Monday, October 17, 2011 Edition: #4609
When You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them with Bull!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• “A Decade of Difference: A Concert Celebrating 10 Years of the William J Clinton Foundation” brought out just about every A-lister in Hollywood on Saturday night. The Hollywood Bowl event also served as an unofficial 65th birthday party for the former US president. Lady Gaga brought down the house singing “Bad Romance”, which she tweaked into ‘Bill Romance’. Usher was so animated on stage, he literally split his pants! Other performers included Bono & The Edge, Kenny Chesney, and Stevie Wonder. Spotted in the audience: Ashton Kutcher (minus Demi Moore), Barbra Streisand & hubby James Brolin, actor Colin Farrell, Ellen DeGeneres & partner Portia de Rossi, pop singer Fergie & husband Josh Duhamel, actress Jessica Alba, and famous felon Lindsay Lohan. (In 1998-99 he faced charges of sexual harassment, perjury, obstruction of justice, and was threatened with impeachment. What an amazing PR turnaround!)
– RadarOnline.com
• At a charity auction during the “Too Many Women” gala in aid of Breakthrough Breast Cancer in London, the auction lots included a cooking lesson from actress Gwyneth Paltrow and a walk-on role in director Guy Ritchie’s next film. Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood got into in a bidding war with businessman David Tang for the privilege of a dinner date with movie star Scarlett Johansson. They finally agreed to both pay $20,000 and ‘share’ the prize. (Is Scarlett up for this?)
– DailyMail.co.uk
• 59-year-old bad actor Steven Seagal, currently starring in the A&E reality show “Steven Seagal: Lawman” about his experiences as a reserve deputy in New Orleans LA, has contacted Sheriff Arvin West of Hudspeth County in west Texas about the possibility of patrolling the border with Mexico and he’s been told … c’mon on down! West has confirmed Seagal’s expected to report for duty in January, though the exact nature of his duties is still being worked out. Seagal is purportedly not doing it for publicity, but because ‘he has a sincere passion for his country and wants to do more to help’. (Can anyone do this kind of thing? We want a fire truck!)
– Zap2It.com
• Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst has locked down a starring role in a new TV sitcom pilot, which, although untitled, is rumored to be called “Douchebag”. He’ll play a famous musician who attempts to juggle family life with his role as a rock star. Durst reportedly signed the deal with CBS-TV after the idea was pitched by his manager, John Schneider, the brother of actor Rob, who will reportedly serve as a non-writing producer on the show. (Schneider’s comedy credits include that landmark movie “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo”.)
– Deadline.com
• Jaleel White, who starred as beloved geek ‘Steve Urkel’ on the popular family sitcom “Family Matters” (1989-98), is making a return to TV as the host of the new game show “Total Blackout” (Syfy). The half-hour series will force contestants to face their greatest fears … in absolute darkness. The show debuts in the new year. (Uh, if it’s in ‘absolute darkness’, how are we going to see it on TV?)
– ContactMusic.com
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Mayer Hawthorne (“A Strange Arrangement”).
• “Dancing With the Stars (ABC/CTV) – The 8 remaining couples dance to classic songs from the 1980s; The Bangles (“Walk Like an Egyptian”) perform.
• Fire Relief: The Concert for Central Texas (Austin TX) – Kyle Chandler (“Friday Night Lights”) hosts this fundraiser for victims of this Summer’s wildfires. Performers include Asleep At the Wheel, Dixie Chicks, George Strait, Lyle Lovett, Steve Miller, and Willie Nelson.
• “Invitation Only” (CMT) – Martina McBride performs material from her new album “Eleven” plus several of her past hits in a new episode taped before a small studio audience in Nashville TN.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Sia (“We Are Born”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Kylesa (“Spiral Shadow”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters performs “In the Flesh” from “The Wall” album with the Foo Fighters. Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – John Doe (“Keeper”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Daughtry perform their latest single, “Crawling Back To You”, from the album “Break the Spell”.
• “The Rosie Show” (OWN) – Boyz II Men (“Twenty”, out October 25th).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Gloria Estevan (“Miss Little Havana”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Cobra Starship (“Night Shades”). Rerun.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Carrie Underwood – She returned to her hometown of Checotah, Oklahoma on Friday to work with more than 200 volunteers who built a new elementary school playground in less than 8 hours. The project was partially funded through her CATS Foundation.
• Coldplay – In “NY Times” they’ve (sort of) explained the strange name of their new album, “Mylo Xyloto” (out October 25th). Guitarist Jonny Buckland says it was invented because they wanted an ‘un-Googleable’ title. Chris Martin says music ‘comes through the fingers and toes’. So the idea of musical digits led to ‘xylo toes’; while ‘Mylo is just a great name … for anything.’
