Thursday, December 18, 2003 Edition: #2690
100% Grade A Bull!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Jennifer Lopez has reportedly become the most high-profile person so far to contract the epidemic Fujian flu virus, which can be fatal (we can only hope … er, for the best, that is) . . . Mr Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, is in even more legal hot water — former lover Kin Ward is suing him for being a deadbeat dad, missing some $40,000 in child support payments for their 2 kids, aged 14 & 12 (loser of the year?) . . . Sarah Michelle Gellar has turned down an offer to recreate her “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” role in episodes of its spin-off series “Angel” (apparently 7 years of slaying was more than enough) . . . Nicole Kidman’s short-lived romance with Lenny Kravitz appears to be over after his reported affair with Brazilian artist Isis Arruda has been confirmed (awww, poor little rich girl) . . . Country singer Wynonna Judd has lost her driver’s license for a year, must pay a fine and perform 200 hours of community service after pleading guilty to drunk-driving charges in Nashville THIS WEEK (the good news is – there’s country song in there somewhere) . . . A dinner date with gorgeous “Austin Powers” actress Liz Hurley has failed to attract a single bid at a charity auction fund-raiser for NYC firefighters . . . Michael Jackson will be pleased to find more than 18,000 have signed an online petition declaring his innocence – until he examines more closely and finds that pranksters are signing the names of accused child predators like Paul Reubens, Gary Glitter & Fatty Arbuckle . . . And here’s a feud that only promises to get juicier – “Freaky Friday” star Lindsay Lohan and rival teen star Hilary Duff (“Lizzie McGuire”) reportedly went at it tooth & nail before Hilary finally stomped out of the LA premiere of her own new film, “Cheaper by the Dozen” (opening DECEMBER 25th) – oh, the fight’s over who gets to date pseudo-singing star Aaron Carter.
FUTURE FLICKS:
Actor Ben Stiller needed a rabies shot after being bitten on the chin by a ferret in the final scene of the upcoming romantic comedy, “Along Came Polly”, in which he co-stars with Jennifer Aniston . . . . Sarah Michelle Gellar will star in an English-language remake of the Japanese horror flick “The Grudge”, about a never-ending supernatural curse that claims its victims through a powerful rage . . . Justin Timberlake may have played Elton John in a music video a few years back, but he’s turned down a chance to play Sir Elton in an upcoming bio-film, saying he’s just too damn busy . . . Meantime, ‘N Sync-er Lance Bass has picked up a role in horror master Wes Craven’s upcoming werewolf tale, “Cursed”, playing – himself.
2003’S TOP BABY NAMES:
The most popular girl’s name of the year is ‘Madison’, according to baby-naming Website BabyNames.com, eclipsing last year’s #1 name ‘Emily’. For boys, ‘Aidan’ has overtaken ‘Jacob’ as top choice.
HAPPY HO DAYS:
The brothels of Berlin, Germany have been stiffed by a limp economy, so in order to drum up business during hard times, brothel owners have implemented ‘happy hours’ with special ‘Get-to-Know-Me’ prices for new clients and discounts for regulars. (Now they just need to find guys actually capable of taking advantage of a 2-for-1.)
HOME OF THE WORLD’S BEST THUMBS:
With 70% of households on high-speed Internet, South Korea may be the world’s most wired country. That’s fueled a craze for online gaming that’s proved so popular for those in their late teens and early 20s that the country now has professional video game teams backed by corporate sponsors. The best players in the world’s first pro video game league make more than $100,000 a year. (Whatever you do … do NOT tell your teenage son about this.)
SPAM HUNTERS:
Thanks to a tough new anti-spam law, the US Federal Trade Commission (FTC) will begin hitting illegal spammers with heavy fines in 2004. But how to find them? One idea being bandied about is using bounty hunters to track ‘em down. (TV producer Dick Wolf is already looking at yet another spin-off series – “Law & Order: FTC”.)
