Thursday, April 21, 2005        Edition: #3017
More From the Bovine Stool Dispenser!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT “The OC” features another relatively unknown band, Death Cab for Cutie, a guitar-driven indie act that has previously received mentions on the show (The Walkmen, The Killers & The Thrills have all benefitted from performing on the series) . . . Actor Ethan Hawke is hoping Uma Thurman doesn’t turn up to see him in his current Broadway play “Hurlyburly” because his character says a lot of harsh things about an ex-wife (and he’s still hoping to score once more) . . . Icelene Jones, widow of rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard, is one smart cookie – she’s saved a sample of his DNA to force any of his bastard offspring (rumored to number up to 13) to prove who’s their daddy before attempting to claim a share of his estate . . . Movie star Chris Tucker has been arrested for clocking over 120 in a 70 mph zone while attempting to outrun cops (geez, was he shooting “Rush Hour 3”?) . . . MAY 16th London’s Leicester [LESS-tuhr] Square will host a 2-day “Star Wars” marathon that includes a screening of all 6 episodes (including the new “Revenge of the Sith”) and a  “Star Wars” music concert by the Royal Philharmonic (tickets go on sale MONDAY for circa $100) . . . And Hollywood blogger Defamer.com says the early casting choice if there was to be a miniseries about Benedict XVI should be – Kirk Douglas (they could title it “Holy Smoke, A New Pope!”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alanis Morissette – THIS SUMMER she’ll do an acoustic tour in support of a newly-recorded acoustic edition of her 1995 album “Jagged Little Pill”. The tour begins JUNE 7th in Toronto.
• Jay-Z – He’s partnering with watchmaker Audemars Piguet to create a series of limited-edition timepieces that will retail for $23,500 to $69,500.
• Josh Gracin – THIS WEEK the ex-Marine and former “American Idol” contestant celebrated his first #1 country single, “Nothin’ to Lose”, at a bash in Nashville TN.
• Limp Bizkit – While many acts are lobbying to end the downloading of songs, Fred Durst has posted a blog asking fans to go ahead and take “The Truth”, the first single from the upcoming album “The Unquestionable Truth (Part 1)”. Odds are, he won’t even be able to give it away.
• Mariah Carey – Could it be she’s finally found someone who can put up with her? She’s been spotted looking cosy of late with “Rush Hour” movie director Brett Ratner.
• Sting – THIS WEEK he surprised a music composition class at the University of Illinois at Chicago by showing up as an unannounced guest speaker, complete with MTV cameras in tow.
• Tori Amos – TONIGHT she’s on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” on NBC-TV.
• Van Morrison – The 59-year-old icon has just launched his first Website, offering audio clips of new material as well as an archive of his 40-year career.
NET: http://www.vanmorrison.co.uk

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Jack Black will star in “Yes Man”, the story of a guy who finds happiness and romance by saying ‘yes’ to everything . . . Jodie Foster will play a lawyer opposite Denzel Washington & Clive Owen in “Inside Man”, about a cop who goes up against a bank robber trying to pull the perfect heist . . . Matthew McConaughey & Sarah Jessica Parker will star in the comedy “Failure to Launch”, about a guy in his 30s still living at home who finally meets the girl of his dreams . . . Ray Liotta will star in the comedy “Comeback Season”, which begins shooting in Calgary MAY 9th, playing a cheating husband who moves in with the local high school football star after being booted out by his wife . . . And here’s the latest cast signings to join Tom Hanks & Audrey Tatou (“Amelie”) in the movie version of Dan Brown’s mega-selling novel “The DaVinci Code” – Ian McKellen (“Lord of the Rings”, “X-Men”) as ‘Sir Leigh Teabing’, Alfred Molina (“Spider-Man 2″) as ‘Bishop Aringarosa’, and Brit actor Christopher Eccleston (“Dr Who”) as the mad monk ‘Silas’.