• OutKast – Rapper Big Boi has reached a deal on drug charges that will allow him to avoid jail time. He was arrested while getting off a cruise ship in August after a K-9 dog found ecstasy, a cigarette roller with marijuana residue, and the ecstasy ingredient MDMA. He’s agreed to 3 months of drug testing, community service, and $2,000 in donations to charities.
• Rick Ross – After assuring fans he was OK after falling ill on a flight out of Fort Lauderdale FL on Friday morning, the rapper suffered a 2nd seizure en route to a gig in Memphis TN and the pilot was forced to make a 2nd emergency landing in Birmingham, Alabama where Ross was admitted to a hospital ER.
• Scotty McCreery – The latest “American Idol” winner is atop both the “Billboard” magazine ‘Top 200’ and ‘Top Country Albums’ charts with “Clear As Day”, making him the youngest male artist to ever debut at the top of the all-genre chart with a first release.
• Taylor Swift – She’s helping young people in Reading, Pennsylvania hit the books by partnering with Scholastic to donate 6,000 volumes for children & young adults to the local library. She grew up in nearby Wyomissing PA.
• Tea Party – When the Canadian rockers picked their band name in 1990 they were thinking of hash-smoking poets, not a political movement. But the name has taken on much greater value of late, which is why the band announced Saturday they’re prepared to sell their web domain teaparty.com. What it’s worth is unknown, but “Business Week” speculates it might go for $1 million or more.
HOW TO GET RID OF A HICKEY:
Did the heat of the moment lead to an embarrassing tell-tale neck nip? A few ideas on how to disguise the indiscretion: A top makeup artist recommends popping a wet spoon in the freezer, then gently pressing it to your neck when it’s nice and cool to reduce swelling. Another idea is to take a soft toothbrush and slowly swipe from the inside to the outside of the bruise to help get blood flowing again. You can also try gently dabbing on a creamy, thick concealer and a dash of translucent powder. When all else fails, use a scarf or turtleneck to cover the damage. (This, of course, applies to women …. guys will be only too happy to point out the ‘achievement’.)
– Adapted from Cosmopolitan.com
THE BRAINS BEHIND THE ‘OCCUPY’ MOVEMENT:
‘Occupy Wall Street’ supposedly has no leader but the idea can be traced back to a single source. 69-year-old Kalle Lasn is the publisher & editor of Vancouver-based “Adbusters” magazine, an artsy publication with some 90,000 followers who call themselves ‘culture jammers’. It initiated ‘Buy Nothing Day’ in 1992 to combat ‘over-consumerism’ on the traditional ‘Black Friday’ shopping day after Thanksgiving; as well as ‘TV Turn-off Week’ in 1994. ‘Occupy Wall Street’ began as an idea in the magazine’s conference room, inspired by the ‘Arab Spring’ uprisings. The movement’s now famous image of a ballerina balancing on the Wall Street bull first appeared in its July issue, along with the Twitter hashtag #OccupyWallStreet. (The rest is history … in the making.)
– Forbes.com
AIRPORT SHUTTLE:
The retired space shuttle ‘Endeavour’ is expected to arrive at Los Angeles International Airport by year’s and then be towed through the streets to the California Science Center near downtown LA. NASA already transferred the ownership title to the museum last week. The center has announced it will be housed horizontally in a temporary display until a permanent exhibit is built. Its final position will be vertical, as if it’s ready to launch. NASA retired the space shuttle fleet in July after 3 decades of flying. Museums in suburban Washington DC, NYC, and the Kennedy Space Center in Florida are scheduled to receive the remaining shuttles. (May be the most expensive museum exhibits you’ll ever see, at a cost of circa $1.5 billion … each.)
– AP
FOR THE RECORD:
• Morroco’s Brahim Takioullah has just been recognized by “Guinness Book of World Records” as having the ‘World’s Biggest Feet’. He’s a European size 58 (about a size 25 on the North American chart). His feet are around 38 cm or 15 inches long. (By comparison, former NBA player Shaquille O’Neal wears a size 23 shoe to fit his 37 cm or 14 and 2/3 inch feet.)
– HeraldSun.com
• Yesterday 100-year-old Fauja Singh from the UK (by way of India) attempted to run the “Toronto Waterfront Marathon” and become the oldest person to ever complete a traditional 26.2 mile (42.2 km) race. He already broke 8 world records for runners older than 100 last week for distances ranging from 100 m to 5,000 m. (In 1976, Greece’s 98-year-old Dimitrion Yordanidis became oldest to complete a marathon, finishing in 7 hours, 33 minutes.)
– “Toronto Star”
DID YOU KNOW?
• There were more people (65,000) in Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales on Saturday to watch the Wales vs France “Rugby World Cup” semi-final on video-screens than at the actual live match in New Zealand (60,000 at Auckland’s Eden Park).
– “The Guardian”
• The last European country to start eating tomatoes was Italy. And the last place in Italy to adopt them? Tuscany. (They seemed to catch on!)
