Monday, February 17, 2003 Edition: #2478
Witty? Provocative? Amusing? Sounds Like Sheet!
TRASHY TABLOID BS:
• “NY Post” gives the lowdown on TONIGHT’S special edition of “Dateline NBC” called “Michael Jackson Unmasked”. Even though Michael admitted to only a couple of nose jobs in Martin Bashir’s documentary about him, TONIGHT LA plastic surgeon Dr Wallace Goodstein claims Michael has had ‘well over’ 50 operations on his face. Like him or hate him, we seem to be obsessed with this freak – Bashir’s “Living with Michael Jackson” grabbed over 27 million viewers!
• If you believe “News of the World”, movie star Jude Law had a secret rendezvous with actress and rumored lover Nicole Kidman in secret LAST WEEK while his devastated wife Sadie Frost was being treated for depression in hospital. Word is he also sent Nicole a dozen long-stemmed pink roses addressed to ‘Miss Valentine, Love From J.’ Meantime, “PeopleNews” says Law is set to play a rock star in a new movie written by – Mick Jagger. “The Long Play”, which draws on Jagger’s own experiences as one of the most famous people in the world, will be directed by Martin Scorsese.
• “Mirror” reports that 33-year-old model Rachel Hunter, the former Mrs Rod Stewart who recently split up with Brit pop star Robbie Williams, is now dating Puddle Of Mudd frontman Wes Scantlin. (Who loudly confirms, “She likes me, she f—ing likes me!”)
• TONIGHT’s the final episode of the “Joe Millionaire” reality TV show as fortune faker Evan Marriott makes his final choice for a partner, either reserved but thoughtful Zora or outgoing and accommodating Sarah. Then comes the hard part – he has to ‘fess up that he’s been lying for the last 6 weeks and there’s no $50 million inheritance. “NY Post” says that if this was indeed reality, the winning woman would probably just slap him across the face and walk out. The tab suggests the ‘winner’ should not just say “liar, liar, pants on fire” – she should do it!
• 27-year-old “ER” actor Mekhi Phifer, who also played Eminem’s mentor in the movie “8-Mile”, tells “Parade” magazine his former career was – drug dealer. The good news is he’s cleaned up his act and makes a good living. The bad news is, long lost relatives have come out of the woodwork asking him for money all the time.
• According to “Star” magazine, “CSI: Miami“ star David Caruso is as temperamental as ever. When co-star Rory Cochrane recently had the temerity to actually improvise a line during a shoot Caruso reportedly screamed, “Don’t EVER do that. I memorize the scene and you do, too!” (Is this not the biggest a–hole on TV?)
• “National Enquirer” reports that Barbra Streisand is reeling from the news her 36-year-old son Jason Gould, whose father is actor Elliott Gould, has been diagnosed with HIV. Barbra has reportedly vowed to do anything she can to help him.
• UCLA film & sociology professor Emanuel Levy has studied Academy Award winners to find patterns. He tells “The Independent on Sunday” that the key factor in roles that win a ‘Best Actress’ nomination is the willingness to be de-glamourized. And the best bet to get a ‘Best Actor’ nomination is to play characters who are aging, sick or disabled.
• ”E! Online” reports that NBC-TV is developing a mature spinoff of “Meet My Folks” called “Who Wants to Marry My Mom?” in which adult kids pick a mate for Mom, who then gets a trip to Hawaii with the potential new step-dad. (How about “Who Wants to Marry My Mother-in-Law?”, where cash is offered to take her away?)
SICK GUYS:
Studies reported in “Maclean’s” magazine show that Canadian men are generally less healthy than women and live their lives more precariously. Yet they also tend to know less about health matters and resist going to doctors. (But let them catch a common cold, and they whine like babies!)
MOVE OVER “NAKED CHEF”:
The new CITY-TV/Sex TV cooking show “Barely Cooking” debuted late-night SATURDAY. The host chefs, one male & one female, wear only strategically placed aprons while ‘exploring the relationship between sex and food in a playful, sexy, adult way’. (Safety Tip: You should never cook bacon when you’re naked.)
