Tuesday, April 19, 2011        Edition: #4487
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Paul McDonald (the guy with the crazy white teeth booted from “American Idol” last week) has confirmed he’s dating “Twilight Saga” actress Nikki Reed, who plays ‘Rosalie Hale’ (apparently he DID break into show biz then!) . . . Zsa Zsa Gabor’s 9th husband, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, tells CNN he wants his ailing 94-year-old wife to become a mother again using an egg donor, artificial insemination, and a surrogate mom (her only child, Francesca Hilton, rightly says “That’s just weird!”) . . . “Glee” actor Darren Criss (‘Blaine Anderson’) is following in the footsteps of co-star Matthew Morrison by signing a deal with Sony Music to record his own solo album . . . Actor Bruce Willis is set to take a hit on the real estate market after listing his Upper West Side condo at Trump Place in Manhattan for $3.9 million, $360,000 less than he paid 4 years ago (you know what this means – “Die Hard 5”) . . . Sorta-actor Ashton Kutcher says that instead of giving actress-wife Demi Moore diamonds, he gives her Post-It notes that declare his love for her (is that romantic or just cheap?) . . . 63-year-old actor & former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger tells “Newsweek” he feels terrific about what he’s accomplished but ‘sh–ty’ (crappy) when he looks at himself in the mirror (welcome to retirement, dude) . . . And “Dog the Bounty Hunter” (Duane Chapman) tells E! News he did NOT bail out actor Nicolas Cage from a New Orleans jail on the weekend as a gimmick for his reality TV show, he just did it because he’s a fan (aha, so you’re the one!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Simon LeBon & Nick Rhodes (Duran Duran).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Plan B (“The Ballad of Belmarsh”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – Country star Toby Keith performs 2 songs; another couple is eliminated.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Mike Posner (“31 Minutes to Takeoff”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – A rerun of the “Polar Bear Special”, featuring Chantal Kreviazuk & Raine Maida (Our Lady Peace) in Churchill MB.
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – In the first new episode in a month, “A Night of Neglect”, Gwyneth Paltrow covers Adele’s “Turning Tables”; Charice performs “All By Myself”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Sammy Hagar (“NY Times” best-seller “Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock”); Belle Brigade (“Belle Brigade”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Janelle Monae (“The ArchAndroid”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – The Strokes (“Angles”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – The Pains Of Being Pure at Heart (“Belong”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Lee DeWyze (“Live It Up”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/A Channel) – Jennifer Hudson, part 2 (“I Remember Me”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Rock & Roll Hall of Famer Alice Cooper.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – She’s reportedly on the verge of regaining partial custody of her 2 sons and is planning to take them with her on her “Femme Fatale” tour.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s now officially divorced from Jordan Bratman as the 6-month waiting period required in California has expired. The former couple has reportedly hammered out a shared custody agreement for their 3-year-old son Max.
• Debbie Gibson/Tiffany – The former pop rivals are putting their past differences behind them and planning to tour together, performing ‘80s music by other artists as well as their own hits.
• Jason Aldean w/Kelly Clarkson – Their duet recording “Don’t You Wanna Stay” has now been certified Platinum for sales of 1 million downloads.
• Lil Wayne – His “Tha Carter IV” album is now scheduled for release on May 16th.
• Linkin Park – Their music has become synonymous with “Transformers” movies. For this Summer’s “Transformers: Dark Of the Moon” a new remix of “Iridescent” from their album “A Thousand Suns” will serve as the single from the soundtrack.
• Radiohead – The Brit rockers are denying rumors they’ll be releasing a second album of material from “The King Of Limbs” recording sessions, insisting they plan to start afresh with new songs.
• Rihanna – She’s revealed her upcoming “Loud” tour will feature a custom-built stage that will allow fans to actually be a part of the show. The tour kicks of June 4th in Baltimore MD.
• Snoop Dogg – He says music artists need to embrace Twitter if they want to make progress with their careers as the micro-blogging website is ‘the #1 key in music right now”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Glee Encore” ( NR-TV Musical ): Over 30 musical performances from the hit TV show, back-to-back. Among them: “Bad Romance”, “Defying Gravity”, “Don’t Stop Believin’”, “Faithfully”, “Like a Prayer”, “No Air”, “Somebody to Love”, “Total Eclipse Of the Heart”, “True Colors”, and “Vogue”.
• “Gulliver’s Travels” ( PG Fantasy Adventure ): Jack Black plays a travel writer who’s shipwrecked on an island where he’s a virtual giant compared to the tiny natives. Initially taken prisoner, he soon becomes a hero as he schemes for a way in which the ‘Lilliputians’ can outwit their rivals. Based on the classic Jonathan Swift story. Co-stars Emily Blunt, Jason Segel.
• “The King’s Speech”  ( R-Rated Drama ): Colin Firth & Geoffrey Rush star in this multi-award-winning true story about Queen Elizabeth’s father, George VI, and his remarkable friendship with maverick Australian speech therapist Lionel Logue. Co-stars Helena Bonham Carter, Guy Pearce. Winner of 4 Oscars, including ‘Best Motion Picture Of the Year’.
• “Rabbit Hole” ( PG-13 Drama ): Oscar-nominated Nicole Kidman stars in a bigscreen adaptation of the Broadway play about a happily married couple whose lives are disrupted after an unforeseen tragedy. An intimate glimpse into 2 people learning to re-engage with each other after their world has been tilted off its axis. Co-stars Aaron Eckhart, Dianne Wiest, Sandra Oh.
• Also released today: “American Dad: Volume 6” (TV Animation); “Bambi – Diamond Edition” (Animated Classic); “Cul de Sac: A Suburban War Story” (Documentary); “The Ernie Kovacs Collection” (Classic TV Compilation); “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Complete 6th Season” (Vintage TV); “If God is Willing & Da Creek Don’t Rise” (Documentary); and “Pushing Daisies: The Complete 1st & 2nd Seasons” (TV).

