Thursday, April 14, 2022 — Edition: #7210
A LOTTA Bull today, BS’ers!
BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
The Bull Sheet will not be publishing tomorrow, Friday, April 15, to observe Good Friday. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Monday, April 18. Happy egg hunting, everyone!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Mark Wahlberg gained 30 pounds for his latest movie by eating up to 8 meals a day. In “Father Stu,” where he plays a boxer-turned-priest, he piled on the pounds to portray Stuart Long towards the end of his life when he had a rare autoimmune disease. To gain weight for the role, Wahlberg started with a 2-week 7,000-calorie-a-day diet plan. Then, during the last 4 weeks, he upped his intake to 11,000 calories a day. Wahlberg explained he gained weight by eating foods high in protein. Quote: “A dozen eggs, dozen pieces of bacon, two bowls of white rice, a cup of olive oil to start the morning. (Then), more eggs, a porterhouse steak.” And as awesome as that might sound at first, the Oscar nominee says it isn’t something he’d “jump at” doing again. Father Stu, also starring Mel Gibson and Malcolm McDowell, opened this week.
-Insider
★ Johnny Depp’s latest lawsuit against ex-wife Amber Heard kicked off with a blunt accusation on Tuesday. Depp’s lawyers claimed Heard completely fabricated her accusations of domestic violence in order to advance her own career. Depp is suing Heard for defamation, claiming that her 2018 op-ed in The Washington Post damaged his reputation. As the trial got underway, Depp’s lawyers suggested that Heard had good reason to falsify these claims – to portray herself as a victim and earn some sympathetic publicity at Depp’s expense. Heard never filed a criminal complaint against Depp, although she did have a restraining order against him for most of their divorce proceedings. Heard’s attorney argued that his client’s abuse allegations are true.
-PopCulture
★ Keke Palmer will be in charge of the “Password” podium. The star of Jordan Peele’s upcoming movie “Nope” has signed on to host the reboot of the classic gameshow for NBC. Palmer, who also starred in series such as “Scream Queens” and “Berlin Station” as well as the movie “Hustlers”, will host the show, which comes from “Tonight Show” host Jimmy Fallon. It comes nearly a year after the network greenlit the reboot of the 1960s game show, which Fallon has made a part of his late-night show.
-Deadline
★ Netflix unveiled a new user rating option on Tuesday called the “double thumbs up,” for when your feelings for a TV show or movie warrant more than just a “like.” The new feature is already available, so you can start giving your maximum approval to “Squid Game” or “The Mitchells vs. The Machines.” In a statement, the streaming giant said: “Do you like it or do you love it? When you love something, you want to tell your family, friends, and coworkers. You want to talk about it all over social media. And you want more of it ASAP.” It calls Double Thumbs Up “an additional way for members to let us know what types of series and films you want to see more of.” (They should have named it “The Fonzie”!)
-TheWrap
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Bob Odenkirk, Jonathan Van Ness, Stromae
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Zoë Kravitz, Al Franken, Sebastián Yatra (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Hugh Laurie, Spoon
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Ben Stiller, Rose Matafeo, Brooke Colucci (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Haley Bennett, Sam Richardson, Sam Morril (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Molly Shannon, Craig Robinson
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Bill Browder
• “The Talk” (CBS): Wil Wheaton, Adhir Kalyan, Parker Young
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Josh Brolin, Aya Cash
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Joe Manganiello, Simone Ashley, guest host Tiffany Haddish
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Kate & Oliver Hudson, Alisha Wainwright, Dave Roberts
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Craig Robinson, Aya Cash
• “CMT Crossroads: LeAnn Rimes & Friends” (CMT): Carly Pearce, Ashley McBryde, Mickey Guyton and Brandy Clark join Rimes to perform her hits in a celebration of her 25th career anniversary.
FRIDAY-
• “Come Dance With Me” (CBS): Series premiere. 12 dance teams, each comprised of one extremely talented kid dancer and their untrained parent, enter the competition.
• “La Madrina: The Savage Life of Lorine Padilla” (SHOWTIME): Padilla joins a street gang in the Bronx, before becoming an activist and spiritual adviser.
• “Bill Maher: #Adulting” (HBO): A scathing hour of Mahar’s signature commentary on hot-button issues, including cancel culture, quarantine, Q-Anon and everything in-between.
