Thursday, April 28, 2011        Edition: #4494
Can You Believe This Sheet?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
24-year-old actress Megan Fox (“Transformers and, more recently, “Transformers”) is apparently having the Marilyn Monroe tattoo removed from her right forearm (there are at least 8 other tats on her bod’, most of which we’ve all seen) . . . Jean-Claude Van Damme’s wife Gladys Portugues is campaigning to fulfil the action movie actor’s greatest dream, landing a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, which she claims is ‘so long overdue’ for him (just like a good movie) . . . After almost 5 years on-the-job, Katie Couric has confirmed she’s leaving the anchor desk at the “CBS Evening News” and is looking for a format that will allow ‘more multi-dimensional storytelling’ (Scott Pelley of “60 Minutes” is expected to be named her successor next week) . . . Comedian Paul Reiser (“Mad About You”) is blaming a time slot against “American Idol” and the ‘lack of promotion’ for the cancellation of his NBC-TV sitcom “The Paul Reiser Show” after just 2 episodes (actually, it’s all about the lack of laughs) . . . 32-year-old actress Kate Hudson is collaborating with Chrome Hearts on a new jewelry line (because her last hit movie was – um?!?!?) . . . 29-year-old bride-to-be Kate Middleton is said to be so stressed about tomorrow’s royal wedding in London that she’s been having recurring nightmares about being naked in front of all of her guests (now THAT would liven things up!) . . . And looney-tunes actor Randy Quaid (who fled to Canada due to the ‘star whackers’ in Hollywood) is reportedly in talks to join Charlie Sheen onstage when his “Torpedo of Truth Tour” hits Vancouver, British Columbia on Monday night (bring your tin-foil hats!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Bruno Mars performs; last year’s runner-up Crystal Bowersox performs; another contestant is eliminated.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Lykke Li (“Wounded Rhymes”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Lady Gaga (“Born This Way”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Airborne Toxic Event (“All At Once”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Screaming Females (“Castle Talk”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tim McGraw (“Emotional Traffic Tour”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – The Broadway cast of “Rock of Ages”.
• “MTV O Music Awards” (MTV.com) – The inaugural awards celebrating the migration of music into digital space includes honors in cutting-edge categories like ‘Best Fan Cover’, ’Best Tweet’, and ‘Viral Dances’. The event begins at 8 pm PT when a flash-mob descends on a secret Las Vegas location. Lady Gaga and rapper Tyler The Creator of Odd Future lead nominations with 3 apiece. Performers include Lil B, Lupe Fiasco, Matt & Kim, Mumford & Sons, and Chiddy Bang, who’ll attempt to set a Guinness World Record for ‘Longest Freestyle Rap’.
• “The Office” (NBC/Global) – “Goodbye Michael”, a 50-minute special episode as Steve Carell’s character ‘Michael Scott’ walks away from ‘Dunder Mifflin’, hopefully with soul-mate ‘Holly’ in tow. “Parks & Recreation” will benefit from the lead-in by starting 10 minutes ahead of time. (See BULL’S BITS.)
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – OK Go (“Of the Blue Colour Of the Sky”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Aretha Franklin (“Take a Look: Complete on Columbia”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – She’s being sued for $100 million by videogame company Gate Five, which claims her ‘diva’ demands for more money to appear in the doomed dance game “Starpower: Beyoncé” destroyed the business and put 70 people out of work.
• Jennifer Hudson – She tells “Look” magazine she’s not mentally adjusted to her slim figure and still perceives herself as full-figured. She’s shed 80 lbs in just under 2 years and while she’s done it slowly and sensibly, she still finds it difficult to get used to her ‘new self’.
• Justin Bieber – He’s suffering from a mystery back injury while performing on tour in Australia. In a tweet this week he tells fans he’s in such agony he’s been forced to take extended bed-rest at his hotel. Alone.
• Kenny Chesney – It’s been announced he’ll release a duet with Grace Potter, “You & Tequila”, as the 4th single from his latest album, “Hemingway’s Whiskey”.
• Kylie Minogue – Tonight the month-long North American leg of her “Aphrodite – Live 2011” tour starts in Montréal, Québec. It winds up in Las Vegas May 22nd.
• Mumford & Sons – Their “Railroad Revival Tour” on a 14-car train ended last night in New Orleans after hitting 6 venues along the way from Oakland. The tour, designed to explore alternate ways of taking a rock show on the road, was filmed for a documentary due this Fall.
• Ozzy Osbourne – He & wife Sharon have put their 5-bedroom Malibu, California beach house up for sale for $10 million. A recent $1.7-million tax bill from the IRS may have helped them make the decision. The 4,500 sq-ft house has been rented since 2010 for $40,000-a-month.
• Spice Girls – Geri Halliwell has echoed Melanie Chisholm’s call for a reunion performance of the 1990s girl group to help launch London’s 2012 Olympic Games. The opening ceremonies will be directed by Oscar-winner Danny Boyle (“Slumdog Millionaire”).