ALL-TIME TOP CELEB SEDUCERS:
The most infamous womanizers in Hollywood history …
5. Warren Beatty (famous conquests include Natalie Wood, Leslie Caron, Joan Collins, Madonna, Diane Keaton, and current wife Annette Bening).
4. Elvis Presley (Cybill Shepherd, Barbra Streisand, Mamie Van Doren, Natalie Wood, Tuesday Weld, Ann-Margret).
3. KISS rocker Gene Simmons (Cher, Shannon Tweed, Diana Ross).
2. Howard Hughes (Katharine Hepburn, Jean Peters, Terry Moore, Ava Gardner).
1. Hugh Hefner (Barbi Benton, Terry Welles, Brande Roderick, and 7 girlfriends at once).
– AskMen.com

NO PUSSY HUNTING ALLOWED:
Wisconsin governor Jim Doyle has shot down a proposal to legalize the killing of – stray cats. The Wisconsin Conservation Congress was proposing that the state’s estimated 2 million free-roaming cats be re-classified as an unprotected species that kills songbirds and other wildlife, making it legal to hunt them down and kill them. Animal rights groups have derided the idea as inhumane and dangerous. However, one study shows that a single unspayed female with all her unspayed female offspring can be responsible for over 3,200 kittens within 12 years. Perhaps that’s why both South Dakota and Minnesota allow ‘feral cats’, domesticated cats gone wild, to be shot. (What a great argument starter!)
– “Detroit Free Press”

THE DAY FREE MUSIC DIED?
TODAY the Canadian Recording Industry Association wraps up its appeal to a 3-judge panel in Toronto in an attempt to overturn a federal court decision made LAST YEAR that stopped
recording companies from getting access to the names of people who participate in online file-sharing. If the appeal is successful, the door would be opened to lawsuits against individual music fans like the ones filed in the US. The music industry blames sites like Kazaa for the downturn in sales of CDs. (Or could it be that today’s kids are just too savvy to pay 20 bucks for a CD with only 2 good tunes on it?)
– CBC Arts

TASTEFUL ART:
36-year-old Australian-born NYC painter Sid Chidiac has a unique way of making his paintings popular – they’re made entirely of fine Belgian chocolate! In the past 3 years, he’s conjured up dozens of edible portraits, from Marilyn Monroe to Oprah Winfrey, that also feature an edible frame, canvas and paint. They look so yummy, they have to be cordoned off at exhibitions to keep sweet-toothed art lovers from sampling. Chidiac says they’re not designed to be eaten at all, although he can’t resist licking his brushes clean. (You can bet this guy’s work won’t be around a hundred years from now … or even next Tuesday!)
– Agence France Presse

WORLD’S BEST AIRPORTS:
Here are the top international terminals according to a just-released annual poll by airline research firm Skytrax, based on 31 criteria including access, comfort, cleanliness, wait times, shopping and service. Note that not one of the top 10 is in North America.
10. Sydney Airport – Sydney, Australia
9. Copenhagen Airport – Copenhagen, Denmark
8. Schiphol – Amsterdam, the Netherlands
7. Kuala Lumpur International – Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
6. Dubai International – Dubai UAE
5. Kansai International – Osaka, Japan
4. Munchen Airport – Munich, Germany
3. Incheon International – Seoul, South Korea
2. Changi International – Singapore
1. Hong Kong International – Hong Kong, China
(Minneapolis-St Paul came in at #20 worldwide and #1 in North America.)
– “Forbes” magazine.

UP IN SMOKE:
New research shows that the risks of smoking are even greater than initially thought. According to new ‘life charts’ produced by the Institute of Actuaries, men who smoke at the age of 30 will have their life expectancy cut by 5.5 years, and women by more than 6.5 years. Even more alarming is the fact that at any age up to 80, the chances of a smoker dying in the next year are practically doubled. (On the upside, Russell Crowe reportedly smokes like a chimney!)
– “Times of London”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Some sources claim the youngest pope was Benedict IX, elected in 1032 AD at age 12.

