Tuesday, August 23, 2011                 Edition: #4577
There’s a Difference Between Sheet and Crapola!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Lindsay Lohan is suing rapper Pitbull over his song “Give Me Everything” because of the line “I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan” (when you aren’t working, you gotta find an income somehow) . . . 32-year-old actress Estella Warren has entered a no-contest plea in her DUI case from May and has been sentenced to 6 months of rehab (she crashed her Prius into 3 parked cars and reportedly hit a cop) . . . “NY Daily News” says Jennifer Lopez flat-out refuses to mingle with cast or crew on the Atlanta, Georgia set of her new movie “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” (wasn’t so long ago she was ranked one of the biggest prima donnas in the biz) . . . “National Enquirer” claims Chelsea Handler’s upcoming vanity project sitcom, “Are You There Vodka, It’s Me Chelsea”, is bombing even before the first episode has aired so she’s asked BFF Jennifer Aniston about the possibility of a cameo – and got a ‘no’ (ouch, you know your failing when …) . . . Actress Sarah Jessica Parker has revealed that there is, in fact, a script for a 3rd “Sex & The City” movie (couldn’t tank any worse than the last one) . . . “The Soup” host Joel McHale says E! gets angry whenever he makes fun of his network-mates the Kardashians (but there’s so MUCH to pick on!) . . . Word has it the engagement between TV tattoo artist Kat von D and Sandra Bullock’s ex Jesse James is back on (nobody else wants them) . . . Socialite Kimberly Stewart (daughter of singer Rod) has given birth to a baby girl in an LA hospital, the result of a brief fling with movie star Benicio del Toro (‘socialite’ is the polite term for ‘wealthy, unemployed party girl’) . . . And wacky actor Charlie Sheen is denying that he’s considering getting back together with ex-wife Brooke Mueller, telling TMZ.com that they’re working on ‘replanting scorched earth’ and ‘the goal is harmony’ (BS translation: I’m lonely ‘cause I’ve got no goddesses left).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – The 88 (“The 88”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – P!nk (“Greatest Hits …So Far!!!”); Rascal Flatts (“Nothing Like This”). Rerun.
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – The glee club learns about self-acceptance through the music of Lady Gaga. Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – The Features (“The Beginning”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Grouplove (“Grouplove”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Amos Lee (“Mission Bell”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Gavin Harrison (“Circles”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Little Big Town (“The Reason Why”). Rerun.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Lenny Kravitz (“Black & White America”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – The Antlers (“Burst Apart”). Rerun.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Kellie Pickler – She’ll make her TV acting debut during the upcoming 4th season of “90210” (CW), performing her new single “Tough” in the role of a country singer named ‘Sally’.
• Madonna – The just turned 53-year-old has been spotted vacationing in the tiny village of Guéthary on the south Atlantic coast of France (population 1,600). Her companion is 24-year-old dancer Brahim Zaibat … who’s closer in age to her daughter Lourdes (14).
• “The Muppet Movie. The Green Album” – This long-in-the-works Muppets tribute album, out today, includes tracks by The Fray, My Morning Jacket, OK Go, and Weezer among others.
• Patti Smith – A new compilation album entitled “Outside Society” is released today. The 18-song disc compiles the best-known songs from throughout her career. The so-called ‘Godmother of Punk’ was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2007.
• The Pistol Annies – “Hell on Heels”, the debut album from country star Miranda Lambert’s side project with singer-songwriters Ashley Monroe and Angaleena Presley, is released today.
• Queens Of the Stone Age – Frontman Josh Homme & his Aussie rocker wife Brody Dalle (Spinnerette) have become parents a 2nd time, welcoming Orrin Ryder as a little brother to their 5-year-old daughter together, Camille Harley Joan.
• Taylor Swift – She’s announced she’ll take her “Speak Now” tour to Australia and New Zealand in March 2012.
• U2 – A rep has reacted quickly to shoot down a RollingStone.com report that Bono was hospitalized after suffering heart palpitations and pains while on vacation in the south of France. The official line is … it was a routine check-up.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “The Beaver” ( PG-13 Drama ): Mel Gibson plays a once-successful toy executive suffering from crippling depression. He finds an unlikely voice in getting himself back on track in … a beaver hand puppet. Jodie Foster directs and co-stars.
• “Hostage”(R-Rated Action Thriller): Bruce Willis plays a retired LAPD hostage negotiator whose old profession comes back into play when a smalltown family is taken hostage after a failed robbery. Real-life daughter Rumer Willis plays his onscreen daughter.
• “Sympathy for Delicious” ( R-Rated Drama ): In actor Mark Ruffalo’s directorial debut, Christopher Thornton plays a club DJ paralyzed in a motorcycle accident who’s introduced to the world of faith-healing by a passionate young priest. Co-stars Juliette Lewis, Orlando Bloom.
• “Win Win” ( R-Rated Drama ): Paul Giamatti plays a struggling attorney who moonlights as a high school wrestling coach and becomes the legal guardian of an elderly client in an attempt to help keep his practice afloat. Co-stars Amy Ryan, Bobby Cannavale, Jeffrey Tambor.
• Also released today: “Bambi II – Special Edition” (Animation); “Brothers & Sisters: The Complete 5th Season” (TV); “Citizen Jane” (TV); “The Event: The Complete Series” (TV); “Gossip Girl: The Complete 4th Season” (TV); “Off the Map: The Complete Series” (TV); “Prime Suspect: Series 1” (TV); and “Tom & Jerry and The Wizard of Oz” (Animation).

