WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Wed on the weekend: Singer/actress Hilary Duff & NHL player Mike Comrie (Edmonton Oilers) in a sunset ceremony in front of family & friends in Santa Barbara, California. Comrie proposed during a romantic break in Hawaii in February after 2 years of dating. Duff recently splashed out $3.85 million on a new Hollywood marital mansion for the pair.
– “OK! Magazine”
• Owen Wilson’s rep is denying British tabloid reports suggesting the actor has fallen for actress Rachel McAdams while filming the latest Woody Allen movie, “Midnight in Paris”. Both are notorious for starting relationships on movie sets, Wilson dating Kate Hudson after they made “You, Me & Dupre” while McAdams became briefly engaged to her “The Notebook” co-star Ryan Gosling. However, Wilson’s publicist says the new reports of a hook-up are ‘false’.
– GossipCop.com
• After Kelsey Grammer’s estranged wife, former “Playboy” model Camille Donatacci, filed for divorce last month he quickly filed court papers requesting she not be granted a share of profits from his former TV show “Frasier”. However, observers say she may be eligible for half of syndication profits during their marriage because she’s part-owner of his production company, Grammnet Productions. That could entail as much as $40 million. The actor is set to become a dad again with his new girlfriend Kayte Walsh, who – at 29 – is 26 years his junior.
– NYPost.com
• A source close to Lindsay Lohan claims she’s become ‘passionate’ about mentoring some of the troubled girls she’s met in rehab, writing them inspirational notes and giving them advice. A tad ironic, isn’t it? As for life in rehab, it’s said she’s getting no special treatment. If anything, nurses are being tougher on her to show they’re not playing favorites. LiLo doesn’t have a window in her room and can’t even change the channels on her TV because it’s behind glass.
– TheHollywoodGossip.com
• “How I Met Your Mother” star Neil Patrick Harris is going to be a daddy. That’s right: daddy. He and partner David Burtka are expectant fathers … of twins, no less. They’re due to become dads in October through a surrogate. Burtka, a chef and actor (‘Lily’s desperate high school boyfriend ‘Scooter’ in several “HIMYM” episodes), and Harris have been together for 6 years.
– E! Online
• And get ready for some more highly quotable crap to hit the fan fairly soon. Increasingly unhinged actor Mel Gibson has flown back to Los Angeles after a 2-week fishing trip in Fiji with 2 of his sons. Sources say Mel’s deposition in the custody case involving former girlfriend and baby mama Oksana Grigorieva will go down this week.
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Roger Daltrey (The Who).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Ozzy Osbourne (“Scream”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Gossip (“Music For Men”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Travie McCoy (“Lazarus”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Sheryl Crow (“100 Miles From Memphis”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Sarah McLachlan (“Laws Of Illusion”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Wolfmother (“Cosmic Egg”).
• “Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark” (NYC) – Today the long-delayed Broadway musical, with songs from U2’s Bono and The Edge, finally begins rehearsals. Opening night is scheduled for December 21st.
NET: http://bit.ly/c94gIS
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – John Mellencamp (“No Better Than This”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Enrique Iglesias (“Euphoria”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Carrie Underwood – She & NHL player-hubby Mike Fisher (Ottawa Senators) are building a new house in Ottawa, according to “Us Magazine”. The word is it should be finished in a month or so as she wants to spend as much time with him as possible during the hockey season.
• Justin Bieber – “Step Up 3-D” director John Chu has confirmed he will direct the upcoming 3-D Bieber bio-pic. The film is supposed to be out in time for Valentine’s Day next year.
• Reba McEntire – Her Facebook page has just surpassed the 1-million fan mark. She’s the 10th country artist to reach that milestone.
• Slash – After nearly 20 years of estrangement, he’s now helping friend and former Guns N’ Roses bandmate Steven Adler to get his life together and maintain sobriety.

