Monday, April 9, 2007        Edition: #3505
Bull Works!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Online oddsmakers bodog.com are taking wagers on whether ‘Tony’ will survive the final season of “The Sopranos”, which debuted LAST NIGHT (HBO/TMN). The official line favors him sleeping with the fishes before the end of the season. At the rate they’re getting whacked, there’ll be no one left for the last episode … just ‘T’s empty Chevy Suburban parked in a vacant lot while that annoying harmonica theme music plays over and over.
– “E!”
• Nicole Kidman’s rep is slamming a SUNDAY tabloid report claiming the 39-year-old actress is pregnant with husband Keith Urban’s child. The rumor apparently started after she was photographed outside St John’s Hospital in Santa Monica CA. But Kidman’s publicist has trashed the report saying, Nicole is “100% not pregnant”, and adding, “As if she would confirm a pregnancy to ‘News of the World’.” Yeah, she’d likely hold out for “People” magazine.
– Contact Music
• Britney Spears has slashed the price on the 7-bedroom Malibu CA home she shared with Kevin Federline. The property was originally advertised on the real estate market for $13.5 million but is now listed at a mere $11.9 million … 13% off! Hmm, somebody needs some cash?
– TMZ.com
• TONIGHT “Thank God You’re Here” debuts (NBC), an improv idea imported from Australia in which  celebrity guests walk through the door into an unknown scenario as the regular cast blurts out the greeting, “Thank God you’re here!” Among those signed up for appearances: Tom Arnold, Jason Alexander, Fran Drescher, and singer Alanis Morissette. Dave Foley (ex-“Kids in the Hall”) acts as a judge.
– “eTalk Daily”
• Pseudo-actress Pamela Anderson has turned down a lucrative endorsement deal with men’s toiletry brand Axe, blaming the parent company Unilever’s policy of testing products on animals. Maybe Unilever should follow its own motto and ‘Use Axe Responsibly’. Why would a lab rat wanna smell musky anyway?
– FemaleFirst.com
• The Australian flight attendant who infamously had a ‘Mile High’ tryst with actor Ralph Fiennes has attempted suicide. 39-year-old Lisa Robertson, who was fired by Qantas Airways in FEBRUARY, took an overdose of prescription painkillers. Upon waking up 4 hours later, she changed her mind and called for help. Her 15 minutes were almost up … permanently.
– “The People”
• And with the hotly-anticipated “Spider-Man 3“ just around the corner (MAY 4th), star Tobey Maguire is hinting he may be up for yet another sequel, “Spider-Man 4”. Though he’s previously vowed that he was done playing the web-slinging superhero, he now admits he could be tempted to don the spidey suit again … if there was a great script. This guy knows where his $20-million bread is buttered.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Carrie Underwood – The country chart-topper says she’s ‘horrible around guys’ and hasn’t had a steady since splitting with college bf Drake Clark in 2005. She’s been linked to dating fellow “American Idol” finalist Anthony Federov & Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo but denies either.
• Ciara – TONIGHT the “Like A Boy” singer does “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Corinne Bailey Rae – TODAY the Brit singer/songwriter guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Good Charlotte – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Joss Stone – She’s trying to keep it quiet but the 19-year-old British soul singer is said to be dating 40-year-old American music producer Raphael Saadiq, who played bass on her latest album.
• Kellie Pickler – TONIGHT she hosts the ”Video of the Year Special”, highlighting the 8 videos vying  for the top honor at the “2007 CMT Music Awards” APRIL 16th.
• Paul Wall – TONIGHT the rapper (“Grillz”) appears on the “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Taylor Swift – TODAY she performs her country hit “Tim McGraw” during a 30-minute concert prior to the LA Dodgers home opener, and also sings the pre-game anthem.
• The Who – Word has it Pete Townshend doesn’t look at or speak to frontman Roger Daltrey during their current tour … even onstage. Backstage they have separate dressing rooms.

FLORIDA SWAMPLAND ALSO AVAILABLE:
An appeals court in China has upheld a ban on selling land on the Moon in a decision against a company that managed to turn a quick profit by selling 49 plots of lunar land in just 3 days back in 2005. The Chinese government quickly revoked the company’s license and served it a stiff $8,000-fine in order to put it out of business. Sounds silly but this is a big-buck biz. Dennis Hope, a Nevada-based entrepreneur who sells lunar property through his company, “The Lunar Embassy”, claims to own the entire Moon and 8 other celestial bodies. He says he’s sold over 410 million acres on the Moon (at $19.99 each) and properties on other orbs to over 2.5 million people worldwide. (PT Barnum was right … there’s a sucker born every minute!)
– Xinhua News

