Friday, April 22, 2022 — Edition: #7215

Sheet for Brains!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Jennifer Lawrence’s little one has arrived! The 31-year-old “Don’t Look Up” star has welcomed her first baby with husband Cooke Maroney. The couple was recently spotted out on a stroll with their newborn. It was confirmed in September that Lawrence and Maroney were expecting their first child together. The 2 were first linked in June 2018, became engaged in February 2019 and tied the knot the following October.
-People
★ Tom Cruise, Helen Mirren and Damian Lewis will take part in the live TV special “The Queen’s Platinum Jubilee” on May 15. The program, airing live from the grounds at Windsor Castle, will feature 1,300 performers and 500 horses, plus the likes of Andrew Lloyd Webber, Dame Joan Collins, a number of British TV and film stars, and a 75-piece orchestra. Mirren, who played Elizabeth in 2006’s “The Queen”, will play Queen Elizabeth I during a theatrical event. It will be the first televised event to mark 96-year-old Elizabeth II’s 70 years as monarch and will air on the UK’s ITV.
-UPI
★ Expect a slap-free Tony Awards ceremony. Tonys organizers have put the word out that they will not tolerate any violence, like what happened at the Oscars. Following the Will Smith-Chris Rock incident at the 94th Academy Awards ceremony, a letter has been sent to potential Tony Awards ticket buyers, which includes a new warning in its FAQ section. The warning states: “The Tony Awards has a strict no violence policy. In the event of an incident, the perpetrator will be removed from the event immediately.” The Tonys will be presented on Sunday, June 12, at Radio City Music Hall. It will air on CBS and Paramount+.
-TheBlast
★ Netflix is planning to add commercials, and not everyone is here for it. After years of resisting ads, Netflix co-CEO Reed Hastings said this week that the company is “open” to adding lower-priced, ad-support plans “over the next year or two.” Hastings explained that “allowing consumers who would like to have a lower price and are advertising-tolerant get what they want makes a lot of sense.” But the news didn’t settle well with everyone, with some people threatening to cancel their subscriptions. Many wondered why Netflix, couldn’t simply offer an ad-free tier at a lower price than its current 3 tiers, and another called the fact that the streamer doesn’t feature ads “the whole reason people pay”.
-PopCulture

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Betty Gilpin, Justine Skye
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Andy Cohen, Jeff Foxworthy, Brooke Colucci
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Sen. Cory Booker, Kevin & Danielle Jonas (R)
• “The Talk” (CBS): Food Face-Off: Burgers
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Nathan Fillion
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jenna Dewan, Jordan Davis, guest host Stephen “tWitch” Boss
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Kelly’s birthday show with surprise guests.
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Neil DeGrasse Tyson, June Diane Raphael, Naomie Harris
• “Come Dance With Me” (CBS): Talented young dancers each invite an inspirational adult to become their dance partner for a chance to strut their stuff for a grand prize.

SATURDAY-
• “The Batman” (HBO): Batman ventures into Gotham City’s underworld when a sadistic killer leaves behind a trail of cryptic clues. As the scale of the perpetrator’s plans become clear, he must bring justice to the abuse of power and corruption that plagues the metropolis.
• “Old Flames Never Die” (LIFETIME): When a successful novelist returns to her hometown to escape bad press, she rekindles a romantic one-night stand with her high school sweetheart, who soon develops an unhealthy obsession for her.

