Monday, April 21, 2008 Edition: #3758
More From the Bovine Stool Dispenser!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Wed on the weekend: NY Giants Super Bowl MVP quarterback Eli Manning to his fiancée Abby McGrew in a private ceremony for friends and family in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. (So far on the honeymoon, he’s had no incomplete passes but a couple of fumbles.)
– “New York Daily News”
• Movie star Sandra Bullock & husband Jesse James (“Monster Garage”) were uninjured after the car they were riding in was hit by head-on by another vehicle FRIDAY night in Gloucester, Massachusetts. The 64-year-old female driver is suspected of DUI and expected in court TOMORROW. SATURDAY was James’ 39th birthday. Bullock is in the area filming the romantic comedy “The Proposal”. (One of her more recent movies was … “Crash”.)
– People.com
• Reps for Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes have dismissed a report which claims they’re planning a trial separation. The story has it she’s planing to move to Manhattan with daughter Suri in order to pursue Broadway acting ambitions and generally ‘get her life back’. (She’ll no doubt appear in public soon to lip-sync a denial.)
– “In Touch Weekly“
• Two years after divorcing, David Hasselhoff has finally agreed to pay $25,000-a-month to support his ex-wife Pamela Bach & 2 teenage children. The couple has also agreed to joint ownership of their California home and will divide the family’s cars, bank accounts, and his pensions from acting and directing guilds. (Now how’s he gonna come up with 25 grand a month … release another bad album?)
– AP
• Ashlee Simpson’s manager/father/puppet-master Joe Simpson is denying reports that he’s trying to sell her big pregnancy reveal and baby pics to tabloids. Insiders claim he wants $1 million for the package, in which Ashlee will finally confirm she’s expecting Fall Out Boy fiancé Pete Wentz’s kid. In a statement through his publicist (?!), Papa Joe says the story isn’t true. (He oughta know … he likely invented the entire pregnancy rumor to promote her new album.)
– World Entertainment News Network
• Manitoba-born actor Adam Beach is leaving “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (NBC/CTV) at the end of THIS SEASON, deciding not to exercise the 2nd-year option on his contract. He’s been playing ‘Detective Chester Lake’, partner to ‘Fin Tutuola’ (Ice-T). (He’ll be getting shot any episode now.)
– Eonline.com
• “High School Musical” star Ashley Tisdale is in negotiations to star in a remake of 1989 movie “Teen Witch”. (Uh, is that a move up or a move down?)
– StarPulse.com
• Toronto-born “Deal or No Deal” host Howie Mandel has signed on to star and produce another show for NBC-TV, an unscripted comedy called “Howie Do It” to be filmed in Canada and simulcast on Global-TV. (If they don’t change the name, we give it 2 weeks.)
– Jam! Showbiz
• The revelation by “Sex & the City” co-star Cynthia Nixon that one of the principal characters will die in the movie version (out MAY 30th) has touched off wild speculation online as to which character it will be. (We predict that shortly after the wedding, ‘Mr Big’ becomes ‘Mr Dead’.)
– ContactMusic.com
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – A new video on PerezHilton.com shows her smoking what appears to be a large joint. (What a shock!)
• Enrique Iglesias – He says he has tried repeatedly to convince sometime girlfriend Anna Kournikova to marry him … with no luck. (It wasn’t that long ago he was saying he’d never wed.)
• Evanescence – On her website Amy Lee says she is NOT going to be collaborating with Metallica on their new album and has absolutely no idea where the rumor came from. (Tried looking in the mirror?)
• Gnarls Barkley – They’re giving away a free download of a backwards version of their new album “The Odd Couple” online, entitled elpuoC ddO ehT”. (And the purpose of this would eb?)
NET: http://fronttobackbacktofront.com/
• Taylor Swift – She’s not only the lone country artist included in “Rolling Stone” magazine’s new ‘Best of Rock’ issue, she’s on the cover. (She’ll have had an entire career by age 19.)
• Velvet Revolver – They’re planing to hold online auditions to find a replacement for frontman Scott Weiland. Just a week after guitarist Slash suggested the band already had a singer in its sights, he’s revealed the group is creating a website for hopefuls. (Somebody said ‘no’?)
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Eric Burdon & War – They’re performing together for the first time in 37 years, at London’s Royal Albert Hall for 1 night only. The 2 acts collaborated on the 1970s albums “Eric Burdon Declares War” and “Black Man’s Burdon”.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – THIS MORNING’s edition of the Spring concert series in NYC features new country artists Lady Antebellum (“Love Don’t Live Here”) and Ashton Shepherd (“Takin’ Off This Pain”).
