Monday, February 28, 2005        Edition: #2979
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS!

BS MONDAY MORNING LOOK AT THE TABLOIDS:
• TODAY opening statements in Michael Jackson’s child-molestation trial are scheduled to finally begin. Meantime, it’s been revealed that a 74-year-old woman being treated for a massive heart attack at Marian Medical Center in Santa Maria CA died after hospital staff moved her out of a trauma room to treat a ‘flu-stricken’ Michael Jackson. The woman’s family plans to sue both the hospital and Jackson … of course. (“E! Online”)
• Hilary Swank has actresses Sandra Bullock & Ashley Judd to thank for her role in “Million Dollar Baby”. The producer’s first choice was Bullock, who turned down the plum part when she was told she couldn’t pick the director (eventually Clint Eastwood). Then Judd was asked, but her salary demands would have busted the movie’s budget. And that’s how Swank ended up with the role of the female boxer. (“Page Six”)
• More ‘leaked’ items from the official Academy Awards goodie bag – a $10,000 package for a 3-night stay at the Opus Hotel in Vancouver; 3 nights at the Four Seasons Resort in Whistler with lift passes, limo & helicopter transfers; a $4,000 shopping spree from Australian beauty company Jurlique; a suite-for-2, spa getaway and dinner from the Bellagio in Las Vegas; and the brand-new Sprint PCS ‘Global Phone’, which can be used in 130 countries. (“NY Post”)
• Ah, the things you do when you have money. A homeless guy named ‘Radio Man’, who’s apparently a fixture at most NYC movie shoots, got a free trip to Hollywood for Academy Awards week thanks to … actor George Clooney. (“Daily News”)
• Lindsay Lohan is on the verge of losing her Long Island NY home due to a questionable business deal by her estranged father. Seems he forged her mother’s signature on the legal paperwork! (“Teen Hollywood”)
• 46-year-old actress Sharon Stone reveals that her character will have a lesbian fling in “Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction”. In an interview on “Access Hollywood” she says, “There is lesbian love. We’re testing for her now.” (“The Sun”)
• “NYPD Blue” star Mark-Paul Gosselaar didn’t waste any time getting a new TV series now that the cop show is ending its run (TOMORROW). He’ll star in a new FOX-TV series about a brother and sister who run a Las Vegas wedding chapel. (“Star Magazine”)
• Kenny Baker, who plays the robot ‘R2D2′ in “Star Wars” has been banned from driving in the UK for a year after being arrested for DUI in London. (“Big News Network”)
• Famous skateboarder Tony Hawk will make a guest appearance on “CSI: Miami” … as a corpse. He’ll play a skater whose murder is being investigated. Wow, talk about attention to detail! (“National Enquirer”)
• The widow of journalist Hunter S Thompson says her husband killed himself while they were talking to each other on the phone. “I was on the phone with him, he set the receiver down and he did it. I heard the clicking of the gun,” Anita Thompson says.  (“Etalk Daily”)

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Coldplay – Chris Martin’s marriage to actress Gwyneth Paltrow is said to be in peril after only 14 months, the result of busy careers and the pressures of parenthood.
• The Eagles – MARCH 5th they’ll launch a 20-date North American tour in Charleston SC, in support of the MARCH 15th release of their new box set.
• Limp Bizkit – A hardcore video featuring Fred Durst is all over the Internet. He claims a computer repair man stole it from his PC.
• Scissor Sisters – TONIGHT they’re on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• U2 – Word is they’ll conduct a month-long rehearsal for their “Vertigo 2005″ world tour (beginning MARCH 28th in San Diego CA) at the GM Place arena in Vancouver BC.
• Weezer – TODAY more than 100 fans who were selected via lottery will be on hand in Los Angeles to appear as extras in their new video “Beverly Hills”, the first single from the group’s as-yet-untitled next album due in MAY.
• Whitney Houston – She was rushed to hospital in Paris after reportedly being struck with ‘gastroenteritis’ during her flight to France, an inflammation of the stomach and intestines likely due to food poisoning.