IF YOU WEREN’T BEFORE, YOU ARE NOW:
The UN’s World Health Organization forecasts that by the year 2020, the most prevalent disease in the world will be – depression.
RIGHT FACE:
According to a researcher at Germany’s Ruhr-University Bochum, when you kiss someone you’re more likely to turn your head to the right than to the left. After spying on 124 kissing couples in various countries, Onur Guenterkuen found that fully two-thirds of them turned to the right to peck their partner. (He made his comments from prison, where he’s serving 6 months to a year for voyeurism.)
BLONDES HAVE MORE – CUSTOMERS:
A British supermarket survey finds that blond cashiers are up to 23% busier than their brunette counterparts. The survey shows both men and women prefer blond cashiers even when they have long line-ups and other checkouts are free. (If the blondes wear tight uniforms and are named ‘Candi’, men are more likely to bag their own groceries, re-stock magazine racks and generally hang around acting like idiots.)
ARE YOU AVERAGE?:
According to a recent study from the University of North Dakota, the average person has 7 bad habits. And just to prove nobody’s perfect – researchers failed to find anyone that had NO bad habits. (Does biting your toenails count?)
LATE TO BED, EARLY TO RISE:
If you alter your sleep schedule by even a few hours, your mood deteriorates. A study in the “Archives of General Psychiatry” suggests that you keep a diary for several weeks, noting the hours you most often go to bed and then wake up feeling rested. (Yeah right, stay up doing paperwork – that’ll work!)
STAND BY YOUR BIRD:
“Science News” notes that only a minority of animals ‘divorce’ because only a few are monogamous to begin with. About 5% of mammals pick a life-mate, as well as 9,000 bird species. The most loyal – Australian Ravens and the Waved Albatross. The human divorce rate compares closest to the ‘Masked Booby’. (I think I dated her.)
BS AMAZING FACT:
It’s estimated that at least 3 MILLION PEOPLE joined anti-war protests around-the-world over the weekend.
THE BULL SHEET 02.17.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [49] Rene Russo, Burbank CA, film actress (“Tin Cup”, “Lethal Weapon 4″)
1956 [47] Richard Karn, Seattle WA, TV game show host (“Family Feud”)/TV actor (formerly Al Borland-“Home Improvement” 1991-99)
1962 [41] Lou Diamond Phillips, Subic Bay Naval Station, Philippines, movie actor (“Courage Under Fire”, “Young Guns”)/ex-Mr Julie Cypher (who left him for Melissa Etheridge) TRIVIA: Aside from being Hollywood actors, what do Lou Diamond Phillips, Johnny Depp, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Bacon & Dennis Quaid have in common? [They moonlight as musicians.]
1963 [40] Michael Jordan, Brooklyn NY, retiring NBA superstar (Washington Wizards, Chicago Bulls) who moved past Wilt Chamberlain for 3rd place on the all-time NBA scoring list LAST MONTH/NBA MVP (1988, 1991, 1992, 1996, 1998)/NBA MVP in Finals (1991-93, 1996-98)
1966 [37] Luc Robitaille, Montréal QC, NHL winger (2002 Stanley Cup-Detroit Red Wings)
1971 [32] Denise Richards, Downers Grove IL, movie actress (“The World Is Not Enough”, “Wild Thing”)/Mrs Charlie Sheen since 2002
1972 [31] Billie Joe Armstrong, Rodeo CA, rock singer/guitarist (Green Day-“Time of Your Life”)
1974 [29] Jerry O’Connell, NYC, movie actor (“Kangaroo Jack”)/TV actor (Detective Woody Hoyt-“Crossing Jordan”)
1975 [28] Todd Harvey, Hamilton ON, NHL winger (San Jose Sharks)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] “Presidents’ Day”
TODAY is “Presidents’ Day”, the 3rd Monday in February, that originally celebrated the birthdays of Abraham Lincoln and George Washington and now honors all former US Presidents. (Officially, the federal holiday is still known as “Washington’s Birthday”.)