SATURDAY-
• “North of the 10” (BET): Five friends who happen to be social influencers are on the rise and chasing their Hollywood dreams from the South Side of Chicago.
• “Love, Classified” (HALLMARK): Returning home after a long absence, a romance novelist reconnects with her children as they start to find their own paths to love.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Lizzo hosts and performs.
SUNDAY-
• “American Idol” (ABC): The competition heats up as last week’s votes are in, and the top 20 are revealed.
• “The First Lady” (SHOWTIME): Series premiere. Eleanor commits to Franklin’s uncertain political future; Betty unexpectedly becomes Second Lady upon Jerry’s nomination; Michelle wrestles with the consequences of Barack becoming the first Black President.
• “90 Day Fiancé” (TLC): Season 9 premiere
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• DJ Khaled – had a gang of celeb friends to support him as he was enshrined on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Jay-Z, Diddy, Fat Joe and Teyana Taylor were all on hand Monday when Khaled’s star was unveiled.
• Megan Thee Stallion — Tory Lanez insists his new song ‘Mucky James’ is not about his felony assault case tied to the 2020 shooting of her. He tweeted: “I am not talking about my court case on the song #MuckyJames. I see all these blogs trying to connect the two…I would not play with the court order or the judge like that … please stop that narrative.”
• Psy – The ‘Gangham Style’ singer has announced his return after a 5-year absence. He posted on Instagram that his 9th album, “Psy 9th” will drop April 29.
• Nirvana, Soundgarden and Pearl Jam – members have surprise-dropped a self-titled album as the supergroup 3rd Secret. Former Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic, Soundgarden guitarist Kim Thayil and Pearl Jam/Soundgarden drummer Matt Cameron are all in the band, along with singers Jillian Raye from Novoselic’s other band, Giants In The Trees, and Jennifer Johnson.
• Blondie – knits. 76-year-old Debby Harry – who previously battled heroin addiction and was a regular at New York’s Studio 54 in the 70s, told an interviewer: “On tour these days I do what the women…during the French Revolution would do. I sit there knitting…That’s what I do. I will be bringing my knitting needles with me.”
• Scorpions — have changed the lyrics to their 1991 hit ‘Wind of Change’ in light of current events. Beginning last month with the group’s Vegas residency, the band has dedicated the tune to the people of Ukraine, with lyrics about peace with Russia omitted. The song is now performed beginning with the words: “Now listen to my heart, it says Ukraine, waiting for the wind to change.”
• Jason Aldean & Kelsea Ballerini – are among the artists announced for this year’s CMA Fest, returning to Nashville June 9-12 after a 2-year COVID postponement. Also on the bill: Gabby Barrett, Dierks Bentley, Kane Brown, Luke Bryan, Luke Combs, Russell Dickerson, Alan Jackson, Lady A, Parker McCollum, Carly Pearce, Thomas Rhett, Darius Rucker, Cole Swindell, Carrie Underwood, Keith Urban, Lainey Wilson and Zac Brown Band – and literally hundreds more.
• Luke Combs – has teased the baby name he and wife Nicole have picked for their unborn son – sort of. In an interview, he was asked what his baby’s name rhymes with during a game of Truth or Dare. His answer: “It rhymes with, uhh …” (LONG PAUSE) “It rhymes with ‘orange.'”
• Miranda Lambert and Elle King — have made history with their duet ‘Drunk (And I Don’t Wanna Go Home)’. It has landed at #1 on both the Billboard Country Airplay and the Mediabase country chart this week, the first time since 1993 that a duet between 2 women has done so. Its predecessor? Reba McEntire and Linda Davis’ ‘Does He Love You’.
