Tuesday, August 9, 2005 Edition: #3090
The Bovine Fecal Material Is About to Hit the Air Circulating Device!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Jennifer Lopez has reportedly bought herself a $4-million ring for her own birthday, which will nestle in her extravagant jewelry box alongside the $2-million band hubby Marc Anthony bought her for their 1st wedding anniversary in JUNE (just so she can bitch about how tiny his is) . . . Actress Sienna Miller is reportedly getting advice from a top relationship psychologist over her wrecked relationship with estranged fiancé Jude Law (why not just hang with Jennifer Aniston?) . . . Meantime, Daisy Wright, the frisky nanny with whom Jude dallied, has agreed to a round of appearances on TV talk shows, saying she has ‘no choice’ but to tell her story because she lost her nanny job (in other words, she got screwed) . . . Jane Seymour, known to TV viewers for her ’90s series, “Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman”, will star in the WB’s new comedy “Modern Men”, playing a life coach who helps men with their romantic lives (sort of a female version of “Hitch”) . . . After consulting with Catholic organizations, Sony Pictures has agreed to alter the storyline of the upcoming movie version of “The Da Vinci Code” in order to reduce any offence to the church (how to wimp out, guys) . . . Meantime, Catholic organizers in Australia have asked Mel Gibson to stage a live re-enactment of the crucifixion of Christ in the streets of Sydney if the city is picked to host the church’s “World Youth Day” in 2008 (who would you like to see nailed to the cross?) . . . And a whopping 1 million tunes have now been downloaded at the new Japanese version of Apple’s iTunes Music Store – in just 4 days!
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – She says she loves being pregnant because sex is ‘better than it was before’.
• Gwen Stefani – She’s joined the cast of the upcoming movie “Factory Girl”, playing Richie Berlin, the roommate of artist Andy Warhol’s muse Edie Sedgwick (to be played by Sienna Miller). Gwen’s husband Gavin Rossdale will also appear in the film.
• Hilary Duff – TODAY she’s on ABC-TV’s “The View”.
• Kaiser Chiefs – They’ve decided they’ll quit after recording their 2nd album. Frontman Ricky Wilson says, “I can’t understand why bands sign 5-album deals. Don’t they want to do anything else? When we quit, I want to do exercise videos.”
• Kylie Minogue – In the 2 weeks following her breast cancer surgery, bookings for mammograms rose by 40% Down Under, according to the “Medical Journal of Australia”.
• Lifehouse – TONIGHT they’re on “Last Call With Carson Daly” on NBC-TV.
• Nickel Creek – TONIGHT they do the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Kung Fu Hustle” (Action Comedy – DVD): Stephen Chow directs and stars in this martial arts comedy about a small-time thief who aspires to be one of the sophisticated and ruthless ‘Axe Gang’ who rule the underworld. In Cantonese with English subtitles.
• “Because of Winn-Dixie” (Family – DVD/VHS): The story of a 10-year-old girl and her dog in a small southern town, based on the best-selling book by Kate DiCamillo. AnnaSophia Robb plays the girl; Jeff Daniels her preacher pop; and Cicely Tyson, Dave Matthews & Eva Marie Saint co-star as eccentric townspeople charmed by the scruffy dog.
• Also out on DVD for the first time: “The Muppets’ Wizard of Oz”, and “The Muppet Show: Season One (1976-77)”.
NO APOLOGY REQUIRED:
According to a recent study, women say ‘I’m sorry’ far more than men, but often use it as an expression of sympathy rather than apology. (What they’re really saying is “How to blow it, bonehead!” as in, “Oh, you broke an ankle? I’m sorry.”)
– “Ladies’ Home Journal”
BUT I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME!
After promising to summon UFOs to the Las Vegas desert during what was supposed to be a spectacular 45-day photo-op between June 1st and July 15th, the Prophet Yahweh, Seer of Yahweh (aka Ramon Watkins) is now promising an even more ambitious ‘50 State UFO Summoning Tour 2005′. He blames the media’s reluctance to give him air-time as the reason UFOs did not arrive in Vegas. Yahweh says the spaceship will never appear if the media fail to show up. After all, this is what space beings want! His Website, which used to be a great source of weirdness, is now nothing but a begging forum for donations. (Somebody forgot to take their meds!)
