BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“Jersey Shore” (MTV) star Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino has a new deal with fashion company Serious Pimp to develop his own line of custom clothing & accessories (likely not shirts – he rarely wears one) . . . 19-year-old Montana Fishburne, daughter of “CSI” (CBS) actor Laurence Fishburne, is reportedly starring in a Vivid Entertainment adult video to be released this month, because she thinks it’s a short-cut to Hollywood success (her role model is Kim Kardashian) . . . Sylvester Stallone is facing allegations his film crew racked up some $2-million-worth of debts in Brazil while shooting “The Expendables” (opening August 13), then left the country without paying (should be retitled “The Spendables”?) . . . TV actor Balthazar Getty has followed in castmate Rob Lowe’s footsteps by quitting “Brothers & Sisters” (ABC) just ahead of its upcoming 5th season, due to a ‘creative decision’ (to look for a show people actually watch) . . . Comedic actor Russell Brand has been left bruised after a truck ploughed into his $235,000 Lamborghini Superleggera when he was leaving the NYC set of his new movie “Arthur” (the really bad news: the car was on loan) . . . Actor/filmmaker Casey Affleck’s rep has branded a second sexual harassment lawsuit levied at him as ‘total fiction’, dismissing the fresh allegations as ‘fishy’ (BS translation: We’ll settle out of court if you shut up) . . . And for her (9th) wedding later this year to long-time companion, 49-year-old talent agent Jason Winters, 78-year-year-old retired screen legend Elizabeth Taylor will reportedly wear a jewel-encrusted turban worth over $3 million and an ‘extravagant kaftan’ as a wedding dress (that’s kind code for a ‘muumuu’).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Flo Rida (“Step Up 3-D Original Motion Picture Soundtrack”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Black Lips (“200 Million Thousand”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Spoon (“Transference”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Herbie Hancock (“The Imagine Project”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Billy Ray Cyrus (“Back to Tennessee”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Black Crowes (“Before the Frost … Until the Freeze”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – She’s wed music producer Swizz Beatz (Kasseem Dean) in a small ceremony on the French Mediterranean island of Corsica. The couple, who are expecting their first child together, still need to have a civil ceremony in the US to make their marriage legal.
• Buckcherry – Today they release the new album “All Night Long”, which inspired a re-working of the track “Our World” so it relates directly to the Gulf oil spill disaster and its victims.
• Green Day – Tonight they kick off a new round of North American tour dates in support of “21st Century Breakdown” in Camden NJ. AFI is the tour’s opening act.
• Lady Gaga – She’s revealed she has irrational fears about her love life by explaining, “I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone, they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina.”

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Diary Of a Wimpy Kid” ( PG Comedy ): Zachary Gordon plays a young schoolboy who uses the journal his mother forces him to keep to plot his middle-school survival. Writer Jeff Kinney created the story as a web-comic in 2004; the pop-culture phenomenon quickly grew into a daily online strip and, ultimately, a series of popular novels. Shot in Vancouver.
• “The Ghost Writer” ( PG-13 Mystery Thriller ): Ewan McGregor plays a ghostwriter hired to complete the memoirs of a former British Prime Minister (Pierce Brosnan) who uncovers secrets that put his own life in jeopardy. Director Roman Polanski managed to finish post-production even after his arrest. Co-stars Kim Cattrall, James Belushi.
• “Kick-Ass” ( R-Rated Action ): Aaron Johnson (“Nowhere Boy”) plays a teen who reincarnates himself as a crime-fighting superhero, despite the fact he has no superpowers. His decision inspires a subculture of copy-cats and unites him with a father-daughter duo (Nicolas Cage aka ‘Big Daddy’, Chloe Moretz as ‘Hit-Girl’). Shot in Toronto and Hamilton ON.
• Also released today: “Curious George: Back to School” (Animation); “Days That Shook the World: The Complete Series” (TV Documentary); “Elvis on Tour” (Documentary); “Elvis: 75th Anniversary” (Collector’s Edition); “Hawaii Five-O: 9-Season Pack” (Vintage TV); “Henson’s Place” (Documentary); “Heroes: Season 4” (TV); “Mercy: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Piranha – Roger Corman’s Cult Classics Special Edition” (Horror); “Saturday Night Live: The Best of Will Ferrell” (TV); and “Turner Classic Movies Spotlight: Errol Flynn Adventures”.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 65% of us have had a beer while ‘on the clock’ at work.
• 62% of parents say it’s easier to come up with a name for a baby girl than a baby boy.
• 40% of us think the ‘most annoying noise’ is a car alarm.
• 38% of women believe being engaged or married has a positive impact on how they’re perceived at work.
• 27% of us have eaten a piece of fruit while grocery shopping without paying for it.
• 17% of job applicants admit to ‘stretching the truth’, friends acting as ‘references’ being the #1 truth-stretcher.

