BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Jon Gosselin says he’d rather not appear on “Jon & Kate Plus 8” (TLC) anymore but he has to continue filming and doing promo appearances to make enough money to support 2 houses & 8 kids (you made your bed, dude!) . . . Stand-up comedian Sunda Croonquist is being sued by her mother-in-law for spreading ‘false, defamatory & racist lies’ with in-law jokes that have become a staple of her routine in nightclubs and on TV (Croonquist says she’ll drop language the family finds offensive but refuses to pay a settlement) . . . Paula Abdul has lined up her first gig since leaving “American Idol”, hosting the return of “VH1 Divas”, the show that honors female singers, which airs live from NYC September 17th (lineup so far includes Adele, Jordin Sparks, Kelly Clarkson, Leona Lewis, and Miley Cyrus) . . . CMT has ordered 20 more episodes of “The Singing Bee”, hosted by Melissa Peterman (“Reba”), the karaoke game show originally fronted by Joey Fatone (*NSYNC) on NBC-TV (unbelievably, it’s been exported to 42 countries) . . . “How I Met Your Mother” actor Neil Patrick Harris has become the latest guest judge on “American Idol”, at this week’s tapings in Dallas (okay FOX, now we’re reaching) . . . Actress Alicia Silverstone (“Clueless” and more recently, “Clueless”) has felt it necessary to inform “Health” magazine that she likes to garden in the nude (careful with those hedge trimmers!) . . .  And actor Leonardo DiCaprio is adhering to a strict diet and rigorous workout routine in order to lose weight for his role in the upcoming movie, “Inception”, in which he needs to appear emaciated (now his punkin’ head is gonna look REALLY oversized for his body).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Raphael Saadiq (“The Way I See It”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Darius Rucker (“Learn to Live”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Glasvegas (“Glasvegas”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Gavin DeGraw (“Chariot”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Jordin Sparks (“Battlefield”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Mutemath (“Armistice”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Matisyahu (“One Day”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Keyshia Cole (“Trust”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Cranberries – Singer Dolores O’Riordan & the other original members of the Irish rock band have announced they’ll reunite for the first time in 7 years for a live tour that will begin at the end of the year in North America and make its way to Europe in early 2010, dates to be announced. The group had 8 hit singles in the ‘90s and worldwide sales of over 40 million records.
• Jack Ingram – The “Barefoot & Crazy” country singer is looking to make the “Guinness Book of World Records” for most radio interviews in a 24-hour span. A pair of media speakers held the previous record with 96 consecutive interviews. Ingram was hoping to hit #215 by the end of the 24-hour period Wednesday. The last interview scheduled was with CMT Radio.
• Michael Jackson – A&E has confirmed its previously announced documentary about members of the Jackson family will now be expanded into a reality series, however, no premiere date or number of episodes has been specified.
• U2 – Earlier this year Bono called Coldplay frontman Chris Martin ‘a wanker’, ‘dysfunctional character’ and ‘a cretin’ on BBC Radio 1. But a new report contends he soon after lent Martin & cohorts his band’s private jet to get to a stadium show when Coldplay’s was broken down.
• The Who – 64-year-old guitarist Pete Townshend is writing a new rock musical called “Floss”, about aging and mortality. He expects it to be ready for a premiere in 2011, probably in NYC.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Conspirator” – Robert Redford will direct this historical film about the woman executed as an accessory to John Wilkes Booth, the assassin who killed US president Abraham Lincoln in 1865. Mary Surratt was eventually hanged for her role in the murder. No casting has been announced though James McAvoy (“Wanted”) is rumored to be aboard. The film’s due in 2010.
• “The Expendables” – Sylvestor Stallone’s upcoming action flick about mercenaries attempting to overthrow a South American dictator is attracting a big-name cast that includes Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, and now Bruce Willis. Even California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has agreed to return to the bigscreen in a cameo. The last time Willis teamed with Stallone & Schwarzenegger was when they launched the Planet Hollywood restaurant chain in 1991.
• Jimi Hendrix Biopic – Legendary Pictures is working on a feature film about the rock guitar god and producers are hopeful about securing rights to his music. There have been other attempts to develop biographical films but Experience Hendrix, the gatekeeper to the musician’s estate, has so far refused to grant music rights. The studio intends to develop the project first, then try to secure the cooperation of the estate.
• “Welcome To the Rileys” – “Twilight” star Kristen Stewart plays a lap dancer in this gritty new indie film shot in New Orleans. Her character, a former street kid working in a strip club, manages to reunite a grieving couple who’ve drifted apart after the death of their daughter. James Gandolfini (“The Sopranos”) & Melissa Leo co-star. Stewart says she thinks the film will be a hit because “Twilight” fans will want to see what ‘Bella’ looks like naked.
• “Yellow Submarine” – Filmmaker Robert Zemeckis is ready to direct a remake of The Beatles’ 1968 animated movie for Disney. Like some of his other productions  (“Beowulf”, “The Polar Express”), the update would be shot using ‘performance-capture technology’ and would also be a digital 3D endeavor. If it all comes together the hi-tech remake, which will feature 16 Beatles hits, will hit cinemas during the summer of 2012.

