Monday, April 18, 2005 Edition: #3014
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!
BS LOOK AT THE WEEKEND TABLOIDS:
• Should the “Desperate Housewives” be worried that showbiz veteran Alfre Woodard is moving to ‘Wisteria Lane’? ABC-TV’s SUNDAY night hit is still reeling from a “Vanity Fair” cover story that dwelled on ego-driven antics at the mag’s photo-shoot. “Alfre’s a pro, and very grounded,” says a snitch. “The message to the rest of the cast is that no one is indispensable.” (“NY Daily News”)
• If you’ve ever wanted to look like “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher, here is one way you can and do something charitable at the same time. The stars of the hit show have started the new charity “Clothes Off Our Covers” which auctions off clothes they’ve worn on magazine covers. Hatcher has donated the pink Versace dress she wore for the cover shoot of THIS MONTH’s issue of “In Style”. (“In Touch Weekly”)
• Desperate because she felt her buns didn’t bulge bountifully enough on camera, “Desperate Housewives” star Marcia Cross ordered the show’s wardrobe department to beef up her bony butt. So the experts in costuming have goosed Marcia’s caboose up to near-Beyoncé with rubber rear-end pads. (“Enquirer”)
• Britney Spears is buying a $2.5-million bungalow in Las Vegas NV close to where her baby was conceived. That reportedly occurred in room 248 of the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, a short walk from the Federline’s new Vegas home. (“NY Post”)
• The Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore hit movie “The Wedding Singer” is coming to Broadway. The story is being turned into a musical that will open on the Great White Way a year from now. (“Star Magazine”)
• FOX-TV is now considering replacing Nicole Richie on “The Simple Life” with classic rocker Rod Stewart’s daughter Kimberly Stewart since Paris Hilton and Nicole have agreed to go their separate ways. (“E! Online”)
• “Alfie” co-stars Jude Law & Sienna Miller have reportedly wed in a secret ceremony. Miller has been spotted with a gold band on her left hand. (ITV.com)
• “The Insider” host Pat O’Brien, in rehab for a booze problem, has collapsed and been rushed to a hospital. After discovering pneumonia, doctors gave him antibiotics and he’s said to be recovering. (“Page Six”)
• Friends fear that Jennifer Aniston is on the verge of a nervous breakdown as she struggles to come to grips with life after Brad Pitt. Word has it Jen has been withdrawing from many of her pals, collapsing into crying fits and working herself to exhaustion. (“National Enquirer”)
HEADLINES OF THE WEEK:
• “How to Have Out-of-Body Sex with Anyone You Like … in the Privacy of Your Own Mind!”
• “Politician Argues Born-Again Christians Need New Birth Certificates!”
• “Calls to White House Outsourced to India!”
• “Scientist Finds Women’s ‘Asking-for-Directions’ Gene!”
• “Blood Sucking Dracula Squirrels Invade US!”
• “News that ‘the Rapture’ Has Come & Gone Alarms Many Christians!”
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Clay Walker – He took part in a 150-mile bike ride from Houston to Austin TX on the weekend to raise funds for the Multiple Sclerosis Society.
• DMX – SATURDAY he was arrested for driving with a suspended license after a 3-car accident involving a police cruiser on a major NYC expressway.
• 50 Cent – His Reebok’s ad has been yanked off British TV after complaints that it promotes gun culture. All he does is count from 1 to 9, but critics claim that’s a direct reference to the number of times he’s been shot.
• Madonna – Organizers of NEXT MONTH’s “Cannes Film Festival” have turned down the opportunity to screen her as-yet-untitled new documentary movie. She now hopes to premiere it at the “Venice Film Festival” later in the year.
• OutKast – They’ve finally come to a settlement in a lawsuit brought by 92-year-old civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks over claims they wrongly used her name in a 1998 song. The settlement includes funding a number of educational programs, including a tribute DVD to Parks.
• P Diddy – He’s sold off a 50% share in his Bad Boy Records label for circa $30 million.
