Monday, April 7, 2008        Edition: #3748
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WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Jay-Z (Shawn Carter) & Beyoncé Knowles are now husband & wife after wedding in a private all-white ceremony at a chapel in Scarsdale Village in Westchester NY FRIDAY afternoon, attended by about 30 friends & family that included former Destiny’s Child members Kelly Rowland & Michelle Williams, and Coldplay’s Chris Martin & actress-wife Gwyneth Paltrow. The reception for 200-plus was on a terrace at Jay-Z’s TriBeCa penthouse in NYC, decorated with 5-ft-tall candelabras and 60,000 white orchids flown in from Thailand at a reported cost of $500,000. At the reception: Kanye West, Jamie Foxx, Janet Jackson, Usher, and Wyclef Jean. (For the price of all this excess, an entire African country could have received Beyoncé CDs.)
– People.com
• Hair-trigger model Naomi Campbell has been released on bail by Heathrow Airport authorities following her arrest for spitting on a police officer.  Reports say the altercation occurred after one piece of her checked luggage went missing and she reportedly had to be removed ranting and screaming from British Airways’ 1st-class lounge. She’s been ordered to return to the police station in late MAY. (Somebody’s anger management therapy isn’t working out.)
– Sky News
• In her new autobiography, “In the Frame: My Life in Words & Pictures”, Oscar-winning movie actress Helen Mirren (“The Queen”) reveals one reason she looks so great at age 62 … milk baths. She’s not only convinced it works, she says it makes your skin feel fantastic. (How deep do you fill the tub … to your waist or pasteurize?)
– World Entertainment News Network
• Oscar-winning movie actor Charlton Heston (“Ben-Hur”, “The Ten Commandments”) has died at age 83. He passed away SATURDAY at his home in Beverly Hills CA, after suffering from Alzheimer’s disease for several years.  A private memorial service is to be held later THIS MONTH. (When the clouds are expected to part as a chariot carries him to the great beyond.)
– Eonline.com
• Actor Johnny Depp has apparently saved several lives on the set of the now-shooting crime drama “Public Enemies”, in which he stars as infamous bank robber John Dillinger. Word has it he leapt into a group of unaware extras with arms outspread, shoving them out of the way of an out-of-control 1933 Ford driven by a stunt driver. (Our hero!)
– “News Of the World”
• Actors Gerard Butler (“Nim’s Island”, “300”) & Cameron Diaz (“Charlie’s Angels”, “Shrek”) are reportedly an item after being spotted together on a series of dates in Los Angeles. A Hollywood spy claims that while viewing a sunset from a terrace one evening, she – quote – “kept giggling and touching his chest”. (This may be her best acting so far.)
– ContactMusic.com
• Actor/director George Clooney has withdrawn his membership from the Writers Guild of America after the union turned down his request for a writer’s credit on his new movie “Leatherheads”. Clooney maintains he rewrote all but 2 scenes in the script. When your own union doesn’t back you, he says, the honorable thing to do is not participate. He will remain a dues-paying ‘financial core status’ non-member. (BS translation: He still gets paid for anything he writes but gains the reputation of being a real Hollywood maverick.)
– “Daily Variety”
• 33-year-old environmentally-conscious actor Leonardo DiCaprio (“Blood Diamond”) has purchased a condo in Riverhouse, an eco-friendly NYC building overlooking the Hudson River. The 264-unit glass tower boasts low emission paints, a fresh-filtered air system, a water treatment facility, and rotating solar panels. It also features an indoor lap pool, fitness center, landscaped terrace … and dog spa. His occupancy is slated for THIS SUMMER. (He’ll have trouble getting a U-Haul … that’s high season!)
– AP