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A serial thief in Australia has robbed over $10,000 worth of cucumbers in 11 separate heists over the past 3 months. The latest snatch of 50 bags is the largest so far. South Australia police admit they’re having difficulty establishing where the cucumbers are going. After all, it’s tough to tell one pickle from the next. (Could it be the ‘Bick Bandit’?)
– ABC Australia
• A pair of young hikers has been rescued in Alaska after visiting the bus made famous in the Sean Penn-directed movie “Into the Wild”. The ‘magic bus’ became famous after real-life adventurer Christopher McCandless died in it after wandering in the wilderness. The hikers, aged 19 & 21, weren’t prepared for an extended hike, with only street clothes and a little food. (Should they have to pay the expense of their own rescue?)
– “Anchorage Daily News”
• Acting on a tip, Peruvian police stopped a bus outside the city of Tarapoto and noticed that a pair of turkeys in a cargo crate seemed a bit bloated. A veterinarian subsequently extracted 11 plastic capsules from one turkey containing 1.9 kg (4.2 lbs) of cocaine and 17 capsules with 2.9 kg (6.4 lbs) from the other. Both birds survived the removal of the surgical implants. (“Mom, this stuffing tastes funny!”)
– AP
• In China, 87-year-old former army officer Xie Long has been using 2 old mortars as dumbbells in his daily workouts for 30 years. That is, he did, until a friend recently noticed the ammo was still live. Xie says a colleague told him the shells were defused 3 decades ago. (He could have ‘curled up’ and died!)
– “NY Post”

ARE WE THINKING OURSELVES WELL?
The percentage of new pharmaceutical products that fail their effectiveness trials is growing. The reason is the ‘placebo effect’, which appears to be stronger than ever. If a drug cannot provide relief significantly better than a sugar pill, it won’t go on the market. The upshot is fewer new medicines, meaning more financial woes for the pharmaceutical industry. It’s not only new drugs that are failing trials; some products that have been on the market for decades, like Prozac, are also faltering in more recent follow-up tests. (Even Viagra is failing to stand up.)
– “Wired”

WATCH THE WEIGHT!
Backpack tips for back-to-school shoppers …
• Choose a sturdy but lightweight pack with wide padded shoulder straps, padded back, waist strap, and side pockets. Find a size that sits snugly on your child’s upper back, at least 2 inches above the waist.
• Load heavier items at the bottom and closer to the center of the back. A full pack shouldn’t weigh more than 10%-to-20% of your child’s body weight.
• Teach kids to use both shoulder straps, to fasten the waist strap for added support, and to lift their packs properly: Squat and use the legs to raise the load.
• Be alert to your child’s complaints of back, neck or shoulder pain, or tingling or numbness in the arms.
(And lastly, if you don’t want to hire a caddy for your kid, offload the 20 lbs of unneeded crap in the sack.)
– “Woman’s Day”

GREAT GIMMICK IN GREAT BRITAIN:
British telecommunications company Talk Talk has hired reformed pickpockets to work as ‘put pockets’, slipping money INTO pockets and handbags for a marketing campaign. Signs will be posted where the ex-pickpockets are at work that say “Rejoice! Put Pockets Operating in This Area’. The plan is to slip 5-to-20-pound bills to people in crowded places like Trafalgar Square, along with cards advertising the telephone/broadband provider. Why not just hand it out? The company thinks people would be too suspicious to take it. (One instance when folks will be happy to gain 20 pounds.)
– CNN.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Several scientific studies suggest that up to a third of organ transplant patients believe they have inherited changes in their personalities, preferences, and skills from their donors.
– “Globe & Mail”
• A new study by the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention has found the average age of an adult videogame player is now 35, higher than previously thought. Researchers also found that gamers are generally less healthy, fatter, and more depressed than non-gamers.
– BBC News

