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BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Insiders say Conan O’Brien has chosen a 4-night-a-week talk show on TBS over FOX because the network wouldn’t give him the guarantees he was looking for (one guy who’s really sorry about it is George Lopez, whose “Lopez Tonight” is getting bumped to midnight) . . . 53-year-old actress Kim Cattrall, who plays maneater ‘Samantha Jones’ in “Sex & The City”, is hinting there could be a 3rd film in the series (#2 opens May 27th) . . . Sorta actress Pamela Anderson is facing a legal battle over the name of her clothing line, Maggy London International claiming it trademarked the name ‘Muse’ first, back in 2002 (“Oh, I meant M-E-O-W-S”) . . . In the new unauthorized biography, “Oprah”, by gossip queen Kitty Kelley, Winfrey’s cousin suggests the TV maven exaggerates when she tells tales of her poor upbringing and the truth is she was relatively ‘spoiled’ (she dressed in potato sacks but they were ‘designer’ sacks) . . . The remake of 1984 dance movie “Footloose” is in jeopardy again as lead actor Chace Crawford has confirmed he’s quit the project just as shooting was scheduled to begin, the same as Zac Efron did a year ago (this is fate’s way of telling you the redo is a dumb idea) . . . Wannabe comedian Andy Dick has run afoul of the law (again), getting ejected from a California winery for being intoxicated just days after wandering drunkenly into an LA house in the middle of the night, prompting the frightened family to call the cops (rarely has a person been so aptly named) . . . 25-year-old TV actress America Ferrera is producing a new interactive MTV show called “Pedro & Maria”, which will allow viewers to vote on the direction of the romantic storyline using social networking sites (her “Ugly Betty” series finalé airs tomorrow night on ABC-TV) . . . And 56-year-old actor Pierce Brosnan tells “Venice” magazine that, in his 4 installments of the ‘007′ spy franchise, he never quite nailed ’James Bond’ (as opposed to about 2 dozen ‘Bond girls’).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Last season’s runner-up, Adam Lambert, performs “Whataya Want from Me” from his new remix EP; 2 contestants are sent home.
• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Backstreet Boys (“This Is Us”).
• “CSI: NY” (CBS/CTV) – A new song from Ozzy Osbourne, “Let Me Hear You Scream”, gets its world premiere. The track is from Ozzy’s upcoming album, “Scream”.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – VV Brown (“Travelling Like the Light”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Gloriana (“Gloriana”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Gossip (“Music For Men”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Green Day (“American Idiot”, opening on Broadway April 20th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Corinne Bailey Rae (“The Sea”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Monica (“Still Standing”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Alan Jackson (“Freight Train”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Black Eyed Peas – Fergie says her new signature scent will be ‘strong & empowering’ but not ‘cutesy’. That’s why the fragrance is named ‘Outspoken’ instead of something like ‘Fergalicious’.
• Kenny Chesney – Tonight he hosts an advance screening of his concert film “Summer in 3-D” Knoxville TN. The event benefits the children’s charity Variety. The film opens wide April 21st.
• Lady Antebellum – “American Honey” claims the top spot on the “Billboard” country chart this week while “Need You Now” remains atop the Adult Top 40 chart for a 3rd week.
• Lady Gaga – Picture this odd combination: Gaga and … Susan Boyle, the ‘hairy angel’. It could happen as Lady G has said “It would be great to work with somebody of that talent” and Ms Boyle responding “I’d love to do a duet with her”.

HITTING IT WON’T LEAD TO COMMITMENT:
Seems there’s no worries your ‘friends with benefits’-type relationship is going to get serious. According to new research from Virginia’s James Madison University, the number of young people who say they’ve had ‘casual hook-ups’ is more than double the number who say they’ve been on a ‘first date’. But when considering the possibility of a long-term relationship, both men and women say they’d prefer traditional dating to ‘hooking up’. (Unfortunately, the powers of cheap tequila can’t always be defeated.)
– Lemondrop.com