THE BULL SHEET 04.21.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [79] Queen Elizabeth II (Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Mountbatten-Windsor), London UK, “Her most Excellent Majesty Elizabeth the 2nd, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom, of Great Britain & Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms & Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth & Defender of the Faith”/Camilla’s mother-in-law

1935 [70] Charles Grodin (Grodinsky), Pittsburgh PA, news commentator (“60 Minutes Wednesday” since 2000)/movie actor (“Beethoven”)

1958 [47] Andie MacDowell, Gaffney SC, movie actress (“Beauty Shop”, “Four Weddings & a Funeral”)/spokesmodel for L’Oreal

1959 [46] Michael Timmins, Toronto ON, pop musician (Cowboy Junkies-“Misguided Angel”)/Margo Timmins’ brother

1965 [40] Ed Belfour, Carman MB, NHL goalie (Toronto Maple Leafs)

1970 [35] Nicole Sullivan, NYC, TV sitcom actress (‘Holly Shumpert’ on “The King of Queens” since 2002)/movie actress (“Guess Who”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “High Five Day”, when without inhibition, people are encouraged to freely exchange high fives between all genders, races, heights, and social classes.
NET: http://www.nationalhighfiveday.com

TODAY Muslims worldwide celebrate “Muhammad’s Birthday”. Prophet Muhammad was born around 570 in Mecca. There is no mention of the date of his birth in the Quran or historical records but tradition ascribes the date to be on 12th of Rabi al-awwal, the 3rd lunar month. The day is a public holiday in many Islamic countries.

TODAY is the traditional “First Day of Summer in Iceland”, celebrated with parades, sporting events and entertainment. Legend has it that if the night before first day of summer is freezing cold, the following summer is going to be great!

TODAY is “Kindergarten Day”, honoring the 1782 birth of German educator Friedrich Froebel, who established the 1st kindergarten in 1837.

TODAY is “Big Word Day”, a day to use humongous words on purpose just to impress yourself. Go ahead, you can facilitate this celebration of excess verbiage!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1945 [60]  Warner Bros cartoon character ‘Yosemite Sam’ debuts in the short film “Hare Trigger”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1975 [30]  BJ Thomas’ “Hey Won’t You Play Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song” becomes tune with longest title of any #1 pop single

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2001 [04] LA Xtreme win the 1st (and last) “XFL Championship Game”, defeating San Francisco Demons 38-6 (WWE’s fledgling football league folds soon after)

1997 [08] 1st ‘Space Funeral’ as ashes of LSD advocate Timothy Leary and “Star Trek” creator Gene Roddenberry are sent into orbit

1997 [08] Ottawa Senator fans wave signs reading ‘Buddha Power’ to celebrate 1st-ever home playoff game

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1996 [09] Chicago Bulls wrap up NBA’s best-ever regular season with 72nd victory

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Earth Day
[Fri] Jelly Bean Day
[Sat] NBA playoffs begin
[Sat] Passover begins at sundown (Jewish)
[Sat-Sun] NFL draft
[Sun] Full Moon (Mating Moon, Hare Moon)
[Mon-May 1] 11th TV-Turnoff Week
This Week Is . . . Bike Safety Week / Boys & Girls Club Week
This Month Is . . . Thai Heritage Month / Alcohol Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WORDS NOT YET IN THE DICTIONARY:
These aren’t real words yet … but they should be!
• ‘Disconfect’ – To ‘sterilize’ food you dropped on the floor by blowing on it.
• ‘Burgacide’ – When a hamburger can’t take any more torture and hurls itself into the coals.
• ‘Elcelleration’ – Repeatedly pushing the elevator button to make it arrive faster.
• ‘Memnants’ – The chipped or broken M&Ms at the bottom of the bag.
• ‘Bubblic’ – Addicted to popping the bubbles in packing material.
• ‘Aquadextrous’ – The ability to turn the bathtub taps on and off with your toes.
• ‘Squatcho’ – The button on the top of a baseball cap.
• ‘Accordionated’ – Being able to drive and fold a road map at the same time.
• ‘Napjerk’ – The sudden convulsion of the body just as one is about to doze off.
Want more? Try the ‘Pseudo-Dictionary’, run by Paul Jarvis of Vancouver …
NET: http://www.pseudodictionary.com

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• The difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wingtips.
• He used to be a professional magician but he wasn’t very good. After a few minutes his entire
audience would disappear.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you could choose the very last thing you would see before you die, what would it be?
• Let’s say you can commit one crime without being caught. Which do you pick?
• You can magically transport yourself to any place in the world at this moment. Where will you go?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If a guy’s ex- was spreading rumors about him, THIS one would bother him the most.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: He’s lousy in the sack.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The more you say, the less people remember.