BS CHRONOMETER 08.27.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1953 [56] Alex Lifeson (Zivojinovich), Fernie BC, rock singer/guitarist (Rush-“One Little Victory”, “Test for Echo”)

1969 [40] Chandra Wilson, Houston TX, TV actress (‘Dr Miranda Bailey’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1970 [39] Tony Kanal, Kingsbury UK, rock bassist (No Doubt-“It’s My Life”, “Underneath It All”)

1976 [33] Sarah Chalke, Ottawa ON, TV actress (‘Stella Zinman’ on “How I Met Your Mother” since 2008, ‘Dr Elliot Reid’ on “Scrubs” since 2001)

1986 [23] Mario (Barrett), Baltimore MD, R&B/pop singer (f/Gucci & Sean Garrett-“Break Up”, “Let Me Love You”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Just Because Day”, a chance to do something spontaneously without rhyme or reason. Most often in life, we do things because we have to, we want to, or they’re expected of us. None of those reasons apply on this day.

• “Petroleum Day”, honoring the first successful American oil well, drilled near Titusville PA 150 years ago today (1859). That’s when many of today’s problems began.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1965 [44] The Beatles have their legendary only meeting with Elvis Presley, hanging out at his Bel Air CA home

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1955 [54] 1st publication of “Guinness Book of World Records” (sells over 70 million copies, more than any other book excepting the Bible and the Qur’an)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1982 [27] ‘Largest Apple Pie’, weighing 30,115 lbs, is baked in 40-by-23 ft dish by TV chef Glynn Christian in Chelsfield, England

1994 [15] ‘Largest Balloon Release’ as a total of 1,592,744 are released by Disney Home Video at Longleat House, England

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Crackers Over the Keyboard Day
[Fri] “The Final Destination”; “Halloween II”; “Taking Woodstock” open in movie theaters
[Sat] More Herbs, Less Salt Day
[Sat] Michael Jackson Tribute Show (Palms, Las Vegas)
[Sun] Holistic Pet Day
[Sun] Toasted Marshmallow Day
This Week Is … Be Kind to Humankind Week
This Month Is … Water Quality Month

BULL’S BITS

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EAGLE SCOUT OR NOT?
Some of these celebs made it to the highest rank in the Boy Scouting program. Which?
• Actor Harrison Ford [No. He did participate in the organization, but only made it to Life Scouts.]
• Microsoft founder Bill Gates. [Nope.]
• Documentary filmmaker Michael Moore [Yes. He scored the badge at the age of 15 by organizing a community service project.]
• Actor Bill Murray. [No. He joined the Scouts but was eventually kicked out for unruly behavior.]
• Moviemaker Steven Spielberg. [Yes. He later created the Cinematography merit badge.]
• Actor Brad Pitt. [Nope.]
– “Mental Floss Magazine”

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the best thing you’ve ever grown? Besides older.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• What culinary treat is made by fermenting vinegar and hot peppers in a French oak barrel for 3 years?
a. Balsamic Vinegar.
b. Tabasco Sauce. [CORRECT]
c. Champagne.
• Your hobby is ‘grabatology’. What do you collect?
a. Neck ties. [CORRECT]
b. Railway ties.
c. Thai food bowls.
• What is officially measured in ‘mickeys’?
a. The missing teeth of a hockey player.
b. The volume of fluid poured from a liquor bottle.
c. The movement of a computer mouse. [CORRECT. In relation to the cursor’s movement across the screen.]
– “Land O’ Useless Facts”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I will not be briefed or debriefed, my underwear is my own.

BS INTERVIEW:
The ‘National Odd Shoe Exchange’ (NOSE) helps out folks with odd feet. If one of your feet is a size or two larger than the other, buying a pair of shoes can be a pain. ‘NOSE’ searches its member data to match you up with someone with opposite-sized feet, so each gets a pair of shoes that fit. Clever, huh?
NET: http://www.oddshoe.org
PHONER: 480-892-3484 (Chandler, Arizona)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 80 years ago, people often did THIS twice a week. Nowadays, stats show we average just 5 times a year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Go to the movies.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Even the future’s not what it used to be.