THE RICH-GUY CHANNEL:
This September, Discovery Communications is launching a television network for rich guys and their toys. Called ‘Velocity’, the new network will replace the current channel ‘HD Theater’ in some 40 million homes on September 25th. The target audience is men with incomes of $150,000 a year or more. Programs will focus on cars, travel to upscale locations, adventure sports, and ‘real-life adrenaline shows’. There are no plans for a network to appeal to rich women. (What about Fashion TV?)
– AP

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS look at who we are and the things we do …
• 60% of guys think they have a good butt.
• 48% of sports fans have witnessed fan violence at a sporting event.
• 33% of admin assistants admit they secretly hate their boss.
• 26% of cosmetic surgery patients are newly-divorced women.
• 22% of office refrigerators are cleaned only once or twice a year.
• 3% of the world’s population has never eaten Jell-O.

BS ART ATTACK:
• St Paul, Minnesota-based artist Beth Barron has been collecting used Band-Aids to use in her mandala wall hangings for about 10 years. She says she prefers bandages with traces of blood and other fluids remaining on them. She’s even resorted to stopping random people on the street if she sees them wearing a dressing she’d like to use. Barron admits her kids have a hard time with that. (And you thought your mom was embarrassing!)
– UPI.com
• Jewelry designer Jackie Kaufman creates personalized dog-nose necklaces using recycled silver and a process called ‘lost-wax casting’. She sends you a kit in the mail, you hold the mold up to your pooch’s snout for a few seconds, then send the mold back. She then creates your one-of-a-kind piece. The cost: $110 and up. (Dumbest thing since bronzed baby booties.)
NET: http://www.pawesome.net/2011/04/dog-nose-print-necklace/
– Neatorama.com

BEST BEGGARS ARE CHOOSERS:
In a recent experiment entitled ‘Social Eavesdropping in the Domestic Dog’, Italian scientists studied 100 dogs as they watched researchers eat cereal. When another person came into the lab and begged to be given some, one researcher readily shared breakfast while the other shooed the beggar away. When the dogs were later let off their leads, they were more likely to approach the generous researcher in hope of being fed. In fact, fully two-thirds of the dogs were able to distinguish kind people from selfish. (Smart dogs! 10% were observed taking notes.)
– NewScientist.com

LITTLEST WATERING HOLES:
A new listing of some of the tiniest bars in the world …
• Mou Very, Dunedin, New Zealand – At less than 6-ft-wide, New Zealand’s smallest bar doesn’t even have toilets. That doesn’t stop a DJ from spinning funk and soul tunes 2 nights a week.
• The Nutshell, Bury St Edmunds, England – No more than 20 people can squeeze into this historical pub. A skeletal mummified cat, believed to be 400-years-old, hangs from the ceiling.
• Oasis Roadhouse, Lynd Junction, Australia – The bar itself is only 21-ins-wide. Just 2 patrons can fit comfortably, making it the tiniest bar in OZ. Fortunately, the population of the town is 3.
• Piano Bar, Tokyo, Japan – Just 32 sq ft on 2 storeys among a cluster of bars known as ‘Drunkard’s Alley’. The interior is modeled after a German castle.
• Slims Elbow Room, Cabo San Lucas, Mexico – This 4-stool bar is plastered with signed dollar bills from visitors. A wide selection of tequilas are served on a try-before-you-buy policy.
• Smallest Bar, Key West, Florida – This 72-sq-ft bar on action-packed Duval Street is about the size of a jail cell. You can touch both walls when standing in the middle.
• Smallest Whisky Bar on Earth, Santa Maria, Switzerland – Small in floor space … 92 sq ft; big on selection of whiskeys … 204 varieties!
– FoxNews.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• The palms of your hands have more sweat glands than your underarms. (Does this mean it would be more hygienic to ‘shake pits’?)
• Anything you do that takes 20 minutes each day will end up using a year of your life in the average lifetime. (And just think, if every day is like today, you’ll have spent 4 years on [local commuter route].)