GIMME A SIDE OF BEEF, HOLD THE BUN:
It’s estimated about 1 in 4 of us have at least tried out a low-carb diet such as the Atkins Diet or something similar. That’s led 2 hamburger chains, Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr, to introduce the fast food world’s first ‘low-carb burgers’ – giant burgers wrapped in large iceberg lettuce leaves instead of a bun. Hardee’s 1/3-lb version will be called the ‘Low Carb Thickburger’. The 1/2-lb Carl’s Jr will be bubbed the ‘Low Carb Six Dollar Burger’, even though it will only cost $3.95 (some marketing whiz was really thinking there).
OLD HELMETS ON TOUR:
The world’s oldest condoms have left Britain to go on exhibit in the Netherlands. The collection of 5 contraceptives, dating back to the mid-17th century, was excavated from a medieval toilet found in the UK’s Dudley Castle in 1985. (They were found in a wallet along with Keith Richards’ driver’s license.)
JERK-OFF JOB:
Men at the University of Calgary are being offered a free 2-week vacation in Australia – in exchange for sperm. Apparently it’s getting tough to find volunteers in Australia because a new law prevents sperm donors from remaining anonymous. The Reproductive Medicine Clinic in Albury, New South Wales is looking for 18 to 40-year-old men in good health, who are willing to have their blood and semen analyzed. Those who pass the screening get free airfare, accommodation and expenses. (And a 12-year-old copy of “Playboy” magazine.)
HOOSIERS ARE HUGE:
THIS WEEK the Center for Disease Control released its annual report on the general health and well being of Americans nationwide. The 2003 report lists Indiana as the nation’s most obese state, ahead of Mississippi, Michigan, West Virginia, and Kentucky. Indiana moved up from 4th last year because 89.4% of its residents now fall into 1 of the 3 at-risk categories – ‘slightly obese’ (over 40% body fat), ‘moderately obese’ (over 50% body fat), or ‘meat bomb’ (over 80% body fat). (Over 80% fat? Wouldn’t that also be a fire hazard?)
WOW, 6-FOOT SPERM!
Thailand’s elephant population has plummeted from 100,000 a century ago to less than 5,000 today. That’s why Thai scientists will try to artificially inseminate some 30 Asian elephants using previously frozen samples from an experimental elephant sperm bank. Kasetsart University veterinarian Nikorn Thongtip says they are currently working out the right time to take ‘action’. (So how would you get an elephant in the mood? Could this be the world’s worst job?)
FOR THE RECORD:
Holy calf! Brent Moffatt of Winnipeg has inserted 900 surgical needles into his legs to break his own previous record of 702 piercings.
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• For the first time ever, more women than men are applying to attend medical schools in the USA.
• More than half the world’s population fails to do 30 minutes of moderate activity a day.
THE BULL SHEET 12.18.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [60] Keith Richards, Dartford ENG, Rolling Stones guitarist (“Start Me Up”, “[I Can’t Get No] Satisfaction”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)
BS WAYS YOU CAN TELL KEITH’S 60:
• Has wrinkles that are turning 40.
• Wears white socks with sandals on vacation.
• Charlie Watts has finally quit calling him ‘Kid’.
• He really can’t get no satisfaction.
• Looks 90.
1946 [57] Steven Spielberg, Cincinnati OH, movie director/producer (Oscars-“Saving Private Ryan”, “Schindler’s List”, 1986 Irving G Thalberg Award)/movie mogul (DreamWorks) UPCOMING: Will direct “Indiana Jones 4“ and “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”. FACTOID: He made an estimated $250 million from 1993’s “Jurassic Park”, thought to be the highest amount of money made by anyone from a single film.
1955 [48] Ray Liotta, Newark NJ, movie actor (“John Q”, GoodFellas”)
1963 [40] Brad Pitt, Shawnee OK, movie actor (“Ocean’s 11″, “Fight Club”)/Mr Jennifer Aniston since 2000 UP NEXT: Plays ‘Achilles’ in the historical epic “Troy”, opening MAY 21st.