BS INTERNATIONAL MOOS:
• Management & doctors at Glan Clwyd Hospital in Rhyl, Wales believe in ‘laughter therapy’ and, to that end, have installed portable DVD players in hospital wards where patients can choose their personal ‘painkiller’ from a selection of feel-good movies and TV sitcoms. Medical staff think laughter especially works wonders for children. (What if you watch ‘sick humor’?)
– AHN
• A Swedish couple has been forced to nix their nuptials the night before their wedding after getting into a fight in a bar that resulted in the groom being busted for threatening to his bride’s life. A police spokesman says it’s the first time they’ve searched suspects and found wedding rings in their pockets. (This kind of clash usually takes 10 years of wedded hell to perfect.)
– Reuters.com
• A furious German father who dumped his 14-year-old on a highway some 300 miles from home in order to ‘teach him a lesson’ was eventually persuaded by cops to come and collect his son. When he arrived they reportedly hugged and apologized for shouting at each other. Even so, authorities say they’ll be informing social services this kid may be at risk. (Of hitchhiking.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

HORNIEST PROFESSIONS:
Results of a new survey by human resources firm Reabur on the professions most likely to have experienced a ‘sexual encounter’ in the workplace …
10. Airline Cabin Crew (6%).
9. Firefighters (7%).
8. Postal Workers (9%).
7. Chefs (9%).
6. Teachers (10%).
5. Plumbers (11%).
4. Retail Workers (13%).
3. Bar Staff (15%).
2. Office Workers (16%).
1. Factory Workers (19%).
– QMI Agency

YOU ARE BEING WATCHED:
One of the fastest growing sectors on the Internet is the business of spying on consumers. A new study has found that the 50 top websites on average install 64 pieces of tracking technology onto the computers of visitors, usually with no warning. Monitoring used to be limited to ‘cookies’ that record websites people visit. But new tools scan in real time what we’re doing on a web page, then instantly assess location, income, shopping interests, even medical conditions. These profiles of individuals, constantly refreshed, are then bought and sold on stock-market-like exchanges that have sprung up over the past 18 months. (Some software genius needs to invent the ‘privacy mask’.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

BEST CAR WASH:
If you have about $11,000 to spend, Gurcharn Sahota of Derby UK will give your car the most thorough cleaning imaginable. Since he started Elite Detailing 5 years ago, he has traveled the world with his hi-tech tools servicing all kinds of high-end vehicles. Each car can take up to 250 hours of effort. Here’s a sampling of what he does …
• First sprays the car with a de-greaser to loosen dirt, then jet washes it to get the worst off.
• Wipes it with a lambs-wool mitten dunked in warm soapy water before jet washing it again.
• Sprays on a mild wax solution to reduce risk of scratching before drying with a micro-fiber towel.
• Uses a special clay which is rubbed over the paintwork with wax to remove any impurities.
• Polishes up to 5 times using a buffer and an abrasive compound.
• A paint gauge is used throughout the cleaning to check how much clear coat and color there is to work with on the bodywork.
• A microscope linked to a computer allows him to view scratches in detail.
– SWNS.com

FOR THE RECORD:
• Mancel Prince, age 91, recently retired as the US Postal Service’s oldest letter carrier. Prince drove a total of 1.1 million miles (1.8 million km) along his rural Tennessee route during his 35-year career.
– NYPost.com
• A British-led rowing team has broken the record for crossing the North Atlantic from NYC to the UK. The team paddled an 18-foot-long (5.5-m) wooden boat called ‘The Fox’ 3,500 miles, through storms and 40-foot (12-m) waves, for 43 days. The previous record was 55 days, set way back in 1896.
– Telegraph.co.uk

DID YOU KNOW?
• The most hated team in NBA history was the 1988-89 Detroit Pistons, thanks to their punching, kneeing, and ‘general jerkishness’.
– “Sports Illustrated”
• When he was a child living in Indonesia, Barrack Obama had 2 baby crocodiles, chickens, ducks, and a gibbon ape named ‘Tata’ as his pets.
– HaLife.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.03.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [84] Tony Bennett (Bennedetto), Astoria NY, legendary pop/jazz singer (“I Left My Heart in San Francisco”)