TODAY is “Canadian Heritage Day”, a national holiday that never quite got off the ground. The NDP’s Stanley Knowles unsuccessfully lobbied the federal government for years to establish a holiday on the 3rd Monday in February to celebrate Canada’s ethnic roots and history. ‘Heritage Canada’, led by author Pierre Berton, succeeded in getting national recognition for “Heritage Day” in 1979, but it’s still not a legal holiday. NOTE: In Alberta, TODAY is “Family Day”, a day for families to enjoy outdoor activities and community events. Alberta celebrates “Heritage Day” in August.
TODAY is “National PTA Founders’ Day”, commemorating the parent-teacher group’s 1897 founding.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1895 [108] 1st ‘newspaper comic strip’ appears in the “NY World” – ‘The Yellow Kid’ (RF Outcault’s street gang character became so popular, he also appears on bubble gum cards, postcards, toys, cigars, sheet music, even whiskey bottles!)
1933 [70] 1st issue of “Newsweek” magazine
1958 [45] 1st edition of Johnny Hart’s comic strip “BC”
1958 [45] Clare of Assisi is proclaimed the ‘patron saint of television’ by the Vatican
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1795 [208] ‘Largest potato’ on record discovered by Britain’s Thomas Seddal – 8.3 kg (18 1/4 lbs)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Hoodie Hoo Day
[Thurs] National Student Volunteer Day
[Thurs] 2003 Brit Awards
[Fri] Card Reading Day
[Fri] Second Honeymoon Weekend
[Sun] 45th Grammy Awards
THIS WEEK IS . . .
National Engineers Week
Child Passenger Safety Awareness Week
Pay Your Bills Week
Pet Dental Health Week
Brotherhood/Sisterhood Week
BULL’S BITS . . .
MEANEST BS BUMPER STICKERS:
• “Save your Breath. You’ll Need It to Blow Up Your Date!”
• “Welcome to America – Now Speak English!”
• “Hey Man, Just Because You Have One Doesn’t Mean You Have to Be One!”
• “Jesus Loves You … But Everyone Else Thinks You’re An Idiot!”
• “The Proctologist Called … They Found Your Head!”
Source: “Weekly World News”
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit ‘Sleeping Beauty’ didn’t have morning breath?
• Whyzit there isn’t a special name for the tops of your feet?
• Whyzit we always ask babies and pets the same question twice? (Aren’t you just the cutest little thing, huh? Aren’t you just the cutest?)
• Whyzit if a mirror reverses right and left, it doesn’t reverse up and down?
• Whyzit you ‘recite’ at a play, but ‘play’ at a recital?
• Whyzit people will buy anything that’s limited to ‘one per customer’?
SO YOU THINK YOU’RE SMART?
• Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth? (Uh … Mount Everest.)
• How many squares does a chess board have? (65 – 64 small ones, plus the entire board is square.)
• How many times can you subtract 5 from 25? (Once. After that, it isn’t 25 anymore.)
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “Would you consider dating a co-worker? Why or why not?” (A recent online poll by HotJobs reveals that fully 70% of respondents would consider dating a co-worker or have at some time in the past.)
• “What’s the one big misconception people have about your profession?” (ie: radio personalities only work 3 or 4 hours a day).
• “Which TV show are you embarrassed to admit that you really like?”
BS BLATANT JOKE:
FRIDAY in Jamaica, a new record was set for the largest ‘all-nude wedding’. Now isn’t that every girl’s dream – to walk down the aisle and be given away by your naked dad?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Statistics say that this is most likely to happen to you on a Monday.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Your vehicle breaking down.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
I WONDER WHO’S BS-ING NOW?
Welcome aboard to this week’s samplers that include Elita Ford @ KAAM Irving TX, John Morgan @ WKUZ Wabash IN, Roger Jones @ WBGC Chipley FL, Josh Keys @ KTCC Colby KS, and Lee Phillips @ KSWW Aberdeen WA. Remember, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH of service for each every new BS subscriber you refer!