BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Today a ‘probation modification hearing’ is being held in a Los Angeles court as Lindsay Lohan’s attorney attempts to spring the actress from rehab early (has she ever completed anything – anything?) . . . Lawyers for Tiger Woods & Elin Nordegren have issued a statement confirming their divorce became official Monday in Panama City FL (terms of the settlement were not disclosed, but TMZ reports Elin is set to receive $100 million) . . . Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino is capitalizing on his hard-partying “Jersey Shore” image by signing on as the face of Devotion Vodka, ‘the only protein-infused vodka on the market’ (what next – antioxidant cigarettes?) . . . And ‘Sitch’ has also signed on for the next season of “Dancing With the Stars” (in case you’re still not sick of him) . . . Contrary to past reports, sources are saying that Kara DioGuardi wasn’t fired from “American Idol”, she actually asked for permission to leave 2 months ago (either way, thanks!) . . . Rumors that actress Jennifer Aniston & singer John Mayer have reunited continue to fly, even though her rep insists it just isn’t so (BS translation: It was a one night stand) . . . “Grey’s Anatomy” creator Shonda Rimes insists she’s going to bring closure to the ‘Izzy/Alex’ relationship (Katherine Heigl’s already left the show – is ‘Alex’ about to get sick?) . . . And 59-year-old actor Randy Quaid (famous for bolting from high-end hotels without paying) is suing his financial advisers, accusing them of costing him over $10 million due to loans he didn’t need and stealing paychecks, including $600,000 in royalties for his performance in 2005’s “Brokeback Mountain” (wow man, that must’ve been some powerful stuff you inhaled).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – 5 acts make it into the top 10.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Christian Scott (“Yesterday You Said Tomorrow”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Fanfarlo (“Reservoir”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Mike Posner (“31 Minutes to Takeoff”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – The Pretty Reckless (“Light Me Up”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Current “American Idol” Lee DeWyze.
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Fantasia (“Back to Me”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Jane Lynch (“Glee”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brad Paisley – He was recently at the Corvette factory in Bowling Green KY to watch the finishing touches put on his new ZR1 before he personally drove it off the assembly line.
• George Michael – The 47-year-old pop star has admitted to DUI and drug possession in a British court. He was arrested last month after crashing his Range Rover into a store. He’s been given a 6-month interim driving ban and is due back in court for sentencing next month.
• Kanye West – He’s announced that he plans to release a new song online every single week until Christmas. He’s dubbed it ‘GOOD Fridays’, after his GOOD music label.
• Kenny Chesney – His new documentary film “Boys of Fall” (airing on ESPN Sunday afternoon) started out as a simple videoshoot for the single of the same name, but while hanging out with New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton, he realized he wanted to do something bigger.
• Luke Bryan – He’s scored his 2nd consecutive RIAA-certified gold digital single for his multi-week #1 country hit “Rain Is a Good Thing”. That follows on the success of “Do I”.
• Neil Young – He’s announced via Facebook that his new album will be called “Le Noise” and it will be released on CD, vinyl, and iTunes September 28th.
• Rosanne Cash – Her just-published memoir “Composed” will debut on the “New York Times” hardcover, nonfiction bestsellers list at #20 this Sunday.
• Vampire Weekend – They’re already preparing to record their 3rd album even though they just released their 2nd, “Contra”, in January.

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Bayoneting the Wounded’ – Slang for drinking half-finished beers the morning after a party. (Hammering down the one with a cigarette butt in it, aka the ‘spaulding’, is especially enjoyable.)
• ‘Clickjacking’ – The use of hidden buttons on a website to trick users into performing actions they do not intend, such as revealing personal information or switching on webcams.
• ‘Tanorexia’ – An obsession with getting a tan. (“Snooki spends half her time in clubs and the other half on the beach, thanks to tanorexia.”)

THINKING VISUALLY:
New technology could allow people to dictate letters and search the Internet simply by thinking, according to researchers at Intel who are behind the project. Unlike current brain-controlled computers, which require users to imagine making physical movements to control the onscreen cursor, the new technology will be capable of directly interpreting words. Preliminary tests of the system have shown that it can work out words by looking at similar brain patterns and then searching for key differences that suggest what the word might be. (Someday you won’t need to get off the couch to work … and you think you’ve got ‘computer ass’ now!)
– Telegraph.co.uk

YES WE CAN:
This week marks the 200th birthday of the can, one of the greatest-ever developments in food packaging. In 1810 a Frenchman named Nicolas Appert discovered a way to preserve soups, produce, and dairy products in glass bottles using boiling water to force out air, and sealing the contents with cork, wire, and wax. Other inventors soon adapted the process to tin cans, which were lighter, cheaper, and more durable. Nowadays, 130 billion cans are produced every year in the United States alone. (Worst-ever canned product? We say ‘canned laughter’.)
– WashingtonPost.com

CANNABIS CAR:
Half-a-century ago Ford Motor Co built a car out of hemp and resin but the idea didn’t catch on. Now Canadian company, Motive Industries, is building the ‘Kestrel’, a prototype electric car made from cannabis fiber. The compact car, which will hold a driver and 3 passengers, will have a top speed of 90 km/hr (55 mph) and a range up to 160 km (100 mi) before needing to be recharged. The car’s body will be made of an impact-resistant composite material produced from mats of hemp, a plant from the cannabis family. (Dude, can I toke your bumper?)
– CBC.ca

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• Dekalb County GA – It’s a ‘fat fee’! A full-figured salon customer is complaining she’s been overcharged by $5 for a manicure, pedicure, and eyebrow arch. The salon manager says the surcharge is due to costly repairs to chairs broken by overweight customers. She claims the special salon chairs have a weight capacity of only 200 lbs and cost $2,500 to fix.
– WSBTV.com
• Edmonton AB – That’s strike two! A 19-year-old who was late for an appointment with his probation officer has admitted he finally made it to the meeting at a police station by … stealing a bicycle. Since one of the conditions of his probation is ‘being of good behavior’, he’s now been arrested and charged with theft.
– CNEWS
• Spring Hill FL – Talk about a sagging canvas! A local woman has gotten her 3rd tattoo, a sunflower, inked on at … age 101. She got her 1st, a butterfly, at 99, and her 2nd, a flower, at 100. She won’t say what her next tattoo will depict but reveals the location might be … her butt.
– NYPost.com

FOR THE RECORD:
• This week China’s Beijing-Tibet Expressway slowed to a crawl as thousands of vehicles were bogged down in a more than 100-km (62-mile) traffic jam that lasted … 9 days! It’s thought the slowdown was due to a spike in traffic by heavy trucks heading to the capital, compounded by road maintenance work. (By comparison, your commute this morning is a breeze!)
– AFP
• Japanese superstar competitive power eater Takeru ‘Tsunami’ Kobayashi has walked away with the $1,500-grand prize in a pizza-eating contest in Barrie ON by downing 40 slices or 10 pizzas … in just 10 minutes. He also wins free pizza every day for a year. (He’s gotta be thrilled about that. Urrrp!)
– QMI Agency

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• According to a recent Texas A&M University study, nearly all hot tubs host some type of microbial growth. In fact, 95% of those tested had at least some bacteria derived from feces.
– PopBitch.com
• The lifetime value of a university degree has dropped to an estimated $300,000, down from a high of $1 million just a few years ago.
– HuffingtonPost.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.25.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1930 [80] Sean Connery, Edinburgh, Scotland, retired movie actor (Oscar-“The Untouchables”, “Dr No”)/the best-ever ‘James Bond’?

1931 [79] Regis (Francis Xavier) Philbin, NYC, TV host (“Live With Regis & Kelly” since 1989, “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” 1999-2001/2009, “Million Dollar Password” 2008, “America’s Got Talent” 2006)/more onscreen face-time than anyone in TV history

1944 [66] Conrad Black, Montréal QC, disgraced newspaper magnate convicted of fraud & obstruction of justice (now out on bail awaiting a ruling on a retrial)

1949 [61] Gene Simmons (Chaim Witz), Haifa, Israel, reality TV show personality (“Gene Simmons: Family Jewels” since 2006, “The Celebrity Apprentice” 2008)/long-tongued dinosaur rocker (Kiss-“Rock ‘n Roll All Night”, “Beth”)

1958 [52] Tim Burton, Burbank CA, movie director/producer (“Alice in Wonderland”, “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory”)  COMING UP: “Dark Shadows” (2011); “Frankenweenie” (2012).

1961 [49] Billy Ray Cyrus, Flatwoods KY, country singer (“Achy Break Heart”)/TV actor (“Hannah Montana” since 2006)/father of teen singing & acting phenom Miley Cyrus

1967 [43] Jeff Tweedy, Belleville IL, alt-rock singer (Wilco-“You Never Know”, “You & I”)

1968 [42] Rachael Ray, Glens Falls NY, TV personality (“Rachael Ray”, “30 Minute Meals”, “Rachael Ray’s Tasty Travels”)

1970 [40] Jo Dee Messina, Framingham MA, country singer (“My Give a Damn’s Busted”, “That’s the Way”)

1987 [23] Blake Lively, LA CA, TV actress (‘Serena van der Woodsen’ on “Gossip Girl” since 2007)/movie actress (“The Sisterhood Of the Traveling Pants” films)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Air Guitar World Championships”, the 15th annual through Saturday in Oulu, Finland, in which fake strummers from around-the-world compete for big prizes.
NET: http://www.airguitarworldchampionships.com/en/event/agwc-2010

• “Banana Split Day”, saluting the ooey-gooey sundae concoction that’s served in a ‘boat’.

• “Beatles Week Festival 2010”, the annual celebration of the local-lads-made-good in Liverpool, England through August 31st. This year’s bash celebrates the 50th anniversary of the iconic group’s founding.
NET: http://beatlesfestival.co.uk

• “Kiss-and-Make-Up Day”, a day to make amends in relationships that have deteriorated. (Let’s see, there’s that ornery cab driver, that rip-off auto mechanic, the boss …)

• “La Tomatina”, celebrated annually on the last Wednesday in August in Bunol, near Valencia, Spain. The world’s largest tomato fight takes place at noon, when some 35,000 hurl 120 tons of tomatoes at each other. The food fight is followed by dancing in the streets and sangria drinking.
NET: http://www.latomatina.org

• “Secondhand Wardrobe Day”, celebrating the joys of shopping consignment shops, thrift stores, and anywhere else a clothing bargain can be had. What’s the biggest ‘find’ you’ve ever come across?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1939 [71] Movie classic “The Wizard of Oz” opens in theaters

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1970 [40] Elton John makes his North American debut in an LA nightclub, opening for singer David Ackles (uh … who?)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1785 [225] 1st edition of “Montréal Gazette”, oldest newspaper still in existence in Canada

1940 [70] 1st ‘Parachute Wedding’, as bride, groom, wedding party, minister & musicians all skydive over NYC (the honeymoon proves especially challenging!)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1922 [88] ‘Highest-Scoring Major League Baseball game’ – Chicago Cubs 26, Philadelphia Phillies 23 (51 hits, 23 walks, 10 errors)

1981 [29] Jeff Schwartz sets record for ‘Solo Trampoline Bouncing’ (266 hours, 9 minutes)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] National Dog Day
[Thurs] Women’s Equality Day
[Fri] Global Forgiveness Day
[Fri] Oil & Gas Industry Appreciation Day
[Fri] Reading & Leeds Festivals begin (UK)
[Fri] “Avatar: Special Edition”, “The Last Exorcism”; “Takers” open in theaters
This Week Is … Safe at Home Week
This Month Is … Panini Month

BULL’S BITS

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NEW ICON OR FLASH-IN-THE-PAN FAD?
Are the following recent hot commodities likely to be long-lasting or just a passing fancy?
• Vampires.
• Katy Perry.
• Dance Club Grinding.
• Betty White.
• Twitter.
• Stieg Larsson novels.
• “Jersey Shore”.
• Lady Gaga.
• Tofu.
• Electric cars.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the absolute prettiest car of all-time? (Ford Mustang? Jaguar? Lamborghini? Corvette Sting Ray? Ferrari ?)

BS WEB GOODIE:
Are you awesome and yet your awesomeness seems constantly unrecognized? There’s a website that will serve your need for affirmation called AwesomenessReminders. For $15, a real person calls you each day for a month to tell you how much you rock. If you’re not around, they leave you a voicemail. Cheaper than continually buying a round for a real-life friend, no?
NET: http://www.awesomenessreminders.com/aboutus.html

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Why can’t you be a non-conformist like everyone else?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to consumer research, the average lifespan of THIS is about 10 years.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Vacuum cleaner.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
We learn from history that we do not learn from history.