SUNDAY-
• “American Idol” (ABC): Country star Gabby Barrett returns to mentor the top 14.
• “Worst Cooks in America” (FOOD): Season 24 premiere
• “Inside Eats With Rhett & Link” (FOOD): Series premiere. Rhett and Link go inside Chipotle Mexican Grill to make a big batch of fresh guacamole and attempt to predict customers’ Chipotle order.
• “Barry” (HBO): Season 3 premiere
• “The Man Who Fell to Earth” (SHOWTIME): Series premiere. An alien on a mission crashes in the oil fields of New Mexico with only 8 hours to find the one woman on Earth who can save his species.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Megan Thee Stallion – is among the artists set to perform at the Billboard Music Awards May 15 on NBC. Also announced among the first round of performers: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Burna Boy, Latto and Rauw Alejandro. Meg and Latto are finalists for top female rap artist.
• Post Malone- recently joined rising bluegrass star Billy Strings on stage in Santa Ana CA for a cover of Johnny Cash’s 1968 song ‘Cocaine Blues’. Malone is set to drop his new album “twelve carat toothache” next month. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/3253sudu
• Def Leppard have shared ‘Take What You Want’, the latest song from their upcoming album “Diamond Star Halos”. It follows the debut single ‘Kick’. The group’s 12th studio album arrives May 27. LINK: https://youtu.be/X9UwhI2uPFE
• Don McLean — Two-time world heavyweight boxing champion Tyson Fury has teamed up with him for an unlikely remake of McLean’s 1970 classic ‘American Pie’. Fury has a long history with the song, and has sung it several times in public. The accompanying video features McLean performing in a boxing ring, interspersed with footage from Fury’s career. LINK:  https://youtu.be/n7SUiaBe5LM
• Heart – singer Ann Wilson has released her breathtaking rendition of Queen’s ‘Love Of My Life’, a duet with Vince Gill. The song appears on Wilson’s forthcoming album “Fierce Bliss”, out Ap. 29. She calls collaborating with Gill “an unforgettable experience for which I’m grateful.” LINK: https://youtu.be/1yVGUGbAWGc
• Brett Young – While it’s easy to understand how his wife Taylor inspired his song ‘Lady’, the happily married Young recently revealed that his wife of 3 years also inspired his breakup song ‘You Didn’t’. At one point, the pair split for 2 years before reuniting. He calls that “the most painful break up I ever went through”, so “that’s where I went when we wrote this one.”
• Chris Stapleton and Brandi Carlile — will headline the 2022 Pilgrimage Music & Cultural Festival, taking place Sept. 24-25 in Franklin TN. Also on the bill: Brittany Spencer, Dawes, Adia Victoria, Elle King, Jon Batiste, The Avett Brothers, Marty Stuart, Lennon Stella, Trampled by Turtles, Lake Street Dive and Better Than Ezra.
• Jimmie Allen – Tuesday, he shared an acoustic video of an unreleased and untitled song that speaks to the challenges of grappling with mental health issues. In 2019, he revealed that he’d been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a teen; and in 2020, he opened a dialogue with fans about how the pandemic caused a number of his mental health issues to resurface. LINK: https://youtu.be/25rXA0z4PTk

SHOOTING THE BULL

THIS WEEK’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent” (R, Comedy/Thriller): A cash-strapped Nicolas Cage agrees to make a paid appearance at a billionaire super fan’s birthday party. But the fan is a drug kingpin, and Cage becomes an informant for the CIA, and gets cast in a Tarantino movie. (Nicolas Cage, Pedro Pascal, Tiffany Haddish, Sharon Horgan)
• “The Bad Guys” (PG, Animated/Comedy/Family): A group of reformed yet misunderstood criminal animals attempt to become good, with some disastrous results along the way. (Sam Rockwell, Marc Maron, Awkwafina, Craig Robinson)
• “The Northman” (R, Adventure/Thriller): An action-filled epic that follows a young Viking prince on his quest to save his mother and avenge his father’s murder. (Alexander Skarsgård, Nicole Kidman, Claes Bang, Ethan Hawke)

