Monday, April 23, 2007 Edition: #3515
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• SATURDAY “American Idol” loser Sanjaya Malakar attended the White House Correspondents’ Dinner as the guest of “People” magazine, where he mingled with the bigwigs of Washington DC as well as entertainers like John Cusack & Sheryl Crow. TODAY he makes appearances on “Live with Regis & Kelly”, the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”, and “Late Show with David Letterman”, where he’ll present the ‘Top 10′ list. Argh, he just won’t go away!
– “E! Online”
• Late funk legend James Brown’s estate owes $70,000 in funeral costs. The CA Reid Funeral Home in Augusta GA arranged the singer’s funeral and cared for his body from his DECEMBER 25th death up until its MARCH burial at Brown’s daughter Deanna Brown Thomas’s home in Beech Island SC. If the time it took to bury the guy is any indication, they shouldn’t be expecting payment anytime soon.
– Starpulse News Blog
• Simon Cowell’s $11.7-million London mansion has been ransacked while he’s away in Los Angeles shooting “American Idol”. Thieves made off with jewelry, silver and electronic equipment. Police say Cowell was ‘unwise’ to leave his house keys with contractors who were refurbishing the house. The theory is someone made a copy of the main key.
– “Daily Express”
• Recently fired “Apprentice” contestant Kristine Lefebvre will grace the cover of the JUNE issue of “Playboy”, which will also feature buff photos of the 37-year-old attorney. Her publicist says the cancer survivor wants to use the opportunity to send a supportive message to others struggling with the disease. Right … and the money’s not bad either.
– realitytvscoop.com
• George Clooney and Brad Pitt will team up in the new Coen Brothers film “Burn After Reading”. Clooney will play a killer in the black comedy. And Tobey Maguire has already signed on to play “Spiderman” in a 4th installment of the series. The 3rd film is out MAY 4th.
– TMZ.com
• Donald Trump has sent Barbara Walters a framed set of undergarments worn by Rosie O’Donnell in “Exit to Eden” to hang on her office wall at “The View”. Trump obtained the girdle-like getup from a fan who purchased it at a charity auction and says he sent it to Barbara because it was funny … except that it was really gross.
– “New York Post”
• Nick Lachey & his girlfriend of 1 year, Vanessa Minnillo, moved in together LAST WEEK. A source snitches that the singer and the MTV veejay are shacking up in a 2-bedroom condo in Manhattan’s luxury Atelier building. The pair had the unfortunate luck of moving in during last week’s raging nor’easter.
– “People Magazine”
• The hugely anticipated bigscreen version of hit TV show “24” (FOX) is being put on hold until the series finishes. Scriptwriter Evan Katz says he’s already completed work on the script but confirms that fans of the show will have to wait for the feature-length version until it the series comes off-air.
– “Contact Music”
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – The Brit singer & her on-and-off boyfriend of 2-and-a-half-years, Blake Fielder Civil, are now engaged. She already has a tattoo of his name on her left breast … so it was a logical next step.
• Gorillaz – The Grammy-winning animated rockers will disband after appearing in an upcoming movie to be directed by Terry Gilliam (ex- Monty Python). Frontman Damon Albarn has confirmed they’ve released their last album and will go their separate ways once the film is released.
• Joss Stone – TONIGHT the Brit soul singer performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Rolling Stones – Mick Jagger’s 23-year-old daughter Elizabeth has quit runway modeling because she says it was making her miserable. For one thing, her feet bled all the time from being rammed into tight new shoes (ew, thanks for sharing). Fortunately she has a million-dollar-deal as the face of Lancome cosmetics to fall back on.
• U2– SATURDAY the vintage Gibson Les Paul guitar The Edge put up for auction for the Music Rising charity sold for $240,000 in NYC. That’s a lot, but Jimi Hendrix’s 1966 Red Fender Mustang pulled in even more … $400,000! A total of $2.4 million was raised to benefit New Orleans musicians.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SCHED:
• The new reality series “The Real Wedding Crashers” debuts (NBC), in which couples agree to have practical jokes played on their wedding guests. The show takes over for the just-cancelled series “The Black Donnellys”.
• “Heroes” returns to NBC with 5 new episodes to close out the season, hyped with the catchy new slogan: “It’s time to save the world.”