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the works …
• “Ice Age: Continental Drift” – Jennifer Lopez will voice the role of ‘Shira’, a sabre-toothed tiger love interest for ‘Diego’ (Denis Leary). Also signed for the voice cast: Jeremy Renner (The Town”), rapper Drake, and comedian Wanda Sykes. The first 3 movies grossed a combined total of almost $2 billion worldwide. The new edition is scheduled for release in July 2012.
• “Terminator 5” – Creative Artists Agency is shopping around a new film that would include 63-year-old retired California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger reprising his role as the ‘T-800 Terminator’ and Justin Lin (“Fast Five”) directing. Arnold appeared in the franchise’s first 3 movies: “Terminator” (1984), “Terminator 2: Judgement Day” (1991); and “Terminator 3: Rise Of the Machines” (2003).
• “30 Minutes or Less” – Jesse Eisenberg (“The Social Network”) & Aziz Ansari (“Parks & Recreation”) will star in this action comedy about a pair of fledgling criminals who kidnap a pizza delivery driver and force him to rob a bank because they need the money to hire a hit-man. The movie opens August 12th.
• “21 Jump Street” – Johnny Depp has reportedly agreed to do a cameo in a movie loosely based on the 1987-91 TV series that launched him to fame. Jonah Hill & Channing Tatum star in the action comedy about an undercover police unit composed of young looking officers who go back to high school to deal with a drug problem. The film’s due in theaters next March.
• Untitled Freddie Mercury Film – Queen guitarist Brian May says he only decided to greenlight a bio-film about late bandmate Freddie Mercury after actor Sacha Baron Cohen spent years pushing him to agree. Cohen will play the rock icon in the upcoming film, penned by acclaimed screenwriter Peter Morgan (“Frost/Nixon”). Production is expected to begin later this year.

ROYAL REHEARSAL:
Britain got an early taste of Prince William & Kate Middleton’s wedding Wednesday when a full dress rehearsal was staged in London. Hundreds of members of the military, along with Royal Mews staff and the Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment, took part in the pre-dawn walk-through, escorting a fleet of Rolls-Royces to Westminster Abbey. Then the 1902 State Landau carriage, which will carry the prince and his bride from the wedding venue after the nuptials, made its journey from the abbey to Buckingham Palace, where the band of the Welsh Guards played the British National Anthem. The rehearsal, minus the bride & groom, was held to double-check timing and ensure the hotly-anticipated event runs smoothly tomorrow.
– ContactMusic.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• After a decline in membership due to the recent recession, Basque-based ‘Easy Gym’ in Spain is hoping to increase its members by offering … naked exercise.  (Ew! Icky sweat all over fitness machines was bad enough before this!)
– Metro.co.uk
• Anthony Garcia was just a run-of-the-mill hood when LA cops recently arrested him after a routine traffic stop. Then a detective happened to recognize the depiction in his extensive chest tattoo as … the entire murder scene from a 2004 cold case. (Dumbest killer ever?)
– “Village Voice”
• Elite French riot police are threatening to strike over a new rule; they’ll no longer be allowed to drink wine or beer while on duty with weapons and bulletproof vests. A union leader complains they’re turning cops into priests … but without the altar wine. (Only in France … a strike over booze on-the-job.)
– NYPost.com
• Thailand-based ‘Great Elephant Poo Poo Paper Company’ produces environmentally-friendly paper made from … pachyderm poop. Each piece of poo collected from conservation areas produces 25 letter-size pages. (In Bangkok, if your professor says the essay you’re working on is crap, he might be right!)
– Squidoo.com

BACK TO THE FUTURE:
Who killed the hybrid car? It seems that 100-plus years before the Prius was mass produced Porsche sold what was the first hybrid gas-electric car. The vehicle used a gas engine to run an electric generator which powered the motor, allowing a battery to run the car if it ran out of fuel. Built in 1900, none of the original cars exist so a ‘Lohner-Porsche Semper Vivus’ was painstakingly recreated to be put on display at this year’s “New York International Auto Show”, on now through Sunday. (Why isn’t someone working on a wind-up car?)
– “International Business Times”