MONSTER-IN-LAW:
A new study says it’s not YOUR fault if your mother-in-law hates you. The research, published in the Evolutionary Psychological Science journal, found that most conflicts between spouses and their mothers-in-law revolve around financial resources and child care. The study says that these conflicts may be “influenced by genetic conflict” as each person “unconsciously acts in the interest of their genetic kin”. In other words, your in-law is programmed make the kids (and your spouse) a priority over you, and you are similarly inclined make the kids lives (and your spouse) the most important things, over her. Animosity with in-laws is also likely caused by the fact that they “do not choose to have relationships” with you, but are forced into it through their children’s romantic relationships.
(Also, she heard me tell her daughter that she’s just like her mother!)
(I love my mother-in-law! In fact, I named my daughter after her. Passive-Aggressive Psycho turns 5 next week!)
-NYPost

OREO STUFF:
If your preferred method of devouring Oreo cookies is twisting it into 2 parts, you might have noticed that the filling usually sticks completely to one chocolate wafer or the other. Well, diligent researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology decided to work on the problem. Crystal Owens, a Ph.D. candidate in mechanical engineering used some of the high-tech lab tools there to solve this ongoing Oreo enigma. She and her colleagues invented an “Oreometer” — a 3D-printed device designed for Oreos. The team twisted the sandwich apart with the new Oreo tech and inspected the creme-to-cookie ratio on each side. They also experimented with variables such as dunking the cookie in milk and using different Oreo flavors and the Double Stuf and Mega Stuf varieties. The result? Unfortunately, no trick for opening Oreos to evenly distribute the good stuff was found. The “Oreology” team determined that the crème may stick to one side strictly due to the way they are manufactured, packaged and stored, which is totally out of our control, as Oreo lovers. (When it comes to eating Oreos, that’s not the only thing that’s out of my control!)
-NYPost

NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ An Ontario county was forced to reprogram a digital sign parked at the side of a road after the tires it used to change locations went missing. The County of Wellington (west of Toronto) said in a Twitter post that the wheels from the digital sign’s trailer vanished while it was parked on the shoulder of a road in Belwood. The sign was being used to warn drivers of their speed on the road until the wheels were apparently stolen. The new message greeting everyone who drives on Wellington Road 19? “Have you seen my wheels?” (We’re hoping the sign can be “re-tired” very soon!)
➢ An animal park in Germany that had named one its wild boars “Putin” held a ceremony this week to rechristen the hairy hog following Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. The park operator says he named the nearly 200 kg (441 lb) boar after Russian President Vladimir Putin 3 years ago because of its Russian genetic heritage. But lately, whenever he did a roll call of the boar for visitors, a shiver went down his spine when mentioning Putin, given the war unfolding just west. He soon came to the conclusion that no pig deserved such a name, so the park announced a search for a new one. About 2,700 suggestions poured in, and “Eberhofer” – the name of a policeman from a popular Bavarian book series – won the vote. (Although some think that Putin is the PERFECT name for a swine!)
-UPI

DID YOU KNOW?
A ski report in Idaho re-opened for one day last Saturday after receiving more snow from a single April storm than in all of February and March. Bogus Basin Mountain called the last hurrah of ski season “Supply Chain Saturday,” blaming the lack of snow during the winter on nature’s supply chain issues. A Facebook post announcing the brief reopening said: “You read that right…our order of snow got delayed, and the manufacturer was inflexible. You know what we said to that: ‘If mother nature won’t be flexible, we will!’” The ski resort had closed for the season on April 3 because of a lack of snow.
-Fox