THINGS THAT ARE MAKING YOU FAT:
• Your Reading Comprehension – According to a study published in the “Journal of Consumer Research”, healthy-sounding labels are duping dieters.
• Your Diet Pop Habit – Studies have shown that subjects who drink 2 or more diet sodas a day have waist size increases up to 6 times greater than those of people who don’t drink diet soda.
• Lack of Sleep – According to new research, sleepy folks may burn the same number of calories as well-rested people, but they consume about 300 more calories a day.
• Overweight Friends – A 30-plus year study has proven that people with very close friends who are obese have a 171% higher chance of becoming obese themselves.
• Your Stress Level – When you have chronic stress, your body steps up its production of
cortisol and insulin. That means your appetite increases, and so do the odds of over-eating.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”

APPS FOR APES:
It turns out some orangutans love the iPad just as much as some humans. A budding program at Wisconsin’s Milwaukee County Zoo is working to place iPads into the giant palms of their orangutans. Two of the zoo’s orangs are already spending weekly sessions with an iPad and have developed favorite apps, shows, and games. They’ve yet to be given free rein with the device due to worries they might get frustrated and simply snap it in half. The zoo’s ‘iPad Enrichment Co-ordinator’ says the program started as an April Fool’s joke, but the apes caught on to the idea. (Keep this picture in mind next time you’re slavishly consumed by your tablet.)
– MSNBC.com

NEW BS GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• What happens when you combine a ‘Snuggie’ with a hoodie? You get the ‘Thuggie’. It might sound like a joke, but the product’s website is very real and you can absolutely buy your own embarrassingly long sweatshirt if you so please. (Try wearing one of these on the street and see what happens.)
NET: http://www.thuggies.ca
– Neatorama.com
• The alarm clock iPhone app, ‘Snooze’, allows you to pledge 25 cents to a charity just by hitting the snooze button that lets you clock a few extra minutes of sleep. The foolproof app lets you rest easy while it keeps tabs on your snoozes. Twice a month, you choose where to donate them. (You snooze … you infuse.)
– HuffingtonPost.com

CANCER-SNIFFING CANINES:
Earlier this year, Japanese researchers announced they’d trained a dog to detect colon cancer by smelling the poop of cancer victims. Now, researchers at Schillerhoehe Hospital in Germany have discovered that trained dogs can detect lung cancer by sniffing the breath of sick patients. The dogs successfully identified 71-out-of-100 samples with lung cancer. They also correctly detected 372 samples out of 400 that did NOT have lung cancer. (Maybe this explains why a dog likes to bury its nose in your privates? Looking for prostate cancer perhaps?)
– ScienceDaily.com

SURPRISING REASONS WOMEN DON’T GET PROMOTED:
Little things you’d never think of actually make a huge difference when your boss is deciding who in your office deserves a job upgrade or fatter pay package. Among them …
• Flaunting Your Tat – A tattoo can send the message that you’re immature or impulsive, even if you’re the most reliable person on staff.
• Blowing Coffee Breath – If it happens often enough, it could lead your boss to think you wouldn’t interact well with clients.
• Tanning Obsessively – Consistently sporting orange or too-tanned skin that obviously isn’t your natural shade signals to your boss that you’re self-absorbed and frivolous.
• Needing a Manicure – Messy, torn cuticles signal to the people around you that you bite your nails (even if you don’t) … a bad habit exacerbated by stress, anxiety, and boredom.
– Condensed from Cosmopolitan.com

RENT-A-YARD:
‘Timeshare Backyard’ is a grass lot in Manhattan’s Lower East Side that is rentable. 50 bucks per hour gets you the yard: grass underfoot and the option to invite up to 30 friends. Unfortunately, it’s not a BYO sort of venue. Adding on a Slip ‘n’ Slide will set you back $100, while a kiddie pool goes for $200. If you want a BBQ, $150 gets you one with all the works for 10 people. And it you fancy some tunes to go along with your food and water fun, the curators will procure you a ‘celebrated local band’ for another $5,000. The project is run by the Participation Agency, a rather mysterious NYC consultancy. (For an extra 50, you can mow their back yard; and they’ll rent you a neighborhood cat to crap in it for $1.98.)
NET: http://bit.ly/qQE4vz
– UrbanGardensWeb.com