WHAT’S IN A NAME?
Researcher Brett Pelham at State University of New York at Buffalo claims that we’re drawn to professions, places, and people that remind us of ourselves. Something as seemingly superficial as a name can influence the course of our whole lives. For instance, stats show that people named ‘Dennis’ or ‘Denise’ are disproportionately likely to become dentists; while those named ‘Lawrence’ or ‘Laurie’ are disproportionately likely to become lawyers. (Girls named ‘Bambi’ are most likely to be ‘professionals’.)
– “New York Times

HOW TO WALK CORRECTLY
A few pedestrian notes from the UK’s Society of Chiropodists & Podiatrists …
– Stand tall with a slightly lifted chest and a straight back.
– Point chin down and pull in slightly to place neck in a neutral position. This supports the head and prevents neck pain.
– Check that hips are level and knees pointing forward. Keep pelvis tucked under torso.
– Check that steps are of equal length.
– Bend arms 90 degrees at the elbow and swing in time with the opposite leg. This balances the body.
(Just in case you’ve been a couch potato so long you’ve forgotten the technique.)
– “Sunday Telegraph”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 86% of men believe in love at first sight, but only 42% of women.
• 68% of people say they lack the co-ordination to use a yo-yo.
• 60% of today’s parents of small children are unable to recite a single nursery rhyme.
• 54% of employees say they couldn’t be paid enough to do their boss’ job.
• 50% of us have caught someone asleep on-the-job.
• 17% of guys say they think about a former lover every day.

MOST POPULAR EXHIBITIONS:
The most-attended annual fairs/exhibitions in North America, based on 2009 attendance …
10. Western Washington Fair (Puyallup, Washington) … 1.18 million.
9. Calgary Stampede (Calgary, Alberta) … 1.19 million.
8. Eastern States Exhibition/’The Big E’ (Springfield, Massachusetts) … 1.26 million.
7. San Diego County Fair (Del Mar, California) … 1.27 million.
6. San Antonio Livestock Show & Exhibition (San Antonio, Texas) … 1.31 million.
5. Canadian National Exhibition/’The Ex’ (Toronto, Ontario) … 1.32 million.
4. Los Angeles County Fair (Pomona, California) … 1.37 million.
3. Minnesota State Fair (St. Paul, Minnesota) … 1.79 million.
2. Texas State Fair (Dallas, Texas) … 1.82 million.
1. Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo (Houston, Texas) … 1.89 million.
– CarnivalWarehouse.com

DID YOU KNOW?
There really was a Captain Morgan. He was a Welsh pirate who later became the lieutenant governor of Jamaica, thereby making himself the perfect namesake for a brand of rum.
– MentalFloss.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.16.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1953 [57] Kathie Lee Gifford, Paris, France, TV personality (“Today”; “Live With Regis & Kathie Lee” 1988-2000)  BS FACTOID: Her husband, former sportscaster Frank Gifford, is turning 80 today.

1954 [56] James Cameron, Kapuskasing ON, movie director/producer/writer (“Avatar”; Oscar-“Titanic”)/all-time box office champ (“Avatar” $2.74 billion; “Titanic” $1.84 billion)/1st director to make a movie with a $100-million budget (“True Lies” 1994) and a $200-million budget (“Titanic” 1997)

1958 [52] Madonna (Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone), Bay City MI, pop singer (“Hung Up”, “Take a Bow”)/bad film actress (“Swept Away”, “Die Another Day”)/Mrs Guy Ritchie 2000-08; Mrs Sean Penn (1985-89) /mom to Lourdes, Rocco, and David

1962 [48] Steve Carell, Concord MA, TV actor (‘Michael Scott’ on “The Office” since 2005)/movie actor (“Dinner For Schmucks”, “The 40 Year Old Virgin”)  COMING UP: “Get Smart 2” (2011)

1972 [38] Emily Robison (Erwin), Pittsfield MA, country singer (Court Yard Hounds-“The Coast”; Dixie Chicks-“Travelin’ Soldier”, “Wide Open Spaces”)

1972 [38] George Stroumboulopoulos, Malton ON, TV & radio personality (“The Hour”, former MuchMusic VJ)

1980 [30] Vanessa Carlton, Milford PA, pop singer (“A Thousand Miles”, “Ordinary Day”)

1980 [30] Robert Hardy, Dewsbury UK, rock bassist (Franz Ferdinand-“No You Girls”, “Take Me Out”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Discovery Day” in the Yukon, celebrated annually on the 3rd Monday of August to commemorate the anniversary of the 1896 discovery of gold In Bonanza Creek, which set off the famous ‘Klondike Gold Rush’.

