Thursday, August 31, 2006        Edition: #3356
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS WEEK PM Stephen Harper filmed a cameo appearance for an upcoming episode of “Corner Gas” (CTV) that involved a fake media scrum but no other details have been revealed (we’re guessing he just flashed one of his creepy smiles then ditched ‘Dog River’) . . . Movie actor Jon Voight (“National Treasure”) has further damaged his relationship with estranged daughter Angelina Jolie by mistakenly referring to his new granddaughter as ‘Shakira’ instead of ‘Zahara’ in a British press interview (you can bet that’s gonna cost him another 4 years of stony silence) . . . Online video site YouTube has yanked a hilarious training film created for Microsoft employees by British comedian Ricky Gervais, the brains behind both the BBC and NBC versions of the TV comedy, “The Office” (nothing recorded on video can be kept private for long anymore) . . . A cast extra working on a 13-part  “Robin Hood” TV miniseries for BBC in Hungary has ’kidnaped’ the only set of master tapes and is demanding $1.8 million for them (here comes another YouTube leak!) . . . Paris Hilton’s management team has reportedly cautioned her to stay away from sometime boyfriend Brandon Davis, the oil heir who recently did rehab for cocaine & alcohol (and became infamous for his Lindsay Lohan ‘firecrotch’ description), but insiders say his clothes & personal effects all seem to be kept at her place (including the bunny slippers under the bed) . . . Meantime, Hilton’s debut CD, “Pairs”, is experiencing mediocre sales, moving 75,000 units in its first week (not enough to pay for half the hype).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashlee Simpson – She’s begun rehearsals in NYC to play ‘Roxie Hart’ in the musical “Chicago” in London’s West End. Her run begins in OCTOBER. Meantime, Usher’s debut as ‘Billy Flynn’ in the Broadway version has received lukewarm reviews but ticket sales shot up by a quarter-million bucks … in 1 week.
• Beyoncé Knowles – PETA is slagging her again after she told an interviewer that a baby alligator’s mouth had to be taped shut during a recent photoshoot for her upcoming album, “B’Day”. Seems the gator got the last laugh. Quote: “He was upset, so he peed on me.”
• Blink-182 – The band’s split has spawned 2 new collaborations: Tom DeLonge’s Angels & Airwaves, and Mark Hoppus & Travis Barker have now formed (+44), named after the international dialing prefix for the UK. The debut album, “When Your Heart Stops Beating”, is due in NOVEMBER.
• Eminem – TODAY a 4-week auction begins on eBay of a limited-edition series of Air Max Nike sneakers that he designed & autographed. Just 64 pairs are available with proceeds going to charities.
• 50 Cent – He’s been hit with a civil lawsuit from 2 female fans who claim he assaulted them during a Springfield MA concert in May 2004, punching one in the face and injuring the other’s knee. The plaintiffs, who apparently forgot about the incident for 2 years, are seeking undisclosed damages.
• Natasha Bedingfield – TONIGHT she guests on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Taylor Hicks – He and William Smith, the music producer he sued for releasing 3 pre-“American Idol” recordings on iTunes, have reached a confidential out-of-court settlement. We’re guessing Bill’s now shopping for a Porsche.

MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS:
TONIGHT actor Jack Black hosts the 23rd edition of the “Video Music Awards” as they’re handed out at NYC’s Radio City Music Hall (MTV Canada, CTV). A few highlights …
• The Red Hot Chili Peppers and Shakira lead the pack of nominees with 7 each.
• Artists slated to perform include The Killers, Panic! At The Disco, Beyoncé, TI, Ludacris, Christina Aguilera, All-American Rejects, and Justin Timberlake.
• This year the show promises to be more interactive through use of broadband Internet and wireless communications.
• Word has it Gwen Stefani is boycotting the show because she received only 2 minor awards LAST YEAR after being nominated for 6 in total. Seems she felt upstaged by Kelly Clarkson.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A sampling of new movies in the making …
• “The Game Plan” – In this upcoming family comedy, former wrestler Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson will take advantage of his experience in another former profession as a football player (Calgary Stampeders, University Of Miami). He’ll portray an NFL quarterback living the bachelor lifestyle who suddenly discovers he has a 7-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. To research the role he’s been hanging with New England Patriot QB Tom Brady. It’s The Rock’s 2nd football-themed movie in a year. He stars as a probation officer-turned-football coach in “Gridiron Gang”, in theaters SEPTEMBER 15th.
• “Indiana Jones 4” – Writer/executive producer George Lucas says the expectations for this movie are so high that the cast and crew are just going to concentrate on having fun, then be prepared to take a hit from critics and fans if they don’t like it. The film, which stars Harrison Ford and is rumored to also include Sean Connery, Natalie Portman, and Ford’s original co-star Karen Allen, is due out in 2008.
• “Nightmare Before Christmas” – Tim Burton’s 1993 animated musical is being polished for an OCTOBER 20th theatrical re-release. This time around, it will boast 3D effects and a new soundtrack featuring Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco, Fiona Apple, She Wants Revenge, and Marilyn Manson. The offbeat story about the pumpkin king of ’Halloween Town’ discovering a place called ‘Christmas Town’ features the voices of Chris Sarandon, Catherine O’Hara, and Paul Reubens. The film was already re-released once in its original form 6 years ago.