• “Gossip Girl” (CW) – The first new episode since the writers’ strike airs. In a reversal of the current trend, the low-rated CW network says it will NOT stream new episodes online as an experiment to see if TV ratings increase.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Ashlee Simpson flogs her new album “Bittersweet World” (released TOMORROW).
FAT BLOCKER:
Stanford University researchers are testing a new weight-loss therapy that blocks the nerves which tell us we’re hungry and control how the body stores fat. The V-BLOC treatment involves inserting a device just below the skin to emit electronic impulses that confuse signals sent via nerves from the brain to the stomach. In early studies, the impulses have made people feel full and satisfied when they would otherwise be hungry. (For the same effect, just cinch up your belt an extra notch.)
– “San Francisco Chronicle”
GIRLS ARE GOOD FOR BOYS:
A Tel Aviv University study has found that girls improve boys’ grades at school. How so? Analysis of mixed classrooms in elementary, middle, and high schools shows that both boys and girls do better when there are more girls in the class. And in classes where girls number more than 55% the students not only get better exam results, fewer violent outbursts occur as well. (Thanks to a 99% increase in tattling.)
– “Globe & Mail”
BLOWIN’ IN THE WIND:
Here’s a unique new form of advertising: ‘Flogos’, an Alabama-based company established by special-effects inventors Francisco Guerra and Brian Glover, creates ‘clouds’ made of soap-based foam and gases such as helium in the shape of corporate logos. (Will Mrs Smith’s ask them to create pie in the sky?)
NET: http://flogos.net/
– “Toronto Star”
SCARING AWAY MONSTERS:
They may be make-believe but to little kids, monsters in the bedroom are real. Experts offer a few tips to help tikes cope …
• Acknowledge the fear. Let them know you had similar worries at their age.
• Limit exposure to scary stories, TV shows, and/or cartoons if the child is reacting to them.
• Don’t try to ‘chase the monster away’. Tell the truth, emphasizing the difference between reality and pretend. (And never, ever dress in a “Scream” costume and hide under the bed.)
– “Evening Express”
THE KEYS TO BECOMING ANCIENT:
Explorer & author Dan Buettner, who has studied places in the world with clusters of centenarians (people 100-plus) – including Costa Rica, Japan, Sardinia, and Loma Linda, California’s Seventh Day Adventists – says the things they share in common are plant-based diets, regular activity, and a sense of family, faith, and purpose. (Not to mention diapers.)
– “National Geographic”
FOR THE RECORD:
• Edna Parker of Shelbyville, Indiana, who is recognized by “Guinness World Records” as the ‘World’s Oldest Known Person’, turned 115 on SUNDAY. (Her cake set off a 3-alarm fire.)
– AOL News
• Scientists have found the ‘World’s Oldest Known Tree’, a scrawny, 9,550-year-old spruce, in Sweden’s Dalarna province. (It was engraved ‘Hagar the Horrible loves Helga’.)
– ScienceDaily.com
DID YOU KNOW?
• Among the most high-risk jobs for work-related injury, causing more stress to the extremities than assembly-line labor, is … sign-language interpreting.
– Rochester Institute of Technology
• In 2007, Mexicans devoted a total of $2.58 billion, 8% of the average family income to … bribes.
– BusinessWeek.com
BS CHRONOMETER 04.21.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [82] Queen Elizabeth II (Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Mountbatten-Windsor), London UK, “Her most Excellent Majesty Elizabeth the 2nd, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom, of Great Britain & Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms & Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth & Defender of the Faith”/Camilla’s mother-in-law/William’s grandma
1958 [50] Andie MacDowell, Gaffney SC, spokesmodel (L’Oreal)/movie actress (“Four Weddings & a Funeral”, “Groundhog Day“)
1959 [49] Robert Smith, Blackpool UK, rock singer/guitarist (The Cure-“Friday I’m in Love”, “High”)
1959 [49] Michael Timmins, Montréal QC, alt-country musician (Cowboy Junkies-“Sweet Jane”, “Sun Comes Up, It’s Tuesday Morning”)/Margo Timmins’ brother
1963 [45] Roy Dupuis, New Liskeard ON, movie actor (“Shake Hands With the Devil”, “The Rocket: The Maurice Richard Story”)/former TV actor (“La Femme Nikita”)
1979 [29] James McAvoy, Glasgow, Scotland, movie actor (“Atonement”, “Last King of Scotland”)
1980 [28] Tony Romo, San Diego CA, NFL QB (Dallas Cowboys)/sometime Jessica Simpson BF
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Boston Marathon”, the 112th running of one of the oldest and most prestigious annual running events.