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Jay-Z – In the wake of mega-deals by Madonna and U2 with Live Nation, he’s poised to sign one of the world’s biggest music contracts with the company, a 10-year-deal worth a reported $150 million which will cover recording, licensing, merchandising, and publishing endeavors.
• Korn – Frontman Jonathan Davis has scrapped most of the dates on a planned solo tour of Europe due to ‘personal reasons’. (BS translation: We couldn’t GIVE away tickets to this.)
• Norah Jones – Producer Harvey Weinstein is searching for a movie musical for her to star in after being impressed with her acting debut in the film “My Blueberry Nights”, which opened in limited release FRIDAY.
• Pink Floyd – The scrappy classic rockers will reunite again but only for the right charity cause, according to drummer Nick Mason. They previously regrouped for a one-off performance at a “Live 8“ concert in 2005.
• Radiohead – They’ve launched a social networking website called WASTE, where fans can share messages, photos, check out tour dates, and watch videos.
NET: http://www.waste-central.com
• Remy Ma – The incarcerated “Lean Back” Grammy nominee is planning to wed fellow rapper Papoose (Shamele Mackie) while in NYC’s Rikers Island prison. Ma (nee Reminisce Smith) is facing up to 25 years after she was found guilty of shooting a ‘friend’ outside a nightclub in 2007.
• Spice Girls – They’re no doubt going to disappoint dozens (maybe scores) of fans by announcing there will NOT be a DVD of their reunion tour released.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – The remaining 9 stars now tackle the paso doble or the Viennese waltz in an effort to stay on the floor.
• Great Wall of China Walk for Cancer – Former pop singer Olivia Newton-John has recruited fellow cancer survivor Sharon Osbourne, media personality Leeza Gibbons, comedian Joan Rivers, and TV actor Scott Wolf to walk the 228-km (141-mi) wall to raise funds for cancer charities. It’s expected to take 21 days and be completed in Beijing.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Simple Plan performs.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Counting Crows promote their new album “Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings”.
• “Medium” (NBC/CTV) – Star Patricia Arquette’s movie actress sister Rosanna Arquette makes a guest appearance, playing  an ‘older seductress’.
• “NCAA Basketball Championship Final” (CBS) – Memphis & Kansas battle it out for college round-ball supremacy at the Alamodome in San Antonio TX.
• “Samantha Who?” (ABC/A Channel) – TV’s best-rated new comedy returns with a new post-strike episode. Star Christina Applegate flogs the show THIS MORNING on “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• “So You Think You Can Dance Canada“ – Pre-auditions begin at the Centre In Vancouver for the Performing Arts. The best performers will be selected from the open-call for full auditions this WEDNESDAY & THURSDAY.
• “Today” (NBC) – Kathie Lee Gifford returns to morning TV as co-host of the 4th hour of the show alongside Hoda Kotb. She co-starred on “Live With Regis & Kathy Lee” 1988-2000.

ORGANIC PERSONALITY:
A UK woman who’s had a kidney transplant claims she’s taken on the personality of the donor. Since the surgery the 37-year-old says she’s become more irritable and belligerent, traits she assumes came from the 59-year-old man whose kidney she now owns. While most medical experts don’t believe in it, a theory called ‘Cellular Memory Phenomenon‘ has been developed to explain the rare occurrences. Other examples of the effect include a woman with vertigo who became a mountain climber, a chocolate-hating lawyer who became addicted to Snickers bars, and a 7-year-old girl who suffered nightmares about being killed after being given the heart of a murdered child. ([Co-host] must have gotten the liver of a college student.)
– “Telegraph”

BED CLOTHES FOR GUYS:
What do guys wear to bed? A recent Bruskin/Goldring Research poll finds that 31% of men wear just underwear at night. About 25% go to bed in the buff, 16% wear pajamas, 10% sleep in T-shirts, and 7% like to snooze in sweat pants. (That leaves a kinky 11% for things like latex rubber suits and medieval armor.)
– Toluna.com

DOING THE SPLITS:
An embittered farmer in Serbia has been using a grinding machine to cut in half his belongings, including all his other tools and machines, in order to comply with a court order that he must share possessions 50/50 with his ex-wife. The 76-year-old says he was willing to give his wife of 45 years her equal share but became incensed when told that ALL property must be included in the split. “I still haven’t decided how to split the cow,” he says, “She should just say what she wants … the part with the horns or the part with the tail.” (Dude, you already split from the cow!)
– Reuters

YOU SMELL SKINNY:
A floral-spice perfume can make men think women are 12 lbs lighter, according to a 10-year study conducted by the Smell & Taste Treatment & Research Foundation. After testing more than 100 different combinations, the floral-spice perfume is the only one found to work on men. But researchers are unable to find an odor that influences a woman’s ability to estimate weight. Lead researcher Dr Alan Hirsch thinks either women are just too adroit at guessing others’ weight or men are just easily influenced by how a woman smells. (Woman always add 10 lbs … just to be cruel.)
– PA News

ROVER RENTALS:
Looking for the next hot trend in business? Look no further than Tokyo where a shop called ‘Puppy the World’ offers … dog rentals. Presumably designed for dog lovers who live in tiny Tokyo apartments not big enough to swing a cat, the biz allows you to rent a dog for an hour ($19) or overnight ($100) so you can get your need for yapping, crapping, and napping puppies out of your system. (Would you pay to puppy scoop?)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/2dgkpj
– Tokyo Mango

DID YOU KNOW?
Just 1 Canadian made has made “Forbes” magazine’s annual list of top 100 billionaires: David Thomson & family, in 31st spot with $18.9 billion.
– Forbes.com
• Americans of Scottish ancestry are 5 times more likely to make up a millionaire household than their presence in the population (1.7%) would indicate.
– “Washington Post”
• More than three-quarters of Americans do Spring cleaning, according to a survey done for the US Soap & Detergent Association. Washing windows is a favorite task.
– cleaning101.com