BS CHRONOMETER 04.19.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1968 [43] Ashley Judd, Granada Hills CA, movie actress (“Divine Secrets Of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”, “Kiss the Girls”)/autobiographer (“All That is Bitter & Sweet”)/daughter of country singer Naomi Judd/sister of Wynonna

1969 [42] Jesse James, Lynwood CA, TV personality (“Jesse James Is a Dead Man” 2009, “Monster Garage” 2002-06)/motorcycle builder (West Coast Choppers)/wed to actress Sandra Bullock 2005-10/engaged to tattoo artist Kat Von D

1978 [33] James Franco, Palo Alto CA, movie actor (“127 Hours”, “Milk”)/failed Academy Awards co-host (2011)

1979 [32] Kate Hudson, LA CA, movie actress (“You, Me & Dupree”, “Almost Famous”)/actress Goldie Hawn’s daughter/former wife of Chris Robinson (Black Crowes) 2000-07/now dating Muse frontman Matthew Bellamy

1981 [30] Hayden Christensen, Vancouver BC, movie actor (“Jumper”, “Star Wars: Episode II-III”)

1987 [24] Maria Sharapova, Nyagan, Russia, former top-ranked women’s tennis player/one-time highest-paid female athlete thanks to endorsement deals/engaged to NBA player Sasha Vujacic (NJ Nets)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Garlic Day”, saluting the ‘stinking rose’ that has been cultivated as long as history has been recorded. A few garlic facts …
– Over 5,000 years ago, Chinese herbalists used garlic to reduce blood pressure, cardiac, and other circulatory problems. Recent scientific studies have found they were on to something!
– In Medieval times, it was believed that garlic worn as a necklace would stop your soul from leaving your body.
– It’s been said that if you rub a clove on garlic on your partner’s feet at night, you’ll taste it on his or her breath the next morning. Why you’d actually want to do this, no one knows!

• “Hanging Out Day”, promoting energy conservation by using a clothesline instead of an electric dryer.
NET: http://www.laundrylist.org

• “Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day”, an annual event begun as a promotion for a pajama-maker that’s evolved into another fun excuse for office hijinks.
NET: http://nationalwearyourpajamastoworkday.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1987 [24] “The Simpsons” debuts as a cartoon short between skits on the 2nd episode of “The Tracey Ullman Show” (FOX)

2001 [10] Smash hit musical “The Producers,” based on the Mel Brooks film of the same name, opens on Broadway in NYC

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1951 [60] ‘Miss World Contest’ is 1st beauty pageant to feature contestants in bikinis

2005 [06] Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger is elected Pope Benedict XVI

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] 2011 Tribeca Film Festival opens (NYC)
[Wed] 2011 Dove Awards (Atlanta)
[Wed] Pot Smokers Day
[Wed] Look-Alike Day
[Thurs] High Five Day
[Thurs] Teach Your Children to Save Day
[Fri] Good Friday
This Week Is … Administrative Professionals Week
This Month Is … International Guitar Month

BULL’S BITS

BS EASTER TRADITIONS THAT NEVER REALLY CAUGHT ON:
• Sitting on the stove to make ‘hot cross buns’.
• Biting the head off chocolate larva.
• Pinning the tail on the Easter Bunny.
• Bad hare day.
• ‘Happy Keester’ cards.
• Bobbing for Easter chicks.
• The annual bunny-pellet hunt.
• Going to church.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What are the most important characteristics in a partner? (In a “Details” magazine poll, most guys say ‘Someone you can talk to’.)

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
According to legend, what did Cleopatra have her mattress stuffed with every night?
a. Roses. [CORRECT. Fresh flowers, picked daily.]
b. Camel hair.
c. Men.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Hire a teenager … while they still know everything.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Doing THIS at work is said to be on the rise; 10 years ago, it was unheard of.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hugging.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Never lie unless you have an awfully good memory.