• Rob Thomas – TONIGHT he’s on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
RACY SEX:
According to a dubiously accurate new survey by a UK tabloid, black men and white women have the most sexual partners. The study finds that both black Caribbean and black African men average 9 lovers during their lifetimes, while white women average 5 sexual partners. By comparison, both men and women of Pakistani descent average just 1 sexual partner during their entire lives. (Much like [co-host] … one partner … himself.)
– “Daily Record”
MEASURED SUCCESS:
Canadian researchers asked over 100 sedentary people to wear something specific for 3 months and those that did lost an average of 3.3 pounds. What were they wearing? A pedometer! Just clipping on a counter increased the number of steps taken each day by a third and these people each burned an extra 11,500 calories. (How come the odometer in the car ain’t working for me?)
– “Women’s Health”, MAY 2005 edition.
TRUE BS CRIME:
• A 69-year-old Wadebridge UK woman discovered a man clambering on her roof in the middle of the night and proceeded to knock out the burglar by hitting him with – a garden gnome! It bounced off his head, leaving him lying dazed. Then the quick-thinking granny fetched her rolling pin and a camera, and proceeded to take photos of the intruder while neighbors called the cops. Why the rolling pin? She didn’t want to break another gnome.
• Police in Pitesti, Romania used common sense to catch a thief suspected of stealing a cellphone in a busy store – they simply called the phone. When a 34-year-old woman’s underwear began ringing, a female cop strip-searched her and found she’d stashed the phone in her crotch. Perhaps not surprisingly, the owner declined to take the phone back.
• For 13 years, a 47-year-old man from Bielefeld, Germany has held a grudge against the dentist who allegedly pulled out the wrong teeth. After a heavy drinking session, his anger boiled over and he drove to the dental office looking for revenge. Upon seeing someone leaving, the former patient impulsively tried to run him down with his vehicle. But, much like the tooth man, the patient goofed up too – he tried to run over the wrong dentist. The gummy man’s now facing charges of attempted manslaughter.
END OF THE WORLD UPDATE:
The death of the Pope has rekindled interest in the prophecies of Saint Malachy, a 12th-century Irish bishop whose predictions foretell that there will only be 2 more popes before the end of the world. According to the legend, St Malachy had a remarkable gift for prophetic visions and supposedly predicted the exact day and hour of his own death in 1148 AD. His most famous prediction concerns his vision of 112 popes who were to lead the church after his death. John Paul II was the 110th, and if Malachy’s prediction is accurate, the final pope whom he called ‘Peter the Roman’ will rule at a time when “the city of the 7 hills (Jerusalem) will be destroyed, and the formidable Judge will judge the people.” (You know what this means? A spin-off for NBC-TV’s “Revelations”!)
– newsmax.com
BS AMAZING FACT:
A person cannot taste food unless it is mixed with saliva.
AND WE QUOTE:
• “America loves the Puerto Ricans. We help fight all the wars.” – “Sin City” actor Benicio Del Toro.
• “Collectively, the 5 of us have flatlined 12 times.” – Velvet Revolver’s Duff McKagen boasting about the band’s adventures in healthy living.
THE BULL SHEET 04.18.2K5
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [58] James Woods, Vernal UT, movie actor (“Be Cool”, “The Ghosts of Mississippi”)
1954 [51] Rick Moranis, Toronto ON, movie actor (“Honey, I Shrunk the Kids”, “Honey, I Blew Up the Kid”, “Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves”, “Honey, I Shrunk the Audience”)/former TV comic (‘McKenzie Brothers’ on “SCTV”)/former CHUM-FM, CFTR Toronto jock
1956 [49] Eric Roberts, Biloxi MS, movie actor/Julia Roberts’ bitter big brother who’s made over 100 films but gets none of the acclaim she does
1963 [42] Eric McCormack, Toronto ON [raised Calgary AB], TV sitcom actor (‘Will Truman’ on “Will & Grace” since 1998)
1963 [42] Conan O’Brien, Brookline MA, TV host (“Late Night with Conan O’Brien” since 1993)/future “Tonight Show” host (2009)/cousin of actor Denis Leary.
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day”, as declared by pajama-maker PajamaGram. The idea is to give yourself a comfort break. (And perhaps the opportunity to look for a new job.)
