Wednesday, December 22, 2021 – Edition: #7134
Good Morning, Sheetheads!
BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
The Bull Sheet will be shutting down next week for the holidays, and will not be publishing Monday, December 27 – Friday Dec. 31. All subscribers will receive account credits for non-service days. Thanks for a very successful year of BS and Happy Holidays, all!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ The “Yellowstone” prequel series “1883” has annihilated the Paramount+ record for ‘most-watched original series ever’. Sunday’s debut more than doubled the previous record. The show’s premiere also nabbed an additional 4.9 million viewers when it aired on the Paramount Network cable channel. That alone made it the biggest new series premiere on cable since 2015. 1883, starring Tim McGraw, Faith Hill and Sam Elliott, is the prequel to cable standout Yellowstone, following the Dutton family as they embark on a journey west through the Great Plains toward the last bastion of untamed America.
-TheWrap
★ Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint tear up while looking back in the first trailer for HBO Max’s upcoming “Harry Potter” 20th anniversary special. In the video, they reminisce and get misty-eyed while thinking about the massive movie franchise they starred in throughout their childhoods, beginning with 2001’s “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s (Philosopher’s) Stone.” The special “Harry Potter 20th Anniversary: Return to Hogwarts,” will debut Jan. 1. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/ux28x496
-TheWrap
★ Fifty is a nice round number, especially in the mind of “Saturday Night Live” executive producer Lorne Michaels. The television legend, who was a member of the Kennedy Center Honors 2021 class, created SNL for NBC in 1975, helping to launch the careers of countless comedy stars. Michaels is committed to overseeing the show through 2024, when it begins its 50th season, and said: “I’d like to see that through, and I have a feeling that’d be a really good time to leave.”
-PopCulture
★ When it comes to Christmas, “Curb Your Enthusiasm” star Larry David takes his cues from Ebenezer Scrooge. He opened up on why he hates Christmas in a piece titled “A Very Larry David Christmas”. Quote: “I’m a creature of habit and can’t tolerate anything that throws me off my normal routine. That’s why I detest all holidays, but none as much as Christmas.” David claims that he spends Christmas Day alone, “Eating Chinese food by myself.”
-Canoe
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jennifer Aniston, Ann Dowd, Kathryn Hahn, Kevin Hart, John Lithgow, Jon Stewart, Allison Tolman, Gabrielle Union, Damon Wayans Sr., Guillermo del Toro, Courtney Barnett (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Tyler Perry, Michael Bublé, Ckay (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Paul Rudd, Sting (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Aubrey Plaza, Peter Sarsgaard, Amor Towles, Nate Smith (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kristin Chenoweth, Kal Penn (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Rita Moreno (R)
• “The Talk” (CBS): Lucy Hale, guest co-host NeNe Leakes (R)
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Josh Groban, the Rockettes, Steve Patterson, the Northwell Health Nurse Choir
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): JoJo Siwa, Meghan Trainor
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Tito Jackson, Anna Kendrick, Michael Imperioli, Steve Schirripa, Duff Goldman, Michael Ray (R)
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Reese Witherspoon
• “The 44th Annual Kennedy Center Honors” (CBS): 2021 honorees are: operatic bass-baritone Justino Díaz; Motown founder Berry Gordy; “Saturday Night Live” creator Lorne Michaels; singer-actress Bette Midler and singer-songwriter Joni Mitchell.
• “The Masked Singer Christmas Singalong” (FOX): Featuring never-before-seen holiday performances from favorite contestants and season’s greetings from celebrities in the “masked” family.
• “It Takes a Christmas Village” (LIFETIME): When construction threatens business in a small town, the mayor decides to throw a Christmas market to boost sales. But first, she must convince a reclusive mill owner to host the gathering, sparking romance in the process.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Kanye West – donated almost 4000 toys to a community toy drive in Chicago. Alderman Stephanie Coleman said: “His presence has always been felt in our neighborhoods and he loves visiting, but this Christmas he has truly been our modern-day Santa Claus.”
• Lil Nas X – says 2021 has been his best year professionally because he stopped playing it safe and finally showed fans his authentic self. When he first started, he avoided writing songs about his personal life, but during the pandemic, he realized it was time to be more honest and authentic with his fans.
