Friday, December 16, 2011        Edition: #4653
Ah, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Today “Playboy” magazine responds to last week’s online leak of Lindsay Lohan’s nude pictorial by releasing the January issue ahead of schedule (too late, anybody with the inclination has already seen it) . . . 81-year-old Hollywood veteran Clint Eastwood is heading to reality TV, with his former news anchor-wife Dina and their 2 teens being followed by cameras documenting their everyday lives (if you think this seems out of character for Clint, you’re right – he’s only agreed to make a few cameos) . . . After weeks of rumors, satellite radio’s Howard Stern has confirmed he’s joining NBC-TV’s “America’s Got Talent”, replacing Piers Morgan on the judging panel (leaving to focus on his floundering CNN show “Piers Morgan Tonight”) . . . Newly-single US Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn wants you to know she is NOT dating Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, despite recent rumors (don’t worry Tim, you’ve still got time to come from behind!) . . . Courtney Love is facing eviction from her Manhattan townhouse after infuriating the owner by changing decor without permission, setting her curtains on fire causing a small blaze, and – oh – she also allegedly owes over $50,000 in rent (the tenant from hell – wasn’t this a movie?) . . . Lawyers for Charlie Sheen’s ex, Brooke Mueller, have successfully had her Aspen, Colorado court date to face charges of assault & cocaine possession changed from next Monday to January 23rd (the reason – she’s in rehab) . . . Word has it an internal battle is taking place at NBC-TV over broadcasting chairman Ted Harbert’s first choice to replace Matt Lauer when he leaves the “Today” show next year – “American Idol’s” Ryan Seacrest (can you picture him anchoring a 9/11-type disaster?) . . . And comedian Joan Rivers claims she’s delighted her 43-year-old daughter Melissa is dating Steven Hirsch, founder of adult entertainment company Vivid Entertainment (Quote: “He’s Jewish and a businessman, and I’m 78-years-old and now I get a discount on lubricant”).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Christmas in Washington” (TNT) – Tonight Conan O’Brien hosts the annual pre-taped concert from the National Building Museum in Washington DC. Performers include The Band Perry, Cee Lo Green, Jennifer Hudson, Justin Bieber, and Victoria Justice.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Laura Marling (“A Creature I Don’t Know”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Vince Gill (“Guitar Slinger”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Atmosphere (“The Family Sign”); Lupe Fiasco (“Lasers”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today guest co-host Michael Bublé (“Christmas”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host “SNL” alum Jimmy Fallon; musical guest Michael Bublé (“Christmas”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Chris Cornell (“Songbook”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Guns ‘N Roses – This weekend Duff McKagan rejoins his former band by opening for them with his new band Loaded in Seattle, Washington tonight and in Vancouver,  British Columbia tomorrow. The bassist quit the legendary rock group in 1997. (Could be a trial to see if they can stand appearing together at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction next year.)
• Justin Bieber – This week he was pulled over by LAPD in Los Angeles for making an unsafe left turn … in his custom Batmobile CTS . He was let off with a warning. (After a Bat-Signal from the chief?)
• Katy Perry – She’s admits to Perez Hilton that she relies on autocue to help her remember lyrics when performing, because she’s singing 15 songs a night and sometimes blanks out or is caught daydreaming onstage. (How professional.)
• Michael Jackson – Saturday an auction is being held to sell off the contents of the rented home in Holmby Hills, California where he died. MTV News reports the sale will include fine art and home furnishings … but NOT his death bed.
• The Pogues – “Fairytale of New York” has just been named Britain’s ‘Most Played Christmas Song of This Century.’ The 1987 track, featuring late singer Kirsty MacColl, has been the most prevalent seasonal song on UK radio, TV, and Internet since 2000. (Interestingly, it’s virtually unheard in North America.)
• Rodney Atkins – He’s filed for divorce, which isn’t too surprising since cops were called to his home last month due to an ‘unfortunate verbal dispute’ with his wife. That led to a booking for suspicion of domestic assault. His rep says Atkins is confident ‘the truth will prevail’. (As in “Honesty”).
• Trace Adkins – He’s joined up with the group Exile for a new recording of their 1978 mega-hit “Kiss You All Over”, which topped pop charts for 4 weeks. No word yet on when the new version will be released. (The hook line: “I wanna kiss you all over … and over again.”)

