August 2, 2000  Puttin’ the Bull in Bulloney  Edition:  #1859

YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING OLD WHEN:
• You’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
• Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn’t breaking any laws.
• You sing along with elevator music.
• People call at 9 pm and ask, “Did I wake you up?”
• The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
• Your ears are hairier than your head.
• You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.
• You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The video “Music” from Madonna’s upcoming album has its TV premiere TODAY and 4 different mixes of the single become available as free downloads at various Websites (by the time the album’s ‘officially’ released September 18th, everyone will be sick of it!) . . . “Playboy” mag has asked a pair of “Survivor“ contestants to pose nude and while Colleen has declined, Jenna says she’s leaning toward getting naked (thanks to that skimpy orange bikini, we’ve already seen most of her anyway) . . . Rumors are flying that Julia Roberts has dumped her bf of 2-plus years, actor Benjamin Bratt (she’s been known to love ’em & leave ’em before!) . . . Gossip mongers say Russell Crowe’s relationship with soon-to-be-divorced Meg Ryan was just a temporary fling . . . “National Enquirer” says  Jennifer Aniston finally agreed to marry Brad Pitt after he gave her an ultimatum — it’s now or never!

IN THE MONEY:
• Jerry Seinfeld is reportedly spending a half-million to convert a derelict NYC  building into a luxury garage for his multimillion-dollar collection of cars, replete with Italian tile and a humongous elevator to move cars from the basement to street level.
• Bill Gates has donated $40 million to build over 1,500 houses for the homeless in Washington state. Sounds extremely generous until you realize, that’s coincidently the same amount he spent building his own mansion!

PETA’S PIQUED:
Animal rights activists are up in arms over an exclusive Russian restaurant that has only endangered species on its menu. If you dine at Bolger’s Rare Delicacies you can choose from ‘Spotted Owl Surprise’, ‘Manatee Fillet’ and ‘Bald Eagle Under Glass’. Head chef and owner Rene Bolger says the place can’t book reservations fast enough and people are coming to Moscow from all over the world just to dine at his bizarre bistro.

JUST AN EXPRESSION:
Researchers report that most people focus on the lower part of the face — nose, lips and cheeks — when dealing with others. However, true feelings are more likely to appear on the upper face — eyes, brows and forehead — and can therefore easily be missed. (Like when the boss is smiling at you, but her eyes are burning a hole through your head.)

SNIP SNIP:
An article in the journal “Pediatrics” says that circumcising newborn boys offers practically no benefits but also causes virtually no harm. (Since when is PAIN not considered harmful?)

THE BULL SHEET 08.02.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1924    [76] Carroll O’Connor, NYC, TV actor with 5 Emmy Awards (“In The Heat of the Night”, “All in the Family”) FACTOID: Auditioned for ‘Skipper’ part on “Gilligan’s Island”.
1932    [68] Peter O’Toole, Connemara IRE, film actor (“The Last Emperor”, “Lawrence of Arabia”)
1939    [61] Wes Craven, Cleveland OH, movie director (“Scream 1-3″, “Nightmare on Elm Street”)
1977    [23] Edward Furlong, Glendale CA, movie actor (“American History X”, “Terminator 2″)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
THIS WEEK is “Psychic Week”, a good excuse to invite a psychic on your show to predict the future — of listeners’ pets. THIS WEEK is also “International Humor Exchange Week”. Have listeners call in jokes in another language and get the laugh tracks ready.

50,000 fans are expected to take in oodles of country acts TOMORROW-Sunday at “Big Valley Jamboree” in Camrose AB.
PHONER: 888-404-1234/790-672-0224
NET: http://www.bigvalleyjamboree.com/bvj.html

Some of the world’s best street performers show their stuff TOMORROW-August 13th at the annual “International Busker Festival” in Halifax NS. Ask about the most unusual acts.
PHONER: 902-429-3910 (Atlantic Busker Festival  Society)
NET: http://buskers.ns.sympatico.ca

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999    [01] Julia Roberts & Richard Gere top the box office in “Runaway Bride”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1610    [390] Henry Hudson 1st enters what would become known as ‘Hudson Bay’ (leading to the 1st ‘Bay Days Sale’)
1892    [108] 1st ‘escalator’ patented by Charles Wheeler (the next day, 1st person trips getting off)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1975    [25] Distance record for ‘champagne cork popping’ of 103 ft set by Gary Mahan

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] National Watermelon Day
National Smile Week
Foot Health Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTER:
“This week is ‘Simplify Your Life Week’. If you could only have 3 possessions, what would they be?”

“INTERNATIONAL CLOWN WEEK” QUIZ:
• He’s the TV clown ‘Bart’ loves on “The Simpsons”. (‘Krusty the Klown’)
• He’s the popular red-haired clown who had a TV show in the 50s and 60s. (‘Bozo’)
• He hangs around with ‘Grimace’ and ‘Hamburglar’. (‘Ronald McDonald’)
• He scares the bejeepers out of you, compliments of Stephen King. (‘It’)

BS TAG LINE:
A woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.