THE MEASURE OF YOUR HEART:
Get out a tape measure and slap it around your waist. New research from an international team of scientists shows that your waistline is a far better predictor of heart disease than total body fat. Here’s the bottom … er .. make that middle line …
• Men: Your waistline should be 35 inches or less.
• Women: Your waistline should be 33 inches or less.
(If you’re trying this at home and your measurement is way over … can I have your bigscreen TV?)
– “The Journal of Clinical Nutrition”

PICTURE THIS:
An extremely bitter, about-to-be ex-boyfriend in China took his deranged anger out on his girlfriend by forcibly tattooing 100 defamatory characters on her body. After his girlfriend tried to break up, the 42-year-old man held her prisoner and used black ink and a sewing machine needle to cover a third of her body with Chinese characters for words such as ‘prostitute’, ‘seductress’, and ‘whore’. The ‘artist’ is now in custody after being turned in by the girlfriend’s family.
– Xinhau News Agency

PLASTIC MONTHLY:
A new magazine called “New Beauty” has made its debut, devoted to cosmetic surgery and over-the-counter cosmetic products. Perhaps fittingly, it’s based in Boca Raton FL, which was recently named ‘Vainest Place in America’. The magazine has an 11-member medical advisory board to review both articles and ads and eliminate ‘fringe science’. (Is it true the first issue features a fold-out of a nose-job?)
– “Chicago Tribune”

NEW PHONE SCREEN:
A new technology will enable consumers to view their cellphone screen from almost any angle and in a wide range of lighting conditions. The ‘NanoChromic’ display by Ireland’s Ntera Corp, is based on the technology originally used to cut headlight glare in vehicles’ rear-view mirrors. This makes ‘NCDs’ unique among so-called ‘electronic paper technologies’. (We’re waiting for the widescreen, Hi-Def plasma panel with arm-rests before getting a new cellphone.)
– “New Scientist”

NICE RETAINER, BOSS:
It seems a growing number of adults are going back to the orthodontist. In fact, Dr Don Joondeph of Bellevue WA estimates that fully 20% of his patients are adults, and 20% of the adult patients are back for a second series of treatments. Why? People are coming back, he says, because they had their teeth straight at one time and probably really liked the feel, the bite and the look. So basically, they’re coming back for fine-tuning. (And they’re uncomfortable from sitting on fat wallets.)
– “Seattle Times”

AIN’T KIDS CUTE?
According to a new survey conducted by the Hong Kong Institute, 30% of kindergarten kids in Hong Kong believe that their parent’s salary is paid out by … bank machines. While 70% seem to understand the connection between work and pay, 3 out of 10 rug-rats think their parents can simply go to an ATM to get all the money they need. (Y’know … that’s a really cool idea!)
– “Asia Post”

HOW SAD, NO MORE FLATTENED SKUNK:
Kraft Foods has announced it will stop making ‘Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy’, which is shaped like – yummers! – roadkill. The candy, representing flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels, complete with tire treads, first hit store shelves LAST SUMMER. The decision to cease production is the result of protests by the New Jersey SPCA which claims the controversial candy encourages kids to be cruel to animals. (What, they’re gonna try to make their own? Kids are a lot smarter than most adults give them credit for … we’re betting they got the joke.)
– CNEWS

NEW CHEESE TASTING TERMINOLOGY:
For ages, the wine industry has managed to convince us that swirling a glass and sticking our noses in will reveal all kinds of subtle scents and flavors (‘a blush of rosemary-nutmeg’, ‘an aggressive fruity aroma’, ‘a hint of 3-dollar plonk’) so why not the cheese industry? A team of food researchers at Kansas State University has just created a new dictionary of 31 terms that can be used to describe cheese. Among the fancy handles …
• ‘Animalic’ (associated with farm animals and the inside of a barn)
• ‘Butyric’ (reminiscent of baby vomit)
• ‘Musty’ or ‘Earthy’ (the scent of raw potatoes and damp humus)
• ‘Sweaty’ (perspiration-generated foot odor, found in unwashed gym socks and shoes)
– “ USA Today”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• “The Aviator” is the most foul-mouthed of the ‘Best Film’ Oscar nominees. The movie features 125 uses of profanity. “Sideways” is a close runner-up with 118.
– PSVratings
• These days the average cost for a wedding with 175 guests hovers around $20,000.
– “Greenville News”

AND WE QUOTE:
“Omigosh, oh my God, I never in my life thought that I would be here, winning a Razzie. It’s not like I ever aspired to be here, but thank-you.”
– Actress Halle Berry, who actually had the brass to show up SATURDAY to accept her ‘Worst Actress’ “Razzie Award” for “Catwoman”, which also took the prize for ‘Worst Film’.

THE BULL SHEET 02.28.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1923 [82] Charles Durning, Highland Falls NY, movie actor (“O Brother, Where Art Thou?”)/Broadway star (Tony Award-“Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”)  FACTOID: He’s still working, with 7 projects on-the-go for 2005.

