now believes as many as 50 other celebs (reportedly including Scarlett Johansson) may also be victims (you might wanna check what you’re storing in gmail besides “BS” prep!).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Big Love” (HBO) – Sunday the long-running drama about a polygamist & his 3 wives winds up its 5th and final season. Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks has covered the Beach Boys’ tune “God Only Knows” for the series finalé.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Jennifer Lopez (“On the Floor”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Chromeo (“Business Casual”).
• GLAAD Media Awards” (NYC) – Saturday the 22nd annual salute to LGBT- friendly entertainment features “Glee” & “Modern Family” among TV nominations; “The Kids Are All Right” & “Burlesque” among movies; and Scissor Sisters & country singer Chely Wright in music. Follow-up galas will be held in LA and San Francisco in coming months.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Florence & The Machine (“Lungs”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Tonight The National (“High Violet”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today guest co-host Michael Bublé (“Crazy Love Hollywood Edition”).
• “The Pee-wee Herman Show on Broadway” (HBO) – Saturday 58-year-old Paul Reubens reprises the ‘Pee-wee’ character he’s been doing for 30 years in a televised stage show. He first gained success with the shtick on the TV show “Pee-wee’s Playhouse” (1986-90).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Tonight Motown legend Smokey Robinson.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight new Rock & Roll Hall of Famer Alice Cooper.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today Billy Ray Cyrus (“I’m American”, out May 24th).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alan Jackson – Tonight, prior to his performance at the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo, he’ll be inducted into the venue’s ‘Star Trail of Fame’ as a tribute for his feat of attracting a total of 1 million fans during his 19 appearances at the annual rodeo.
• Jack Johnson – He’s donated $50,000 to a Japan earthquake & tsunami relief fund. He was in Osaka, Japan preparing for a concert when the quake hit last week. He & his band went ahead with that show but have been forced to cancel the rest of their Japanese tour.
• Janet Jackson – She’s pursuing her passion for movies by signing a production deal with Lionsgate to select, develop, and produce feature films.
• Katy Perry – While touring Europe she’s helping the victims of the Japan earthquake & tsunami by giving the proceeds from some of her tour merchandise to the Red Cross.
• Kelly Clarkson – She’s announced that she’s finished recording her as-yet-untitled 5th album, and it is now slated for a September release.
• Kenny Chesney – Saturday is the first stadium date for his new “Goin’ Coastal Tour” as he and the Zac Brown Band play Raymond James Stadium in Tampa FL. Billy Currington and Uncle Kracker are the opening acts.
• Lil Wayne – Tonight in Buffalo NY he begins the “I Am Music II” tour, his first since being released from jail. Also on the bill: Nicki Minaj, Rick Ross, and Travis Barker.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Limitless” ( PG-13 Thriller ): Bradley Cooper plays a writer who discovers a top-secret drug that enhances intellect and other abilities. As his usage quickly changes his life, he begins to consider the drug’s shadowy origins. Meanwhile, a group of killers trails his every move. Co-stars Robert De Niro, Abbie Cornish, Anna Friel.
NET: http://www.iamrogue.com/limitless
• “The Lincoln Lawyer” ( R-Rated Drama ): Matthew McConaughey (“A Time to Kill”) plays an LA criminal defense attorney who operates out of the back seat of his car. His latest case could be his best-paying in years, but it also brings him close to unexpected evil. Co-stars Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe, William H Macy. Country singer Trace Adkins plays a biker.
NET: http://www.thelincolnlawyermovie.com
• “Paul” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Comedy ): Simon Pegg & Nick Frost play a pair of British comic-book geeks traveling across the US who encounter an alien outside ‘Area 51’. With their unexpected new companion aboard their RV, they find themselves chased by federal agents. Supporting cast includes Jeffrey Tambor, Jane Lynch, Jason Bateman, Sigourney Weaver.
NET: http://www.whatispaul.com

THE NEW GENERATION:
Expert after expert in child-rearing has told today’s parents to back off. But anxiety still seems to be the rule in modern parenting. That’s why many of the new generation are either coddled and overprotected or mercilessly pushed to achieve. Psychologists and college officials are calling these students ‘teacups’ and ‘crispies’ … the former so overprotected they’re fragile, the latter pushed so hard they’re burned out. (Helicopter parents, take note!)
– “Los Angeles Times”