– PopBitch.com
BS CHRONOMETER 10.17.11
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [53] Alan Jackson, Newnan GA, country singer (“Good Time”, “Don’t Rock the Jukebox”)
1960 [51] Rob Marshall, Madison WI, movie director (“Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”, 2002 Oscar-“Chicago”)/stage director-choreographer (“Cabaret”, “Damn Yankees”)
1963 [48] Norm Macdonald, Québec City QC, standup comedian/TV personality (“High Stakes Poker” 2011, “Saturday Night Live” 1993-98)/movie actor (“Grown Ups”, “Doctor Dolittle”)
1969 [42] Rick Mercer, St John’s NL, TV comic (“The Rick Mercer Report” since 2004, “This Hour Has 22 Minutes” 1993-2001)/Governor General’s Performing Arts Award (2004)
1969 [42] Wyclef Jean, Croix-des-Bouquets, Haiti, R&B/rap artist (w/Shakira-“Hips Don’t Lie”, The Fugees-“Killing Me Softly”)/briefly Haitian presidential candidate
1971 [40] Chris Kirkpatrick, Clarion PA, washed-up pop singer (*NSYNC-“Bye Bye Bye”, “Pop”)
1972 [39] Eminem (Marshall Mathers III), St Joseph MO (raised Detroit MI), rapper (f/Rihanna-“Love the Way You Lie”, “Lose Yourself”)/sometime movie actor (“8 Mile”)
1978 [33] Erin Karpluk, Jasper AB, TV actress (‘Erica Strange’ on “Being Erica” since 2009)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bosses Day”, an observance since 1958 in which employees are encouraged to ‘honor the boss with a small gift or greeting card’. (Also known as ‘Brown Nosers Day’.)
• “Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Monday of October. If each of the world’s estimated 1 billion computers has an average of 10 unused desktop icons, that represents a staggering 169 acres (69 hectares) of wasted virtual space! Wow, eh?
• “International Day For the Eradication of Poverty”, a UN observance since 1993. Is it working?
• “Mulligan Day”, a day to give yourself or someone else a do-over – a 2nd chance at something botched – like bad golfers give themselves.
• “Wear Something Gaudy Day”. Well, nice to see [co-host] is dressed for the occasion!
• “Work on Your Charisma Day”. How do you do that? Well, experts suggest that you …
– Have goals you are working towards.
– Learn to like yourself.
– Be honestly interested in others.
– Model yourself on someone whom you consider really charismatic.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1951 [60] CBS-TV’s ‘Eye’ logo debuts as a symbol in an ad campaign (looks so good, they’ve kept it ever since)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2000 [11] At a charity auction organized by Mick Fleetwood in London, pop singer George Michael pays £1.5 million for the upright piano on which John Lennon wrote his iconic 1971 hit “Imagine”
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2006 [05] USA’s population reaches 300 million
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1990 [21] ‘World’s Largest Tablecloth’ measures 1,502-ft-long by 4.5-ft-wide (Highland, Illinois)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Chocolate Cupcake Day
[Tues] World Menopause Day
[Tues] “Man Up” debuts (ABC/CTV2)
[Wed] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Wed] Medical Assistants Recognition Day
[Wed] “Bored to Death” debuts (HBO)
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Character Counts Week / Chemistry Week / Food Bank Week / Forest Products Week / Freedom From Bullies Week / Freedom of Speech Week / Kids Care Week / Lead Poisoning Prevention Week / Save For Retirement Week / School Bus Safety Week / Teen Read Week / YWCA Week Without Violence
BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
LESS POPULAR BS SELF-HELP BOOKS:
• “So, You Make Too Much Money”
• “If You Want To Lose Weight, Just Stop Eating, You Fat Cow”
• “I’ll Bet You Can Conquer Your Gambling Problem”
• “Abs of Flab”
• “Lie Your Sweet Ass Off And Become A Millionaire”
• “5 Days to Fatter Ankles”
• “The One-Minute Lover”
– First published in “BS” 2000
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com
BS PHONE STARTER:
Are single dads too often disrespected as parents? (A separated fathers’ support group in Australia says family courts wrongly presume that women automatically make better parents than men.)
BS RANDOM JOKE:
My microblog is at 50% capacity. I’m a Tumblr half-full sort of guy.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: According to a new study, human fathers share THIS trait with only 5% of the mammal world.
Answer: Caring for their young.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
People have one thing in common … they are all different.
NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
“BS” salutes new subscriber Simon Miller @ Bok Radio, Cape Town, South Africa; and this week’s samplers who include LaTone Heart @ Hot 97.9 [KQLK] Lake Charles, Louisiana; Kodi Roberts @ Lite FM 94.1 [KLTR] Brenham, Texas; Terry Tuszka @ Country 96 [KWWR] Mexico, Missouri; and Darin T Cooley @ WMET Gaithersburg, Maryland. Welcome, all!