– emediawire.com
NET: http://www.prophetyahweh.com
BUTT OUT:
A study by Curtin University in Australia suggests that, statistically, there will be NO female smokers in that country by 2029, while Australian men will take a year longer to kick the habit. Australia already has the lowest smoking rate of any industrialized country, and possibly the lowest in the world. It has now fallen to 17.4% for those aged 15-and-over, down from 70% sixty years ago. The highest smoking rate is in the Netherlands, where about 1 in 3 people still smoke daily. (Some of them, cigarettes.)
– “The Guardian”
BEST OFFER SO FAR:
A government official in Kenya has offered former US president Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter Chelsea’s hand in marriage. (You could get both Bush girls for that price!)
– Sky News
ALL-TIME MOST MEMORABLE MOVIE CHARACTERS:
3. ‘Scarlet O’Hara’ in “Gone With The Wind” (played by Vivien Leigh).
2. ‘Fred C Dobbs’ in “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre” (Humphrey Bogart)
1. ‘Vito Corleone’ in “The Godfather” (Marlon Brando)
– Just-released “Premiere Magazine” poll.
BUTT UGLY:
A wealthy Croatian lawyer has claimed the title of ‘World’s Ugliest Man’ after having over 5,000 marriage proposals turned down. “Money can’t buy you love, at least if you have a face like mine,” says Emil Kacic. “What else is there to believe other than that I must be the ugliest man in the world?” (Maybe you stink?)
– Ananova
ANOTHER GOOD EXCUSE:
Recent research shows that jogging in urban areas on high-pollution days can cause short-term lung damage. One little run could be roughly equivalent to inhaling 20 cigarettes. (We knew jogging was bad for you! After all, have you ever seen a jogger smiling?)
– ANI
ALL-TIME LEAST-REALISTIC BODIES ON TV:
3. “Friends”
2. “Desperate Housewives”
1. “The OC”
– Newly-released FX Channel study.
WHAT’S IN A FACE:
If you believe the ancient Eastern principles of ‘Siang Mien’ or face reading, you can find out the deepest truths about your mind and spirit just by looking in the mirror. For instance, a face that is slightly longer than wide is an indication that the person is strong-willed and has an aggressive nature. Large ears mean generosity. Having a narrow nose means you possess trail-blazing ability. And people with voluptuous lips have hedonistic tendencies. (Try a studio face-reading of the morning crew.)
– “Focus”
REALITY POLL:
As promotion for its upcoming “Battle of the Network Reality Stars”, Bravo has teamed with “TV Guide” to ask viewers about their reality TV faves … and not-so-faves. A few highlights –
• ‘Most-Loved Reality Star of All-Time’ – “American Idol 2’s” Clay Aiken (35%), just slightly ahead of “American Idol 1’s” Kelly Clarkson (34%).
• ‘Most-Hated Reality Star of All-Time’ – “The Apprentice’s” Omarosa by far, pulling 50% of the vote.
• ‘Most Likely to Cheat to Win’ – “Survivor 1’s” Richard Hatch.
• ‘Reality Show Couple You’d Trust to Raise Your Child’ – Perhaps shockingly, “Newlyweds” Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey with 54%. Of course, the other choices were Sharon & Ozzy Osbourne, Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown, and Britney Spears & Kevin Federline.
BS AMAZING FACT:
Scientists have discovered that Italy’s biggest river, the Po, carries the equivalent of 4 kg (8 lb- 13 oz) of cocaine residue a day, suggesting that consumption is much higher in the area than previously thought.
– “London Times”
AND WE QUOTE:
“Mine are definitely real. At school, my boobs were bigger than all my friends and I was afraid to show them. Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They’re like an accessory.” – “Dukes of Hazzard” star Jessica Simpson keeping it real.