BS CHRONOMETER 04.22.22

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Earth Day”, the 52nd anniversary of the international celebration of the planet we all call home. Begun in 1970, it’s now the largest environmental event worldwide. LINK: http://www.earthday.org
• “Lyrid meteor shower”, will be most visible tonight through tomorrow morning. Plant yourself out of direct moonlight (such as in the shadow of a tree or tall building), and it may be possible to see 10-15 shooting stars per hour.
• “Girl Guide/Scout Leader Appreciation Day”, observed since 1982 to honor the many adult volunteers who help keep the program running. Thanks, ‘Brown Owl’!
• “Jelly Bean Day”, Originally they only came in a few colors, but now you can get them in lip-smacking flavors like Toasted Marshmallow, Café Latte, and Piña Colada. LINK: https://www.jellybelly.ca/flavours-english
• “April Showers Day”, to enhance the celebration of May Flowers Day next month. We could use a good rain, as they say.
• “In God We Trust” Day”, on this date in 1864, Congress passed an act allowing for “In God We Trust” to appear on U.S. coins. That same year, it appeared on the newly minted 2-cent piece and was soon used on other coins.
• “Day of Silence”, a student-led national event where people take a vow of silence to highlight the “silencing and erasure of LGBTQ people at school.”

SATURDAY-
• “Cherry Cheesecake Day”, because you’ve been adhering to that strict diet for far too long.
• “Lost Dog Awareness Day”, focusing on the huge number of lost dogs around the world, and the efforts undertaken by organizations to help reunite pets with owners. LINK: http://tinyurl.com/nftesr6
• “Take a Chance Day”, Some things just won’t happen without a little risk. Today is as good a day as any to take that risk. Do you want to be safe and good, or do you want to take a chance and be great?
• “Talk Like Shakespeare Day”, observed on the anniversary of the bard’s birth (and his death at age 52).
TIPS FOR TALKING LIKE SHAKESPEARE: Instead of “you,” say “thou.” Instead of “y’all,” say “thee.” Thy, Thine and Ye are all good pronouns, too. Men are “sirrah,” ladies are “mistress,” and your friends are all called “cousin.” And to add weight to your opinions, start them with methinks, mayhaps, in sooth, or wherefore.
• “World Book & Copyright Day”, declared annually by UNESCO to promote reading and books on the death anniversary of both William Shakespeare, and Miguel de Cervantes in 1616.
• “World Laboratory Day”, celebrating the place where great discoveries, inventions, and medical cures are born. (And where mad scientists dwell.)
• “English Language Day”, celebrating the date in 1362 when the Chancellor of the UK opened Parliament with a speech in English for the first time, a landmark in its development as a world language. English is now considered by many to be THE world language, and is often the second language of choice in non-English countries. (Ever notice how some of us think that all foreigners should understand English if we just speak it loudly enough?)

SUNDAY-
• “Pigs in a Blanket Day”, celebrating the breakfast taste-treat of sausage wrapped in a pancake.
• “New Kids on The Block Day”, yup, the singing group. Some refer to NKOTB as the original boy band that set the example for its successors. (And by example, I mean dance moves.)
• “World Meningitis Day”, for people to raise their voices against meningitis, through telling patient stories, raising awareness of the signs and symptoms, and increasing knowledge of available vaccines. Over 1 million people are affected each year.
• “Pet Parents Day”, celebrating what it means to be a pet parent, from the trials of potty training to remembering those who have crossed the ‘rainbow bridge’.

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [85] Jack Nicholson, Neptune City NJ, movie actor/3-time Oscar winner (“As Good As It Gets”, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, “Terms of Endearment”)

1950 [72] Peter Frampton, Kent England, rock singer-guitarist (‘Do You Feel Like We Do’, ‘Show Me the Way’)

1959 [63] Ryan Stiles, Seattle WA, improv comedian/TV personality (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” 1998-2006, 2013-present)/TV actor (“The Drew Carey Show” 1995-2004)

1966 [56] Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Seattle WA, TV actor (‘Negan’ on “The Walking Dead” since 2016, “Grey’s Anatomy” 2006–2009)

1967 [55] Sherri Shepherd, Chicago IL, TV actress (“30 Rock” 2007-12, “The View” 2005-21)

1972 [50] Willie Robertson, Bernice LA, TV reality star (“Duck Dynasty” 2012-17)

1986 [36] Amber Heard, Austin TX, movie actress (“Aquaman”, “The Rum Diary”)/infamously married to Johnny Depp 2015-17. COMING UP…“Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom″, 2023