SHOOTING THE BULL
THIS WEEK’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore” (PG-13, Adventure/Fantasy): Albus Dumbledore assigns Newt and his allies a mission related to the rising power of Grindelwald. (Eddie Redmayne, Jude Law, Ezra Miller)
• “Father Stu” (R, Drama): The story of Father Stuart Long, a boxer-turned-priest who inspired countless people during his journey from self-destruction to redemption. (Mark Wahlberg, Mel Gibson, Jacki Weaver, Faith Jefferies)
• “Paris, 13th District” (R, Comedy/Drama/Romance – limited release): Emilie meets Camille, who is attracted to Nora, who crosses paths with Amber. They’re friends, sometimes lovers and often both. (Lucie Zhang, Makita Samba, Noémie Merlant, Jehnny Beth)
NEW FOOD FOR YOU:
➠ Burger King has an all-new condiment on the menu. The fast food chain has introduced Peanut Butter Sauce – and it’s not an ice cream topping. It’s a pairing for its new Peanut Butter Stackers and Peanut Butter Fries. Currently only available in South Korea, BK’s Peanut Butter sauce is made with a combination of creamy peanut butter and brown cheese. The sauce is one of a number of the chain’s new menu items, as are the Peanut Butter Stackers, which begin with 2 beef patties, topped with mayo, pickles, cheese, and the new Peanut Butter Sauce, with all of the ingredients sandwiched between a sesame seed bun. (Can I get jelly on that?)
➠ Baskin-Robbins is making some changes. The 77-year-old ice cream shop is not only tweaking its logo, employee uniforms and packaging to update the brand, it also plans to sell merch, including bikes, scrunchies and bucket hats, from an online store for the first time. And…the company is unveiling some new flavors: One is Non-Dairy Mint Chocochunk, another is Totally Unwrapped (made with peanut butter and chocolate ice creams, caramel swirls, fudge-covered pretzels, and fudge and caramel covered peanuts). They call that one a “deconstructed candy bar.” The third flavor, Ube Coconut Swirl, is made with coconut and ube ice creams. [A ube is a purple yam commonly used in Filipino desserts.]. (And they didn’t even consider calling it “I Yam What I Yam”? “My-Yammy”? “Sam I Yam”? …somebody stop me!)
-PopCulture, CNN
NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ A Florida man had a creative excuse for speeding: Russian President Vladimir Putin. The unidentified driver was pulled over in Palm Coast for allegedly running a stop sign and going 50 in a 30mph zone. Bodycam footage shows Florida man giving the deputy a number of reasons as to why he was speeding, including that he was trying to get it out of “sport mode.” Finally, he tells the cop what he claimed to be ‘the truth’: “I just found out that Putin just said he’s gonna launch nuclear thermal war against the world, and I was trying to get back to my house to find out what’s going on. I’m freaking out.” The traffic stop took place Feb. 24, the same day that Putin launched his invasion of Ukraine. The driver was issued 2 tickets. (Wow, dude. Congrats, you just blamed Putin for the one thing that can’t be blamed on Putin!)
➢ San Francisco police were faced with a new challenge after stopping a vehicle with no one inside. In a video posted to Instagram, officers approach the car, operated by driverless taxi company Cruise, because it had been driving without headlights on. A cop remarks that there “ain’t nobody in it” before the car moves forward, appearing to “take off” on police. Cruise later explained that it was pulling ahead to a safer location. The company also explained the headlights issue was a result of human error. (How is it that a driverless car can look so much like it’s being driven by a drunk?) LINK: https://tinyurl.com/3jmdmsz7
-Fox, TheVerge
WORLD BUSIEST AIRPORTS, 2021:
The Atlanta International Airport is once again the world’s busiest, after being knocked off the #1 spot in passenger volume in 2020 by China’s Guangzhou Baiyun International Airport. The Georgia transportation hub held the top spot for 22 years prior to the pandemic. Here is the top-10 for 2021 . . .
1. Atlanta (ATL): 75.7 million passengers, up 76% from 2020
2. Dallas/Fort Worth (DFW): 62.5 million passengers, up 59%
3. Denver (DEN): 58.8 million passengers, up 74%
4. Chicago O’Hare (ORD): 54 million passengers, up 75%
5. Los Angeles (LAX): 48 million passengers, up 67%
6. Charlotte (CLT): 43.3 million passengers, up 59%
7. Orlando (MCO): 40.4 million passengers, up 87%
8. Guangzhou, China (CAN): 40.3 million passengers, down 8%
9. Chengdu, China (CTU): 40.1 million passengers, down 1.5%
10. Las Vegas (LAS): 39.8 million passengers, up 79%
-CNN
DID YOU KNOW?
Move over, Karens. It turns out that women with that name aren’t the worst complainers after all, according to new research. In fact, most of the top 10 aren’t even women – when it comes to online ranting, at least. Davids were found to leave the most negative reviews on TripAdvisor and Trustpilot. And of the top 10 worst offenders, there is only ONE women’s name – and that’s Sarah. The worst complainers, following David, in order, are: Paul, John, Mark, Chris, James, Michael, Andrew and Peter, with Sarah at #10.