• “Remember What Your Spouse Wore the First Time You Met Day”. Good luck with that.

• “Roller Coaster Day”, celebrating every amusement park’s fast track to fun. The idea for the roller coaster was first patented by LaMarcus Adna Thompson in 1885.
WORLD’S TOP ROLLER COASTERS:
According to a poll of roller coaster aficionados, these are currently the world’s best …
5. ‘Dodonpa’, Fuji Q Highland Park (Fujiyoshida, Japan)
4. ‘Top Thrill Dragster’, Cedar Point (Sandusky, Ohio)
3. ‘Millennium Force’, Cedar Point (Sandusky, Ohio)
2. ‘Steel Dragon 2000’, Nagashima Spa Land Amusement Park (Mie, Japan)
1. ‘Kingda Ka’, Six Flags Great Adventure (Jackson, New Jersey)
– DailyCognition.com

• “Stay Home With Your Kids Day”, initiated in 1996 to encourage and support those parents who have chosen to be home with their children. For those who haven’t, it’s the perfect opportunity to take a vacation day and give serious thought to making the change.

• “Tell-A-Joke Day”, a good day to have people call in with really rotten jokes, then tutor them on how to make them funnier.
8 RULES FOR TELLING A JOKE:
1. Before you open your mouth, know your joke. Even if you’re ad-libbing, you must have a clear idea of where you’re headed.
2. Know your audience. All jokes are not appropriate for all gatherings.
3. Do not ask permission to tell a joke. Surprise is crucial.
4. Do not tell everyone how funny your joke is beforehand.
5. There must be ample set-up to the joke, providing the pertinent details the audience needs to know.
6. There must be a punch line or strong conclusion.
7. Avoid detours. As a rule, jokes work best in a straight line.
8. Commit to your joke. Once you begin, follow through to the end.
– “Your Humor Guide”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1977 [33] Elvis Presley is found dead, lying on the floor of a bathroom in his Memphis TN Graceland mansion at age 42 after suffering cardiac arrhythmia

1985 [25] Madonna marries actor Sean Penn in Malibu CA (she wears a leather teddy; he wears boxing gloves)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999 [11] “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” debuts (ABC/CTV) as a summer fill-in special hosted by Regis Philbin, but quickly goes on to become TV’s #1 show

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1930 [80] 1st “British Empire Games” (now “Commonwealth Games”) open in Hamilton ON

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1974 [36] Cindy Nicholas swims across Lake Ontario in a record 15 hours, 18 minutes

1984 [26] Janet Harris sets a world record in Selsey, England by eating 7,175 green peas in an hour … one at a time … using chopsticks

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Archeology Day
[Tues] Thrift Shop Day
[Wed] Bad Poetry Day
[Wed] Cupcake Day
[Wed] Mail Order Catalogue Day
[Wed] “Vampires Suck” opens in theaters
[Thurs] Aviation Day
[Thurs] Medical Dosimetrist Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Aviation Week / Reduce the Clutter Week / Weird Contest Week

BULL’S BITS

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BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS ‘REACH FOR THE MIDDLE’:
Nobody likes a smart-ass, so the object of this game is for your contestant to strive to be mediocre by getting 2 out 3 questions wrong [correct answer in brackets] …
• What’s the most popular month for weddings, [June, followed by September and August.]
• What do you call a male duck? [A ‘drake’.]
• What do the ‘H’s in ‘4-H Club’ stand for? [Head, heart, hands and health.]
• Which part of your body never stops growing? [Ears or nose.]
• The average person spends this much time kissing in a lifetime. [2 weeks.]
• This cartoon character was once banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. [Donald Duck.]
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit there aren’t any female Sumo wrestlers?
• Whyzit rock climbers don’t just wear a parachute?
• Whyzit peanut butter always gets top billing over jelly?
• Whyzit cool to be a ‘daddy’s girl’ but sad to be a ‘mommy’s boy’?
• Whyzit nothing is as easy as it looks?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
No, I’m not an elitist. Why do you ask, peasant?

BS PHONE STARTER:
In what unusual way have you lost or destroyed a cellphone?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: New research says THIS happens more often between 8 & 9 am than at any other time of the day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Heart attacks.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Always remember to pillage before you burn.