CHANGING THE CHINGLISH:
The Chinese government has set up the ‘Beijing Speaks Foreign Languages Program’, an army of thousands of city workers and volunteers whose mission is to rid the city of every hilarious English street sign, tourist exhibit, and menu description in time for NEXT SUMMER’s Olympic Games. The word-police have already replaced over 6,500 traffic signs and are now focusing attention on restaurant menus that list things like ‘fried crap’, ‘cow bowel in sauce’, ‘corrugated iron beef’, and ‘acid food’. They’ll also replace unintentionally offensive signs such as ‘Deformed Man’, found hanging outside a restroom for the handicapped. Unfortunately, the whitewashing will also rid Beijing of some sweet Chinglish poetry, such as a sign on a park lawn that reads – ‘Show Mercy to the Slender Grass’.
– “Curious Times”
FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 54% of men and 24% women believe they would fare better than average in a fist-fight.
• 45% of those making over a $100,000 a year have shopped at a dollar store in the past year.
• 42% of parents admit they have lied to their children.
• 30% of guys have used a fake name for a reservation at a restaurant.
• 7% of men and 8% of women have looked for revenge after a breakup.
• 1% of women and 3% of men have actually passed out while discussing commitment.
CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO UNHAPPINESS:
Scientists in the UK are studying the happiness-producing properties of dirt after discovering that a bacteria found in soil seems to improve the moods of lung cancer patients. Researchers also found that exposure to the bacteria mycobacterium vaccae raises the levels of serotonin in the brains of mice. Researcher Dr Chris Lowry says the studies show that developing a healthy immune system is important for maintaining mental health. Maybe we should all spend more time playing in the dirt?
– BBC News
OFFICE BUGABOOS:
What gets under your skin at the office? According to a nationwide survey, here are the top turn-offs …
• Boredom. (29%)
• Bad Boss. (28%)
• Technical Problems, ie: equipment that repeatedly breaks down. (22%)
(And what about that swill they call coffee?!?! Huh, huh???)
– CareerBuilder.com
FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH:
University of Chicago medical prof Dr Michael Roizen has a book and Website called “Real Age” in which he outlines what he claims is a scientifically-tested method of staying young. His tips? The more you make love, the younger you’ll feel. Not driving makes you younger, he says, as well as owning a dog. And, get this – flossing your teeth also has a ‘huge effect’. Take the test here to find what YOUR real age is …
NET: http://www.realage.com/
– AFP
FOR THE RECORD:
TODAY the cast of Eric Idle’s London theater production of “Spamalot” are set to lead a world record attempt to get as many people as they can to bang coconuts together in Trafalgar Square. It’s a salute to the play’s inspiration, the 1975 movie comedy “Monty Python & the Holy Grail, which features the characters on foot, gallop as if they are on horses and bang coconuts together to simulate the sound. The current world record, which is held by New Yorkers, had 1,789 people joining in. The coconut banging will be followed by a screening of the original film in the square.
– Reuters
BS AMAZING FACT:
A typical man is 50-to-70% water, or 47 liters. A typical woman is 40-to-60% water, or 33 liters. (Proof that women have more substance!)
BS SHOCKING FACT:
California has 34 million vehicles. Only 135,425 (about 0.3%) are hybrids, but this accounts for
more than a quarter of America’s total. Gulp.
AND WE QUOTE:
“I’m sorry, as everyone who knows me is aware, for losing my temper with my child.”
– Movie & TV actor Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”) making a public apology for calling his 11-year-old daughter a “rude, thoughtless pig” on a phone message (thoughtfully released to the press by his ex-wife’s lawyer). Listen to him ruin a kid’s life and perhaps commit career suicide here …
NET: http://tinyurl.com/2ejayu
BS CHRONOMETER 04.23.07
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [53] Michael Moore, Flint MI, documentary filmmaker (“Fahrenheit 9/11”, “Bowling for Columbine”) UP NEXT: His new documentary “Sicko” premieres NEXT MONTH at the “Cannes Film Festival”.
1960 [47] Valerie Bertinelli, Wilmington DE, TV actress (“Touched by an Angel” 2001-03, “One Day at a Time” 1975-84)/ex-Mrs Eddie Van Halen 1981-2005/new spokesperson for Jenny Craig weight-loss program
1961 [46] George Lopez, Mission Hills CA, TV producer/writer/sitcom actor (“George Lopez” since 2002)/standup comedian (“Team Leader”)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Canada Book Day”, a yearly event organized by the Writers’ Trust of Canada to promote reading and books. The week surrounding APRIL 23 is celebrated as “Canada Book Week”.