CELLPHONE USES:
Other than making a phone call, here are the most popular uses Canadians make of their cellphones (and the percentage doing so), according to a new Solutions Group Research poll …
10. Watching short videos … 7%
9. Downloading games … 8%
8. Listening to music … 9%
7. Recording videos … 10%
6. Sending/receiving photos … 15%
5. Browsing the Internet … 16%
4. Downloading ringtones … 16%
3. Playing games … 21%
2. Taking photos … 28%
1. Sending text messages … 38%
– “Toronto Star”

BS TALES OF THE WEIRD:
• In England, a 39-year-old London woman claims she is so allergic to electromagnetic fields (or EMF), the ‘smog’ created by computers, microwaves, cellphones and some vehicles, that she develops skin rashes and eye swelling when exposed to it. To address the problem, she’s  transformed her home into an ‘EMF-free’ zone. Walls have been coated with special carbon paints; windows covered with protective film; and she & her husband sleep under a silver-plated mosquito net to deflect radio-waves. (Just to be extra-safe … don’t forget the tin hats!)
• In Maryland, a 45-year-old Calvert woman has been saved from choking when her Golden Retriever gave her a doggy-style version of the Heimlich maneuver. After she got a chunk of apple lodged in her throat, ‘Toby’ pushed her to the ground and began jumping up and down on her chest. That did the trick, dislodging the apple and saving the woman’s life. (This pooch is no hero … he was just going after the food!)
• In Scotland, a bookkeeper at the upmarket Caledonian Hotel in Edinburgh has admitted to stealing thousands by pocketing the pay of 10 bogus employees. Over 4 years, she managed to swipe some $212,000 by depositing earnings for the fake workers into 2 bank accounts. She’d likely still be doing it except … a sharp-eyed auditor noticed the signatures on the accounts were in the same handwriting. Oddly, the proper amounts for income tax had been deducted. (If you were gonna stiff ‘the man’, wouldn’t you also wanna stiff the taxman?)

STILL NO CURE FOR CANCER:
A new study presented to the American Psychological Association entitled “That Swimsuit Becomes You: Sex Differences in Self-Objectification, Restrained Eating & Math Performance” has made the Earth-shattering discovery that college girls who were asked to wear a bathing suit for 10 minutes while attempting to solve math problems did much worse than those wearing a sweater. (Much worse on the math, that is.)
– “The Australian”

MICKEY MOUSE WEDDINGS:
Disney has changed its policy to now allow same-sex couples to participate in its “Fairy Tale Wedding” program available through its US resorts and cruise line. The packages start at $8,000 and include a wedding planner, the ceremony, food & beverages, plus flowers & table decorations. The ‘Lavish Wedding Option’ includes transportation in a ‘Cinderella’ coach, costumed trumpeters heralding the couple’s arrival, and attendance by ‘Mickey & Minnie Mouse’ dressed in formal attire. A spokesman says the company is in the hospitality business, not in the business of making judgments about lifestyles. (OK, but isn’t there something vaguely lascivious about calling this a … ‘Fairy Tale Wedding’?)
– Reuters

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• If MySpace were a country, it would be the 11th most populous in the world.
• The number of ‘friends’ Barack Obama has on MySpace: 92,470. Number Hillary Clinton has: 8,637. Number Democratic hopeful/”Screw” magazine founder Al Goldstein has: 187.
– MySpace.com

AND WE QUOTE:
• “I couldn’t ever be a size zero. I have a butt, I have boobs and I have a woman’s curves …  there is no way I’d see them go to zero.”
– Jennifer Lopez, bragging about her ‘assets’ in “Elle” magazine.
• “I can make clear at this time that I am not the father of the child.”
– Just-turned-81 Hugh Hefner, refreshingly denying to AP that he has any paternity claim whatsoever to Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, Dannielynn. (See BS Celebirthdays.)

BS CHRONOMETER 04.09.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [81] Hugh Hefner, Chicago IL, “Playboy” magazine founder/reality TV show personality (“The Girls Next Door”)  FACTOID: Appropriately, Hef has a species of rabbit named in his honor … ‘Sylvilagus Palustris Hefneri’.

1954 [53] Dennis Quaid, Houston TX, movie actor (“Flight of the Phoenix”, “Yours, Mine & Ours”)/formerly married to actress Meg Ryan (1991-2001)/brother of actor Randy Quaid

1966 [41] Cynthia Nixon, NYC, TV actress (‘Miranda Hobbes’ on “Sex & the City” 1998-2004)

1987 [20] Jesse McCartney, NYC, sometime TV actor (“Summerland” 2004-05)/wannabe pop singer (“Right Where You Want Me”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Astronauts Day”, celebrating the dedication & courage of those who dare to dream and reach for the stars … while wearing diapers.

• “Chicken Little Awareness Day”. Look up. Look waaay up. What d’ya see? Oh no! The diapers are falling!