BS CHRONOMETER 04.07.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1920 [88] Ravi Shankar, Benares, India, sitar player (“The Concert for Bangladesh“)/birth father of Norah Jones

1928 [80] James Garner, Norman OK, movie actor (“The Notebook”)/TV actor (“8 Simple Rules” 2003-05)

1939 [69] Francis Ford Coppola, Detroit MI, movie director (Oscars-“The Godfather I & II”, “Apocalypse Now”)/father of filmmaker Sofia Coppola (“Lost in Translation”)

1949 [59] John Oates, NYC, oldies singer (Hall & Oates-“I Can’t Go For That”, “Maneater”)

1954 [54] Jackie (Yuan Lung) Chan, Hong Kong, movie actor/producer/director/stuntman (“Rush Hour” series, “Shanghai Noon”)
 
1964 [44] Russell Crowe, Wellington NZ, movie actor (“American Gangster”, 2001 Oscar-“Gladiator”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Hug Your Newsman/Newsperson Day”, in the figurative sense, of course. It’s just a day of appreciation.

• “No Housework Day”. No dishes, no cleaning, no taking out trash … and no guilt!

• “World Health Day”, the World Health Organization’s annual day to highlight public health issues of worldwide concern.
NET: http://www.who.int/world-health-day/en/

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [10] Pop singer George Michael is arrested for committing ‘a lewd act’ in a restroom at LA’s Will Rogers Park (like Rogers, he never met a man he didn’t like)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1795 [213] ‘Metric System’ 1st adopted, in France where it was developed (the only 3 countries of any size in the world which are NOT using it now – Liberia, Myanmar, and the USA)

1827 [181] 1st ‘Friction Match’, invented by English chemist John Walker (leading to the old joke that starts, “Got a match?”)

1959 [49] 1st ‘Atomic-Generated Electricity’ (Los Alamos NM)

1977 [31] Toronto Blue Jays’ 1st MLB regular season game (beat Chicago White Sox 9-5)

2003 [05] US troops capture Baghdad … sort of

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993 [15] Ottawa Senators set an NHL futility record of 38 straight road losses

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] “Secret Talents Of the Stars” debuts (CBS)
[Wed] Name Yourself Day
[Wed] Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
[Wed] 2nd “Idol Gives Back“ special (FOX)
[Thurs] Golfers Day
[Thurs-Apr 13] Masters Golf Tournament (Augusta GA)
This Week Is … Pet First Aid Awareness Week
This Month Is … Food Month

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
It’s “World Health Day”, commemorating the 60th anniversary of the 1948 founding of the UN’s World Health Organization. So here are a few …
BS SIGNS YOU’RE NOT IN THE GREATEST SHAPE:
• You’re winded after 2 flights … on an escalator.
• You know the entire week’s TV schedule by heart.
• Your favorite desert wine is Pepto-Bismol.
• You’re sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
• Your doctor says, “Open your mouth and say moo.”
• Packs of dogs are attracted by your high-pitched wheeze.
• Whenever you walk around in new corduroy pants, neighbors yell, “Hey, keep it down!”
• You have a caddy … for your TV remote.
• You pay your kid 5 bucks to tie your shoes.
• Astral Media is selling billboard space … on your butt.

BS ‘BUST MY BLUFF’:
You & your co-host each give an answer to an imponderable question. Your contestant must decide which of you is telling the truth and which is full-of-BS. Today’s question is …
Why are potato chips usually found above the candy and gum in vending machines?
a) It all comes down to money. Chips make a bigger profit than candy or gum. So vendors place chips at eye level in vending machines in order to maximize how many are sold. [CORRECT]
b) It all comes down to smell. Chips give off an oily aroma that can taint the taste of candy and gum. So vendors place chips near the top of vending machines where a fan clears away their scent.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Did you hear about the bulimic bachelor party? The cake came out of the girl.

BS PHONE STARTER:
NBC-TV has announced it will initiate year-round programming for the 2008-09 season, ending the decades-old tradition of summer reruns. Will you still watch your favorite show in the middle of summer vacation?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS traditionally non-male industry is bigger than professional baseball, bringing in more money each year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Romance novels.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
“BS” salutes Cordell & Harmony @ Country 92.7 [CJSP] Leamington ON, and Dave & Adrienne @ Country 92.9 [CFCO] Chatham ON, both back for another full year; and we welcome aboard this week’s samplers that include John Hubbard @ 103.9 Triple T FM Townsville, Australia; Kathy Mars @ The Breeze 107.1 [WBHX] Neptune NJ; Polly Gillespie @ ZM Network, Auckland NZ; Gordie Jamz @ Wild 98.7 [WLLD] Tampa FL; Becky @ Crystal FM Dorset UK; and Alyssa Purcell @ 970 WBLF State College PA.