-TheSun
BS CHRONOMETER 04.14.22
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Dolphin Day”, established in the 1990s to focus on the worldwide plight of dolphins. (It definitely serves a porpoise. Sorry.)
• “Pathologists Assistant Day”, a celebration of those who assist distinct but inter-related medical specialties, which diagnose disease through the analysis of tissue, cell, and body fluid samples. (Hey, when’s lunch?) LINK: https://www.wikidates.org/holiday/pathologists-assistant-day_1176.html
• “National Pecan Day”, is it pee-CAHN or PEE-can?? This is the national observation in the US. “Pecan Day” was held on March 25th for the rest of the world. (But when it comes to pecan pie, we’re willing to celebrate more than once!)
• “Ex-Spouse Day”, a day of recognition of your ex as someone who, at least at one point in your life, was a very important person. (Celebrating the end of an error?)
• “International Moment of Laughter Day”, a day to take the time to experience the power of laughter. Ha! (Now that our work here is done…)
• “Pan American Day”, celebrated annually as a symbol of the American continental community. The date marks the 1890 founding of the organization representing the countries of North, Central, and South America.
FRIDAY-
• “Good Friday”, a solemn day commemorating the crucifixion and death of Jesus Christ, as recorded in the Bible. It is observed during Holy Week on the Friday preceding Easter Sunday, and may coincide with the Jewish observance of Passover. It is also known as Holy Friday, Great Friday, and sometimes as Black Friday.
• “ASL Day”, a day of observance celebrating American Sign Language. On April 15, 1817, the first school for the deaf in the US opened. According to Communication Services for the Deaf: 98% of deaf people do not receive education in sign language, and 72% of families do not sign with their deaf children.
• “McDonald’s Day”, the anniversary of the day in 1955 when Ray Kroc opened a McDonald’s in Des Plaines, Illinois. This was the first franchised McD’s, and the 9th McDonald’s restaurant overall. He helped make McDonald’s the best-known fast-food restaurant in the world. (Remember when they added the Chopped Beefsteak sandwich to their menu? That was a big McSteak!)
• “That Sucks Day”, on the day that taxes are traditionally due in the US, That Sucks Day celebrates failure, incompetence, dissatisfaction, mediocrity, apathy, chaos, tomfoolery, buffoonery, and jackassery. LINK: https://thatsucks.net/
• “Gripers’ Day”, (***a good day to have listeners call in with life’s little annoyances such as …***)
– Trying to open a band-aid wrapper while bleeding profusely.
– Discovering that you set your alarm for 7 pm instead of 7 am.
– Plastic ties that connect new shoes so you can’t walk when you try them on.
– When you open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
– Those little dryer sheets that get stuck in your underwear. (See “That Sucks Day”, above…)
• “Rubber Eraser Day”, honoring English chemist Joseph Priestley’s 1770 discovery that a small cube of latex could be used to correct boo-boos. He coined the word ‘eraser’.
• “Take a Wild Guess Day”, honoring hunches, guesses, speculation, and other forms of intuitive intelligence.
• “World Art Day”, an international celebration of the fine arts initiated by the International Association of Art, to promote awareness of creative activity worldwide.
SATURDAY-
• “Eggs Benedict Day”, a day to enjoy heart-attack-on-a-plate – poached eggs, topped with back bacon, served on toasted English muffins, and slathered in Hollandaise sauce … made of even more egg-yolks and butter. (Because we’re “Hollandaise” together!)
• “Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day”, an annual event begun as a promotion for a pajama-maker, that’s evolved into another fun excuse for office hijinks. (I’ve been wearing my PJs while I work for 2 years now…)
• “Healthcare Decisions Day”, to inspire and educate the public and providers about the importance of advance care planning.
• “Save the Elephant Day”, to raise awareness of threats to their future in both Africa and Asia, ranging from poachers and traffickers to loss of habitat. At current rates, ivory poaching could make the African elephant extinct within decades, according to “TIME”.
• “World Voice Day”, initiated in 1999 as a celebration of the phenomenon of voice as a tool of communication. (What celeb has the greatest voice…now that we’ve lost Gilbert Gottfried?)