PRINT REVOLUTION:
Google plans to offer users the chance to download and print classic novels for free. The company’s book search tool will allow people to print classics such as “Dante’s Inferno” and other books no longer under copyright. The service is part of a wider project being undertaken by Google and several major universities to put books online in a searchable format. (Would you read a book online, or do you like your literature tactile?)
– “Houston Chronicle”

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … Hungry men are attracted to heavier women while men who have just had a meal find thinner women more attractive. That’s the word on men’s appetite in women, according to a new study in the “Journal of Psychology”. (It sure would be cheaper the other way around if you’re going out for dinner!)
• Scientists say … The richer a woman becomes, the more likely she is to divorce her husband. Arkansas State University research concludes it’s not about the money, but more likely because her success starts to outstrip that of her husband. (Plus being rich sure makes it easier to dump a guy.)
• Scientists say … Cows moo with a regional accent. University of London phonetics prof John Wells says regional twangs have been observed before in birds and now they seems to also hold true for cattle. Some bovines, for instance, seem to moo with a drawl. Wells attributes the regional dialects to the close bond between farmers and their beasts. (Or maybe somebody lacing their milk with a whole lot of Kahlua.)

FREE & LEGAL:
A new website that allows users to download music for free and completely legally is due to launch in DECEMBER. Rather than charging a fee per download, ‘SpiralFrog’ will rely on advertising to make money. The company claims the website will offer consumers a ‘better experience and environment’ than they can get from any pirate site. On the downside – you have to sit through ads to get to each tune, only Universal music & videos will be available, and users will not be able to transfer tunes to a CD or share them with others. And oh – you also have to return to the site and renew registration at least once a month or the tracks cease to play. (Geez … is there any other fine print?)
– eTalk Daily

THE BULL SHEET 08.31.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [61] Van Morrison, Belfast, Northern Ireland, classic rock/pop/blues singer (“Moondance”, “Brown Eyed Girl”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1993)

1949 [57] Richard Gere, Philadelphia PA, movie actor (“Unfaithful”, “Pretty Woman”)/Dalai Lama pal  COMING UP: Plays author Clifford Irving in “The Hoax”, the man who wrote a bogus biography of billionaire Howard Hughes in the early 1970s. Opens this NOVEMBER.

1972 [34] Chris Tucker, Atlanta GA, movie actor (“Rush Hour”, “Money Talks”)/stand-up comedian  UP NEXT: “Rush Hour 3”, now filming and scheduled for release AUGUST 2007.

1973 [33] Scott Niedermayer, Edmonton AB, NHL player (Anaheim Mighty Ducks, ex-NJ Devils)/Team Canada (2002/2006 Winter Olympics, 2004 World Cup of Hockey)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Love Litigating Lawyers Day”. Well, one thing for sure … we love lawyer jokes!
– What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute? Who cares?
– What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? He gets taller.
– What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won’t do.
– What should you do if you find a lawyer buried up to his neck in cement? Get more cement!
– What’s brown and looks really good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

• “Trail Mix Day”, celebrating the combination of nuts, seeds, dried fruits (bark, twigs, compost), etc that takes about a gallon of water to wash down.

• “Veterinary Week”, to promote the ‘professionals who pamper and protect our pets’.
BS SIGNS YOUR VET MAY NOT BE A PRO:
• Sends you a card every spring saying, “Time for your dog’s annual neutering.”
• Has a big sign in the waiting room that says, ‘No Pets Allowed’.
• Wears one of those big funnel-shaped dog collars.
• Two weeks after your visit, your dog coughs up a rubber glove.
• He bites.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1999 [07] Dixie Chicks release smash hit album “Fly”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1881 [125] 1st ‘US Tennis Championship’ held (this year’s US Open is now underway at the USTA National Tennis Center in NYC)
NET: http://www.usopen.org

1895 [111] 1st ‘Pro Football Game’ (QB John Brallier is paid $10 as Jeannette Athletic Club beats Latrobe YMCA 12-0 in Latrobe PA)

1954 [52] 1st storm with a name (‘Hurricane Carol’ hits New England)

1955 [51] 1st ‘Sun-Powered Automobile’ is demonstrated (so why is it again that we’re still paying through the nose for gasoline?)