THE BULL SHEET 08.09.2K5
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1957 [48] Melanie Griffith, NYC, movie actress (“Working Girl”)/Mrs Antonio Banderas since 1996/divorced actor Don Johnson … twice
1963 [42] Whitney Houston, East Orange NJ, pop singer (“Heartbreak Hotel”)/movie actress (“The Bodyguard”)/TV reality show co-star (“Being Bobby Brown”)/Mrs Bobby Brown since 1992
1968 [37] Eric Bana, Melbourne, Australia, movie actor (“Troy”) COMING UP: Now shooting Steven Spielberg’s “Munich”.
1970 [35] Arion Salazar, Oakland CA, alt-rock musician (Third Eye Blind-“Jumper”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Book Lovers Day”. Any reader will tell ya no matter where you are, you’re never alone … as long as you have a book.
TODAY is “International Art Appreciation Day”. Any parent will tell ya the best and most important art is the stuff hanging on the fridge.
TODAY is “Hand Holding Day”. If he wasn’t talked into it by his partner, would a guy ever hold hands?
TODAY is the UN’s “International Day of Indigenous People”. But is there really such a thing? Weren’t all people originally wanderers?
THIS WEEK Sturgis SD becomes biker heaven during the 65th annual “Sturgis Rally & Races”. Up to 250,000 hog owners from all over the world (including all major bike gangs) gather for shows, races and entertainment. Sturgis is home to the ‘National Motorcycle Museum’.
PHONER: 605.642.8166
NET: http://www.sturgis.com
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1930 [75] ‘Betty Boop’ makes her debut in the cartoon short “Dizzy Dishes” and many are scandalized by her risque attitude and trademark mini-skirt & garter (Notice how she appears on hundreds of cheapo products these days? Maybe her image is no longer copyrighted?)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1944 [61] ‘Smokey Bear’ (not Smokey THE Bear) is introduced by the US Forest Service (original name – ‘Hot Foot Teddy’) QUOTE: “Remember, only YOU can prevent forest fires!”
1955 [50] 1st “Guinness Book of World Records” is published (back when the record for most people in a phone booth was … 1)
1974 [31] 1st (and only) US President to resign (Richard Nixon)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1930 [75] Canadian sprinter Percy Williams sets world record in 100-meter dash at 10.33 seconds
1988 [17] NHL’s Edmonton Oilers trade Wayne Gretzky to LA Kings for then-record $15 million, 2 players and 3 first-round draft picks
1999 [06] 5 grand slams are hit, most in a single day in 129 years of Major League Baseball
COMING UP . . .
[Wed] S’mores Day
[Wed] Spoil Your Dog Day
[Thurs] Daughters’ Day
[Thurs] Dog Days of Summer end
[Fri] Middle Child’s Day
[Fri] International Youth Day
[Sat] International Left-Handers’ Day
[Sat] Garage Sale Day
This Week Is . . . Scrabble Week
This Month Is . . . Children’s Eye Health & Safety Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
GOOD OR BAD BS?
You run down the list while a phone caller or studio guest rates each item as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• TV ads that feature an angry Scotsman yelling at people.
• Snap-on cellphone faceplates that come in different colors.
• Aging movie stars (say, in their late 30s) who turn to stage roles to prolong their career.
• Cologne for men.
• Former athletes who become coaches.
• Advertising in schools to raise funds.
• Driving vacations.
• Gift registries for wedding couples.
• Ricky Martin traveling the world as a peace advocate.
• ‘Competitive Eating’ contests where participants gorge for a title.
• Making movies out of old school TV shows.
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• What things should every kid do at least once before turning 10? (According to a poll of 1,000 adults: roll down a hill, climb a tree, bury a friend in sand, go worm hunting, and – yes! – make breakfast in bed for parents.)
• THIS WEEK is “Bargain Hunting Week”. What’s the absolute best deal you’ve ever found?
BS BLATANT JOKES:
• It was so hot yesterday, Ice Cube legally changed his name to ‘Wet Spot’.
• My dog is almost human … but I sure wish he wouldn’t howl in the shower.
• There’s a new ‘morning-after pill’ for men … it changes your blood type.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Among employees who use the Internet during the workday for personal reasons, the most popular non-work-related Web activities are ‘reading news’, ‘using personal e-mail’ and THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Online banking.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Problems that go away by themselves often come back by themselves.