• “Day of the Mushroom”, celebrating edible mushrooms, which can be eaten plain, be stuffed, or be used in salads, soups, and sauces. (And pizzas!)
• “World Semicolon Day”, celebrating those who chose not to end their lives because their stories are not yet over. Why the semicolon? When authors use semicolons, it shows that a sentence is not yet ended and the story is not yet over. Suicide survivors mark this day by sharing their stories, to raise awareness for mental health and suicide prevention.
SUNDAY-
• “Easter”, celebrated by Christians to commemorate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, described in the New Testament as having occurred on the third day after his burial following his crucifixion by the Romans in 30 AD. It is preceded by Lent, a 40-day period of fasting, prayer, and penance. Special church services are held, and in some countries, there are processions.
• “Bat Appreciation Day”, to generate positive awareness about bats ahead of possible negative interactions with people after their Winter-long hibernation (…plus some recent bad press!)
LINK: https://www.batcon.org/
• “Blah Blah Blah Day”, a day to do all the things that people have been nagging you to do. This might include quitting a habit, losing weight, working on home projects, blah blah blah…
• “Cheese Ball Day”, saluting the hors d’oeuvre made with cream cheese, seasonings, and chopped nuts. (Also, apparently, to celebrate the sense of humor displayed on this radio show…)
• “Haiku Poetry Day”, a celebration of the genre of poetry whose origins date back a millennium in Japan; and of English-language haiku, which has now been written for more than a century. To create one of these short poems, stick to a syllable pattern of 5-7-5. For example:
Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator.
• “World Hemophilia Day”, a day of awareness of the genetic disorder that impairs the body’s ability to control bleeding through clotting or coagulation. LINK: https://wfh.org/world-hemophilia-day/
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1932 [90] Loretta Lynn, Butcher Hollow KY, legendary country singer (‘Coal Miner’s Daughter’, ‘Don’t Come Home a Drinkin’ [With Lovin’ on Your Mind’])’/most-awarded female country recording artist in history/sister of Crystal Gayle
1945 [77] Ritchie Blackmore, Weston-super-mare England, rock guitarist (Deep Purple-‘Smoke on the Water’, Rainbow-‘All Night Long’)/Rock Hall of Fame (with Deep Purple), 2016
1959 [63] Peter Capaldi, Glasgow Scotland, TV actor (“Dr. Who” 2008-20)
1961 [61] Robert Carlyle, Glasgow Scotland, movie actor (“Trainspotting”, “The Full Monty”)/TV actor (“Once Upon a Time” 2011-18)
1968 [54] Anthony Michael Hall, Boston MA, movie actor (“The Breakfast Club”, “Sixteen Candles”, “Weird Science”)/TV actor (“The Dead Zone” 2002-07)
1973 [49] Adrien Brody, NYC, movie actor (“The Grand Budapest Hotel”, “The Pianist”)/TV actor (“Houdini” 2014)
1977 [45] Sarah Michelle Gellar, NYC, TV actress (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” 1997-2003)/movie actress (“Cruel Intentions”)
1980 [42] [Edwin] Win Butler, Truckee CA, indie-rock singer/multi-instrumentalist (Arcade Fire-‘Rebellion [Lies]’, ‘Reflektor’)
1996 [26] Abigail Breslin, NYC, TV actress (‘Chanel #5′ on “Scream Queens” 2015-16)/movie actress (“Little Miss Sunshine”)
FRIDAY- Emma Thompson (“Sense and Sensibility”) is 63; Linda Perry (4 Non Blondes) is 57; Ed O’Brien (Radiohead) is 54; Chris Stapleton (‘Tennessee Whiskey’) is 44; Luke Evans (“Fast & Furious”) is 43; Patrick Carney (The Black Keys) is 42; Seth Rogen (“Pineapple Express”) is 40; Samira Wiley (“Orange is the New Black”) is 35; Emma Watson (“Harry Potter”) is 32; Maisie Williams (“Game of Thrones”) is 25
SATURDAY- Retired NBA star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is 75; Dave Pirner (Soul Asylum) is 58; Jon Cryer (“Two-and-a-Half Men”) is 57; Martin Lawrence (“Bad Boys”) is 57; Peter Billingsley (“A Christmas Story”) is 51; Lukas Haas (“Inception”) is 46; Claire Foy (“The Crown”) is 38; Chance the Rapper (‘I’m the One’) is 29; Anya Taylor-Joy (“The Queen’s Gambit”) is 26; Sadie Sink (“Stranger Things”) is 20
SUNDAY- Sean Bean (“Game of Thrones”) is 63; Former NFL QB ‘Boomer’ (Norman) Esiason is 61; Jennifer Garner (“Alias”) is 50; Victoria Beckham (Spice Girls) is 48; Rooney Mara (“The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”) is 37
ON THIS DAY . . .
