BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
According to a People.com source, Jennifer Lopez has put herself out the running as an “American Idol” judge because her ‘demands got out of hand’ (the way her career’s going, she should pay them to be on the show!) . . . Actress Blake Lively reportedly wants to leave “Gossip Girl” (CW) and has asked producers to kill off her character ‘Serena van der Woodsen’ (remember the David Caruso rule – don’t dump your bread & butter just because you got a taste of movies) . . . With no settlement looming in the bitter fight with actor Mel Gibson, ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva has added James W Spertus, a former federal prosecutor and experienced trial attorney, to her growing legal team (poor Mel, this is going to be soooo expensive!) . . . A rep for Emma Watson is now denying the 20-year-old “Harry Potter” actress had her hair cut short in an attempt to win the title role in the upcoming movie “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” (BS translation: She didn’t get the part) . . . An ex-boyfriend of Ali Fedotowsky of “The Bachelorette” (ABC) fame is shopping a topless photo which purportedly shows her on her knees while beer is being poured on her breasts (my god, what a waste!) . . . Actress Portia De Rossi (soon to be renamed Portia DeGeneres) is said to be in the running to take over Steve Carell’s role on “The Office” (NBC) when he leaves after next season (please, just let it die peacefully) . . . It’s been confirmed 55-year-old actor Kelsey Grammer is set to be a dad for the 5th time, as his new 29-year-old girlfriend Kayte Walsh (26 years his junior) has become pregnant just weeks after his 3rd wife Camille Donatacci filed for divorce (dude, take a cold shower – it’s cheaper!) . . . And Montana Fishburne, 19-year-old daughter of “CSI” actor Laurence Fishburne, seems bent on taking the low-brow route to stardom, first being arrested for prostitution, then appearing in an explicit movie, and now being charged with battery for allegedly barging into the home of her partner’s ex-girlfriend and administering a whupping (whoa, Lindsay Lohan’s going to have to work extra hard to keep up with this train wreck!).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – This afternoon Alan Jackson (“Freight Train”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning the Jonas Bros, and Demi Lovato perform live as part of the ‘Summer Concert Series’.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Saving Abel (“Saving Abel”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight La Roux (“La Roux”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Dolly Parton (“Letter to Heaven”).
• Mile High Music Festival (Denver CO) – Saturday-Sunday the line-up includes Dave Matthews Band, Jack Johnson, My Morning Jacket, Phoenix, Steve Miller Band, Train, Weezer.
• Outside Lands Festival (San Francisco CA) – Saturday-Sunday Kings Of Leon, My Morning Jacket, Phoenix, and The Strokes are among the performers.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Gabourey Sidibe (“Precious”) hosts; musical guest MGMT (“Congratulations”).
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Ke$ha performs live in NYC.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Alejandro Escovedo (“Street Songs of Love”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – For the first time ever, the ‘Bad Boys of Boston’ bring their brand of major league rock straight to Fenway Park on Saturday night. Also on the bill, local rockers J Geils Band.
• Arcade Fire – “The Suburbs” has become their first-ever #1 album, selling over 156,000 copies in its first week. According to “Billboard”, 62% of copies sold were digital.
• Black Crowes – Tonight they kick off their “Say Goodnight To the Bad Guys” tour in Milwaukee WI. Sure sounds like a farewell tour, no?
• Elvis Presley – Saturday a rock & roll memorabilia sale in Memphis TN includes his grand piano, gold-rimmed sunglasses, Triumph TR-6 convertible sports car, a revolver, address book, and his opal & diamond ring. The piano alone is expected to fetch $1.5 million.
• The Faces – Tonight original members Ronnie Wood, Kenney Jones & Ian McLagan team up for a reunion show featuring Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall and Sex Pistols bassist Glen Matlock at Britain’s “Vintage at Goodwood” festival. Notably absent: Original singer Rod Stewart.
• Jack Johnson – Tonight the 2nd leg of his “To The Sea” tour starts in Salt Lake City UT. The tour is partnering with non-profit organizations to benefit areas affected by the Gulf oil spill.
• Lady Gaga – According to “Grazia” magazine, she’s heartbroken that the ex-boyfriend she recently vacationed with, 32-year-old bar owner Luc Carl, is still seeing another woman.
• Zac Brown Band – “Free” has reached #1 on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Country Singles Chart’.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Eat Pray Love” ( PG-13 Drama ): Julia Roberts stars as a writer who embarks on a round-the-world journey of self-enlightenment and fulfillment in the wake of a painful divorce. She ends up finding solace in new love … and some excellent pizza. Based on the best-selling Elizabeth Gilbert memoir. Co-stars Javier Bardem, Billy Crudup.
NET: http://www.letyourselfgo.com
• “The Expendables” ( R-Rated Action ): Sylvester Stallone has written and directed, and stars in this story about a ragtag team of mercenaries that causes fiery mayhem in a South American country. The all-star action movie cast includes Arnold Schwarzenegger (cameo), Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Jean-Claude Van Damme reportedly turned a role due to a ‘lack of character development’.
NET: http://expendablesthemovie.com
• “Scott Pilgrim vs The World” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): In this blend of chopsocky action, youth romance, and slacker humor, Michael Cera (“Juno”) plays a young musician who falls for the new girl in town (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). But in order to win her heart, he must defeat her 7 evil ex-boyfriends. Based on Bryan Lee O’Malley’s Toronto-centered comic book.
NET: http://www.scottpilgrimthemovie.com

