Monday, June 13, 2011 Edition: #4526
Nuthin’ Like a Bull in Your Radio Shop!
WEEKEND BLOG & TABLOID BS:
• This afternoon Selena Gomez performs at LA’s Santa Monica Place Mall to make up for a cancelled concert/Q & A session on Friday. She was rushed to hospital after her “Tonight Show” appearance Thursday night, suffering from a severe headache and nausea. Her reps say she’s OK, but the cause of her illness is as yet unknown. (Pregnancy perhaps? Leave it to Bieber!)
– TheCelebrityCafe.com
• Despite what her actor-husband William H Macy has been telling the press, Felicity Huffman says she has no plans to leave “Desperate Housewives” (ABC). That might change when she hears what show creator Marc Cherry just blabbed about his leading ladies: “One has no comedic timing whatsoever, one just wants to look pretty and go home; a third is only satisfied if she gets one big dramatic scene per episode, and the last demands that each script make perfect sense.” (Our guess? Marcia Cross, Eva Longoria, Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman.)
– Dose.ca
• Actor/comedian Tracy Morgan has now apologized for a recent homophobic rant during a stand-up show in which he claimed that being gay isn’t biological and that he’d ‘stab his son to death’ if he were gay. After his remarks appeared on Facebook, celebrities have been lining up to either attack or defend him. It’s unclear whether he’ll keep his job at “30 Rock”, as the controversy shows little sign of dying down. (Cutting-edge comedy or just ill-advised bigotry?)
– Contactmusic.com
• Hindsight suggests the big winners from the past season of “American Idol” are Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler. She hadn’t had a top 10 hit since 2003 until “Idol” exposure made “On the Floor” a dance club smash. He hadn’t put out an album since Aerosmith’s “Honkin’ on Bobo” in 2004 but used “Idol” to debut his first-ever solo single and plug his memoir “Does The Noise In My Head Bother You?”, which debuted at #2 on the “NY Times” non-fiction list. Oh, and sales of Aerosmith’s greatest hits collections are up over 250%. (Hey Scotty & Lauren … that’s show biz!)
– “Jam! Showbiz”
• The question that’s dogged US representative Anthony Weiner since his mea culpa news conference is … did he use Congressional resources during his cyber affairs? Well, it’s now been confirmed that the backdrop in the risque pics he took of himself using his Blackberry is the House Members Gym in the basement of the Rayburn Office Building in Washington DC. The pics were taken on both the gym floor and in the locker room and sent online to at least one woman. (He may be even dumber than it first appeared!)
– TMZ.com
• And starting today, toy company Herobuilders is introducing an Anthony Weiner action figure that comes in both ‘PF-13’ and ‘R-Rated’ versions. The fully-functional version of the ‘Weiner Doll’, as it is officially called, will set you back 49 bucks. A mini-sized Blackberry accessory costs $18 extra. (The real Weiner announced on Saturday that he intends to request a leave of absence and seek professional help.)
NET: http://bit.ly/jeWqTT
– RadarOnline.com
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Anthony Jeselnik (“Shakespeare”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Carrie Underwood (“Play On”); Josh Kelley (“Georgia Clay”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Sara Bareilles (“Kaleidoscope Heart”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Screaming Females (“Castle Talk”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Jason Aldean (“My Kinda Party”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Ledisi (“Pieces Of Me”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears (“Scandalous”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Adam Levine (“The Voice”); Ziggy Marley (“Wild & Free”).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Black Eyed Peas – Still no word on when or if their mammoth free concert in NYC’s Central Park will be rescheduled. The Thursday night event had to be called off due to severe thunderstorms. The benefit’s charity, Robin Hood Foundation, says it will have information ‘in the next week or so’.
• The Black Keys – They’ve filed 2 separate lawsuits against a NYC ad agency for using their song “Tighten Up” in an ad for Valley National Bank without permission and without compensating the band. Their attorney says they will be seeking damages ‘in proportion to the popularity of the song’ (it reached #1 on both the Alternative and Rock charts).
• Buffalo Springfield – Their 7-date reunion tour wrapped on the weekend but singer/guitarist Richie Furay tells “Rolling Stone” the current plan is to do another 30 or so dates this Fall.
• The Decemberists – Tonight in Baltimore MD they kick off a tour in support of their latest album, “The King Is Dead”.
• Flo Rida – He’s been charged with DUI and driving with a suspended license after an incident early Wednesday morning in Miami Beach FL where he was spotted swerving all over the road in his 2008 Bugatti.
