Tuesday, February 18, 2003 Edition: #2479
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Over 20,000 fans have signed an online petition to reinstate “American Idol” contestant Frenchie Davis, who was dumped for previously appearing on a porn Website (Evan Marriott’s brief career as an underwear model wasn’t a problem, or “Joe Millionaire” contestant Sarah Kozer’s starring role in dozens of fetish films, or “Survivor: Thailand” winner Brian Heidik’s porn film past – what’s the deal here?) . . . Meantime, “American Idol” producers have promised to help Davis land a singing career – but NOT as an “American Idol” contestant . . . Word has it Nicole Kidman has embarked upon ‘a secret music venture’ with Sean “P Diddy” Combs (from now on she’ll be known as ‘N Kiddy’) . . . Kidman tells “Radio Times” she has a deep-rooted phobia of acting, leaving her feeling insecure every time she begins a new movie (gee, too bad – otherwise she might have a successful career) . . . Mike Myers has an unusual new deal with DreamWorks to develop movies that include ‘film sampling’, where Myers will insert himself, other actors and new plots into existing movies (similar to rappers stealing music riffs from classic tunes) . . . Bruce Willis has reportedly lectured ex-wife Demi Moore on her love-life saying she’s too old for the likes of young turks Colin Farrell & Guy Oseary – then Demi reminded him of the much younger porn star he was recently seeing (what’s good for the gander …) . . . When asked about the best onscreen kiss she’s ever received, Jennifer Lopez didn’t even mention Ben Affleck in the upcoming movies “Gigli” and “Jersey Girl”, she picked Sean Penn in “U Turn”! . . . 70-year-old Irish actor Peter O’Toole has apparently changed his mind – again – and agreed to accept an honorary Oscar for lifetime achievement after being assured he could still win an acting Oscar (for his upcoming role in ‘Snowball in Hell’).
TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
The ‘Cortez’ siblings set out for a mysterious island where they encounter a genetic scientist and a set of rival spy kids in the family adventure sequel “Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams”, starring Antonio Banderas . . . James Van Der Beek & Shannyn Sossamon star in the romantic comedy “Rules of Attraction”, a satirical tale of an unusual love triangle among college students . . . In the thriller “One Hour Photo”, Robin Williams proves he makes a really creepy bad guy, playing a photo lab employee who becomes obsessed with a young suburban family . . . For collectors, there are new Special Edition DVDs of Steven Spielberg’s “The Color Purple”, the 1998 film “Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas“, and TV’s “M*A*S*H: Season 3”.
PSEUDO-CELEBS IN PSEUDO-SURVIVOR:
The American cast of B-list celebrities for the ABC-TV reality show “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!” has arrived in Australia. They include Alana Stewart (former wife of Rod), Cris Judd (former husband of J-Lo), Melissa Rivers (daughter of Joan), and former “Playboy” model Nikki Ziering (married to Ian Ziering, former star of “Beverly Hills 90210″). They’ll be ditched on a remote island for 15 days and left to fend for themselves, with phone calls and Internet polls used to vote them off the show. The catch is – unlike “Survivor”, they WANT to get voted off. The show debuts TOMORROW at 10 pm and runs 15 days in-a-row. It may sound dumb, but the UK version of this show was a huge success!
FATHEADS:
Botox injections and collagen implants have become so widespread in the movie industry, reports “Observer”, that producers and directors are refusing to employ actors. Why? According to casting director Paul de Freitas, he’s seeing more and more actors who’ve had so much Botox that they can’t move their faces anymore. (“Helt, get nee oudda here!”)
PLASTIC FANTASTIC:
Scientists have invented a new plastic that can repair itself when heated. If the material gets a crack in it, you just put it in the microwave and it repairs itself. (Note to Michael Jackson – insert entire head and set for 3 minutes on 10.)
WHAT MEN DON’T WANT:
What do men dislike most about their wives? According to a new survey, the number #1 thing is ‘anger and irritability’. After that, it’s ‘being too fussy’, ‘talking too much’, ‘spending too much money’, and ‘being selfish’. (Funny, ‘won’t put out’ didn’t make the list.)
TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A Greeley, Colorado woman has taken off for Italy with her boyfriend, leaving her 6 kids aged 6-14 to fend for themselves with just 7 bucks in cash and a credit card. The world’s worst mom has yet to be located. (“Home Alone” is only funny in the movies. Take away her parenting license!)
• A Santiago, Chile grocer is promoting his new ‘ready-to-eat’ carrots by offering a free ‘scratchcard’ with every purchase. Ricardo Monteavaro says when you scratch the beautiful woman pictured on the card – you get to see her naked breasts. (Wow, pornographic produce! This’ll go over big with his female customers.)
• A Helsinki, Finland robber is under arrest after trying to make his getaway by jumping into the backseat – of a police cruiser. (That was right after he tried to rob a prison.)
• Mahaveer Jain of Lucknow, India has made the record books by memorizing – an entire dictionary! He not only remembers each of the 80,000 individual entries in the “Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary” verbatim, he can also remember the page number each appears on. He’s known locally as the ‘Dictionary Man’. (Hey Mahaveer, what’s another word for ‘get a life’?)
WORST MOVIES OF 2002:
According to the just-announced NAFTAS, the tongue-in-cheek awards for the biggest film flops picked by phone vote on the UK’s Virgin Radio, last year’s worst include “Crossroads” starring Britney Spears (voted absolute worst), “Men In Black II”, “Jeepers Creepers”, “XXX”, “Slap Her She’s French”, “Signs”, and “Austin Powers in Goldmember”. Interestingly, two of the biggest hits, “Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets” and “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers”, also made the list.
BS AMAZING FACT:
If you run a magnet through some fortified breakfast cereals, you’ll actually attract iron filings. (So don’t try going through airport security after a Special K breakfast!)
THE BULL SHEET 02.18.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [72] Johnny Hart, Endicott NY, comic strip creator (“The Wizard of Id” and “BC” since 1958)
1933 [70] Yoko Ono, Tokyo JAP, bad artist/bad singer who married well/John Lennon’s widow
FACTOID: She’s recorded a new dance-mix version of “Walking On Thin Ice” with the Pet Shop Boys, which she claims she & John Lennon were working on the night he was shot in December, 1980. YESTERDAY she debuted it live at NYC’s Arc Club in the wee hours of the morning.
1954 [49] John Travolta, Englewood NJ, movie actor (“Domestic Disturbance”, “Swordfish”) NEXT MOVIE: Stars in “Basic” as a DEA agent investigating the disappearance of Army cadets during a training exercise, opening MARCH 28.
1957 [46] Vanna White (Rosich), North Myrtle Beach SC, TV mannequin (“Wheel of Fortune”) who’s in her 21st season as a game show ‘letter turner’ FACTOID: Her 1st modeling job was as a $150-per-hour ‘hand model’. She’s listed in the ”Guinness Book of World Records” as ‘World’s Most Frequent Clapper’, averaging 38 claps per episode of “Wheel of Fortune”.
1964 [39] Matt Dillon, New Rochelle NY, film actor (“There’s Something About Mary”, “Wild Things”)
1965 [38] Dr Dre (Andre Young), Compton CA, rap/hip-hop artist/producer (Grammy-“Let Me Ride”)/movie actor (“Training Day”, “Set It Off”)/credited with discovering Eminem
1969 [34] Alexander Mogilny, Khabarovsk RUS, NHL winger (Toronto Maple Leafs)/1st Soviet hockey star to defect to NHL
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Open a Can of Beans Day” in celebration of “Canned Food Month”, when we’re encouraged to chow down on beans during at least one meal. (Tomorrow is ‘Evacuate the Studio Day!’)
TODAY is “Hey Diddle Diddle Day”, celebrating the ‘first cow in space’. Huh? Yup, it seems that 73 years ago TODAY (February 18, 1930), a cow by the name of ‘Ollie’ took an airplane ride as a publicity stunt for a Wisconsin dairy farm. It must have been a slow news day – the event got lots of attention.
THIS MONTH is “National Snack Food Month”. In a survey, 90% of respondents admit they are ‘snackers’. What’s the most unusual snack you’ve ever seen someone concoct?