TOP TV SALARIES:
A new ranking of TV’s best paid in various categories …
• Drama: Hugh Laurie (“House”) … $400,000+ per episode.
• Talk Shows: Oprah Winfrey (“Oprah”) … $315 million per year.
• Reality TV: Ryan Seacrest (“American Idol”) … $15 million per year.
• Comedy: Charlie Sheen (“Two-and-a-Half Men”) … $1.25 million per episode.
• News: Matt Lauer (“Today”) … $16 million+ per year.
For a full listing …
NET: http://www.tvguide.com/News/Top-TV-Earners-1021717.aspx
– “Hollywood Reporter”

THUMBING A SNACK:
Your thumbprint might soon be the key to an afternoon snack. A Massachusetts based vending machine company is field-testing new technologies on its dispensing units. Next Generation Vending & Food Service is experimenting  with biometric vending machines that would allow a user to tie a credit card to their thumbprint. They’re currently testing about 60 of the biometric machines. Other companies are currently testing other innovations, including machines that use retinal scans to identify and charge consumers. (Hey, can I take a close-up of your eye on my cellphone?)
– Myfoxny.com

FOODS THAT BOOST YOUR LIBIDO:
Looking to get lucky this weekend? Add these to your menu …
• Asparagus – Rich in folate, which helps increase the production of sex-drive enhancing histamine.
• Avocado – Rich in folic acid for increased energy production.
• Blueberries – Boost dopamine levels, an energizing, stimulatory neurotransmitter.
• Cold-Water Fish – Salmon, sardines, herring, anchovies, and the like are one food group that is guaranteed to help increase sexual stamina.
• Chocolate – Dark chocolate contains phenylethylamine, a chemical believed to produce the feeling of being in love.
• Garlic – Contains allicin, a compound thought to increase blood flow to the sexual organs.
• Oysters – Extremely rich in zinc, which is essential for testosterone production.
• Peanuts – Their amino acid L-arginine is helpful for improving sexual function in men.
• Pumpkin Seeds – Like oysters, pumpkin seeds are extremely rich in zinc and promote the health of the male prostate gland.
• Watermelon – Rich in L-citrulline, an amino acid that helps improve blood flow.
– Condensed from CBSNews.com

FOR THE RECORD:
This week what’s touted as the ‘World’s Largest Clock’ began ticking in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. The ‘Mecca Clock’ sits 400 meters (1,312 feet) up what will be the world’s 2nd-tallest skyscraper and largest hotel. It has 4 faces, each measuring 43 meters (141 feet) in diameter. It’s hoped it will become the Muslim world’s official timekeeper.
– SPA Newswire

DID YOU KNOW?
• Paraskavedekatriaphobia is the fear of Friday the 13th.
– PhobiaList.com
• To the Chinese eye, tanned skin is associated with low-class field work, ie: peasants bent over rice paddies under the searing Sun. Pale skin, on the other hand, evokes an indoor life of comfort and the elevated social status that allows intellectual pursuits.
– “Christian Science Monitor”

BS CHRONOMETER 08.13.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [84] Fidel Castro, Biran, Cuba, Cuban President (1959-2008) who turned over leadership to his brother, Raul Castro  BS FACTOID: Fidel was born on a Friday the 13th.

1955 [55] Paul Greengrass, Cheam UK, movie director (“The Bourne Ultimatum”, “The Bourne Supremacy”)

1973 [37] Andy Griggs, West Monroe LA, country singer (“If Heaven”, “She’s More”)

1974 [36] Sam Endicott, Bethesda MD, rock singer (The Bravery-“Believe”, “Time Won’t Let Me Go”)

1978 [32] Mike Melancon, Mount Laurier QC, country musician (Emerson Drive-“Moments”, “Fall Into Me”)

1984 [26] James Morrison (Catchpole), Rugby UK, pop/rock singer-songwriter-guitarist (f/Nelly Furtado-“Broken Strings”, “You Give Me Something”)

SATURDAY –
Classic rock singer David Crosby (CS&N) is 69; Movie actor/comedian/banjo player Steve Martin is 65; Romance novelist Danielle Steel (“The House”) is 63; Movie actress Halle Berry (“Monster’s Ball”) is 44; Reality TV personality Spencer Pratt (“The Hills”) is 27.