• “Easter Monday”, celebrated in many ways in many places, including …
– In Canada, it’s a federal government holiday and a school holiday in most areas.
– In Hallaton UK, they hold the ancient ritual of “Bottle Kicking”, an Easter Monday tradition for over 600 years. How appropriate they try to ‘kick the bottle’ during Alcohol Awareness Month!
– In Poland, it’s “Dingus Day”, a day of fun after Easter when guys attempt to drench girls with water using pails, squirt guns, etc. The more gallant boys may substitute cologne. Females get their revenge the day after, when tradition has it they throw dishes or crockery back at the boys.
– In the rural northwest of Switzerland, the annual Easter Monday “Egg Races” are held. Competitors attempt to carry the most eggs while running from village-to-village.
– In Washington DC, it’s the annual “Easter Egg Roll” on the south lawn of the White House, a custom which started on the US Capitol grounds about 1810 and was moved to the White House by President Rutherford B Hayes in 1877.

• “Name Yourself Day”, a day for anybody with a name they hate to tag themselves with a brand new label. Have people with weird names call in, then help re-name them using  the perfect tool … the Internet ‘Random Name Generator’. You can even set the ‘obscurity factor’ from 1-to-99.
NET: http://www.kleimo.com/random/name.cfm

• “National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day”, observed annually by presidential proclamation, it commemorates the outstanding sacrifices made by members of the US armed forces who’ve been held captive.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/yo98vb

• “Return to Vimy: 90th Anniversary Birth of a Nation” as some 25,000 participants, including 2,700 Canadian high school students, attend a memorial service to mark the battle of Vimy Ridge, which changed the course of World War I and many say became Canada’s defining moment like Australia’s Galipoli or Britain’s Battle of Hastings. The event celebrates the restoration & re-dedication of the Vimy Ridge Memorial in France. Students each wear a replica WWI uniform with the name of a Canadian soldier who died during the 1917 battle.
NET: http://www.histori.ca/article.do?id=16028

• “Toronto Blue Jays” home opener, as the KC Royals visit Rogers Centre (7:25 pm EDT). The Trews perform the pre-game anthems. Original 1977 players Ernie Whitt & Alan Ashby participate in the ceremonial first pitch. GM of Canada gives away a car.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1914 [93] 1st ‘Color Movie’ opens, in London UK (“The World, The Flesh & the Devil”)

1992 [15] Comedian Sam Kinison is killed when a pickup truck slams into his car on a desert road between LA and Las Vegas

2002 [05] Elaborate funeral in London for Britain’s Queen Mother, who has passed away at 101

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1977 [30] Abba’s “Dancing Queen” reaches #1 on pop charts

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1912 [95] 1st baseball game at Boston’s legendary Fenway Park (Red Sox beat Harvard 2-0)

1945 [62] NFL makes socks mandatory for all players (the next season … pants!)

1965 [42] 1st ‘Indoor Baseball Game’ (Houston Astrodome)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [15] ‘Heaviest Chocolate Easter Egg’ weighs 10,483 lbs and measures over 23-ft-high (Ringwood, Australia)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Siblings Day
[Tues] Salvation Army Founders Day
[Tues] Golfers Day
[Wed] Barbershop Quartet Day
[Thurs] Teens Against Zits Day
[Fri] Friday the 13th

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Be Kind to Animals Week / Building Safety Week / Garden Week / Guitar Week / Harmony Week / Home Safety Week / Library Week / Medical Laboratory Week / Private Property Week

BULL’S BITS

BS THINGS HE SHOULD NEVER SAY TO HER:
• “I get tongue-tied around beautiful women but I feel very comfortable talking to you.”
• “I can always tell when you’re getting PMS.”
• “Women really like me”. (Or “Women really don’t like me.”)
• “You remind me of my mother.”
• “Sweetheart, you gotta roll over, my arm feels like it’s going to fall off.”
BS THINGS SHE SHOULD NEVER SAY TO HIM:
• “I broke up with my last boyfriend because he watched too much sports on TV.”
• “I’m so bloated I feel like a water buffalo.”
• “You care more about your car than you do about me.”
• “My best friend thinks your potency problem is really nothing to worry about.”
• “That’s what you’ve been bragging about?”
– “Glamour Magazine”

BS WEB GOODIE:
A review of major events that happened on any given date, leading to a ranking of whether the day will be ‘cool’, ‘good’, ‘bad’, or ‘horrible’ as far as historical performance is concerned.
NET: http://doestodaysuck.blogspot.com/

BS PHONE STARTER:
We’ve been told part of the reason for the sky-high gasoline prices of late was the unease over British hostages held by the Iranians. Well, now that the Brits have been safely back home for 4 days, the price of gas should be going down, no? Are we getting hosed at the pump … again?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Women are twice as likely to make THIS embarrassing mistake in public.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Walking into the wrong restroom.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life’s simple: Make the most of the best and the least of the worst.

WHO SAYS THERE’S NO FREE SHEET!
Pass the word about “BS”. We’ll add ONE MONTH FREE of service to your account for each new subscriber you refer! Simply send ‘em here … http://thebullsheet.com/