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Alvin & The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked” ( G-Rated Family Animation ): Playing around while aboard a cruise ship, the Chipmunks and Chipettes accidentally go overboard and end up marooned in a tropical paradise. They soon discover their new turf is not as deserted as it seems. Voice cast includes Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, Jesse McCartney.
NET: http://www.munkyourself.com
• “Carnage” ( R-Rated Dramedy ): Director Roman Polanski’s story follows the parents of two boys who’ve been involved in a fight. As they meet to cordially find solutions to the problem, their increasingly childish behavior throws the evening into chaos. Stars Jodie Foster, Kate Winslet, Christoph Waltz, John C Reilly.
NET: http://www.sonyclassics.com/carnage/
• “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” (PG-13 Action Adventure in IMAX/Select Theaters): Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, and Paula Patton star in this 4th instalment in the franchise in which the ‘IMF’ is shut down after being implicated in a bombing of the Kremlin. That causes ‘Ethan Hunt’ and his new team to go rogue in order to clear their organization’s name.
NET: http://www.missionimpossible.com
• “Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows” ( PG-13 Crime Thriller ): It’s elementary. The 2009 original grossed over $500 million worldwide, so now Robert Downey Jr & Jude Law are facing off with arch-nemesis ‘Moriarty’ (“Mad Men’s” Jared Harris). Joining them are Rachel McAdams, Stephen Fry, and Noomi Rapace (star of the Swedish-made “Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”).
NET: http://sherlockholmes2.warnerbros.com

SHOWTIME!
A family in Croatia have transformed their estate into a Winter Wonderland with more than – whoa! – 1.2 million Christmas lights. Every year the Salaj family mark Christmas by decorating their 17-acre property in the village of Grabovnica. They started the festive tradition in 2002, adorning their home with 70,000 lights and calling their project a ‘Christmas Story’. Their display now entails close to 3 miles (4.8 km) of underground power cables, along with some 111 miles of wire (179 km) connecting lights in trees and shrubs. It takes around 6 months to set up. (So why even bother taking it down?)
– “Daily Telegraph”

ABILITY DOWNLOAD:
Learning like ‘Neo’ in the “Matrix” movies could be closer than you think thanks to joint research by Boston University and Japan’s ATR Computational Neuroscience Laboratories. Their experiments suggest that in the future we may be able to use brain technology to learn  instantaneously and without any conscious effort. A person seeking to learn a topic would simply watch a computer screen and have their brain patterns modified to match those of a person who already knows the content or how to do something. (At last … fluency in French!)
– “Science”

TURN DOWN THAT NOISE!
Ultra-loud TV commercials will soon be a thing of the past. This week America’s Federal Communications Commission passed regulations requiring that TV channels maintain constant volume levels. The order, which goes into effect a year from now, stipulates that commercials must have the same average volume as the programs they accompany. (They’d likely get more attention if they whispered.)
– “USA Today”

THE FACE OF 2011:
“TIME” magazine’s ‘Person Of the Year’ is “The Protester”. Not a single person but any and all who participated in demonstrations worldwide, from the ‘Arab Spring’ to ‘Occupy Wall Street’ and its many spin-offs around-the-world. It’s been a year of prolific protesting unseen since the civil rights demonstrations and anti-war rallies of the 1960s and early ‘70s. (Fight the man!)
– TIME.com

FASHIONABLE FINGER PAINT:
In 2001, Leonard Lauder of Estée Lauder claimed that cosmetic sales increased as the world’s fiscal health plummeted, a phenomenon he dubbed the ‘lipstick index’. But now lip color is being overshadowed by nail polish, the newest cosmetic darling that’s achieved a 65% increase in sales since 2008. Candy-colored bottles of lacquer are seemingly the new affordable luxury. (Unless you go into a nail salon and ask for the works.)
– Good.is

DID YOU KNOW?
Recent research conducted by the University of Glamorgan in Wales suggests that men become more ill-tempered at the age of 52, and by the time they hit their 60s they are 4 times grumpier than women. (“Grumpy Old Men” – not just a movie, it’s a fact!)
– “Esquire”

BS CHRONOMETER 12.16.11