1944 [61] Kelly Bishop, Colorado Springs CO, TV actress (‘Emily Gilmore’ on “Gilmore Girls” since 2000)

1955 [50] Gilbert Gottfried, Brooklyn NY, comedian whose distinctive whiny voice has made him rich as a voice-over artist (“Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events”, “Aladdin”)

1957 [48] Cindy Wilson, Athens GA, rock singer (The B-52’s-“Love Shack”, “Rock Lobster”)

1962 [43] Rae Dawn Chong, Vancouver BC, TV actress (‘Sophie Mason’-“Zoe Busiek: Wild Card” since 2003, ‘Dr Peggy Fowler’-“Mysterious Ways” 2000-02)/movie actress (“Commando”, “The Color Purple”)/actor-comedian Tommy Chong’s daughter

1969 [36] Pat Monahan, Erie PA, rock/pop singer (Train-“Calling All Angels”, “Drops Of Jupiter”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is –
• “Green Monday”, a day dedicated to environmental issues affecting the future of our planet.
• “International Floral Design Day”, focusing on the art of flower arranging, both as a profession and a hobby.
• “Public Sleeping Day”, either highlighting the plight of the homeless or something to do with having the morals of Paris Hilton.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1983 [22] Estimated 125 million watch 2.5-hour final episode of “M*A*S*H”, the most viewers ever for a single episode of a TV series (will likely never be topped due to the proliferation of hundreds of cable and satellite TV channels)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1984 [21] Michael Jackson wins a record 8 Grammy Awards, for “Thriller” (tied in 2000 by Santana, for “Smooth”)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1977 [28] Canada’s federal government announces creation of new, publicly-owned passenger railway to be called ‘Via Rail’ (then starts tearing up rail lines all across the country)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1854 [151] ‘Republican Party’ founded in Ripon WI (‘The Bush League’)

1940 [65] 1st ‘Televised Basketball Game’ (Fordham vs Pittsburgh at NYC’s MSG)

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Mar 1] Final episode of “NYPD Blue” / “The Amazing Race 7″ debuts / 2004 RRSP deadline / International Day of the Seal / National Pig Day / Share a Smile Day / Peanut Butter Lovers Day / St David’s Day / “Canadian Idol” auditions (Winnipeg MB)
[Mar 2] Salespersons Day
[Mar 3] I Want You To Be Happy Day / 40th Academy of Country Music Awards nominations announced
[Mar 4] International Scrapbooking Day / “Be Cool” and “The Pacifier” open in movie theaters
[Mar 5] Multiple Personalities Day / Unique Names Day / “Canadian Idol” auditions (Sudbury ON)
[Mar 5-13] The Brier (Edmonton AB)
[Mar 6] Martha Stewart scheduled to be released from prison / Australian Grand Prix (F-1 season opener) / Frozen Food Day
[Mar 7] Commonwealth Day / Stop Bad Service Day / “The Contender” premieres on NBC-TV
[Mar 8] Aunts Day / International Women’s Day / Plant a Flower Day
[Mar 9] Dan Rather retires as “CBS Evening News” anchor / Panic Day / Barbie’s Birthday / Employee Appreciation Day / “Canadian Idol” auditions (London ON)
[Mar 10] Salvation Army Day / Mario Day / Osama Bin Laden’s birthday
[Mar 11] Worship of Tools Day / “The Passion of the Christ” re-released in movie theaters / “Hostage”, “Robots” and “The Upside of Anger” open in movie theaters
[Mar 12] Middle Name Pride Day / 19th “Soul Train Music Awards”
[Mar 13] Ear Muff Day / Good Samaritan Day / Open an Umbrella Indoors Day / Genealogy Day
[Mar 14] Potato Chip Day / Save a Spider Day / 20th Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction
[Mar 14-18] World Figure Skating Championships (Moscow, Russia)
[Mar 15-Apr 4] March Madness NCAA Basketball Tournament
[Mar 15] Annual Office Coffee Cup Washing / Ides of March / Buzzard’s Day / Absolutely Incredible Kid Day / True Confessions Day
[Mar 16] Everything You Do Is Right Day / Freedom of Information Day / Lips Appreciation Day
[Mar 17] Submarine Day / St Patrick’s Day / World Maritime Day
[Mar 18] Quilting Day / Forgive Mom & Dad Day / “Ice Princess” and “The Ring 2″ open in movie theaters
[Mar 19] Maple Syrup Saturday / 2nd AIDS Awareness Concert (South Africa)
[Mar 20] Palm Sunday (Christian) / Spring begins (7:34 am EST) / Teenagers Day / Quilting Day / Agriculture Day / Proposal Day / Single Parents Day
[Mar 21] 25th “Genie Awards” / Snowman Burning Day / Teacher Appreciation Day / International Astrology Day / Children’s Poetry Day / World Day for Elimination of Racial Discrimination
[Mar 22] International Goof-Off Day / As Young As You Feel Day
[Mar 23] Organize Your Home Office Day / World Meteorological Day
[Mar 24] No Homework Day / “Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous” opens in movie theaters
[Mar 25] “Expo 2005″ opens (Aichi, Japan) / Good Friday / Family Day / Sing Out Day / “NAACP Image Awards” / “Guess Who?” opens in movie theaters
[Mar 26] Make Up Your Own Holiday Day / Legal Assistants Day
[Mar 27] Easter Sunday / National Joe Day / Photography Day / Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day / Summer Time begins in Europe
[Mar 28] U2 “Vertigo Tour” begins (San Diego CA) / Easter Monday / Something On a Stick Day
[Mar 29] Mom & Pop Business Owners Day / Vietnam Veterans Day
[Mar 30] I Am In Control Day / Hot Dog Day / Take a Walk in the Park Day / Doctor’s Day / “Beauty Shop” opens in movie theaters
[Mar 31] Bunsen Burner Day / Tater Day
[Apr 1] April Fools Day
[Apr 2] 18th “Kids’ Choice Awards”
[Apr 3] Daylight Saving Time begins / “2005 Juno Awards” (Winnipeg MB)
[Apr 4] Toronto Blue Jays season opener (Tampa FL)
[Apr 6] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Charlottetown PEI)
[Apr 7-10] The Masters (Augusta GA)
[Apr 8] Prince Charles & Camilla Parker Bowles wedding (Windsor UK)