HOW TO BAG A BOYFRIEND:
• Believe in You: A chick may have smarts, sex appeal, and a sense of humor, but if she doesn’t have self-confidence, most guys will take a pass.
• Have a Burning Passion: Whether it’s a hobby, a job, classes, or a buzzing social life, men are undeniably attracted to women with clear interests and lots of enthusiasm.
• Know How to Compromise: Being flexible is a huge turn-on to guys, since it means less conflict and a smoother partnership in general.
• Dress for Guys, Not Girls: Skinny jeans, babydoll dresses, peasant tops may all be super-cute, but you might as well be wearing a Snuggie. Men want to see curves.
• Get Over Your Ex: Nothing kills a budding romance quicker than being hung up on an old boyfriend. Move on … and get the upgrade.
– Adapted from “Cosmopolitan”

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Hauls’ – YouTube videos in which mostly high-school-age females show off the fruits of shopping trips.
• ‘Ninja’ – A new job description used in CVs to describe aggressive computer programmers striving to make it to the next level … ‘guru’.
• ‘Plarn’ – Yarn made from plastic shopping bags. It’s sort of postmodern macrame.

BS WAYS YOU’RE WASTING MONEY:
• Not Buying Generics: While it’s true that some generics don’t measure up in quality to their higher-priced cousins, it’s also true that other generics are literally identical.
• Overpaying for Insurance: Raising your car, home – even health insurance – deductible can reduce premiums and save you up to 20%.
• Buying Bottled Water: You can get water at home for virtually nothing. If you’re concerned about taste or quality, buy a filter.
• Buying Books: Borrow the books you already bought with your tax dollars. They’re sitting at the nearest public library, along with magazines, DVDs and tons of other free entertainment.
• Paying for Stuff  You Don’t Use: Do you pay for premium cable channels you never watch? Health clubs you rarely visit? Magazines you don’t have time to read?
• Credit Card Interest: If you’re paying 20% on a credit card while earning .2% on your savings, you’re more likely to create an emergency than solve one. Pay off the debt first; then save.
• Buying New: Buying used not only saves serious money, it also happens to be the single best way to be environmentally friendly. A new car loses value as soon as you drive it off the lot.
• Being a Trendsetter: From fashion to electronics, being on the leading edge is both expensive and unnecessary. Yesterday’s computer technology is half the price.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”

WHY YOU SHOULD SPARE THE ROD:
Researchers at Tulane University provide the strongest evidence yet against the use of spanking: of the nearly 2,500 youngsters in their study, those who were spanked more frequently at age 3 were more likely to be aggressive by age 5. The research supports earlier work on the pitfalls of corporal punishment, including a study by Duke University researchers that revealed infants who were spanked at 12 months scored lower on cognitive tests at age 3. (How do you discipline? Banishment to their room? Time-outs? Make ‘em watch “Two-And-a-Half Men”?)
– Tulane.edu

BS NEW GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• Dutch distiller Medea Spirits has come up with a clever advertising gimmick for their vodka … scrolling LED labels. You can even program them to express 6 of your own messages, each of which can be up to 225 characters long. (“Get Your Hands Off My Bottle or I Will Kill You …”)
– Luxist.com
• A trio of engineering students at Boston’s Northeastern University has developed an electronics-filled shirt that measures the performance of baseball pitchers. They think the gizmo could be used by coaches in the dugout to monitor players’ fatigue and strain. (“CC’s right elbow diode is flashing … time to warm up the bull pen.”)
– Northeastern.edu
• The new ‘Green Silence’ athletic shoe from Brooks makes a smaller environmental ‘footprint’ as it’s 75% recycled material and has half as many parts as comparable running shoes, thereby saving energy. Even the laces are recycled. (Thankfully they’ve taken the knots out.)
– Greenbiz.com

STARTLING STARS:
This week Russell Crowe has been honored with the 2,404th star on the “Hollywood Walk of Fame”. OK, we get that – he’s been nominated for 3 ‘Best Actor’ Oscars and won 1. But do these ‘stars’ deserve a spot on Hollywood’s most famous sidewalk? ‘Big Bird’, David Spade, Disneyland, Harlem Globetrotters, Judge Judy, Michael Bolton, Olsen Twins, ‘The Rugrats’, Thomas Edison, Vanna White. (Which would you vote off the sidewalk?)
– Time.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
The amount someone earns per each inch annually is $789, according to a study at the University of North Carolina. So a 6-foot person would earn $5,523 more each year than someone who is 5′-5”. How diminishing!
– “Toilet Paper”