LOW-RISK BOOZING:
Moderate drinking has been linked to health benefits such as lower risk of heart disease, osteoporosis, and dementia. However, overdoing it on the cocktails may actually increase your risk of developing cancer. To maintain a healthy habit of drinking moderately try the following …
• If you do drink, avoid getting drunk.
• Wait at least 1 hour between drinks.
• Have something to eat while drinking.
• Alternate with non-alcoholic beverages, such as water, soft drinks, or juice.
• Stick to a maximum of 2 standard drinks a day. Experts recommend women have no more than 9 drinks a week and men no more than 14.
– “Best Health Magazine”

WHITHER T-SHIRTS?
The first T-shirts were white cotton crewnecks that became regulation underwear for the US Navy in 1913. Two decades later, football players at the University of Southern California donned similar shirts to prevent chafing from heavy shoulder pads. Those tees became so fashionable that students start pilfering them for casual wear. In response, the school began stenciling ‘Property of USC’ on its shirts as a crime-prevention tactic, not a statement of school pride. ([Co-host] still owns and wears one of these … every stinkin’ day.)
– “Mental Floss Magazine”

FOR THE RECORD:
An 11-month-old Tibetan Mastiff named ‘Hong Dong’ (which means ‘Big Splash’) has broken the record for ‘Most Expensive Dog’, going to a new home in China for the equivalent of about $1.5 million. Tibetan Mastiffs are huge and fierce guard dogs that have stood watch over nomad camps and monasteries on the Tibetan plateau for centuries. More recently they’ve become highly-prized status symbols for China’s nouveau riche. Fortunately, Hong Dong’s new owner may earn his investment back soon as he’ll be able to demand high stud fees. (Dong money.)
– Telegraph.co.uk

BS AMAZING DNA FACTS:
• If uncoiled, the DNA in all the cells of your body would stretch 10 billion miles … from Earth to Pluto and back.
• At least 8% of the human genome originated in viruses, whose genetic code was integrated with ours over roughly 40 million years of primate evolution.
• Forensic specialists can now identify criminals from traces of ‘touch DNA’ left in fingerprints found at crime scenes.
– “ Discover Magazine”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.18.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1963 [48] Vanessa Williams, Tarrytown NY, TV actress (“Ugly Betty” 2006-2010)/pop singer (“Save the Best For Last”, “Colors Of the Wind”)/movie actress (“Hannah Montana: The Movie”, “Johnson Family Vacation”)/Broadway actress (“Into the Woods”, “Kiss Of the Spider Woman”)

1966 [45] Jerry Cantrell, Tacoma WA, alt-rock guitarist/vocalist (Alice in Chains-“Check My Brain”, “No Excuses”)

1970 [41] Queen Latifah (Dana Owens), Newark NJ, movie actress (“The Secret Life of Bees”, “Chicago”)/hip-hop/jazz/pop singer (“Persona”)

1972 [39] Dane Cook, Boston MA, comedian (“Rough Around the Edges”)/movie actor (“My Best Friend’s Girl”, “Good Luck Chuck”)

1979 [32] Adam Levine, LA CA, pop singer (Maroon 5-“Makes Me Wonder”, “She Will Be Loved”)

SATURDAY –
Movie actress Glenn Close (“Fatal Attraction”) is 64; Movie actor Bruce Willis (“Die Hard”) is 56; Drummer Zach Lind (Jimmy Eat World) is 35.

SUNDAY –
Movie actor William Hurt (“Into the Wild”) is 61; Movie director Spike Lee (“Malcolm X”) is 54; Movie/TV actress Holly Hunter (“Saving Grace”) is 53; Rock singer Chester Bennington (Linkin Park) is 35; Rock guitarist Nick Wheeler (All-American Rejects) is 29.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Awkward Moments Day”, a day to celebrate the humor in life’s uncomfortable and embarrassing situations. (Which we normally fail to see until years later.)
• “Biodiesel Day”, in honor of the clean-burning fuel that can be used in any diesel engine with no conversion whatsoever. It is derived from 100% renewable resources like soybeans, canola, mustard seed, even recycled cooking oil. It’s celebrated on the anniversary of the 1858 birth of Rudolph Diesel, the German inventor of the diesel engine.
• “Forgive Mom & Dad Day”. No matter how lousy they were as parents, it’s time to let it go and get on with your life.
• “World Sleep Day”, an international celebration of sleep and a call to action on important issues related to sleep, including medicine, education, and driving. This year’s theme: Sleep Well, Grow Healthy.
NET: http://www.worldsleepday.org

SATURDAY –
• “Full Moon” of March, known as the ‘Worm Moon’ as earthworms reappear after Winter, heralding the return of the robins. It’s also been called the ‘Crow Moon’ and the ‘Sap Moon’.
• “Holi”, the 2-day Hindu Spring festival also known as the “Festival of Colors”. On the 1st day, bonfires are lit at night; on the 2nd day, celebrants toss colored powder & water on one other.
• “Last Day of Winter”, as “Spring” officially arrives tomorrow with the Vernal Equinox.
• “Poultry Day”, celebrating chicken, turkey, and other farm-raised fowl that we commonly consume. They also give us our breakfast eggs. Thanks, eh?
• “Purim” begins at sundown, the 2-day Jewish holiday that commemorates deliverance from the ancient Persian Empire, as recorded in the Book of Esther. Traditions include giving gifts to the needy, sending food as gifts, and eating a festive meal.
• “Quilting Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of March to honor the old-fashioned art-form that’s becoming lost in our hi-tech society. (Sort of a patched together celebration.)

SUNDAY –
• “Atheist Pride Day”, encouraging atheists to ‘come out’ by posting the ‘AP’ logo as their Facebook profile picture and changing their status to something like ‘I am an atheist’.
• “Extraterrestrial Abductions Day”, honoring all wackos who claim they’ve been kidnapped by aliens.
• “First Day of Spring”, as the new season officially arrives in the Northern Hemisphere at 7:21 pm EDT. Down Under, it’s the first day of Autumn.
• “Great American Meat Out”, the 26th annual observance when we’re encouraged to kick the meat habit for at least a day and explore ‘a wholesome, compassionate diet of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains’.
NET: http://www.meatout.org
• “Naw-Ruz” (“New Day”), the Persian New Year. The date is determined by the solar calendar and begins on the First Day of Spring. The festival lasts 13 days.
• “Proposal Day”, when both men & women are encouraged to pop the big question.
• “Snowman Burning”, the 40th annual at Lake Superior State University in Sault Sainte Marie MI, a celebration at high noon that includes the reading of poetry and doggerel heralding the end of Winter, followed by the effigy-burning of a snowman … and lots of heavy-duty toasting.
NET: http://www.lssu.edu/snowman
• “World Storytelling Day”, a global celebration of the art of oral storytelling, celebrated each year on March 20th.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2009 [02] 45-year-old English actress Natasha Richardson (Mrs Liam Neeson) dies in NYC following a head injury suffered 2 days earlier during a ski lesson at Mont Tremblant, Québec

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [13] Michael Jackson goes shopping at a toy store in Munich, Germany … dressed as an Arab woman

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1931 [80] 1st ‘Electric Razor’, marketed by Schick (the next day, the 1st nose-hair becomes hopelessly caught)

1966 [45] 1st (and last) ‘Paper Dress’ goes on the market, priced at $1 by Scott Paper Co

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1945 [66] 1st NHLer to score 50 goals in a season (Maurice ‘Rocket’ Richard, Montréal Canadiens)

1981 [30] Buffalo Sabres set NHL record of 9 goals in 1 period (vs Toronto Maple Leafs)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] International Day For the Elimination of Racial Discrimination
[Mon] Common Courtesy Day
[Mon] World Down Syndrome Day
[Tues] International Day Of the Seal
[Tues] International Goof-off Day
[Tues] World Water Day
This Week Is … Brain Awareness Week
This Month Is … Craft Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOU’RE STILL A CLASSIC ROCKERS AT HEART:
• You have partied on a boat in a driveway.
• You have acquired a tattoo of an animal driving a vehicle.
• You have accidentally eaten more than half of a scented candle.
• You have used a bandana as a coffee filter.
• You have 3 more cigarette burns in hard-to-reach places.
• You have fired a gun while in your underwear.
• You have become stuck trying to retrieve a quarter from behind a stove.
• You have barbecued a frozen pizza at 3 am.
• You have spent an entire afternoon watching a screensaver.
– Thanks to John Peck

BS RANDOM JOKE:
There are two sides to every issue, and I always agree with both.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A recent survey has found that women are most likely to use THIS word when they want to end an argument.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: ‘Fine’.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
People have one thing in common … they are all different.