FOR THE RECORD:
Susanne Eman of Casa Grande, Arizona is vying to become ‘World’s Fattest Woman Ever’ by eating more than 20,000 calories per day. The 32-year-old mother of 2 aims to surpass 1,600 lbs by her 40s by consuming enough food to fill 6 grocery carts per week. At 728 lbs, she’s already surpassed the previous living record holder, Donna Simpson of New Jersey, who tipped the scales at 700 lbs. Now in her sights: all-time record-holder Carol Yager of Flint, Michigan, who’s believed to have peaked at 1,596 lbs before she died in 1994 at age 34.
– “The Sun”

DID YOU KNOW?
1-in-8 of us fake using our cellphones to avoid talking to others.
– TIME.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.23.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1961 [50] Dean DeLeo, Newark NJ, rock guitarist (Stone Temple Pilots-“Between the Lines”, “Creep”)

1970 [41] Jay Mohr, Verona NJ, TV actor (“Gary Unmarried” 2008-10, “Ghost Whisperer” 2006-08)/movie actor (“Are We There Yet?”, “Jerry Maguire”)/TV personality (“Last Comic Standing” 2003-04, “Saturday Night Live” 1993-95)/standup comedian

1976 [35] Scott Caan, LA CA, TV actor (‘Detective Danno Williams-“Hawaii Five-0” since 2010, ‘Scott Lavin’ on “Entourage” since 2010)/movie actor (“Ocean’s” movies, “Gone In 60 Seconds”)/son of actor James Caan

1978 [33] Kobe Bryant, Philadelphia PA, basketball superstar (5-time NBA Champion-LA Lakers, 2-time NBA Finals MVP, NBA MVP (2008), 13-time NBA All-Star)

1978 [33] Julian Casablancas, NYC, rock singer/songwriter (“Phrazes For the Young”, The Strokes-“You Only Live Once”, “Juicebox”)/son of Elite Models founder John Casablancas

TODAY’S BS REASON TO PARTY . . .
• “Day For the Remembrance Of the Slave Trade & Its Abolition”, designated by UNESCO in 1998 as an annual observance to memorialize the transatlantic slave trade..

• “Hug Your Sweetheart Day”, an annual excuse to let your beloved know that he or she is always there in your fondest thoughts. Awww!

• “Permanent Press Day”, a day to proudly wear polyester and keep the iron unplugged.

• “Sneak Off To the Beach Day”, a day to surreptitiously soak up some rays before summer’s all over. Don’t forget the sunscreen!

• “Sponge Cake Day”, celebrating the fat-free dessert that’s variously known as ‘angel cake’.

• “Virgo” astrology sign begins (August 23 to September 23). Traditional traits of people born under this sign are: modest and shy, meticulous and reliable, practical and diligent, intelligent and analytical. On the dark side, they can also be fussy and a worrier, overcritical and harsh.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2000 [11] 51 million watch the final episode of the original “Survivor” TV series (a summer replacement show) as Richard Hatch is named the $1-million winner (then promptly forgets to pay his taxes leading to jail time)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2007 [04] Queen guitarist Brian May is finally awarded his doctorate in astrophysics by London’s Imperial College (the degree he was seeking when he left school during the band’s first flush of success)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1966 [45] 1st photograph of Earth from the Moon is taken by ‘Lunar Orbiter’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1960 [51] World’s largest frog (3.3 kg/7 1/4 lbs) is caught in Equatorial Guinea

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Rod Stewart begins Caesars Palace residency (Las Vegas)
[Wed] Waffle Day
[Thurs] Kiss & Make Up Day
[Thurs] Secondhand Wardrobe Day
[Thurs] Dîner en Blanc (NYC)
[Fri] “Colombiana”; “Don’t Be Afraid Of the Dark”; “Our Idiot Brother” open in movie theaters
[Fri] “Reading & Leeds Festivals” begin (UK)
This Week Is … Be Kind to Humankind Week
This Month Is … Cataract Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

BARACK OBAMA’S 2012 CAMPAIGN SLOGANS:
‘Yes We Can’ may have been overstating it. Perhaps …
• ‘We Might Be Able To’
• ‘We’re Open to Suggestions’
• ‘If We Do, We’ll Let You Know’
• ‘I’d Like to See You Try!’
• ‘I Wouldn’t Get Your Hopes Up’
• ‘There Are Only So Many Hours In a Day’
• ‘Worrying Isn’t Going to Solve Anything’
• ‘We Had Good Intentions’
• ‘For The Record, We Really Thought We Could Have’
• ‘It Turns Out We Actually Can’t’
– Thanks to Nat Lozier

BS RANDOM JOKE:
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

BS PHONE STARTER:
According to an old British expression, mature people who attempt to appear young & hip are referred to as ‘mutton dressed as lamb’. Which famous folks would qualify? Pamela Anderson? Madonna? The “Sex & The City” cast? Rod Stewart?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: The average woman spends 17 minutes doing THIS in the workplace daily.
Answer: Gossiping with co-workers before starting work.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.