BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Buzz for some time has been that newly-single, unemployed Lindsay Lohan is strapped for cash but it looks like the 22-year-old ‘actress’ may have found an appropriate gig as she’s reportedly negotiating to appear in the new Las Vegas topless revue “Peepshow” (not “I Know Who Killed Me: The Musical”?) . . . 30-year-old actress Michelle Rodriguez (“Fast & Furious”) reportedly made a real impression at her friend & manager’s wedding, pushing guests into the pool and upsetting the bachelorette party by screaming that the stripper was fat and had ‘a small ass’ (class will out) . . . Police in India are now investigating the father of 9-year-old “Slumdog Millionaire” actress Rubina Ali after weekend reports that he tried to sell her for $300,000 (a claim he denies) . . . 36-year-old magician David Blaine has confirmed he’s planning to wed his 23-year-old French girlfriend, model Alizee Guinochet (for once he failed to escape!) . . . FOX-TV is apologizing for cancelling “Arrested Development” in promos for its new animated comedy “Sit Down, Shut Up”, asking fans to try the new show instead (it this works maybe they’ll shout out a sorry to “Firefly” fans to convince them to watch “Dollhouse”) . . . And, contrary to numerous reports, that lawsuit filed this week against “Twilight” author Stephenie Meyer has NOT halted production on the vampire film’s sequel, “New Moon”, in Vancouver and the film is still slated for a November 20th release (be still 15-year-old hearts, all is well!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – In line with this week’s disco theme, Harry Wayne Casey (“KC & the Sunshine Band”), Thelma Houston (“Don’t Leave Me This Way”), and Freda Payne (whose 1970 mega-hit “Band of Gold” actually preceded the disco era) perform. Then TWO contestants get axed, thanks to last week’s veto by the judges that saved Matt Giraud. (He can’t possibly win with that thing growing in the middle of his forehead, can he?)
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW/A Channel) – The contestants must dress & pose like famous cultural icons during their photoshoots. (Tip for contestants: dress like Tyra Banks!)
• “ASCAP Pop Music Awards” – Tonight in Los Angeles the 26th annual accolades from the American Society of Composers, Authors & Publishers honors Ann & Nancy Wilson of classic rock band Heart with a ‘Founders Award’.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – 1970s band Chicago reunites.
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Nickelback are featured in a rerun show.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Justin Timberlake is a guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Beyoncé performs.
• “Nashville4Africa” – Tonight this star-studded fundraising concert in Nashville TN will feature performances by Keith Urban, Faith Hill, Dierks Bentley, and Martina McBride, along with the African Children’s Choir and many others.
• “The Price is Right” (CBS) – In honor of “Earth Day”, today’s edition of the long-running game show will feature environmentally-friendly products, including cellphones made of recycled materials, solar charging equipment, and a recycling cabinet.
• “Tribeca Film Festival” – The 8th annual NYC movie event co-founded by actor Robert De Niro kicks off and reels through May 3rd. Among the film fare is the world premiere of Woody Allen’s new movie “Whatever Works on Wednesday”. Heading up this year’s judging panel: actors Uma Thurman, Meg Ryan, Whoopi Goldberg & Adrien Brody.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – More than 8,000 fans have been conned in a $4-million ticket scam. A company called PlayCool sold the tickets for a bogus show in Bucharest, Romania then quickly disappeared when the fraud was discovered.
• Amy Winehouse – She’s reportedly been showing off a large, nasty burn wound while vacationing in St Lucia … again. (When does this woman ever work?)
• Christina Aguilera – She’s rumored to be in talks to take on her first lead movie role in the upcoming film “Burlesque”. It’s due to start filming at the start of next year.
• Elton John – Tonight he plays his last gig at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas, winding down a residency that’s entailed 241 shows since February 2004. He’ll be heading out on tour with Billy Joel once more later this year.
• Jamey Johnson – The country star’s latest album, “That Lonesome Song”, has just been certified Gold for shipments of 500,000 units.
• Madonna – A police report suggests that her weekend fall off a horse on Long Island was her own elderly fault … no mention of any paparazzi spooking the animal whatsoever.
• Rihanna – She’s been spotted at a birthday party for a member of the LA Clippers basketball team. Party-goers, including her, sipped Grey Goose … and booed Chris Brown.
• Theory Of a Deadman – Their 3rd album, “Scars & Souvenirs”, has just been certified by the RIAA, giving them their first Gold record in the US.
• The White Stripes – “Self-Titled” magazine reports that Jack White is currently mixing 40 songs for the soundtrack of a movie about the band that’s expected to be released later this year.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“Earth” ( Documentary ): A feature-length version of the documentary TV series “Planet Earth” (2006), following the migration paths of animal families in peril. Green-minded distributor DisneyNature whittled the movie down from the original BBC series, and swapped in James Earl Jones for one-time narrator Patrick Stewart. It also reduced the number of animal families featured from 4 to 3. (Well at least they’re recycling!)
NET: http://disney.go.com/disneynature/earth