1966 [37] Tracy Byrd, Beaumont TX, country singer (“Drinkin’ Bone”, “The Truth About Men”)
1970 [33] DMX (Earl Simmons), Mount Vernon NY, rapper (“Party Up [Up In Here]”) who says he’s retiring to ‘go into the church’/movie actor (“Cradle 2 the Grave”)/ex-con FACTOID: He’s the only music artist to debut at #1 on album charts with his first 5 albums.
1978 [25] Katie Holmes, Toledo OH, movie actress (“The Singing Detective”, “Phone Booth”)/former TV actress (“Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)
1980 [23] Christina Aguilera, Staten Island NY, 5′-2” pop singer (“The Voice Within”, “Beautiful”, “Genie in a Bottle”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Oatmeal Muffin Day”. (“Here [co-host], put this muffin in your mouth!”)
TODAY is also “National Roast Suckling Pig Day”. (“Here [co-host], put this apple in your mouth!”)
TODAY is also “Let’s See What We Find In the Fridge Day”, a day to be brave and eat something from the back of the refrigerator. (Ask listeners for their grossest discoveries.)
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1892 [111] 1st performance of Tchaikovsky’s holiday season favorite “The Nutcracker Suite” (St Petersburg, Russia)
1999 [04] Christina Aguilera releases hit single “What A Girl Wants” on her 19th birthday
2002 [01] “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” opens in theaters (grosses over $920 million worldwide)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993 [10] ‘World’s largest hotel’ opens, the 5,000-room MGM Grand in Las Vegas (The Venetian in Vegas now claims to be largest, at least in terms of area)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[1 week today] Christmas Day
[Fri] Chanukah begins (First Night)
[Fri] Underdog Day
[Sun] Humbug Day
[Mon] First Day of Winter
[Wed] National Egg Nog Day
This Week Is . . . Halcyon Days
This Month Is . . . Read A New Book Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
SANTA SOURCE:
You’ve likely heard that our current image of chubby old Santa Claus was invented by the Coca-Cola Co. But did you know …
• Using a friend as a real-life model, a Swedish artist conceived the heavy-set, white-bearded man in the red suit with white trim for a Coke ad campaign during the Depression.
• The suit colors were chosen to match Coke’s corporate logo.
• The name ‘Santa Claus’ originates from the Dutch name for Saint Nicholas, ‘Sinterklaas’.
BS WEB GOODIE:
Just in time for “Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” – discover your Tolkien name with this cool ‘Middle-Earth Name Generator’ (Da Bull is apparently ‘Smiling Maiar’). Why not find Middle-Earth names for the whole morning crew to use today?
NET: http://www.barrowdowns.com
And here’s a name generator where you can pick from dwarf, elven, hobbit, wizard or human names (we ended up as the elven ‘Milonna, King of Nargothrond’).
NET: http://www.myprecious.us
BS TRIVIA:
Q: There are 9 ‘tie-breakers’ used by the NFL to decide who makes the playoffs when 2 teams are tied. The first 8 are …
1. Head-to-head (best won-lost-tied percentage in games between the clubs).
2. Best won-lost-tied percentage in games played within the Division.
3. Best won-lost-tied percentage in games played within the Conference.
4. Best won-lost-tied percentage in common games if applicable.
5. Best net points in Division games.
6. Best net points in all games.
7. Strength of schedule.
8. Best net touchdowns in all games.
So what’s the 9th and final tie-breaking procedure?
A: Believe it or not — it’s a coin toss!
Source: “Fantasy MVP”
BS FACT OR CRAP?
Two of these are facts, one is fiction … but which one?
1. In medieval England, beer was often served with breakfast.
2. In medieval England, it was considered an insult to serve fish to dinner guests. (CRAP)
3. In medieval England, dinner guests were expected to bring their own knives.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: About 6 out of 10 women say that these are cute on a man.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Love handles.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Others look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.