BULL’S BITS . . .
THE WEEK’S WACKIEST TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Pizza Was Served at the Last Supper … and the Pies Were Delivered!”
• “World’s Hottest Lesbian Can Turn Any Woman Gay!”
• “Bush Orders Cape & Crown!”
• “Frenchman Jailed for Taking Bath!”
• “Spanish Armada Was Sunk by UFOs!”
• “Man-Made Tornadoes Escape from CIA Lab!”
• “Alien Cookbook Found … and We’re the Main Ingredient in Every Recipe!”

BS ‘DOUBLE-M GAME’:
Each word of the 2-word answers to the following begins with the letter ‘M’ …
• Along with ‘Hercule Poirot‘, she’s one of Agatha Christie’s famous fictional detectives. [‘Miss Marple’]
• She’s the cross-over country star who sang “In My Daughter’s Eyes”. [Martina McBride]
• As you’re experiencing right now, this is absolutely the worst part of the week. [Monday Morning.]
• Even after all these years, ‘Mickey’ still has the hots for her. [‘Minnie Mouse’]
• He sang hits with Sugar Ray and is now a co-host on TV’s “Extra”. [Mark McGrath]
• He’s the little fat guy that’s the mascot for a French tire company. [‘Michelin Man’]
• It’s the tallest peak in North America. [Mount McKinley]
• His documentary “Fahrenheit 9/11″ was shut out at the Oscars. [Michael Moore]
• It’s the Canadian TV channel that plays music videos. [Much Music]
• It’s the twin city NOT named after a saint. [Minneapolis, Minnesota]
• It’s what you call someone who’s always trying to hook you up with a date. [Match Maker]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• ‘Erotic’ is using a feather. ‘Kinky’ is using the whole chicken.
• I see [pregnant starlet] had a blood test to find out if the baby was really hers.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS famous movie character was born on February 29th.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: ‘Superman‘.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.

BS FRESH MEAT:
A big moo out to new subscriber John Moran @ CIKR (K-Rock 105.7) Kingston ON; and to Chris Arnason @ CKXR (EZ Rock) Salmon Arm BC ; Bill Stephenson @ CKGB (EZ Rock) Timmins ON, and Darryl Spring at CJQQ (Q92) Timmins ON, all back for another full year of “BS”. We also salute samplers this week that include Heidi Hockett @ KICB Fort Dodge IA; and Amy Markle @ KGTO Tulsa OK. You can subscribe or update your subscription by following the link at the top of the page.