• Spice Girls — Melanie C says the group is “constantly” discussing a reunion. She says the bond between the 5 is stronger than ever since they all became mothers, and past wounds, including the sudden departure of Geri Halliwell in 1998 – have “all healed.”
• Rod Stewart – was one of the headliners as stars of stage and screen came together to raise over £200,000 for the UK’s largest music therapy charity, Nordoff Robbins, in London on Sunday. “The Stars Come Out To Sing At Christmas 2021” also featured Nile Rodgers, Imelda May and Jess Gillam. The concert still available to stream until Jan. 4.
• Brenda Lee – Her 1958 holiday classic ‘Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree’ sits at #2 on this week’s Billboard Hot 100 — right behind Mariah Carey’s 1994 holiday hit ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’. Wham!’s 1984 release ‘Last Christmas’ is #9.
• The Band Perry — Kimberly Perry and her partner Johnny Costello announced that they secretly got married in June in separate posts on Instagram celebrating their 6-month wedding anniversary. Alongside an image of her smiling lovingly at Costello, she wrote: “Wishing everyone a very MARRIED Christmas. Today my love and I are celebrating 6 months since ‘I do!’ ”
• Chris Lane — is the latest country star to reveal a COVID-19 diagnosis. He shared the news via Instagram on Friday, writing that he was “praying the rest of the family doesn’t get it”. He also shared that his bout with COVID-19 is thanks to the Omicron variant of the coronavirus. It’s a breakthrough case, as he and his wife Lauren Bushnell are both vaccinated.
• Brothers Osborne – will release a deluxe edition of their “Skeletons” album on Jan. 21. It includes the new songs ‘Headstone’, ‘Midnight Rider’s Prayer’ and ‘Younger Me’. The original release, which came out in 2020, received a Grammy nomination for Best Country Album.
SHOOTING THE BULL
TIPS ON TIPPING:
You’ve only got 3 more days to hand out holiday tips for all those people who provide valuable services to you throughout the year. According to a poll, housekeepers top the list of those Americans plan to tip this year. The survey, by CreditCards.com, found that 47% of adults plan to give their cleaners extra cash, with a median tip of $50. Bad news for the garbage guy, though: Trash collectors are the least likely to receive a gratuity. The median amount for them is $20. 45% of Americans said they will give higher-than-usual tips to those who normally receive tips over the course of the year, such as restaurant waitstaff and hairstylists. Landscapers can expect a median tip of $30, teachers $25 (in the form of a gift), and mail carriers $20. How do you know who to tip and how much should you give? According to etiquette experts, it all comes down to what you can afford, and making priorities from there. One way to go about it is to consider which service providers made a difference to you over the past year. If you are strapped for cash, at the very least, give a handwritten note with a sincere thank-you, and acknowledge in your note that your financial situation this year makes it impossible to tip, and it is not a reflection on their service.
(For some reason, I don’t think my butler is going to believe that…)
(And make sure you’re recording, to get the look on their face when they realize they’re not getting a tip!)
-CNBC
CLEAR WINNERS:
Anita Shovel and Gordie Plow are getting set to clear the roads in Chatham-Kent this winter. No, Anita and Gordie aren’t people. They’re just 2 snow plows that have been named by residents of the Ontario municipality of 105,000. In October, Chatham-Kent asked folks to nominate and then vote on names for 6 of the city’s 100 snow plows. After more than 1,000 nominations poured in, they decided to name 12 plows. The winning names were announced last week. Here they are:
• Anita Shovel
• Gordie Plow
• Blizzard of Oz
• Darth Blader
• Pillsbury Plowboy
• Sled Zepplin
• Buzz Ice-Clear
• Qunuk (Inuit word for snowflake)
• Flurrious George
• School’s Not Cancelled
• Snobi One Kenobi
• Sleetwood Mac
A 13th snow plow will be named after local radio host Chris McLeod, the “McCleodinator”.
(I’m just shocked that Canadians could vote to name anything without a Tim Hortons reference!)