• ”International Day of the Book”, as declared annually by UNESCO to promote reading and books.
• “Lover’s Day” in Spain, the Spanish equivalent of Valentines Day, when women give books to men and men give roses to women.
• “Plumbers Day”. Let’s all do the plumber’s salute … drop your pants 2 inches!
• “St George’s Day Holiday” in Newfoundland & Labrador, where for some reason they get a day off for England’s national day. Not fair … we want the day off too!
• “Shakespeare’s Birth & Death Anniversary” (1564-1616), honoring the bard of Stratford-on-Avon, England who composed 37 plays and 154 sonnets. For sooth! The annual “Bard’s Birthday Celebration” will be held in many locations around-the-world, including the home of Canada’s annual “Shakespearean Festival”, Stratford ON. (See Bull’s Bits”.)
• “Spring Cat Cleaning Day”, a day to give your cat a bath. Be careful!
• “TV-Turnoff Week”, the 13th annual when we’re encouraged to turn off the tube and pursue alternative activities. Based on AC Nielsen figures, by age 65 the average person spends nearly 9 years glued to the tube and watches about 2 million TV commercials.
COOL THINGS ABOUT TURNING OFF TV:
• 7 full days without searching for the damn remote.
• Less chance you’ll hurl a brick through your screen when Ryan Seacrest repeatedly promises something “… after the break.”
• By the end of the week, you may have read something besides TV listings.
• Great opportunity to meet other people … who live in your home.
• You get a whole week without hearing the comment, “This is crap, what else is on?”
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1896 [111] 1st ‘Motion Picture’ shown to general public (a Vitascope system is used to project a film onto a screen in a demonstration at Koster & Bials Music Hall in NYC)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1956 [51] Elvis Presley 1st appearance in Las Vegas (audiences are unimpressed and the 2-week engagement is cancelled after a single week)
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1964 [43] 1st MLB no-hitter pitched for a loss (Cincinnati Reds beat Astros’ pitcher Ken Johnson 1-0 on 2 costly Houston errors)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1969 [38] John Sinclair completes record walk of 215 miles in 48 hours … non-stop!
1996 [11] NHL single-game record crowd of 28,183 watches Philadelphia beat Tampa
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] World Lab Animal Day
[Wed] International Red Hat Day
[Wed] 38th GMA Dove Awards (Nashville TN)
[Wed] Anzac Day (Australia/NZ)
[Wed] Hug an Australian Day
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[Thurs] Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day
[Thurs] Richter Scale Day
[Thurs] Pretzel Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Administrative Professionals Week / Big Brothers-Big Sisters Appreciation Week / Canada-US Goodwill Week / Consumer Protection Week / Egg Salad Week / Forest Week / Give-A-Sample Week / Intergenerational Week / Jewish Heritage Week / Keep America Beautiful Week / Lingerie Week / Reading Is Fun Week / Sky Awareness Week / Week of the Young Child / YMCA Week
BULL’S BITS
SHAKESPEARE’S BEST PICK-UP LINES:
• “Romeo and Gertrude is just a working title. I might be persuaded to change it for you, m’lady.”
• “Et tu, Cutie?”
• “Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I’d spend the evening with pen in hand, if thou knowest what I mean.”
• “Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I’m merely happy to cast eyes upon thy beauty!”
• “Wouldst thou away to yon Holiday Inn with me?”
• “Greetings to you, fair sailor!”
• “Do me, or not do me. That is the question.”
BS PHONE STARTER:
How many beauty/health products do you use on a daily basis?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Parts of today’s show were pre-recorded … and then erased.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Studies show that boys are much better than girls at imitating THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Animal sounds.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nothing looks as good close-up as it does from far away.
THANKS FOR BEING A BULL MARKET:
We’re pleased to welcome new subscriber Roshan Abbas, a long-time TV & radio personality now at Bindaas in Mumbai, India. And we welcome samplers this week that include Allan Etmanski @ The Panther [CRFM] Canadore College, North Bay ON; Rick Burkett @ K103 Today’s Best Country [KEZS] Cape Girardeau MO; Nina McCurdy @ The One [KWAR] Waverly IA; Ann Chartrand @ The Buzz [KJMO] Jefferson City MO; and Simon O’Neill @ ZM FM Wellington NZ. Pass the word about “BS” – we bonus you 1 free month for each and every new subscriber you refer!
