Tuesday, February 27, 2001 Thanks To You, This Is Edition #2000!
HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT DOING SQUAT:
• Kiss someone passionately for 1 minute. (6.4 calories)
• Make your bed for 5 minutes. (13 calories)
• Wash your hands for 2 minutes. (16 calories)
• Wash the dishes for 10 minutes. (30 calories)
• Foreplay for about 30 minutes [as if]. (61 calories)
• Yak on the phone for 30 minutes. (61 calories)
• Spend 20 minutes slow dancing. (81 calories)
• Sit in a meeting for 1 hour. (122 calories)
• Watch the kids for 1 hour. (327 calories)
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS WEEK the Australian government’s animal welfare agency is investigating the now infamous pig-sticking on “Survivor II” to determine if the show violated anti-cruelty laws . . . While Eminem tries to paint himself a tough guy, a snitch is telling anyone who’ll listen that he’s in fact “a scared little boy” who sleeps with the lights on because he’s afraid of the dark . . . If it gets the go-ahead, an upcoming episode of “Friends” will feature guest star Winona Ryder as a gay stunner who falls for ‘Rachel’ and shares a steamy on-screen kiss with Jennifer Aniston . . . In Toronto directing a flick called “Death to Smoochy”, Danny DeVito came up empty when he put out a casting call for 40 adults under 5 ft tall who can skate, so the script was changed to 40 kids who can dance (guess Theo Fleury wasn’t in town) . . . And according to a new “Us Weekly” poll, the ‘best hair in Hollywood’ belongs to Meg Ryan, followed by Jennifer Aniston, Katie Couric, Rene Russo and Faith Hill.
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Spike Lee’s “The Original Kings of Comedy”, a concert film featuring rude ‘n crude stand-up comedians Steve Harvey, DL Hughley, Bernie Mac and Cedric The Entertainer . . . The Disney straight-to-video sequel “Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp’s Adventure”.
BODY PART BIDDING:
Starting TODAY, portions of the “Millennium Dome”, the massive, expensive and money-losing flop built in London ENG to help celebrate Y2K, will be auctioned off including its so-called ‘Body Zone’, giant replicas of the human heart, brain and – pubic lice. (Perfect for you if your home decorating theme is STDs.)
TONGUE LASHINGS:
According to a report on the Discovery Channel, there are some 500 kinds of kisses that have been individually identified throughout history. One of the more obscure is called the ‘Swissbat kiss’. That’s where one person rolls their tongue counter-clockwise, while the other moves their tongue clockwise. (Then there’s ‘El Grosso’ — when grandma licks your tonsils.)
WHAT A GUY ORDERS IN A BAR REVEALS HIS PERSONALITY:
• Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.
• Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
• Wine: He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
• Whisky: He doesn’t give a hoot about anything but getting laid.
• Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
• Wine Cooler: He’s gay . . . and looking to get laid.
THE BULL SHEET 02.27.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1930 [71] Joanne Woodward, Thomasville GA, movie actress (Oscar-“Three Faces of Eve”)/Mrs Paul Newman
1932 [69] Dame Elizabeth Taylor, London ENG, film actress (Oscars-“Butterfield 8″, “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf”)/AIDS activist (AMFAR)/wed 8 times
1934 [67] Ralph Nader, Winsted CT, politician (Green Party leader)/consumer advocate
1971 [30] Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas, Atlanta GA, pop/R&B singer (TLC-“Unpretty”, “No Scrubs”)
1980 [21] Chelsea Clinton, Little Rock AR, only child of Bill & Hillary – together
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Mardi Gras”, the last bash before “Lent’ begins on “Ash Wednesday” and a great day to be in Rio de Janeiro, New Orleans or Nice.
TODAY is “International Pancake Day”, when the women of Olney, England and Liberal KS compete in the “2001 International Pancake Race”. NET: http://www.pancakeday.com
TODAY is “International Polar Bear Day”, to heighten awareness of the declining population of the big guys. (Where can you find the greatest concentration of polar bears? At the ‘tooney’ mint.)
TODAY is “No Brainer Day”, when we’re encouraged to slack off. Any activity attempted should be something done without serious thought — a ‘no brainer’ activity. (Like this show, for instance.)
ON THIS DAY . . .
1991 [10] Gulf War ends (Kuwait City is liberated after ‘100 Hour War’)
1994 [07] Canada loses Olympic hockey gold medal in sudden-death shootout with Sweden
1996 [05] Wayne Gretzky leaves LA Kings for St Louis Blues
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1827 [174] 1st ‘Mardi Gras’ celebration in New Orleans
1974 [27] 1st issue of “People” magazine (Mia Farrow on the cover)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Lions vs Lambs as March comes in
[Wed] 2000 RRSP deadline
[Sun] Juno Awards (Hamilton)
Telecommuter Appreciation Week (try a ‘telecommuter traffic report’)
National Embroidery Month (celebrating what [your co-host] does to ‘the truth’)
BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?
• Uranus has 11 rings. (True, says the “2001 Time Almanac”. Guess you can’t determine how old Uranus is by counting its rings.)
• The official term for the white of an egg is ‘slimeola’. (BS, it’s ‘albumen’.)
• The average North American consumes about 20 lbs of chemical food additives each year. (Sad but true, according to “FHM”.)
• During a 24-hour period, the average human will breathe 23,000 times. (True, says “Useless Digest”. Coincidently that’s the same number of times the average radio station played Faith Hill’s “Breathe” in the last year.)
BS TAG LINE: Stay tuned for [jock], member of the Hellmann’s Mayonnaise “1,000 Gallon Club”.