BIZARRE EARTH-FRIENDLY PRODUCTS TO HELP CELEBRATE EARTH DAY:
• Pet Fur Clothing – A great way to make renewable clothing from something wasted otherwise. The fur is cleaned & detangled before being spun into yarn. Is it that any different than wool or angora?
NET: http://www.cattyshackcreations.com/08/history1.htm
• Living Bath Mat – Get back to nature with a mat made of moss. The idea originated with designer La Chanh Nguyen, but the practical planting can be pulled off by anyone with a bit of effort. The water dripping from your wet body actually helps it grow.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/8av8vg
• Thermometer Earrings – Silently remind everyone about climate change with thermometer earrings that actually show temperature changes on hot days and frigid nights. Only $34.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/zy7mz
• Recycled Cigarette Butts – Chilean designer Alexandra Guerrero has figured out a way to sanitize the filters and knit them into a 90%-wool fabric she’s dubbed ‘Mantis’. The result is surprisingly stylish! The ‘Mantis Poncho’ sells for about $285.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/9766ue
• Sheep Poo Paper – Efforts are under way in several countries to find more uses for animal waste, as fertilizer, as fuel and, yes, even as paper. Perfect for printing out each day’s “BS”!
NET: http://sheeppoopaper.com
• Dutch Tub – A wood-powered hot tub is a great way to have a much more natural Jacuzzi experience. Granted, there’s still some emissions from the wood being burned to heat the water.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/dh5z52
– Adapted from InventorSpot.com.

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• A young mom’s life has forever changed because she’s suddenly become allergic to … water.
21-year-old Michaela Dutton of Birmingham, England now drinks only diet soft drinks and can only shower for 10 seconds at a time. Worst of all, she can hold her 3-year-old son Mitchell only briefly when he cries because she might come into contact with his sweat, tears, or saliva. The odd allergy affects just 1-in-230 million people. As yet, there is no treatment.
– “NY Post”
• This is just the ticket for fans of sports teams that really stink … a German soccer club has voluntarily refunded the price of tickets to 600 fans who traveled to a road game, only to watch their club get skunked 4-nil in a shut-out. Team management for Energie Cottbus has issued a statement saying the refund its way of apologizing for the ‘pitiful performance’.
– CNN
• A multi-million-dollar lottery-winner from Ormond Beach, Florida has decided on a shrewd investment for his winnings … a nude dude ranch. 50-year-old former hairdresser Tim Clements wanted to return to the farm life he grew up with so he’s used a chunk of the $3.3-million jackpot to start up the 10-acre clothing-optional CJ Dude Ranch. Just 2 problems stand in the way of his dream: local zoning laws and a public nudity ban in Hernando County.
– “Sun Sentinel”

WHAT THEY ALMOST CALLED IT:
What’s in a name? Apparently a lot, as evidenced by these original and/or proposed names …
• When David Filo & Jerry Yang started what became ‘Yahoo!’ back in 1994, they originally called it ‘Jerry & David’s Guide to the World Wide Web’.
• When creators Michael Moye & Ron Leavitt shopped their pilot script for “Married With Children” (1987-97) to TV networks, eventually ending up at FOX, the working title was “Not The Cosby Show”.
• When Sonny Werblin & Leon Hess bought the AFL (later NFL) New York Titans in 1963, they decided the team needed a new name. Before settling on the ‘Jets’, they also considered the ‘New York Borros’, meant to be a pun on the city’s boroughs.
• When Vancouver was first awarded an NBA team for the 1995 season, the franchise wanted to call itself the ‘Vancouver Mounties’. After the famed RCMP balked over the proposed use of their nickname, ‘Grizzlies’ was chosen instead. The team moved to Memphis in 2001.
• In 1893, soft drink Pepsi Cola was christened ‘Brad’s Drink’ after its inventor, New Bern NC pharmacist Caleb Bradham. After 5 years, he rightly decided he needed a label with more zip.
• Before changing its name to ‘Nike’ in 1971, Phil Knight called his footwear company ‘Blue Ribbon Sports’. He later decided to name the business after the Greek goddess of victory.
• Former Florida Marlins’ owner Wayne Huizenga originally considered naming the Major League Baseball team the ‘Florida Flamingos’.
• The Julia Roberts/Richard Gere hit comedy “Pretty Woman” was based on a movie script called “3000”, the amount of money paid for a week’s-worth of the hooker’s ‘company’.
• Cable TV network ‘Spike’ was originally ‘The Nashville Network’ from 1983-2000. When the new name was chosen, movie director Spike Lee threatened to sue … then settled out–of-court.
– Condensed from “Mental Floss Magazine”.