1990 [32] Machine Gun Kelly [Colson Baker], Houston TX, rapper (w/Camila Cabello-‘Bad Things’)/movie actor (“The Dirt”, “Bird Box”)

SATURDAY- Michael Moore (“Bowling For Columbine”) is 68; Valerie Bertinelli (“Hot in Cleveland”) is 62; John Cena (“Trainwreck”) is 45; John Oliver (“Last Week Tonight With John Oliver”) is 45; Kal Penn (“Harold & Kumar”) is 45; Taio Cruz (‘Dynamite’) is 37; Dev Patel (“Slumdog Millionaire”) is 32

SUNDAY- Barbra Streisand (‘The Way We Were’) is 80; Fashion designer Jean-Paul Gaultier is 70; Cedric the Entertainer (“Barbershop”) is 58; Brian Marshall (Creed) is 49; Kelly Clarkson (‘Since U Been Gone’) is 40; Tyson Ritter (All American Rejects) is 38; Joe Keery (“Stranger Things”) is 30

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2011 [11] A judge orders Lindsay Lohan to 120 days in jail for violating her probation after she’s charged with theft of an expensive necklace from a Venice CA boutique (she serves a few hours of hard time, then files an appeal)

2019 [03] The Marvel film “Avengers: Endgame” starring Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans and an ensemble cast, premieres in Los Angeles. It would become the top-grossing movie ever, at $2.8 billion (since exceeded by “Avatar”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1989 [33] Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” album hits #1 in the US and stays for 6 weeks, her third consecutive #1 album. Thanks to a controversial music video, the title song hits #1 the same day

2011 [11] LeAnn Rimes marries actor Eddie Cibrian at their ‘engagement party’ that’s actually a surprise wedding. Their controversial affair sparked while filming the 2009 TV movie “Northern Lights”.

2007 [15] Beyoncé & Shakira hit #1 with ‘Beautiful Liar’ (the song later wins “Most Earth-Shattering Collaboration” at 2007 MTV Video Music Awards)

BULL’S BITS  

BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ When it comes to wine, an aroma similar to cat pee is a considered a good thing.
✓ Shaquille O’Neal made only one 3-point shot in his entire NBA career.
✓ Oranges aren’t even in the top-10 list of foods when it comes to vitamin C levels.
✓ Russia has 11 time zones. France has 12.
✓ There are only about 2 tablespoons of sugar in a bag of cotton candy.
✓ America’s first bank robber (1798, at the Bank of Philadelphia) deposited the money back into the same bank.
-BestLife, BathroomReadersInstitite

Best of BS . . .
BS WAYS DUMB GUYS CELEBRATE EARTH DAY:
• Sleep all day so they don’t use any electricity.
• Combat global warming by not wearing pants.
• Recycle mouthwash.
• Buy a Bald Eagle a toupée.
• Unload the Blue Box so he’ll have something to recycle tomorrow.
• Reduce air pollution by turning off daytime TV talk shows.
• Chug an ice-cold beer to combat global warming.
• Add spots to regular owls to create more Spotted Owls.
• Celebrate with an ozone layer cake.
• Encourage grandpa to switch to cloth diapers.
-First published in BS 1994

BS OTHER JOBS FOR UMPIRES:
• Calling strikes at the bowling alley
• Catching fowl
• Ejection molding
• The loud guy at Starbucks who yells out you name when your coffee is ready
• Telemarketer…so he can make even more bad calls
• There has to be something they could do at the Umpire State Building
• Dishwasher. Because they’re so good at cleaning plates
• Braille teacher
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2018

BS WEB GOODIE:
So much for THAT theory:  https://tinyurl.com/455uby23

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Nothing is really lost until Mom can’t find it.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What went wrong on your wedding day?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: In a new survey asking what is the most important invention, “the wheel” came in at #1. What was second?
Answer:  The refrigerator

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour.