WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• 29-year-old famous person Paris Hilton has been released on her own recognizance by Las Vegas police after her arrest for drug possession Friday night. She was busted during a traffic stop when police allegedly found an undisclosed amount of cocaine in her purse. The driver, said to be her boyfriend, nightclub manager Cy Waits, was charged with driving under the influence. Her lawyer says this matter will be dealt with in the courts … not in the media. (Right, in your dreams, bud’.)
– TMZ.com
• Bristol Palin is moving on from her recent breakup with Levi Johnston by hitting the dance floor. Sarah Palin’s 19-year-old daughter has officially joined the cast for the upcoming 11th season of “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC). Although she’s never danced before, Palin is looking forward to living in LA while the show tapes and is bringing her son, Tripp, with her. (Hasselhoff, The Situation, Patridge, Palin … this is shaping up to be the most hate-able line-up ever!)
– PopEater.com
• Miley Cyrus is rumored to have started another on-set romance, just days after her split from Aussie actor Liam Hemsworth, whom she met on the set of the movie “The Last Song”. Now she’s been spotted getting close to Douglas Booth, an English actor who appears in her comedy “LOL: Laughing Out Loud”, now shooting around Waterford, Michigan. (Only 17 and she’s already acting like a Hollywood vet … boinking the cast.)
– PerezHilton.com
• 46-year-old actress Mary-Louise Parker, who plays a drug-dealing mom on TV show “Weeds” (Showtime), says she never tried marijuana in real life until a year ago when a friend convinced her it would make her feel better when she was suffering nausea. But it wasn’t a joint she tried, it was a pot lollipop and she insists she didn’t feel anything. (In fact, she couldn’t even get the frickin’ thing lit.)
– VanityFair.com
• And talk show maven Oprah Winfrey says she’d like to host the final episode of her long-running program at the 61,500-capacity Solder Field football stadium. But she admits the notoriously unpredictable Chicago weather could scupper plans for an open-air September 2011 finalé of the show’s 25-year-run. (Love her or hate her, you can’t say she hasn’t always thought big.)
– TVGuide.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
•  “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – Semifinalists compete for a spot in the top 10.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The Swell Season (“Strict Joy”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Phoenix (“Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Jonas Bros (“Lines, Vines & Trying Times”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Cyndi Lauper w/blues guitarist Jonny Lang.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Snoop Dogg (“More Malice”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Backstreet Boys – AJ McLean plans to continue with their current tour despite falling ill with the eye infection viral conjunctivitis, also known as ‘pink eye’. (Icky!)
• George Michael – The 47-year-old Brit pop star says he checked himself into rehab following his arrest last month after crashing his vehicle into a storefront. He underwent a 14-day detox program and is now receiving outpatient counseling. (Why? He’s due back in court next month and the judge has already let it be known he’s facing possible prison time.)
• Guns N’ Roses – Their performance at Britain’s “Reading Festival” Friday night ended in chaos after they took to the stage an hour late and organizers were eventually forced to cut off the power to stop them from breaking a strict 11:30 pm curfew.
• John Lennon – His toilet that was auctioned in Liverpool Saturday and expected to fetch $1,500 sold for 10 times that … $15,500. Once part of his Tittenhurst Park home, the commode went to an anonymous private overseas buyer. (15 grand and it doesn’t even have a lid!)
• Kanye West – He’s announced via Twitter that he and Jay-Z are set to release a 5-track recording to be titled “Watch the Throne”. (We’re guessing Jay-Z got fed up with him before they could finish an entire album.)
• Michael Jackson – A lawyer representing the Jackson family is condemning plans for a memorabilia auction in Macau, China in October, saying Michel ‘would be turning in his grave’ if he knew about it. Among the lots: A black, bejewelled glove said to be worth up to $50,000.
• Ne-Yo – A judge has just ordered him and his booking agent to pay more than $156,000 in damages for his failure to appear at a 2008 New Year’s Eve concert in Washington state.
• Shania Twain – She’s just signed on with new management company Sandbox Entertainment and rumor has it she has been working on a new album.
• Taylor Swift – Friday she premiered the video “Mine” on a cable TV special from Kennebunkport, Maine where it was shot. She then performed an impromptu concert for locals, including former President George HW Bush, who came out with his grandchildren to see her.

GOTCHA!
A software company called Face.com is making available technology that can identify individuals on social networking sites and other online galleries by comparing their image against a known picture of them. The move threatens to turn the Internet into an all-seeing eye. Until now the company has limited usage due to concerns over invasion of privacy. However, it has now started releasing its ‘Photo Finder’ software to developers that are building apps to allow people to search for anyone, anywhere on the Internet using a photo. (Creepy!)
NET: http://face.com
– “Sunday Times of London”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 52% of us sing in the shower, whether we’re good at it or not.
• 50% of university-bound students that declare a major end up changing it.
• 44% of us reuse aluminum foil.
• 40% of women naturally have hair growing on their faces.
• 33% of husbands have never sent flowers to their spouse.
• 20% of women have taken a pregnancy test … while at work.

WHAT A WAIST!
Researchers at Victoria University of Wellington, New Zealand have found that having an ‘hourglass’ figure is more important to a man than a woman’s breast size or her facial features. They’ve calculated that a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7 (a waist measuring 70% of the hip circumference), is considered the ‘perfect size’. Women considered to have a ‘perfect body’ include actress Jessica Alba and Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio. The scientists conclude that the desirability of the hourglass shape has evolved because it’s considered a good measurement of health and high fertility. (“She’s a 1.8 but she has a nice personality.”)
– Telegraph.co.uk

THINGS WOMEN DO BETTER THAN MEN:
• Evolve Hotter – A recent study reveals that women are getting better-looking through evolution; meanwhile, men are staying the same.
• Survive Car Accidents – Men are 77% more likely to die in a car accident than women, according to a study done by Carnegie Mellon University.
• Talk Through Their Problems – 53% of women talk to their friends about what’s stressing them out, as opposed to just 29% of men.
• Get a Degree – Stats show male students are less likely than females to actually graduate and get a bachelor’s degree.
• Eat Healthier – A University of Minnesota survey of more than 14,000 people has found that most women choose far healthier foods than men.
• Have Stronger Immune Systems – A study done by McGill University indicates that estrogen gives women an edge when it comes to fighting off infections.
• Invest Better – A recent survey of 100,000 portfolios shows that women’s investment returns outperform men’s, 18% to 11%.
• Live Longer – Among the world’s population of people over 100-years-old, fully 85% are women, according to the New England Centenarian Study.
– Condensed from Cosmopolitan.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• In 1961, Martha Stewart was selected as one of “Glamour” magazine’s ‘10 Best-Dressed College Girls’.
• Michael Jackson’s 1988 autobiography “Moonwalk” was edited by the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.
• In 1991, Wayne Allwine, the voice of ‘Mickey Mouse’, married Russi Taylor, the voice of ‘Minnie Mouse’.
– MentalFloss.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.30.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1930 [80] Warren Buffett, Omaha NE, investor (Berkshire Hathaway)/world’s 3rd-wealthiest with $47 billion/philanthropist who’s announced he’ll will 85% of his fortune to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

1948 [62] Lewis Black, Silver Spring MD, incensed & sarcastic political commentator often featured on Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show”
NET: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mCDZMWVWuc

1963 [47] Michael Chiklis, Lowell MA, movie actor (“Rise Of the Silver Surfer”, “Fantastic Four”)/TV actor (“The Shield” 2002-08)

1972 [38] Cameron Diaz, San Diego CA, movie actress (“Knight & Day”, “Shrek” movies)

1982 [28] Andy Roddick, Omaha NE, currently #9-ranked men’s tennis player

1986 [24] Ryan Ross, Summerlin NV, rock guitarist/vocalist (Panic! At the Disco-“Nine In the Afternoon”, “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Courtesy Appreciation Day”, a day to highlight the elegance of using proper manners and being courteous to others. You are more than welcome for that information.

• “Day of Disagreement”, considered by some relationship experts to be the day of the year on which couples are most likely to bicker and have needless arguments. Why? Triggers might include post-vacation depression, domestic chaos getting ready for back-to-school, and financial strain after blowing the bank account over the Summer.

• “International Day Of the Disappeared”, an annual commemoration to draw attention to the fate of individuals imprisoned in places unknown to their relatives and/or legal representatives.

• “Talk Intelligently Day”. And for those who normally talk intelligently, it’s “Talk Brilliantly Day”.

• “Toasted Marshmallow Day”, celebrating that great Summer treat on a stick. So how do you like yours done?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1993 [17] Debut of “Late Show With David Lettermen” on CBS-TV attracts 23 million viewers (first guest is Bill Murray; musical guest is Billy Joel)

2001 [09] Final episode of kids’ TV show “Mister Roger’s Neighborhood” (debuted in 1966)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2001 [09] NYC funeral for singer/actress Aaliyah, killed in plane crash

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1988 [22] Vicki Keith of Kingston ON becomes 1st swimmer to conquer all 5 Great Lakes

1990 [20] 1st father & son to play in a Major League Baseball game on the same team (Ken Griffey & Ken Griffey Jr for the Seattle Mariners)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [23] Yves Pol of France runs complete marathon backwards in 3:57:57

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Love Litigating Lawyers Day
[Tues] Trail Mix Day
[Wed] “CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock” (ABC)
[Wed] Building & Code Staff Appreciation Day
[Wed] “The American” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] Brooks & Dunn’s “Last Rodeo” tour ends (Nashville TN)
This Week Is … Minority Enterprise Development Week
This Month Is … What Will Be Your Legacy Month

BULL’S BITS

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BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
LIFE ACCORDING TO ACTION MOVIES:
• There are 2 kinds of women in the world … the type that want to go to bed with you and the type that want to kill you. Both types are always physically attractive and under 25-years-old.
• If you rudely argue with your boss in front of co-workers, not only won’t he fire you, he’ll gain a profound new respect for you.
• If you are asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, you will win.
• If you have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of you dies, you’ll become best friends.
• If you go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore you.
• If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and you curse in pain, she will fall in love with you.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them!

COMEBACKS TO YOUR KIDS:
Kids sometimes ask the darndest things. A few typical awkward questions you might get from small-fry and a few answers you wish you could give but can’t …
• “Mommy, Daddy, why are you fighting?” [“We can’t agree about who’s spoiled you more.”]
• “Why does Grandpa smell?” [“He hasn’t bathed since January … 1988.”]
• “Why was Mommy on top of you, Daddy?” [“She doesn’t like reverse cowgirl all that much.”]
• “Is Santa real?” [“Dude, do you really believe elves who live in a part of the world without much of an electrical infrastructure can program Wii games? Think, Tyson, think!”]
• “Who do you love best?” [“Your younger sister … and it’s ‘whom’.”]
• “What happens when you die?” [“Worms feed on your eyes.”]
– Adapted from “Parenting Magazine”

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Which are the only animals born with horns?
a. Goats.
b. Giraffes. [CORRECT. Both male & female giraffes are born with bony knobs on their foreheads.]
c. Elk.

• What are you if you are half-introvert and half-extravert?
a. A midivert.
b. An ambivert. [CORRECT.]
c. A bivert.
– Halife.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
Which actor/actress did you think was a real ‘hottie’ when you were a kid who’s now a wizened up old geezer?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: We do THIS an average of 5 times per day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Yawn.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s so simple to appear wise. Just think of something stupid to say, then don’t say it.