NET: http://www.bostonmarathon.org/BostonMarathon/
• “Big Word Day”, a day to use humongous words on purpose just to impress yourself. Remember …
– The thesaurus is where we find big words for the ones people actually understand.
– A spelling bee is where we’re asked to spell words that we’ll not hear again in this lifetime.
So go ahead, you can facilitate this celebration of excess verbiage!
• “Kindergarten Day”, honoring the 1782 birth of German educator Friedrich Froebel, who established the 1st kindergarten in 1837. (See BULL’S BITS.)
• “Mental Detox Week” (formerly “TV-Turnoff Week”), the 14th annual encouraging alternate activities to screen time. The idea was initiated by Marie Winn in her 1977 book, “The Plug-In Drug”, then made into an international event by Vancouver’s Adbusters Media Foundation. It has now expanded to include avoidance of other media in addition to TV, including DVD players, video iPods, XBox, laptops, PSPs, etc. The foundation challenges us to spend a week unplugged and see what happens.
PHONER: 604.736.9401
NET: http://www.adbusters.org/home/
• “St George’s Day Holiday”, celebrated annually in Newfoundland & Labrador on the MONDAY closest to “St George’s Day” (APRIL 23), anniversary of the death of England’s patron saint.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1956 [52] Elvis Presley scores his 1st #1 hit, “Heartbreak Hotel”
1975 [33] BJ Thomas’ “Hey Won’t You Play Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song” becomes the tune with the longest title of any #1 pop single
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1879 [129] 1st ‘Firehouse Pole’ is installed (NYC Fire Company #21)
1977 [31] NY Yankee manager Billy Martin sets his line-up by literally pulling names out of a hat and still beats the Toronto Blue Jays 8-6
1997 [11] 1st ‘Space Funeral’ as ashes of LSD advocate Timothy Leary and “Star Trek” creator Gene Roddenberry are sent into orbit
1997 [11] Ottawa Senator fans wave signs reading ‘Buddha Power’ to celebrate 1st-ever home playoff game
2001 [07] LA Xtreme win the 1st (and last) “XFL Championship Game”, defeating San Francisco Demons 38-6 (WWE’s fledgling football league folds soon after)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1996 [12] Chicago Bulls wrap up NBA’s winningest regular season with 72nd victory
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Earth Day
[Tues] Jelly Bean Day
[Wed] World Lab Animal Day
[Wed] 39th GMA Dove Awards (Nashville)
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[Wed] Tribeca Film Festival begins (NYC)
[Thurs] Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Administrative Professional Week / Big Brothers & Big Sisters Appreciation Week / Canada-US Goodwill Week / Consumer Protection Week / Forest Week / Give-A-Sample Week / Intergenerational Week / Jewish Heritage Week / Keep America Beautiful Week / Lingerie Week / Reading Is Fun Week / Sky Awareness Week / TV-Free Week / Week of the Young Child / YMCA Week
BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
MOST IMPORTANT LESSONS LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN:
• When you know the answer, they always change the question.
• Keep the 4-letter words to yourself.
• Gummi Bears stick to the ceiling. So do peas.
• Don’t pick your nose in public.
• Never put paste on a cookie. Works better on bread.
• Being a tattle-tale is lonely, but rewarding!
• Asking ‘why?’ repeatedly works on all grown-ups.
• Crayola makes the best-tasting crayons.
• One word: Flush!
BS RANDOM JOKE:
It’s good to be spontaneous if you can work it into your schedule.
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
It’s the birthday of Queen Elizabeth II, who is trained in an unusual skill. Which?
a. Shoeing a horse.
b. Repairing a car. [CORRECT. She was trained as an auto mechanic while in the army.]
c. Playing the tuba.
BS PHONE STARTER:
You move to a new residence with absolutely no household items or furniture. If you were on a tight budget, what would your first purchase be? If you had unlimited funds, what would your first purchase be?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Of the 265 men who’ve held THIS position, 33 have died by violence.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pope.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Screw the GPS, go your own way!