BS CHRONOMETER 04.14.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1960 [50] Brad Garrett (Gerstenfeld), Woodland Hills CA, TV actor (“’Til Death” 2006-08, 2 Emmy Awards-“Everybody Loves Raymond” 1996-2005)

1973 [37] Adrien Brody, NYC, movie actor (“Cadillac Records”, 2003 Oscar-“The Pianist”)

1977 [33] Sarah Michelle Gellar, NYC, movie actress (“The Grudge 1 & 2”, “Scooby-Doo 1 & 2”)/ex-TV actress (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” 1997-2003)/Mrs Freddie Prinze Jr since 2002

1980 [30] Win Butler (Edwin Farnham Butler III), The Woodlands TX, indie rock singer (Arcade Fire-“Intervention”, “Keep the Car Running”)

1996 [14] Abigail Breslin, NYC, movie actress (“Zombieland”, “Little Miss Sunshine”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Be Kind to Lawyers Day”, perhaps the most reviled and ridiculed profession, yet we flock to them the moment we need help. So, today, all day, no lawyer jokes!

• “Black Day”, an observance original to South Korea where those who have not found love dress in dark colors and commiserate over meals of black food, with the dish of choice being Chinese-style noodles topped with a thick sauce of black bean paste. (The antithesis of “White Day” on March 14th when men give gifts to women.)

• “International Moment of Laughter Day”, a day to take the time to experience the power of laughter. Ha!

• “Pan-American Day”, commemorating the first “International Conference of American States” in 1890 involving the countries of North, South, and Central America.

• “Titanic Disaster Anniversary”. Shortly before midnight on April 14, 1912 the ship collided with an iceberg causing it to sink at 2:20 am on April 15th. (Thereby making Leo DiCaprio a star.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1997 [13] Sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres reveals she’s a lesbian in an interview with “TIME” (Quote: “Yup, I’m gay”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1992 [18] Billy Ray Cyrus releases his mega-hit single “Achy Breaky Heart” (eventually leads to a worldwide epidemic called ‘Miley’)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2003 [07] Human Genome Project is successfully completed with 99% of the human genome sequenced to 99.99% accuracy (in case you ever want to ‘DIY’ a baby from cells)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1924 [86] ‘World Record Snowfall’ in 24 hours of 6-ft, 4-inches falls in Silver Lake, Colorado

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] That Sucks Day
[Fri] Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival begins (Indio CA)
[Fri] Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day
[Sat] Show of Peace Concert (Beijing)
[Sat] Record Store Day
[Sun] Juno Awards (St John’s)
This Week Is … Week Of the Young Child
This Month Is … Emotional Overeating Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

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BS WAYS TO SAY SOMEONE’S STUPID:
• A few beers short of a six-pack.
• As smart as bait.
• A few peas short of a casserole.
• Doesn’t have all his cornflakes in one box.
• The wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead.
• All foam, no beer.
• Has an IQ of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt.
• Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
• Dumber than a box of hair.

BS PHONE STARTER:
How do you motivate yourself and beat boredom at the gym?

BS ‘FIND THE FAKES’:
You run down the list while your contestant attempts to decide which are actual articles from women’s magazines and which are total BS fakes …
• “His Hidden Hot Spots!”
• “50 Tips to Make You Love Your Huge Thighs” [FAKE]
• “Outdoor Sex Without the Bug Bites!” [FAKE]
• “Want the Whites of Your Eyes Whiter?”
• “Find the Perfect Top to Suit Your Star Sign!”
• “8 Things Men Want More Of Besides Hot Sex”
• “How to Be Fit AND Fat!” [FAKE]
• “Monthly Quiz: Do You Dress Like a Ho?” [FAKE]
• “How to Wear Circle Skirts”
• “What Sex Feels Like For a Guy”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Have you hugged an electric fence today?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• According to emergency room records, when are you most likely to crash into a glass door?
a. In the middle of the night.
b. In the early morning.
c. In late afternoon. [CORRECT. Something about the light?)

• Who drinks more coffee per capita?
a. The French.
b. The Swedes. [CORRECT. They swill more than anyone.]
c. The Colombians.
– Halife.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you are married you will do THIS twice as often as people who are divorced, separated, or single.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Apologize.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Every heart has its own ache.