(***Ask listeners to come up with their own***)
-CBC
THESE PYTHONS ARE SIIIICK – LITERALLY:
HERE’s a side-effect that you haven’t heard of: Battling COVID-19 could lead to a person’s muscles swelling in size, according to new study. Researchers in Belgium discovered that some people with a severe case of the virus saw their muscle fibers balloon by over 60% while in the hospital. Scientists believe the body’s immune response damages mitochondria, the powerplants of cells, leading to a loss of energy that builds up water — causing muscles to swell. The phenomenon stunned the Belgian team, since muscle SHRINKAGE is a common complication among people spending several days in an intensive care unit.
(Now that’s what I call a “breakthrough case”!)
(Think about it: Swelling muscles…mask…this is a superhero origin story ripe for the picking!)
-StudyFinds
SPOTIFY’S MOST-STREAMED CHRISTMAS SONGS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON (U.S.):
1. ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ — Mariah Carey
2. ‘Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree’ — Brenda Lee
3. ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ — Bobby Helms
4. ‘White Christmas’ — Bing Crosby
5. ‘It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year’ — Andy Williams
6. ‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas’ — Michael Bublé
7. ‘Last Christmas’ — Wham!
8. ‘The Christmas Song’ — Nat King Cole
9. ‘Santa Tell Me’ — Ariana Grande
10. ‘Feliz Navidad’ — Jose Feliciano
-Today
WEIRD (AND REAL) CHRISTMAS GIFTS:
(All available now at https://ca-offthewagonshop.glopalstore.com/ )
✓ (How about a nice big pack of) “Shut the Hell Up” gum — $2.99
✓ “Bacon Strips Bandages” — $7.99
✓ “Public Toilet Survival Kit” — $7.99
✓ “Boogers in a Box” — $5.99
✓ “The Beer is Going Down Like a Fat Kid on a Seesaw” beer koozie — $14.99
✓ “Uh Oh Emergency Underpants” — $6.99
-OffTheWagon
DID YOU KNOW?
(***it sold Tues. for US $120,000***) The world’s first-ever text message is set to be auctioned off as an NFT. An NFT, short for non-fungible token, is defined as “a unique digital certificate, registered in a blockchain, that is used to record ownership of an asset such as an artwork or a collectible”. The text message, which simply reads “Merry Christmas”, was sent from an Orbitel 901 handset in December 1992. (Old phone. Who ‘dis?)
-LADBible
BS CHRONOMETER 12.22.21
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [76] Diane Sawyer, Glasgow KY, news anchor (“ABC World News Tonight: 2008-2015, “Good Morning America” 1999-2016)
1946 [75] Rick Nielsen, Rockford IL, rock guitarist (Cheap Trick-‘I Want You to Want Me’, ‘Dream Police’)
1962 [59] Ralph Fiennes (***PRON: Rafe Fines***), Suffolk UK, movie actor (“Grand Budapest Hotel”, “Harry Potter” films)/stage actor (Tony Award-“Hamlet”) COMING UP…”The King’s Man”, 2022
1989 [32] Jordin Sparks, Phoenix AZ, pop singer (w/Chris Brown-‘No Air’, ‘Tattoo’)/“American Idol 6″ winner at age 17 in 2007
1993 [28] Meghan Trainor, Nantucket MA, pop singer (‘All About That Bass’, ‘Dear Future Husband’)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Abilities Day”, first celebrated in 1999 to honor disabled people and their care-givers. It is also a time to recognize that we all have abilities and disabilities of various kinds. Today, show your solidarity by wearing white ribbons, or by placing them on Christmas trees and wreaths.
• “Date Nut Bread Day”, celebrating the rich loaf that is moist and delicious, and great toasted for breakfast. Sort of like Christmas cake, only half the weight.
• “National Cookie Exchange Day”, cookie exchanges/swaps/parties are loads of fun and pretty simple to put together. Whip up a batch or 2 of your favorite tried-and-true homemade cookies, or try that brand new recipe you’ve been eyeing, and share or trade with your friends, family, or co-workers – while following COVID-19 protocols, of course.
COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Festivus
[Thurs] Roots Day
[Fri] Christmas Eve
[Fri] Egg Nog Day
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006 [15] “Night At the Museum”, starring Ben Stiller, opens in movie theaters (later spawns 2 sequels)
2007 [14] Jimmy Fallon marries producer Nancy Juvonen in the Caribbean
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2002 [19] The Clash singer Joe Strummer dies in Broomfield, England at 50 of an undiagnosed congenital heart defect
2012 [09] Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood (65) marries his girlfriend Sally Humphreys (34)
2014 [07] Joe Cocker dies of lung cancer at 70 in Crawford, Colorado
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2001 [20] Richard Reid unsuccessfully attempts to destroy American Airlines Flight 63 from Paris to Miami using explosives hidden in his shoes (following this, passengers are forced to remove their shoes at security for over a decade)
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ In the early 1900s, Christmas lights were so expensive that they were often rented rather than sold, and an electrically lit tree was considered a status symbol.
✓ Will Ferrell consumed so much sugar while filming “Elf” that he actually became physically ill.
✓ In Slovakia, it is a tradition to keep “Christmas Carp”, which live in the family bathtub for a few days before they are eaten.
✓ Christmas carolling is based on the English custom of ‘wassailing’, which was a tradition to toast to someone’s good health and fortune. St. Francis of Assisi converted it to the modern form of carolling.
✓ Christmas trees normally must grow for 10-15 years before they can be sold.
✓ Paul McCartney earns about $400,000 each year from his song ‘Wonderful Christmastime’, which is widely regarded as his worst song.
-Berries
Best of BS . . .
BS WAYS TO HAVE A MERRIER CHRISTMAS:
• Hide all your toys before Christmas Eve so Santa won’t think you already have too many.
• Do NOT teach your cat to meow ‘Jingle Bells’.
• If you feel down because of holiday weight gain, just remember: You were fat in August.
• When caroling, if a homeowner throws hot cocoa on you, avoid giving an encore.
• Never tell a Salvation Army volunteer she has a cute pot.
• Never, under any circumstances, stand under a pear tree.
-First published in BS in 2011
LEAST-POPULAR 2022 CALENDARS:
Giving a calendar as a gift this year? Best to stay away from these …
✗ Apple’s “Nerd-a-Day Desk Calendar”
✗ “A Year of Portly Accountants Named Fred”
✗ “365 Tips for First Class Toenail Maintenance”
✗ “Senators Unclothed!”
✗ “Keith Richards’ Health Tip-a-Day Calendar”
✗ “12 Close-Up Views of Ed Sheeran’s Wart”
-First published in BS in 2016
TODAY’S SCOOP OF BS:
➠ The average Mall-goer will spend over $300 dollars this Christmas season. (So, other than Cinnabon, where will I spend the remaining $5 dollars?
➠ You can tell it’s the holidays in L.A. (Kaitlyn just made the annual trek to her doctor so he could mold a look of joy on her face…)
➠ Scientists have claimed that when people lie, their noses get red. (…which explains why Santa’s sleigh was led by Rudolph . . . Giuliani.)
➠ A report shows that taking naps improves productivity. (So, hey, when I doze off in the middle of our next staff meeting, I’m not a lazy, apathetic, hungover slacker. I’m a selfless team player who only wants to maximize his performance!)
➠ Doctors say using an iPad or smart device before bed can cause sleeplessness. (Unless you’re using it to watch “Jimmy Fallon”. Then it’s sweet dreams, Brutus.)
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Which of these runs on about 20 watts of power, about the same as the lightbulb in your fridge?
a) Your phone
b) Your string of Christmas lights
c) Your computer
d) Your brain [CORRECT]
• What is the name of the poem that begins with: “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas”?
a) A Visit from St. Nicholas [CORRECT]
b) The Twelve Days of Christmas
c) The Three Kings
d) Christmas Vacation
• While Santa Claus delivers presents to children on the nice list, in Germany, what legendary character is said to punish naughty children?
a) Grinch
a) Krampus [CORRECT]
b) Krumpus
c) Bupkis
-NationalWorld
BS WEB GOODIE:
Made his day: https://tinyurl.com/33zeccmk
BS RANDOM JOKE:
My mother-in-law has come to our house at Christmas now for 7 years running. This year, we’re making a change. We’re going to let her in.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What is your earliest Christmas memory?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: According to a survey, lotion is the WORST thing a man can buy a woman for Christmas. What came in second?
Answer: A scale
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day.