NET: http://store.yahoo.com/pajamagram/wearpjstowork.html
TODAY is the 109th “Boston Marathon”, when 2 million spectators will watch 30,000 runners chase a half-million in prizes. The race starts in Hopkinton MA and winds through 8 towns to the finish in downtown Beantown.
NET: http://www.bostonmarathon.org
TODAY is “Look-Alike Day”, a day for people who are constantly mistaken for rich and famous celebrities to have some recognition of their own.
TODAY is “Pet Owners Independence Day”, a day when dog and cat owners are encouraged to take the day off and have their pets work in their place, since most pets are unemployed and sleep all day. FACTOID: Who takes care of the family pet? Research shows women are in charge when it comes to feeding and grooming, but when its time for a daily walk – that’s male territory!
TODAY is “International Jugglers Day”. You and a partner can do some radio juggling, or at least create the SFX, simply by quickly patting your chest or knees – whichever’s flattest.
TODAY is “Teach Children To Save Day”, another way of planning for your retirement besides contributing to that diving mutual fund.
THIS WEEK is “World Lab Animal Week”. A comparison of almost 3,000 research papers published over the past 30 years in major biomedical journals has found a 30% decline in the number of studies using animals. It seems more and more researchers are turning to alternative testing methods.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1956 [49] Movie star Grace Kelly marries Prince Rainier III of Monaco
1995 [10] Michael Jackson hosts Neverland Ranch ‘Conference on Cultural Diversity’ with 46 kids from 17 countries (or as Mikey refers to it … smorgasbord!)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1975 [30] John Lennon releases “Stand by Me”
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1934 [71] 1st Laundromat opens, in Fort Worth TX – ‘The Washateria’ (be sure to say it with a Texas accent)
1955 [50] 1st use of the term ‘Third World’ (President Sukarno of Indonesia)
1955 [50] 1st ‘Walk/Don’t Walk’ lighted street signals (later replaced with pictograms)
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Garlic Day
[Tues] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Montréal)
[Wed] International Astronomy Day
[Thurs] Muhammad’s Birthday (Islamic)
[Thurs] First Day of Summer (Iceland)
[Fri] Earth Day
[Fri] Jelly Bean Day
[Sat] NBA playoffs begin
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Bike Safety Week / Boys & Girls Club Week / Crime Victims Week / Lefty Awareness Week / Library Forgiveness Week / Bubblegum Week / Coin Week / Police Week / Week of the Ocean
BULL’S BITS . . .
MEN WHO GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME:
1. Henry VIII
2. Donald Trump
3. Mick Jagger
4. Tony Soprano
5. Justin Timberlake
– “Happen” magazine.
WAYS TO REDUCE PMS SYMPTOMS:
1. Exercise regularly.
2. Eat healthy.
3. Reduce stress.
4. Reduce caffeine intake.
– Web MD Health
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Who once directed a movie entitled “I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal at Disney”?
a. Ellen DeGeneres
b. Ben Affleck [CORRECT. It was a film short he made in college.]
c. Steven Spielberg
• Just what exactly is a ‘bangtail’?
a. A regional expression in Saskatchewan for a rabbit that’s been run over on the highway.
b. Marketing jargon for a billing envelope with advertising on it. [CORRECT]
c. Slang for a starlet who appears in a movie but has no spoken lines.
BS BLATANT JOKE:
• I’m the living proof … great beer bellies are made, not born.
• You know what they say – happiness is a warm puppy … with an empty bladder.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Homes with 3 or more of THESE are less likely to have families that develop allergies.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Children.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nothing is sometimes the best thing to say.
WELCOME NEWBIES:
A big moo-out to our latest subscriber Lindsey Young @ CKUE [95.1 The Rock] Windsor ON; and we welcome samplers this week that include Scott Paxton @ WELD Fisher WV; Alan Sevilla @ DWKX [103.5 K-LITE] Manila, Phillipines; Debbie Dowsland @ KAZE [The Blaze] Tyler TX; and Jose Fourquet @ WMEG [La Mega Estación] San Juan, Puerto Rico. Why not recommend BS to a friend in another market? We’ll add ONE FREE MONTH to your account for each new subscriber you refer to BS!