THIS MONTH is “National Wedding Month”, when all those JUNE weddings get planned. A recent poll finds that 82% of couples plan to use classic, traditional vows in their ceremony. Only 4% will completely abandon custom and compose their own vows, while 13% will compromise using a combination of tradition and their own creativity. Ask married folks how they’d plan their wedding differently if they had it to do over again. (Like maybe cancel it?)
2 YEARS AGO . . .
2001 49-year-old NASCAR racing legend Dale Earnhardt Sr is killed when his car hits the wall during the last lap of the “Daytona 500″
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1901 [102] 1st ‘Dust Removing Suction Cleaner’ (vacuum cleaner) patented (inventor Cecil Booth was excited to claim “My invention sucks!”) FACTOID: There are more than 15,000 vacuum cleaner accidents in North America annually!
1930 [73] 9th planet ‘Pluto’ discovered by Flagstaff AZ astronomer Clyde Tombaugh, who names it for the Roman god of the underworld (he should have called it ‘Clyde’)
1956 [47] ‘Play-Doh’ is 1st manufactured (invented by Cincinnati’s Joe McVicker when he concocted modeling clay for his sister’s pre-school students using wallpaper paste)
1978 [25] 1st ‘triathlon’ (‘The Iron Man’-Kona HI)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Hoodie Hoo Day
[Thurs] National Student Volunteer Day
[Thurs] 2003 Brit Awards
[Fri] Card Reading Day
[Fri] Second Honeymoon Weekend
[Sun] 45th Grammy Awards
[Sun] International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
This Week Is . . . National Engineers Week / Child Passenger Safety Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Sign Up for Camp Month (something to look forward to – for parents!)
BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?
• Decaf coffee contains no caffeine. [BS. Only 97% of caffeine needs to be removed in order for coffee to be called ‘decaffeinated’.]
• Canadians consume an average of 3.5 kg (7.7 lbs) of chocolate annually. [TRUE – most of which you’ve inhaled since Valentine’s Day.]
• A blade razor is more energy efficient than an electric razor. [BS. Shaving cream has to be manufactured, water pumped to your home, heated, and then treated as waste afterward, etc]
• Lightning strikes Earth about 6,000 times per year. [BS. It’s more like 6,000 times every minute!]
• Maxwell House coffee was 1st advertised as ‘good to the last drop’ in 1907. [BS – but Coca-Cola was! The Coke slogan was long forgotten by the time it was adopted by Maxwell House.]
• There are at least 18 different ways to tap a telephone. [TRUE. Just ask CSIS.]
• There are over 120 major terrestrial impact craters on the surface of the Earth. [TRUE. Chicken Little was right – the sky is falling!]
MUG SHOT CONTEST:
Nobody’s driver’s license photo ever turns out to be flattering. Ask listeners to e-mail or fax you copies of theirs along with a picture of what they actually look like. Pick the ‘Most Frightening’, ‘Worst Likeness’, ‘Most Likely to be Confused with an Escaped Criminal’, etc to post on your station Website. Award prizes like makeovers or glamour photos to the ‘winners’.
GOOD TO GIVE AWAY:
• Of all the tips for protecting yourself against a terrorist attack, it is ‘duct tape’ that seems to have seized the public’s attention. Terrorism experts are sceptical about how much good it would do, but, hey – these days a case of duct tape makes a great contest prize!
• Drivers are going through price shock watching the digits soar on gas pumps. If there was ever a good time to give away tanks of gasoline – this is it!
WEB GOODIE:
It’s hard to get honest advice about critical questions from your friends, right? Even when you ask them to be completely honest, face-to-face advice is always delivered with the friendship in mind and the truth obscured. The new Website “Tell-Me-True” promises clients it will obtain straight, honest, anonymous opinions from friends via e-mail no matter what the question. But who needs the Web for this? This is a service your morning show could provide! Ask for a list of friends, then phone ‘em and get the honest truth! What do they think of the – new hairstyle?, outfit?, boyfriend?, sales presentation?
NET: http://Tell-Me-True.com/
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 4% of women say that they consider it very sexy if a man has these.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Leather seats (but we aren’t talking leiderhosen).
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If all the worlds a stage, we need to hire better actors!