Wednesday, August 17, 2005        Edition: #3096
Ahhhhhhh, It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY production on the final season of the sitcom “Will & Grace” begins, an NBC-TV staple since 1998 (actors Alec Baldwin & Eric Stoltz guest star in the season opener) . . . TONIGHT Bravo TV debuts “Battle of the Network Reality Stars” in which former reality show contestants compete in a series of physical challenges (participants include “The Amazing Race’s” Chip & Kim, “American Idol’s” Nikki McKibbin & Ryan Starr, “Average Joe’s” Adam Mesh, and “Survivor’s” Richard Hatch & Susan Hawk) . . . Tom Hanks arrived at Britain’s Lincoln Cathedral for a 2-day shoot on the movie “The Da Vinci Code”, only to be met by a gaggle of protesting nuns (producers are donating $180,000 to the cathedral in return for being allowed to film there) . . . London’s “Daily Mail” is reporting that hot-headed actor Russell Crowe is offering to pay Nestor Estrada, the NYC hotel clerk whom he allegedly hit with a phone in a fit of anger in JUNE, a whopping $11-million settlement if Estrada will forego all news interviews and drop the charges . . . 75-year-old stroke victim Dick Clark will return to host ABC-TV’s “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” this DECEMBER 31st with the help of co-host Ryan Seacrest, who’s deal also eventually makes him Clark’s successor for the annual gig . . . Brit soccer star David Beckham is being targeted by animal rights group Vegetarians’ International Voice for Animals (VIVA) for promoting Adidas Predator Pulse footwear – which is apparently made from baby kangaroo leather . . . 51-year-old model Christie Brinkley is returning to her role as the face of CoverGirl cosmetics, this time around pitching ‘Advanced Radiance’ products designed for women over 30 . . . “That ’70s Show’s” Wilmer Valderrama will host an upcoming MTV show called “Yo Momma”, a trash-talking competition in which contestants try to one-up each other with insults (‘Yo Mamma’ jokes are called ‘Snaps’; try having the mothers of your morning crew rip a few off at each other – NET: http://www.pimpdaddy.com/yomama/yomama-noframes.shtml).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashlee Simpson – NBC-TV is denying that she’ll be invited to return to host “Saturday Night Live” this OCTOBER, even though she claims they’re ‘in talks’.
• Green Day – THIS WEEK they’ve postponed 2 shows to let singer Billie Joe Armstrong rest his rundown voice. The Dayton OH and Nashville TN gigs will be rescheduled.
• Madonna – She’s reportedly turned down a $150-million deal to star in her own long-running Vegas show, a la Celine Dion and Elton John.
• Marc Anthony – TONIGHT he kicks off a 15-city North American tour in Houston TX, sharing the bill with Latin-music stars Alejandro Fernandez & Chayanne. The trio of  co-headliners have just completed a tour through South America.
• Natasha Bedingfield – TONIGHT she’s on the “The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”.
• Ricky Martin – Word is he’s planning to adopt 3 orphaned girls whom he ‘rescued’ from the streets of Calcutta, India while on tour.
• Robert Plant – He’s donating proceeds from a new 4-disc album to the charity organization TurtleWill, which aids people in remote parts of Africa.
• Rolling Stones – The 1969 death of guitarist Brian Jones will be reinvestigated after new evidence suggests he was murdered over a $14,000 debt. Former girlfriend Pat Andrews has persuaded cops to exhume his body, following the release of a 150-page dossier detailing his drowning at home. Investigators recently combed the estate for evidence.
• Snoop Dogg – TONIGHT he does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.

CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘SNAG’ (‘Sensitive New Age Guy’) – He buys flowers, he gives compliments, he cooks & cleans, he diapers … for the modern woman, he’s a real SNAG.
• ‘Muffin Top’ – The part of a woman’s midriff that bulges out over a pair of low-cut jeans. (Britney Spears used to have a cute little muffin top. Now she’s letting the entire bun in the oven hang out.)
• ‘Yeppies’ (‘Young Experimenting Perfection Seekers’) – Today’s university graduates who believe that personal fulfilment can only come after years of experimentation. They’re increasingly adopting a ‘browsing’ approach to picking jobs, relationships and lifestyles.