SUNDAY –
Philanthropist Melinda Gates (Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation) is 46; TV actress Debi Mazar (“Entourage”) is 46; TV actor Peter Hermann (“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”) is 43; Movie actor/director Ben Affleck (“Good Will Hunting”) is 38; Movie actress Natasha Henstridge (“The Whole Nine Yards”) is 36; Pop singer Joe Jonas (Jonas Bros) is 21.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Blame Someone Else Day”, observed on the 1st Friday the 13th of the year, when we’re encouraged to put the onus for whatever plight we’re in on someone else’s shoulders.
• “Filet Mignon Day” (French for ‘cute fillet’ or ‘dainty fillet’), celebrating the beef steak cut from the tenderloin. The fillet is considered to be the most tender cut … and the most expensive. The average steer or heifer provides no more than 4-to-6 lbs of fillet.
• “Friday the 13th”, the only one in 2010 (each year has at least 1, but no more than 3). It’s considered an unlucky day by many who will rearrange travel plans, delay surgery, or just refuse to venture out, convinced that leaving the house will encourage bad luck to find them.
– Among the famous with a Friday the 13th fear: French Emperor Napoleon; automaker Henry Ford, who refused to do business on the day; and US President Franklin D Roosevelt, who would not depart on a train trip on the 13th.
– Friday the 13th may actually be a lucky day for the stock market. Wall Street tends to do better on the day, rising by an average of .04% on each of the past 185 Friday the 13ths.
• “Friday the 13th in Port Dover”, the 50th gathering of motorcycle enthusiasts in this small Ontario town beside Lake Erie. Billed as ‘Canada’s biggest biker event’, the one-day bike-in has been celebrated every Friday the 13th (weather permitting) since 1981. As usual, the local population of 6,000 is set to swell to as many as 100,000 or more.
NET: http://www.pd13.com
• “International Lefthanders Day”, first celebrated on Friday, August 13, 1976 to salute that forgotten visible minority … lefties. Only about 10% of us are left-handed. If you’re one of them, shake off the oppression and stand up for your lefts!
FASCINATING FACTS ABOUT LEFTIES:
– There is a high tendency in twins for one to be left-handed.
– Left-handers adjust more readily to seeing underwater.
– Lefties excel particularly in tennis, baseball, swimming, and fencing.
– Left-handers usually reach puberty 4-to-5 months after right-handers.
– Southpaws are more likely to be at the extreme ends of the intelligence scale.
NET: http://www.lefthandersday.com/about.html
• “Kool-Aid Days”, the annual weekend celebration of the soft drink mix originally made in Hastings, Nebraska. Edwin E Perkins first marketed the stuff in 1927 in 6 flavors – raspberry, cherry, grape, lemon, orange, and root-beer.
NET: http://www.kool-aiddays.com
• “National Hobo Convention”, the 110th annual through Sunday in Britt, Iowa. Some 30,000 professional and part-time hobos are expected to hop trains from all over North America to take in the parade, the ‘King & Queen of the Hobos’ coronation, ‘Hobo Jungle’, and ‘Hobo Museum’.
NET: http://www.hobo.com/convention.htm
• “Skinny Dipping Day”, saluting the decadent delight of swimming in the altogether. (Hey, when’s ‘Fat Dipping Day’?)

SATURDAY –
• “Creamsicle Day”, celebrating those ooey gooey, orange- or raspberry-flavored Popsicles with ice cream inside, an invention of Swedish-born entrepreneur Alexander Frehse in 1923.
• “Sandcastle & Sand Sculpture Day”, a long summer tradition on beaches everywhere. So what’s your best construction tip?

SUNDAY –
• “National Acadian Day”, celebrating the original French people who settled the areas now called Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and PEI starting in the early 17th century. The observance was initiated at the first National Acadian Convention in Memramcook NB in 1881. (If so many Acadians hadn’t been banished to Louisiana, “Mardi Gras” might have been based in Moncton!)
• “Relaxation Day”, a day to think about and encourage new forms of relaxation. Beer?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1997 [13] TV cartoon series “South Park” debuts (the first time ‘Kenny’ gets killed)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [12] Aerosmith releases their biggest-ever hit, “I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing”

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2004 [06] Opening ceremony for the “Games of the XXVIII Olympiad” in Athens, Greece (where the modern Olympics were first held in 1896)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2008 [02] US swimmer Michael Phelps sets record for most gold medals won by an individual in Olympic history (a total of 14) with his win in the men’s 200-meter butterfly

COMING UP . . .
[Mon] Tell a Joke Day
[Mon] Roller Coaster Day
[Tues] Archeology Day
[Tues] Thrift Shop Day
[Wed] Bad Poetry Day
[Wed] Cupcake Day
[Wed] Mail Order Catalogue Day
This Week Is … Freedom of Enterprise Week
This Month Is … Hair Loss Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

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BS SUPERSTITIONS OF DUMB PEOPLE:
• Bad things come in trees.
• You should never walk under a black cat.
• Wait until Saturday to drink any wine made on Friday.
• If you break a mirror, you get 7 years of really bad shaves.
• Lightning can’t find you if you hold really still.
• While one foot is lucky, an entire rabbit is even luckier … although it tends to make your key chain a tad heavy.

BS PHONE STARTER:
Which athlete would make the best reality TV star? In which show?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Drive defensively – buy a tank.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Studies show that a guy with a high IQ is also more likely to have THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A hairy chest.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Fame is a magnifying glass.