A CHIP IN THE HEAD:
In experiments conducted at Washington University in St Louis, Missouri patients have been able to send signals from their brain directly to a computer in order to control a cursor on the screen. A temporary surgical implant enables the patients to ‘talk’ to a computer just by thinking the words aloud in their head. The ‘Brain-Computer Interface’ (BCI) could one day be used to help those who are unable to speak or have other physical disabilities due to brain injury. (But of course the most important uses will be using Xbox without a controller and instant Tweeting!)
– Singularityhub.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Online dating is hot in China. According to the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, by 2020 there will be 24 million more men of marriage age than women. That imbalance is what’s driving up to half of the country’s current 180 million bachelors to look for love online. For every 100 females in China, there are now 119.45 males.
– “TIME Magazine”
• Most of us choose to read in bed. That’s the finding of a new international survey of readers in Australia, Britain, Canada, and the USA. It seems 79% like to read books between the sheets, more than in the living room (73%), on vacation (37%), or while commuting (8%).
– “Los Angeles Times”
• The Oedipus complex may be epidemic. According to the new book, “A Billion Wicked Thoughts”, the single most-popular search term users enter into PornHub, the most heavily trafficked adult website in the world, isn’t ‘teens’ or ‘cheerleaders’ as you might expect, but … ‘mom’.
– TheDailyBeast.com

BS CHRONOMETER 04.28.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [62] Paul Guilfoyle, Canton MA, TV actor (‘Captain Jim Brass’ on “CSI” since 2000)

1950 [61] Jay Leno, New Rochelle NY, TV host (“The Tonight Show” since 1992)

1966 [45] John Daly, Carmichael CA, long-driving pro golfer since 1987/admitted alcoholic

1971 [40] Bridget Moynahan, TV actress (‘Erin Reagan’ on “Blue Bloods” since 2010)/movie actress (“I, Robot”, “The Sum of All Fears”)/NFL QB Tom Brady’s baby mama (2007)

1973 [38] Jorge Garcia, Omaha NE, TV actor (“Lost” 2004-10)

1974 [37] Penelope Cruz (Sanchez), Madrid, Spain, movie actress (2009 Academy Award-“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”, “Sahara”)  UP NEXT: “Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”, opening May 20th.

1981 [30] Jessica Alba, Pomona CA, movie actress (“Little Fockers”, “Fantastic Four”)

TODAY’S BS OBSERVANCES . . .
• “Child Care Professionals Day”, to help us understand and appreciate their role in children’s development. (Guess that’s why those security cameras hidden in lamps were invented.)

• “Great Poetry Reading Day”, a day to ‘read some great poetry, the world better to see.’
(“There once was a girl from St John’s …”)

• “Kiss Your Mate Day”, a day to share the pleasure of a kiss when he or she least expects it.

• “International Workers Memorial Day”, a worldwide day of remembrance and action for workers killed, disabled, injured or made unwell by their work.

• “Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day”, observed annually on the 4th Thursday of April, when we’re encouraged to bring our 8-to-18 year-old offspring to the workplace to gain firsthand experience of life in the work world.
NET: http://www.daughtersandsonstowork.org

• “Workers Memorial Day”, a day of remembrance for persons killed or injured in the workplace, first declared by the Canadian Labour Congress in 1984. One Canadian worker out of 13 is injured at work at some point.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1991 [20] ‘Strippers Hall of Fame’ opens in Helendale, California

2006 [05] “People” magazine names Angelina Jolie the ‘World’s Most Beautiful Person’

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2001 [10] US millionaire Dennis Tito becomes the ‘First Space Tourist’, paying a reported $12 million-plus to spend just under 8 days aboard a Russian Soyuz mission carrying supplies to the International Space Station

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1985 [26] World’s ‘Largest Sand Castle’ is completed, standing 4 stories tall (St Petersburg, Florida)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival begins
[Fri] Bamboozle Festival begins (East Rutherford NJ)
[Fri] Hairball Awareness Day
[Fri] Save the Frogs Day
[Sat] Canadian Income Tax Deadline
[Sat] Honesty Day
[Sat] Stagecoach Country Music Festival begins (Indio CA)
[Sat] Hairstylists Appreciation Day
This Week Is … Teacher Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Listening Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

BS PHONE STARTER:
Classic sitcoms “M*A*S*H” and “Cheers” both endured multiple cast changes through their long runs. But “M*A*S*H” never lost ‘Hawkeye’ (Alan Alda) and “Cheers” never lost ‘Sam’ (Ted Danson). So how long can “The Office” survive without ‘Michael Scott’?

A BS SAMPLING OF ‘MICHAEL SCOTT’ QUOTES:
• “This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.”
• “I don’t want somebody sucking up to me because they think I’m going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.”
• “You may look around, and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. You know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”
• “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
• “This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.”
• “That’s what she said.”
– IMdB.com

WHY ‘MICHAEL SCOTT’ WILL BE MISSED:
• He is truly one of the funniest characters in TV history.
• He is somehow simultaneously the worst boss ever and the best boss ever.
• His desperate need to be liked is balanced by honest concern for his employees.
– Adapted from QMI Agency

BS RANDOM JOKE:
That must be wonderful! I don’t understand it at all.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Studies show we are most likely to want to do THIS at 3:23 pm.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Grab some junk food. It’s said to be the most precarious time for the average dieter. (“National Examiner”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.