GROOM BOOM:
Skincare companies are scrambling to keep up with the demands of the exploding $18-billion grooming market, which is growing at a rate of 25% a year. There has been a 40% increase in ‘for men only’ brands on the market since 2002, which experts say has been caused by Internet buzz, stylish TV shows and so-called ‘metrosexual’ icons like David Beckham.
– “International Herald Tribune”

TOWARD BIGGER BEER GUTS:
The Boston Beer Company is launching the world’s strongest beer. Its new ‘extreme beer’ named Samuel Adams Utopias is an after-dinner beer with a world-record alcohol content of 25% – 5 times more powerful than a normal beer and twice the strength of a bottle of wine. It will carry a starting price tag of $100 before beer aficionados start bidding up the 8,500 limited-edition containers, stylish 24-oz copper kettles.
– “St Petersburg Times” / Ananova

FOR THE TRULY FORGETFUL:
Computer chip manufacturer Intel has created several experimental devices that make use of its products. For example, there’s what it calls ‘Caller ID on Steroids’ for people who suffer from memory-loss. When the phone rings, the screen shows a photo of the person calling, their name and relationship, and a short summary of a previous conversation.
– “Globe & Mail”

SHORT STORY:
Though ‘tall, dark and handsome’ is the common cliché to describe the perfect man, the perfect husbands are actually short guys. A new study finds that women regard taller men as excellent for a fling but see short men as better companions to settle down with.
– “Daily Mail”

STYLE STATEMENT:
So you’ve moved into a new home with all these empty bookshelves … what to do? Fear not! Fallbrook CA-based Book Decor specializes in the sale of leather-bound books – priced by the foot. They’re sold in quantities of up to 250-ft for the sole purpose of filling empty shelves in colorful and decorative style. Lest you be tempted to open one and attempt to read it, forget about it – they’re printed in Danish.
– “LA Times”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• Police in Kansas have returned an amputated foot to its owner, after seizing it from his front porch. 21-year-old Ezekiel Rubottom had put his appendage in a bucket of formaldehyde when doctors removed it after he suffered a series of health problems. Apparently after the odd relic was spotted by a passerby, cops came by to impound it.
• A 75-year-old German driver was shocked after a bystander told him he had just run over his 73-year-old wife while backing out of a parking space. So shocked, in fact, that he lurched his vehicle forward … and ran over her again! Amazingly, the woman was rushed to hospital in the town of Bad Nauheim and survived.
• Two Argentinian couples whose babies were mixed up in hospital have each decided to keep the wrong kid. Neither family from Concordia can bear to part with the child they’ve been raising as their own – for 6 years. That’s caused a judge to reduce the compensation each will be awarded by the Felipe Heras Hospital from $45,000 to just $3,500.

FOR THE RECORD:
A Belgian seaside town has made its way into the “Guinness Book of World Records” by knotting together – 9,829 bras. The town of Oostduinkerke surpassed the 2001 record of 7,500 set by the bra-knotting rival town of Tongerlo. The bras will be donated to charities working with women in Romania.

BS AMAZING FACT:
When large pick-ups broadside cars, the car’s occupants are about 26 times more likely to get killed in the crash than the occupants of the truck.

AND WE QUOTE:
“I do like to read a book while having sex. And talk on the phone. You can get so much done.”  – 35-year-old actress Jennifer Connelly, telling “Esquire” magazine how she multi-tasks. Actor-husband Paul Bettany must be thrilled.

THE BULL SHEET 08.17.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [62] Robert De Niro, NYC, movie actor (“Meet the Fockers”, Oscars-“Godfather 2″, “Raging Bull”)

1958 [47] Belinda Carlisle (Kurczeski), Hollywood CA, classic rock singer (“Mad About You”, w/The GoGos–“We Got the Beat”)

1960 [45] Sean Penn, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (Oscar-“Mystic River”, “Dead Man Walking”)/Mr Robin Wright since 1996/ex-Mr Madonna 1985-89

1964 [41] Colin James (Munn), Regina SK, rock/blues singer/guitarist (& the Little Big Band-“I Just Came Back”)

1965 [40] Steve Gorman, Muskegan MI, rock drummer (Black Crowes-“Hard to Handle”, “She Talks to Angels”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Thriftshop Day”, or as [co-host] refers to it – ‘Get a New Wardrobe Day’.