1971 [35] 1st ‘Driver on the Moon’ (astronaut David Scott finds no one to ‘flip the bird’ at)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1946 [60] 5,000 Boston Braves’ baseball fans sit in freshly-painted seats (not a planned attempt at a record … but a record nonetheless)

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Sept 1] Exclamation Day! / “Crank”; “Crossover”; and “The Wicker Man” open in movie theaters
[Sept 2] “Saturday Night NCAA Football” debuts (ABC)
[Sept 3] Father’s Day (Australia) / Working Mother’s Day
[Sept 4] Labor Day / Working Mother’s Day / Newspaper Carriers Day / Cheese Pizza Day
[Sept 4-10] 2006 Canadian Open (Hamilton ON Golf & CC)
[Sept 5] Be Late For Something Day / “The CBS Evening News With Katie Couric” debuts / Freddie Mercury 60th Birth Anniversary Bash (London UK)
[Sept 6] Iguana Awareness Day / Fight Procrastination Day–Do It! Day
[Sept 6-9] World Toilet Summit (Moscow, Russia)
[Sept 7] NFL Opening Kickoff 2006 (Pittsburgh PA) / Ganesh Charturhi (Hindu) / Full Moon (Corn Moon)
[Sept 7-16] 31st Toronto International Film Festival (Toronto)
[Sept 8] International Literacy Day / Fashion Rocks (CBS-TV) / 7th Billboard R&B-Hip Hop Awards (Atlanta GA) / “Hollywoodland”; “The Covenant”; and Toby Keith’s “Broken Bridges” open in movie theaters
[Sept 9-10] Virgin Festival (Toronto Islands Park)
[Sept 10] World Suicide Prevention Day / Swap Ideas Day / Grandparents Day / Pet Memorial Day
[Sept 11] 9/11 Remembrance Day / I Want to Start My Own Business Day / No News is Good News Day / Boss-Employee Exchange Day / “ESPN Monday Night Football” debuts / Canadian Country Music Awards (St John NB)
[Sept 12] Video Game Day / Chocolate Milkshake Day
[Sept 13] Peanut Day / Positive Thinking Day / Computer Programmers Day
[Sept 14] International Cross-Culture Day / Pregnant Women’s Day
[Sept 15] International Shellfish Festival (PEI) / Hat Day / Care Givers Day / POW/MIA Recognition Day / “Everyone’s Hero”; “Gridiron Gang”; “The Black Dahlia”; and “The Last Kiss” open in movie theaters
[Sept 16] Collect Rocks Day / Working Parents Day / Independence Day (Mexico)
[Sept 17] Women’s Friendship Day
[Sept 18] Play-Doh Day / Polaris Music Prize (Toronto)
[Sept 19] Talk Like a Pirate Day
[Sept 20] International Student Day / UN International Day of Peace
[Sept 21] Miniature Golf Day / World Gratitude Day
[Sept 22] Hobbit Day / Dear Diary Day / Elephant Appreciation Day / Good Neighbor Day / Centenarians Day / “All the King’s Men”; “Feast”; “Jackass: Number 2″; and “Jet Li’s Fearless” open in movie theaters
[Sept 23] Autumn begins (12:03 am EDT) / Rosh Hashanah (Jewish) / European Beard & Moustache Championships (Amberg, Germany)
[Sept 24] Ramadan begins (Muslim) / Hunting & Fishing Day
[Sept 25] One Hit Wonder Day / Comic Book Day
[Sept 26] Food Service Employees Day
[Sept 27] Ancestor Appreciation Day / World Tourism Day
[Sept 28] Ask A Stupid Question Day / Women’s Health & Fitness Day
[Sept 29] Goose Day / Pumpkin Day / “Flyboys”; “Open Season”; “School for Scoundrels”; and “The Guardian” open in movie theaters
[Sept 29-Oct 8] Okanagan Fall Wine Festival (BC)
[Sept 30] Mud Pack Day / 21st Farm Aid Concert (Camden NJ)
[Oct 2] Yom Kippur (Jewish)
[Oct 6] Chinese Moon Festival / 12th National Denim Day
[Oct 9] Thanksgiving Day

BULL’S BITS

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• You are given the power to kill people simply by thinking of their deaths and twice repeating the word ‘goodbye’. They would die a natural death and no one would suspect you. Would you do it? And who would you ‘off’ first?
• If you could be any inanimate object for a day, what would you be?

BS WEB GOODIES:
• Planning on sending a gift to Britney Spears & Kevin Federline for their latest little redneck? They’re registered at posh LA baby boutique Petit Trésor. Shop till you drop for overpriced items here, including a $1,200 ‘baby chandelier’ …
NET: http://petittresor.com/display_registry_products.php?registry_id=100307
• Just in time for the fall semester as college and university students are getting to know their new dorm companions comes the useful website “380 Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate”, creative ways to drive the unfortunate sap nuts like: Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door; whenever someone knocks, answer the phone; and take his/her underwear and … wear it.
NET: http://linuxsavvy.com/staff/jgotts/roommate.html

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Among men with higher-education degrees, those who also have THIS physical attribute tend to make more money.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Left-handedness.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.