• Keith Urban – “Without You” tops this week’s “Billboard” magazine ‘Country Songs’ chart. He opens the North American leg of his “Get Closer 2011 World Tour” this Thursday in Biloxi, Mississippi.
• Lady Gaga – She continues her crusade for gay rights, performing for hundreds-of-thousands at the “EuroPride” rally in Roma, Italy Saturday night. According to NME.com, she gave a speech and performed “Born This Way”, which she claims has become a ‘gay anthem’.
FAST FASHION:
In her new book “To Die For: Is Fashion Wearing Out the World?”, consumer expert Lucy Siegle contends the average British woman has 22 garments in her wardrobe that she’s never worn. Siegle also claims that a typical woman now buys 62 lbs (28 kg) of clothing – or about half her body weight – in a single year. The growth of cheap and disposable fashions in Britain has led to women buying 4 times as many clothes as they did 30 years ago. (Buy it, wear it, dump it.)
– “Sunday Times of London”
SURFING IN THE PARK:
Going online is becoming a lot easier in NYC. Mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced a plan to equip 26 locations in 20 public parks with free Wi-Fi. It’s already up and running in Battery Park and two others. The remaining 23 locations will be wired by the end of Summer. Bloomberg says it’s part of a plan to make NYC the leading digital city in America. It recently added Wi-Fi to subways, car services, and hot spots like Times Square. (Why not Wi-Fi on satellite?)
– CBC.ca
BS LAW & DISORDER:
• Hoquiam, Washington – Police say a man who burst into an apartment and assaulted a man was carrying … a dead weasel. The victim asked, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” The attacker answered, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten”, then punched him in the nose and fled. (Cops are on the lookout for “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”.)
– Associated Press
• Bath UK – A 29-year-old man was so ticked his banker wouldn’t give him a loan he broke into her backyard, dognapped her Yorkshire terrier, ‘Bilbo Baggins’, then phoned her using a fake name, claiming he’d found the pup and wanted £500 ($800) as a reward. Unfortunately for him, the banker recognized his voice and called the cops. The perp’s been sentenced to 12 months for blackmail and 12 months for intimidation. (The returned Yorkie is still yapping for joy.)
– “The Guardian”
• Yizhang, China – Cops who pulled over a vehicle involved in a hit & run accident became suspicious when they detected a strong stench coming from the trunk. When they popped it open they discovered … a Siberian tiger. They don’t know why the driver had it or where he was taking it but he’s now facing wild animal charges as well. (Meantime, the investigating officers have requisitioned new uniform pants.)
– Orange.co.uk
YOU ARE WHAT YOU WATCH:
A new study from Austria published in the journal “Media Psychology” has found that students perform less well on a general-knowledge test if they have just read a short screenplay about an idiotic thug. This suggests stupidity may indeed be contagious … particularly if it is presented in narrative form. So if watching stupid people do stupid things actually lowers our intelligence, what does that say about much of contemporary entertainment? (Especially reality TV.)
– Miller-McCune.com
FOR THE RECORD:
• A British golfer has defied odds of 67 million-to-1 to score 2 holes-in-one during the same round. 67-year-old Rob Tyson of Elgin, England used his 6 iron to score his first ace on the 4th hole at Elgin Golf Club, then took 9 shots on the next hole due to all the excitement. However, he more than made up for that blip when he used the 6 iron again for another hole-in-one on the 7th. Tyson had been playing golf for 35 years and had never before scored an ace. (Definition of mixed emotions: You score a double ace but still shoot a 95.)
– Flisted.com
• The ‘World’s Most Pierced Woman’, 46-year-old Brazilian-born Elaine Davidson has married retired civil servant Douglas Watson in Edinburgh, Scotland. The bride wore a flowing white gown and floral tiara with only her face visible … which was painted green and covered in 192 piercings. The groom has no metal attached to his body but his new wife has a total of 6,925 piercings, including over 1,500 that are ‘internal’ and said to weigh about 3 kg or 6.6 lbs. (Could be a dangerous honeymoon!)
– “Daily Telegraph”
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Las Vegas the gambling capital of the world? Wrong. That’s Macau … by miles. And Vegas will be beaten into 3rd place by the end of 2011 by Singapore, which only opened its first 2 casinos in 2010.
– PopBitch.com
• Millions-of-dollars-worth of sports cars have ended up underwater after a flash flood decimated one of Singapore’s most exclusive apartment buildings. The water ruined a Ferrari and a Lamborghini, both worth $900,000, a $730,000-Aston Martin, a $400,000-Porsche, as well as assorted Bentleys and Rolls-Royces.
– NYPost.com
BS CHRONOMETER 06.13.11
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1953 [58] Tim Allen (Dick), Denver CO, movie actor (“Toy Story” films, “The Santa Clause” movies)/TV actor (“Home Improvement” 1991-99) COMING UP: “Last Man Standing” (ABC), a new TV comedy airing Tuesday nights beginning this Fall.
1970 [41] Rivers Cuomo, Yogaville CT, alt-rock singer/guitarist (Weezer-“Pork & Beans”, “Beverly Hills”)
1974 [37] Steve-O (Stephen Glover), London UK, TV/movie stuntman (“Jackass” 2000-02/ “Jackass: The Movie”, “Jackass Number Two”, “Jackass 3-D”)
1978 [33] Jason Michael Carroll, Houston TX, country singer/songwriter (“Numbers”, “Where I’m From”)
1981 [30] Chris Evans, Sudbury MA, movie actor (“Scott Pilgrim vs The World”, “Fantastic Four: Rise Of the Silver Surfer”) UP NEXT: “Captain America: The First Avenger”, opening July 22nd.
1986 [25] Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, Sherman Oaks CA, twins who co-run a billion-dollar consumer-goods company (clothing, cosmetics, hair products, home decor, etc)/sometime actresses (began TV sitcom “Full House” 1987-95 at 6 months of age )
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Kitchen Klutzes Day”, celebrating not-so-accomplished cooks by encouraging them to prepare a recipe that contains no more than 4 ingredients, not including water, salt & pepper. (What’s the easiest dinner to make? ‘Mac & Cheese’? ‘Wiener Water Soup’? ‘PB&J’?)
• “Weed Your Garden Day”. Or just start referring to it as a wildflower display.
• “WhitMonday” or “Pentecost Monday”, a movable feast on the Christian calendar. Today in St Ives, England is the annual “Dicing For Bibles”, a WhitMonday tradition since 1675 in which children throw them bones to win themselves a copy of the good book. In recent years, the dicing has been moved from the altar to a more ‘suitable place’. (Basement bingo hall?)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2005 [06] After a sensational 16-week trial in Los Angeles, Michael Jackson is found innocent of child molestation charges
2006 [05] Heather Mills, ex-model and estranged wife of Paul McCartney, announces her intention to divorce the billionaire musician (reportedly costs him $40-$50 million)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1884 [127] Builder LaMarcus Thompson unveils the 1st roller coaster, the ‘Gravity Pleasure Switchback Railway’, at Coney Island NY (the 6 mph ride cost 5 cents)
1898 [113] ‘Yukon Territory’ is 1st organized, with Dawson as capital
1966 [45] US Supreme Court’s ‘Miranda Decision’, requiring police to inform criminal suspects of their constitutional rights BEFORE interrogation (“You have the right to remain silent …”, etc)
1993 [18] Federal Conservatives choose Kim Campbell as leader, thereby making her 1st female PC leader, 1st female PM, and 1st PC to be PM without being elected (she lasts as PM from June 25-November 4)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1922 [89] ‘Longest Attack of Hiccups’ begins (98-year-old Charlie Osborne hiccups over 435 million times before stopping in 1991, 11 months before he dies)
1992 [19] World’s ‘Smallest Recorded Baby’ is born, measuring just 6 inches and weighing only 11 ounces
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” opens on Broadway
[Tues] World Blood Donor Day
[Tues] Family History Day
[Wed] Full ‘Strawberry’ Moon
[Wed] Lunar Eclipse (Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, South America)
[Wed] World Elder Abuse Awareness Day
[Wed] Photography Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Men’s Health Week / Nursing Assistants Week / Universal Fathers Week / US Flag Week
BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS THINGS YOUR DAD WILL NEVER SAY:
• “No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring.”
• “You know, pumpkin, now that you’re 13 you’re ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?”
• “I noticed that all your friends have a certain ‘up yours’ attitude . . . I LIKE that.”
• “What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?”
• “Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.”
• “Whadya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend!”
– First published in “BS” 2000
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com
BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could choose a vacation spot anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
This just in: A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall; police are looking into it.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Drivers with self-esteem issues tend to do more of THIS than others in traffic.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Honk the horn.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A government rebate is just getting some of your own money back.