1940 [70] Martin Sheen (Ramon Estevez), Dayton OH, TV actor (“The West Wing” 1999-2006)/movie actor (“Apocalypse Now”)/father of actors Charlie Sheen & Emilio Estevez

1941 [69] Martha Stewart (Kostyra), Jersey City NJ, TV host (“Martha”)/magazine publisher (“Martha Stewart Living”)/media mogul (Omnimedia)/ex-con convicted of obstructing justice & lying to investigators in 2005

1963 [47] James Hetfield, LA CA, heavy metal singer/guitarist (Metallica-“St Anger” “I Disappear”)

1963 [47] Ed Roland, Atlanta GA, alt-rock singer/guitarist (Collective Soul-“December”, “Shine”)

1966 [44] Dean Sams, Garland TX, country singer/keyboardist (Lonestar-“Mr Mom”, “My Front Porch Looking In”)

1970 [40] Stephen Carpenter, Sacramento CA, rock guitarist (Deftones-“Diamond Eyes”, “Change”)

1976 [34] Jimmy De Martini, Atlanta GA, country violinist (Zac Brown Band-“Free”, “Chicken Fried”)

1977 [33] Tom Brady, San Mateo CA, NFL QB (New England Patriots)/3-time Super Bowl winner/2-time Super Bowl MVP/5-time Pro Bowl selection/wed to model Gisele Bundchen since 2009

1979 [31] Evangeline Lilly, Fort Saskatchewan AB, TV actress  (“Lost” 2004-10)

1985 [25] Brent Kutzle, Newport Beach CA, rock bassist (OneRepublic-“Stop & Stare”, “Apologize”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “National Night Out”, the 27th annual initiative to fight drug abuse and street crime by encouraging us to take back the streets for the night. The community-police partnership has been held on the first Tuesday of August since 1984, sponsored by the National Association of Town Watch in the US and Canada.
NET: http://www.nationalnightout.org/nno/

• “Watermelon Day”, celebrating the Summer treat that’s part of the pumpkin, squash, and gourd family. Watermelons originated in Africa, then spread to Egypt, India, China, and eventually around-the-world.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2007 [03] “The Bourne Ultimatum”, 3rd film in the ‘Jason Bourne’ series starring Matt Damon, opens in theaters

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1996 [14] “La Macarena” (Bayside Boys Mix) by Los Del Rio hits #1 on “Billboard” pop chart (stays on top for 14 weeks)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1949 [61] Basketball Association of America & National Basketball League merge to form ‘NBA’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1983 [27] John Sain builds 12-ft-high (3.91-m) house of cards (South Bend IN)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Chocolate Chip Day
[Thurs] International Beer Day
[Thurs] Underwear Day
[Fri] Fresh Breath Day
[Fri] U2’s “360 World Tour” restarts (Torino, Italy)
[Fri] “Lollapalooza Festival” begins (Chicago)
[Fri] “The Other Guys”; “Step Up 3-D” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Clown Week
This Month Is … Cataract Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

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August is “Inventors Month”, honoring the geeks who dream up new ways to make our lives better and more interesting. A few of the less successful inspirations …
ACTUAL DUMB INVENTIONS THAT NEVER TOOK OFF:
• ‘Curved Barrel Machine Gun’ for shooting around corners.
• ‘Motorized Surfboard’ for those too lazy to catch a wave.
• ‘Honegar’, a mixture of honey and vinegar said to be a folk remedy for aches and pains.
• ‘Illuminated Tires’, a 1960s invention that brightly lit car tires from inside the wheel rim.
• ‘Yodel Meter’, which measures the volume of the human yodel.
• ‘Beating Breasts’, artificial breasts with built-in heartbeat, intended as a sleeping aid for babies.
• ‘Sea Shoes’, strap-on pontoons for walking on water.
– Condensed from Life.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
‘Fess up! What closet vice are you covering up? (Sneaking a smoke once in awhile? Inhaling doughnuts during your morning commute? Hiding chocolate in kitchen cupboards?)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Outside every thin person there is a fat person trying to get in.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A significant number of men surveyed pick THIS as their #1 status symbol.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Having a family.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A bird in the hand is safer than two overhead.