1912 [110] RMS Titanic, the world’s largest ocean liner, hits an iceberg at 11:40pm off Newfoundland, and sinks in the early hours of April 15
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1994 [28] After 9 years of a very public marriage, Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley announce they have separated. They divorce later in the year
1997 [25] TV star Ellen DeGeneres reveals she’s a lesbian in an interview with “TIME” magazine (Quote: “Yup, I’m gay.”)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2012 [10] Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys, Guns N’ Roses, The Faces/Small Faces and Donovan are inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
2013 [09] Justin Bieber causes outrage after writing a message in the guest book at Amsterdam’s Anne Frank Museum, stating he hoped the Holocaust victim would have been a ‘belieber’
2018 [04] Bon Jovi, The Cars, Dire Straits, The Moody Blues and Nina Simone are inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2013 [09] The Liberal Party of Canada chooses Justin Trudeau, son of former PM Pierre Trudeau, as its new leader (he becomes Prime Minister November 4, 2015)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1960 [62] The NHL’s Montréal Canadiens defeat Toronto Maple Leafs to win the Stanley Cup for a record 5th consecutive year
2002 [20] Tiger Woods wins his third Masters golf title, becoming only the second player ever to win 2 in a row (alongside Jack Nicklaus)
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ The blob of toothpaste on a brush is called a “nurdle”.
✓ The average person speaks 5,000 words per day.
✓ The average pencil can write 45,000 words.
✓ An apple, potato, and onion all taste the same if you eat them with your nose plugged.
✓ You cannot snore and dream at the same time.
✓ On Good Friday in 1930, the BBC reported, “There is no news.” Then played piano music.
-UselessDaily, CTech
Best of BS . . .
BS SIGNS THE EASTER BUNNY’S NUTS:
• Neighbor bunnies describe him as ‘a quiet loner’.
• Just — can’t — stop — washing — his — paws.
• Loves to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.
• Hides all the eggs in his pants.
• Had the words ‘bite me’ shaved into the fur on his back.
• Keeps rubbing himself for good luck.
• He is a bunny and he’s handing out eggs. Isn’t that enough?
-First published in BS in 2002
BS EMPLOYMENT ADS INTERPRETED:
• “Problem-Solving Skills a Must” – You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
• “Duties Will Vary” – Anyone in the office can boss you around.
• “Career-Minded” – We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.
• “Competitive Salary” – We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
• “Some Overtime Required” – Some time each night and some time each weekend
• “Sales Position Requiring Motivated Self-Starter” – We’re not going to supply you with leads; there’s no base salary; you’ll wait 30 days for your first commission check.
• “Self-Motivated” – Management won’t answer questions
• “Casual Work Atmosphere” – We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up.
• “Competitive Environment” – We have a lot of turnover.
• “Some Public Relations Required” – If we’re in trouble, you’ll go on TV and get us out of it.
• “Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience” – You’ll need it to replace 3 people who just left.
• “Good Communication Skills” – Management communicates, you listen, and figure out what they want you to do.
• “Ability to Handle a Heavy Workload” – Whine, and you’re fired.
-First published in BS in 2004
BS WEB GOODIE:
How’s my day? I’ve had better: https://tinyurl.com/23rn8wyt
BS RANDOM JOKES:
Easter egg hunts are proof that your children can find things when they really want to.
Golf is just the adult version of an Easter Egg Hunt.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s your best true “family meal gone wrong” story?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTIONS:
Question: When it comes to Easter candy, 3 out of 4 people do THIS. What is it?
Answer: Bite our chocolate bunny’s ears off first
Question: According to a survey, 55% of us don’t do this as often as we probably should — because we’re afraid to. What is it?
Answer: Check our bank account
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Easter is the only time when it’s perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket.