TOMORROW is “Bad Poetry Day”, a day to celebrate really rotten rhyme. You can find lots of it in the lyrics to popular music. Pick some lyrics from this Website and read it out as poetry …
NET: http://lyrics.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1990 [15] 1st edition of “The Directory of Elvis Impersonators” is released

1994 [11] Actor David Caruso quits “NYPD Blue” to pursue a movie career – which bombs big time (eventually returns to the small screen to star in “CSI: Miami”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1984 [21] During first concert of his “Breaking Hearts Tour”, Elton John announces he’s retiring from touring (apparently changed his mind)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1912 [93] 1st ‘Drive Across Canada’ (Thomas Wilby zips from Halifax to Victoria in just 52 days!)

1960 [45] 1st ‘Birth Control Pill’ hits the market (‘Enovid 10′)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs-Aug 28] Central Canada Exhibition [Ottawa]
[Fri] “Red Eye”, “The 40 Year-Old Virgin” & “Valiant” open in movie theaters / National Aviation Day
[Fri-Aug 24] 2005 National Scrabble Championship [Reno NV]
[Fri-Sept 5] Canadian National Exhibition [Toronto]
[Sat-Sept 5] Pacific National Exhibition [Vancouver]
[Sat] National Radio Day
[Sun] Spumoni Day
[Sun] Homeless Animals Day
[Sun] Rolling Stones kick off “On Stage” world tour [Boston]
[Sun] 9th Wreck Beach Bare Buns Run [Vancouver]
This Week Is . . . Buckle Up Week
This Month Is . . . Water Quality Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
WORLD’S LEAST EFFECTIVE PICK-UP LINES:
• “I’m shipping out to Iraq in the morning. Want to come back to my place and help me grease my rifle?”
• “You ever been to Stockholm? I’m looking for a date to come with me when I pick up my Nobel Prize for Passion.”
• “Can you recommend a good plastic surgeon specializing in manhood-reduction?”
• “OK, when I snap my fingers you will awaken, fully refreshed, have no memory of being hypnotized, and will try to impress me by becoming an insatiable nymphomaniac.”
• “Let’s flip a coin. Heads – you come home with me. Tails – I never speak to you again … unless you demand an explanation for the 2-headed coin.”
• “I’ll be honest. I’m a frog and only a kiss from you can remove the curse and turn me into a prince. Let me just explain exactly where on me you need to kiss for it to be effective.”
• “I’ve shaved my back-hair to spell the words ‘I Love You’.”
• “Allow me to buy you a drink. Living at home with my parents allows me a monthly chunk of boozing income.”
• “Hey babe, in case your biological clock is ticking, I’m ready, willing and able to do my part tonight.”
– “Weekly World News”

YE OLDE BS SAYINGS:
Q. What is the origin of the term ‘baker’s dozen’?
A. One theory has to do with the common folk phrase ‘devil’s dozen’, meaning 13. Bakers of the Middle Ages were in such bad repute that the words ‘baker’ and ‘devil’ were synonymous.

Q. Why is the head groomsman at a wedding called the ‘best man’?
A. In old Scotland a bridegroom simply kidnapped the woman he wanted as his bride. Helping him in that task were his friends – the toughest and bravest of the ‘groomsmen’ was the best man.

Q. What is the origin of the word ‘nightmare’?
A. In 8th-century England, people thought a female monster – a so-called ‘mare’ – would sit upon a sleeper’s chest causing a feeling of suffocation from which the sleeper would try to free himself.

Q. What is the origin of the phrase ‘to eat humble pie’?
A. In the 18th century, the best meat of any meal went to the men of the house. The women and children ate the ‘umbles’ – the tongue and entrails – baked in an umble pie.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you could choose only 2 movies to ever watch again, what would they be?
• What is the oldest age at which you would like to be alive?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Working women are twice as likely to do THIS as working men.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Call in sick.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Winning isn’t everything. It’s also important to humiliate your opponent.