FOR THE RECORD:
It’s been discovered that the famous Great Wall of China is 180 miles longer than previously thought. The extra miles were recently uncovered using modern mapping techniques, including GPS, to locate portions of the wall covered over by sandstorms over the past 2,000 years. It’s now thought the wall spans nearly 4,000 miles. (“New and improved … now even Greater!”)
– UPI

DID YOU KNOW?
Pigs are the 4th-most-intelligent animals. (Slightly ahead of professional athletes.)
– “Magazine Monitor”

BS CHRONOMETER 04.22.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [72] Jack Nicholson, Neptune NJ, movie actor (“The Bucket List”, “The Departed”)/3-time Oscar winner (“As Good As It Gets”, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, “Terms of Endearment”)

1967 [42] Sherri Shepherd, Chicago IL, TV personality (“The View” since 2005)

1971 [38] Eric Mabius, Harrisburg PA, TV actor (‘Daniel Meade’ on “Ugly Betty” since 2006)

1974 [35] Shavo Odadjian, Yerevan, Armenia, alt-rock bassist (System Of A Down-“Hypnotize”, “Aerials”)

1979 [30] Daniel Johns, Newcastle, Australia, rock singer/guitarist (Silverchair-“Straight Lines”, “The Greatest View”)/married to pop singer Natalie Imbruglia (“Torn”) 2003-2008

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Administrative Professionals Day” (“Secretaries Day” in ancient times), an annual observance since 1952 to salute those dedicated souls in the office who do the work in the trenches. Over the years, the tradition of bosses giving APs flowers and/or lunch has given way to professional development opportunities or other work-themed awards.
NET: http://www.iaap-hq.org/APW/apwindex.htm

• “Earth Day”, begun in 1970 and now the largest environmental event worldwide with some 1 billion people expected to participate in events that address environmental issues.
NET: http://www.earthday.ca

• “Girl Guide/Scout Leader Appreciation Day”, observed since 1982 to honor the many adult volunteers who help keep the program running. Thanks ‘Brown Owl’!

• “Jelly Bean Day”. Originally they only came in a few colors but nowadays you can get them in lip-smacking flavors like Toasted Marshmallow, Café Latte, Margarita, A&W Root Beer, Bubble Gum, Strawberry Cheesecake, Buttered Popcorn, and Pina Colada.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/446vn5

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1976 [33] Barbara Walters becomes the first female network news anchor as ABC-TV pays her a then-fortune of $1 million a year

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1958 [51] Chickenfoot-shaped ‘Peace Symbol’ is introduced by British philosopher Bertrand Russell at an anti-nuclear demonstration in the UK (aka ‘Peace Sign’ or ‘24:7‘)

1969 [40] 1st ‘Human Eye Transplant’ (hey, keep an eye out for me, will ya?)

1998 [11] ‘Animal Kingdom’ opens at Walt Disney World in Orlando FL

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1994 [15] World’s ‘Largest Lollipop’ weighs in at 3,011 lbs (Olstrup, Denmark)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] World Book & Copyright Day
[Fri] Arbor Day
[Fri] Hairball Awareness Day
[Fri] “Fighting”, “Obsessed”, “The Soloist” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Red Hat Society Day
[Sat] World Tai Chi Day
This Week Is … Crime Victims’ Week
This Month Is … Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month

BULL’S BITS

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ACTUAL ARTICLES FROM “AMERICAN WINDOW CLEANER” MAGAZINE:
• “Identifying That Special Window”
• “Accidental Voyeur”
• “How to Fan a 30-Inch Squeegee Like an 18-Inch”
• “All About Sponges”
• “Hidden Dangers on Wooden Decks”
• “Stages vs Chairs: Which is Safer?”
• “How to Clean Windows Blindfolded”
• “Toby, the Blind Window Cleaner”
• “Are Storefronts For You?”
• “Zen & the Art of Window Cleaning”
(Every trade has a trade mag … what’s in yours?)
– Thanks to Martin Schneider for making things crystal clear.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Indecision may or may not be my problem.

BS PHONE STARTER:
Susan Boyle, the middle-aged, beauty-challenged singer who amazed the judges & audience on “Britain’s Got Talent” has become a worldwide phenomenon. She’s now been viewed online by more people than watched the last “Academy Awards” on TV. But is it really conceivable that producer/judge Simon Cowell was unaware of her talent and marketability? Isn’t it more likely that she’s a carefully manipulated product rather than a 47-year-old prodigy?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: About half of us have been given one of THESE that we’ve never used.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A gift card.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A false friend and a shadow stay around only while the Sun shines.